Anxiety!!!

[Dolores(GG)]

Like always I never know where to post! I was feeling a bit down and you ladies always know how to cheer me up, figured I could get some advice.

I noticed that I am very anxious lately and my head is just running everywhere. I have been mostly unemployed for the last year or more, pretty much since I left college. I have done small jobs here and there but that's it. I have no official work experience in my field and everywhere I apply to is seeking that. I try to create work for myself, but I just...feel stuck. My hubby is very supportive but I don't think he knows what to say to me anymore- I get excited and then quickly discouraged. I like working towards something, accomplishing things, and I feel as if I am reaching my 30's with nothing to show. It's a vicious cycle and I just don't know how to get out right now. I know where I want to go but have no idea how to even begin getting there. I know I am smart and capable, but I feel as if I am spinning my wheels. My friends suggest trying another waitressing job, and I get annoyed- I know I need money but I bristle at the idea of even more years of my life passing and being no closer to my goal. Everyday is just my head spinning for ideas, even on a Sunday night watching tv, it's hanging on me. I feel tired all the time and I am not even doing anything.

Has this ever happened to any of you? What is it, how do I stop it? I know it's not productive but I just cannot relax and think clearly!

[Anthony Simon]

Hi Dolores. Nice to hear from you, even if it's not that nice, what's happening to you.

I'm pretty familiar with those kinds of feelings. In fact my dressing up is a way of dealing with them - but I'm not entirely sure that getting you to dress up like a guy would help much! Sounds to me like being 30 is playing on your mind and just causing you to stress and decide "must do something with my life now".

I honestly think you need to find something that you love to do and has nothing to do with anything - and, when you feel you're just going round and round in your head to no effect, do that instead. That's how my dressing up works for me. I mean it's basically a license to not do stuff that matters for a while, but at the same time one that takes me out of myself and gives me a rest from myself and all my problems.

There's a great tendency (in my experience) when life isn't working to try kind of too hard to find solutions - and this just wears you out (I think maybe that's what's happening to you). And then, whatever you do, you can't find any solutions because you're so d****ed tired.

From what I read of your posts, you're a person of energy and talent, but also some power, who hasn't yet found her form.

[Dolores(GG)]

Anthony, thank you so much for your post. I feel like you totally understood what is bugging me. It's the feeling of "I haven't done anything" that drives me up the wall. Sometimes I try to look at it positively, like everything I have accomplished till now is because I refuse to settle and be content, I always feel like I need to do something...more. But, on days like this, it definelty is not charming.

I keep reading your post and all I can say is that it is true. True. True. True. It does wear you out, and your advice is good. It is procrastinating, but it calms you. Like that's why I came on here, chatting with the girls gets me feeling calm.

And thank you, I hope I find my form soon. Maybe they sell giant jell-o molds around here to get me some clear borders.

[DonnaT]

Sorry to hear that Dolores.

Maybe you can find a volunteer position in or near your desired field of work, to give you the experience employers want? Hopefully money isn't tight right now.

[Caith]

Dolores, have you considered working through a temp agency? Many times, temporary positions allow you to be gainfully employed while figuring out exactly where you want to work or what you want to do. If you find someplace that really clicks for you, it may be possible to get hired on as a full-time employee. Good luck!!

[Dolores(GG)]

Thanks ladies,

Donna, that is a good idea- I have tried applying to internships but no dice.

I have applied to two temp agencies and even though the initial interviews with them seem favorable, I have never been called back once. I get spammed alot- thats about it. All their job postings require experience in an agency, and I have none. I just keep trying to do what I can on my own and hopefully they will look at my work- not my resume.

I feel like the job is one thing, but it's the constant anxiety that kills me. But I feel much better today. When I posted I was just cranky and kinda depressed and I needed to snap out of it.

[Paula G]

I know that it is very difficult but......If you can find the root source of your anxiety then you can start to deal with it. If it is about work / occupation then volunteering is a great way into employment. Potential employers will often look better on somebody who is doing something ~ almost anything ~ that they can associate with working. Something that has set times and disciplines, often attitude is as employable as skills, and experience can be from outside the specific role you are seeking. As an employer y first concerns were things like would this person turn up on time, or at all, how much time are they likely to take off, will they fit in with the team, are they mentally ad physically robust enough to deal with what the job throws at them. I may be a little out of date having been self employed and out of the management role for about a decade, but I suspect that most managers are looking at these things as much as experience. Of course that is if you can get past the Inhuman Resources people.

