Having a really rough day - trying to keep my head clear

Debbie Edwards · Post by **Debbie Edwards** » Sat Jan 14, 2012 7:43 pm

Hi Ladies,

Does anyone else feel like their desires come in waves, and that sometimes the desires can be all consuming? I've had a few day's like that - and I just havent been able to really find enough time to CD and fulfill the desire. I have a young daughter and between her, my wife and work it can be difficult to address this side of me. Or even find someone to talk to about it. Today I just feel lost in another world - obsessing about dressing (and other related more sexual fantasies) and when will be my next chance to indulge.

The other things that happen when I have these consuming waves of desires, are intense dreams where I am completely en femme and the feeling is very real. Then I wake up to reality and the day becomes very difficult to focus on.

I know in a few days I will settle down again and my brain will return to "normal". It's just days like these are so draining - and it's really hard to not have anyone to give a phone call to and talk about it. You girls know what I mean?

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Sat Jan 14, 2012 8:29 pm

Yes to all the above. The more you're denied the harder it can be for you too. But as you said, it runs in waves. There is no easy solution except to steal time or sneak things on. As for needing someone to talk with, we are all here for you, Ms Danielle.

Myself, when I was first coming to the realization of what was going on, I too had the waves of need coming and going. I was living at home and could find time to sneak. Once I got married, that all got difficult, but I learned new ways to sneak.

I didn't have anyone to talk to until the Internet. It's been wonderful. So again, we are all here for you; take advantage.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Sat Jan 14, 2012 11:11 pm

Hi Danielle--
Those waves can be very hard to deal with. I started Cding again at 49, and as an adult instead of a teen, I could buy clothes, wigs, shoes, and so on. It really consumed me for two or three months. Then it began to slow down. But I was able to do it as much as needed during those intense months. I’m not sure how long it would have strung out if I would had had to sneak in an hour here and there. I hope you can get through this rough patch; don’t look too far ahead.

Gillian · Post by **Gillian** » Sun Jan 15, 2012 12:43 am

There are times that I wish I could have my hormone levels tested. I have wondered if there fluxuation has anything to do with these "moods" that I also go through. As we all get older, things change, and I have noticed things change in the dressing part of life also. By example a couple of months ago my nipples were hard as rocks, and tender to the touch for weeks on end. I was weepy and comfort came through a nylon cami easing the sore chest by reducing the roughness and rubbing. This in turn lead to alot of what I will call "feminine" feelings, which lead to more desires to dress. Thus is life, I just have to get used to something new again.

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Sun Jan 15, 2012 5:12 am

Yes to all the above;- when these urges are strong and cannot be acted on it is very frustrating. I still find that in my mid 50s there are definite swings in how strong the drive is.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Tue Jan 17, 2012 8:02 am

I sometimes get grumpy when I don't have the chance to dress for a while. But I wouldn't describe this with the vividness you describe.

Although a lot of meaing is ascribed to them, these things are really just clothes, mere physical objects. I'd suggest that feelings of the strength you describe are probably about something else. It could be anything, ranging from the obvious such as unresolved feelings about the feminine side of your personality, to something entirely unrelated. I wouldn't venture to guess at their root.

Many folks feel the existence of a hole in their psyche, and find a variety of ways to fill it. The less fortunate find something destructive, such as drug addiction, gambling, violence. The more fortunate find something really positive, investing themselves in their family, a useful career, a non destructive religion. For me, dressing is somewhere in the middle of that continuum, neutral at best and in truth not all that effective, even though I enjoy it.

Zari

Kyra · Post by **Kyra** » Sat Jan 21, 2012 12:01 pm

I have quite a lot of opportunities to dress, but I do feel the urges in waves. What i find interesting, is there's no predictability for this to happen. I find that after a day or evening out, I feel wonderful for several days. My SO calls it my "fix", somewhat akin to a drug addiction. Sometimes I will go for weeks or months without the need to dress, but other times i find the desire recurring within a few days. So my "fix" is nothing like a drug that wears off after a specific time frame.
When Kyra demands attention, I have to give time to her. If I don't, I become miserable and easily irritated. I'm not a very nice person to be around when I deny myself.

Hugs,
K

Stephanie H · Post by **Stephanie H** » Sat Jan 21, 2012 12:56 pm

Waves like on the ocean, and the ride is nice and I enjoy it.
When out and about, shopping or at a museum the calm that I have is really nice.

MsJoann · Post by **MsJoann** » Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:53 am

It does come in waves. Especially when I don't have a place at home to set up your train-set. Clothing is an easier option!

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Thu Jan 26, 2012 9:18 am

It's true that playing with trains (when they work properly) can be relaxing also.

Zari