Tell or not tell

Vieja · Post by **Vieja** » Wed Mar 21, 2012 10:20 am

I am 84 years old and live alone so I dress as I choose around the

house. The only relative I have is my daughter who lives near and

visits on her days off. There are of course distant relatives who live

far away and we really are not close. The question that has been

bothering me more and more is should I tell my daughter now while I

can try to explain about my dressing or let her find out when I am gone

and hope she can deal with it when she has to dispose of the estate.

Of course it would be easier for me to say nothing and hope it causes

her no pain when I am gone. I hope this doesn't sound too morbid,

heck I could live another ten or fifteen years merrily dressing every

day.

Vieja

Post by **DonnaT** » Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:01 am

It is ultimately your call.

I, however, am of the opinion you should tell her.

We all have to go sometime, so it seems best to prepare our loved ones before it happens. Note that she may hire someone to come in an sort your belongings. It would give her a chance to sort things first.

When my dad died, my mom only let me, none of my brothers, sort through his things.

CharLee · Post by **CharLee** » Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:11 am

Vieja,

I would say it all depends on how your relationship with your daughter is. If she is open minded, and cares about your welfare and wants you to be happy, then I would say tell her before she has to find out upon your demise.

If she finds womens clothing in your house after you are gone, she'll have many unanswered questions about you having a woman in your life without telling her. She will feel that you couldn't trust her accepting the fact that you had a woman friend that you kept from her all this time.

If you have a close relationship with her then she shouldn't be upset if she only wants what is best for your well being. This is not to say that she wouldn't be a little shocked at the news, but that she should be willing to accept this part of you because she lovess you.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Wed Mar 21, 2012 1:37 pm

You could try some half-way house - like talk about CDs or TSs in the news and see where she goes with it. Even if you don't tell her in the end, she may remember the conversation and figure out that it was in your mind to tell her.

The other thing is to do with being remembered after we're gone - and that's a very tough subject. I'm inclined to go with Donna - that it's best to be honest.

Kittie · Post by **Kittie** » Wed Mar 21, 2012 3:09 pm

I think you should tell her and I fel you will be surprised at he response. I need to tell my daughter! In preparation I have dropped one or two in hints to her e.g. about uinisex clothes. We skype each other often and I have nearly been caught outmore than once. I wish in some ways she would realise what I am doing and ask me about it. I femme or unisex dress most evenings now and recently I have been doing it (unisex eg. bra, femme top & slacks publically in the garden and house. So I am hoping neighbours will take it as normal.

Susan · Post by **Susan** » Wed Mar 21, 2012 5:07 pm

I told my daughter and she responded on seeing my pictures "So that is what I will look like in 30 years!"

She bought me some sterling silver earrings for Christmas and she is totally at ease about it.

Only you can decide Vieja - it worked for me.

April Rose · Post by **April Rose** » Wed Mar 21, 2012 8:37 pm

I told my son recently and it went fine. But you know your daughter best. At 84 my father in law still lives alone, but is becoming more and more dependent on his 3 daughters' help. you might want to consider that as well.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 2:51 am

Vieja--
It really comes down to individual preference. Here was my thought on it:

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... php?t=7077

I really wanted to be around to talk to everyone about this. Looking back on it, it's still probably one of the biggest reasons I came out in the open.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 7:45 am

It's up to you, and you know your daughter. Some folks write a letter about it all and put it with the clothing to be found after their death, and if you don't tell her that might be a good idea.

Zari

Vieja · Post by **Vieja** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 9:17 am

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I will have to grope a bit to

figure out how to broach the subject but I guess it is best for her to know

now. I will also give her a list of the CD sites that I browse so she can

if she chooses learn more. I will tell her, it wont be today but soon.

Vieja

Anne Bonny · Post by **Anne Bonny** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 12:15 pm

I believe my parents at least had some suspicions at times in my life but it was never discussed, and I never told them anything. I believe we have an inner sense of who would be a good risk. If people are open minded more relaxed in their ways and nontraditional it might be alright. I would never tell my sisters or anyone in my wife's or my family - just too traditional. I did tell my wife, it was not wide open acceptance, took time but because we love each other she came to understand and to accept with boundaries that I respect. I told one son who accepted it with no problem, of course he had told me that he was gay - even if that were to pull my strings, he may be confused but I told him it does not matter and that I love him whoever he is.

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 8:43 pm

I somehow have serious doubts your daughter is going to worry about your dressing at your age. She' probably happy you're alive. Oh, that didn't sound right -- sorry.

The bottom line is that she's just going to enjoy you while she can and no matter what. Heck, what's the bet she already has a clue and has been waiting all this time for you to tell her.

Vieja · Post by **Vieja** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 7:45 am

Davita That sounded just fine to me I am also glad that I am still alive. LOL

Vieja

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 7:46 am

Bear in mind that telling her enough that she will know why the clothes are there when you are gone, and dressing when she is around, are two different things.

You'll also want to be sure that she doesn't interpret this as you getting senile or something. (no that wasn't tactful, I know)

Zari

Vieja · Post by **Vieja** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 7:47 am

Absaroka Senility may be just around the corner but I am still OK. LOL

Vieja