[Davita]

I was going to suggest the volunteering; not knowing what your field of expertise is, let's hope you can find something. Temping is good too. It takes time to rack up the hours but any paid hours is good hours. Now with both opportunities, thinking about your field of expertise, there are certain skills related to that. Some of those skills are transferable (and they go both ways). So for example, your expertise needs you to write instructions. Writing instructions for one thing is a skill you can transfer in writing instructions or descriptions or whatever for something else. So to cut the rambling short. If you cannot find exactly what you want, look for things that use the skills you have and that can be applied to the jobs you get and to the jobs you want. A good HR department will know a skill is a skill no matter where it is applied. Lastly, in my area, the county offers training and job hunting resources all free or mostly free; never feel bad about using resources you pay taxes for.

With that mild depression, knowing you have it helps you over come it. Don't let it isolate you; stay socially active. Your friends are trying to help; that nice. Maybe you can give them some help by letting them know more about what you want to do short term and have them ask around. Start the network buzzing. What is that phrase? seven levels of relationship or some such? That person who knows that person who knows someone else could be the person who's looking for you.

[DonnaT]

Maybe one of the professors or advisers at your old college can be of assistance?

[Absaroka]

i wish I had helpful advice. I felt I was in about the same place when I was 27 or so. I wound up going back to college and getting a degree in an actual profession to go with my liberal arts degree, and have been in that profession ever since. But I'm afraid I chose the profession (architecture) because it starts with an a and was in the beginning of the book on careers. I lucked out in that I do actually like it. But it was a long and expensive journey.

Hang in there.
Zari

[Ralitsa]

well I think Zari may have hit on something, it seems like a lot of the degrees really aren't very useful for getting a job in the real world.
So I don't know what your degree is, or what is your intended profession, but maybe you need to look in a different direction. Like if you were thinking of being an elementary school teacher, for example, there are just so many candidates for the available jobs that you could look forever and not get something good.
The majority of people that I know are not working in the field of their original degree, so it's a common issue.
Well I'm not saying that you should go back to waiting tables, but maybe there is something else that you can try that you will like. I would just say, throw out all the preconceptions and start at the beginning. What do you like? What are your interests? And how does that fit in with what people are willing to pay for?
I have a friend who was recently downsized, and she is using this as an opportunity to start the business she has been talking about for years.
With the current economic situation, this is the perfect time to start a business. Well actually last year was better, but this year is still really good. So I would just suggest that you dig down deep and figure out what is the right answer, not just the easy answer, for your life.
And of course, keep us all informed because when you are rich and famous we are coming over to party

[Anita]

My friends suggest trying another waitressing job, and I get annoyed- I know I need money but I bristle at the idea of even more years of my life passing and being no closer to my goal.

Hi Dolores--
I'm reading a lot into your post, and I might as well go ahead and check it out. What is your goal? Mine was to create a rock band that would change the world, and sell millions of records. I started this goal at 20, so I quit college and took menial jobs to get by. Eventually I started my own business, and it was strictly to subsidize my music.

I'm all too familiar with the feeling of "I'm not accomplishing anything toward what I really want to do," and it created a kind of hell for 30 or 40 years. Whatever I did in the music biz, it was never enough to satisfy me. You don't want that. I can go on to talk about positive things that happen when one follows a goal like this, but in this post, I'll keep it short.

Yet it sounds like you have an ideal that you want to see, and that's why I'm putting my 'story' out there. IF you're chasing a big dream, then even getting a job in your degree field might not satisfy you. I couldn't conceive of any degree that was going to make me happy, and a music degree was not going to help me unless I was willing to teach. I didn't care to do that.

[April Rose]

I don't know.... This weird economy has put everything we really know about jobs vs. careers vs. fulfillment up for doubt and question. My son is in the same position that you are. interview after interview, a long resume, positive responses, but no job offers. Yet. in my company, we are desperately short handed. At the same time there is a no overtime policy. The resulting bizarre situation forces us to lie about the fact that we are working overtime to keep from losing customers. My sense of this is that there is something fundamentally wrong with the relation between Capitalism and the real way that people live in the modern world. I see the pronouncements of my company's CEO, and the rising stock price, and have to ask "Why is it such a living hell to work Here?" The productivity of American worker is higher than it's ever been, yet wages have remained flat for twenty years. The people at the top are living large, and the rest of us are getting screwed. My feeling is, if you see a ferrari on the street, take a hammer to it . Maybe that will get their attention.

This is just the opinion of an imminent retiree, after 41years of steady employment. I wonder how the people at the margins feel?

[Absaroka]

It might be well to remember the real reason most of us work. We work for food, just like the homeless people with their signs. And so that we can sleep indoors and not walk endless miles to get somewhere. It's great if we enjoy what we do to accomplish this, but it's not the real reason we work.

Zari

[Kimberly Kael]

It might be well to remember the real reason most of us work.

There's an unfortunate mindset in our culture around work. The feeling that work is somehow an imposition on our lives is inherently negative and creates feelings of resentment. The way I see it, the monetary system in general is just society's way of encouraging balance between what we each take and what we give back. It's an imperfect system but it helps to think in terms of "what can I do that other people value?" as a motivation for finding rewarding work.