45 years of marriage ended today I believe

[Millie]

Hi Rony
Cross dressing isn't an addiction, its a lifestyle. You can give up an addiction, much harder to give up your lifestyle.

After reading through your posts and your wife's drinking problem, it seem to me she's the one with the problem, not you.

My previous SO started with the drinking, it got worse after 4 years of marriage. It later on developed into drug addiction, something I could not stand for. I finally said enough's enough and divorced her. I Now , I have a great wife and a great relationship with her as myself and Millie.


I don't know how long you've been with your SO, she may love you, but she may not be in love with you. I don't know. It may be time to let her go and get on with your life, if things are getting to rocky for you. You can PM me if you want to talk privately if you like. Good Luck.

[MsJoann]

Most SO's and wives want their man to be a man. After a few years with my SO, she found some of my "stuff" and thought I had some other woman other than her. I had to walk the tight line and explain it to her...not all of it though. Luckily for me, we had a few years together and she knew I was harmless. However to this day, after now 15 years, she has adjusted to it but still manages to nit-pick me about some of the clothing that is in my closet (low-key stuff) that I wear every day.
I definitely walk a fine line with it. (i.e. no capri pants while we're out in public)!

[Josephine (SO)]

Hey Ronnie;
so you are still together, 45 years did not end and i was quite sure it wouldn't. At this age in life, it would take something pretty drastic to end the marriage:), like death i assume. Hope you are both settling down with the cding and enjoying these wonderful years together. At this stage in a marriage you have both learned what tolerance and true love really is. grads on 45 years, that is huge in itself. I look forward to those retirement years with my SO

[Rony]

Tuesday I had my initial interview with a psychologist. You can’t believe how great it was to tell someone face to face that I prefer women’s underwear to men’s and not be told that’s discus ting and sick.
While I was in the military, 20 yrs retired, and 2 tours in Viet Nam with the 173rd I hid it and was able to for the most part put it aside knowing that to be found out would mean an instant discharge. Then thru the internet in 2006 I accepted that I was some place along the continuum of CDer’s, this was at the same time that it was discovered that my right carotid artery was blocked 90% and had surgery to correct, then it was discover I had several blockages got 9 stents, with these events I realized my own mortality and the urge to dress more became stronger and harder to put aside as doing so relieved some the stress, as well as the stress from my work. Enough of that.

I tried to be as honest as I could in describing what I get from CDing and at my age it isn’t sexual, but a peace of mind and relief from stress of home and work. I told her that at this time I have no desire to go out in public or socialize with others while dressed, I did not mention this forum, as I think of this as my outlet to vent and see how others deal with the problem of being a closeted CD.

I tried to describe how my wife reacted to this news, she feels I sucker punched her and pulled the floor out from under her, she refuses to communicate when I travel in my work saying unless it is a life threating event don’t call or email me I won’t respond. The thought of me sitting there talking to her dressed as a women makes her ill to her stomach.

Bottom line in closing she didn’t offer me some magic pill that would cure this and feels she needs both my wife (SO) and myself in the room together and work out this trust or lack there of.

More to follow, sorry if this seems fragment, I'll try to organize thoughts more next time.

Ronnie

[Anthony Simon]

Good to hear that the appointment with the psychologist went well. The idea of getting you and your wife in the same room with her sounds entirely a good idea.

Given what you've told us about your wife's drinking and her history of family losses I'm concerned that the amount of pain she's carrying around may prove detrimental to any reconciliation between the two of you. But you are also carrying around a great deal of pain from your sense of mortality as well as from your wife's attacks.

You should probably tell the psychologist that you've been online here - and what sort of role it plays in validating your CDing. After all, you said you accepted yourself as a CD as a result of online interactions - and that's some sort of important move.

[Paulette]

I've read some, but not all of the posts here. So many opinions and suggestions. I hope you've found some comfort in them. Here's my contribution. I hope it helps.

The deaths your wife has known are not small things, but everyone experiences them. Friends and relatives die, and for a while, we survive them and continue living. But we miss them, and feel left behind (no pun intended). So, two things are important about death: loss and abandonment.

The loss of a loved one is always very difficult. Strong believers in an afterlife usually have a whole support system for survivors as well as the promise of eventually meeting the departed again. Non-believers have to manage loss in other ways, and an acceptance of it is hard to achieve. Many, especially those who've had difficult childhood experiences, feel that they have been abandoned. This feeling can be every bit as strong as a fear of death, and together they can make for an overwhelming sense of helplessness.

One of the more common ways of coping with what one cannot understand or accept is to abuse one's mind with drugs or alcohol. It fuzzes up the mind and helps one forget the pain for a while. But of course it brings a whole range of other problems with it, and none of them are easy to deal with either. But it never "solves" the problem. Best to find ways to cope, to accept or withstand the pain, and go on with one's life. For some their comfort is the church, for others the comfort of friends, for me there was the pain and eventual comfort of going through the entire grieving process, understanding that my part in the in the universe was to make my life meaningful to others.

Whatever your wife needs to do, understand that she really needs it, but that there may be less harmful ways of coping that are less disturbing to those who love her. She needs to know that she has not been abandoned, that she is still loved by you, and that you have not gone from her but are only trying to find your own way. She needs to know that you need her help, and that you will be there to help her help you, and to help ease her own pain. And she needs to know that you forgive her for the pain she's caused by trying to ease her own pain.

We can survive alone, but it's so much better if we know that there are others who will help us. You have this group to help you. Help her find the support she needs. Perhaps it will be you, regardless of what kind of underwear you use.

That's what worked for me, and for my wife of 40 years, to the end of her life. I hope it's useful to you, too.

[Jamie R]

Rony, My heart goes out to you, both as a CDer, Ret Miltiary and a VN Vet. I am sure we shared many of the same thoughts and fears of being found out as a CDer in the Military. I can also identify with you about mortality issues making the desire to CD ever so much stronger, as well as a great stress reliever. My first wife knew of my CDing, we never really discussed it. That all ended in divorce, but not due to CDing. My current wife of 25yrs totally accepts my CDing and that is such a blessing.
It sounds like your psychologist has a positive outlook re CDing that will be very helpful. Going to joint counseling will be a good thing, eventually, but not until she undergoes counseling herself. I would say she has issues much greater than your CDing, but, she can strike out at you and make you the scape goat. Once she has her other issues understood and under control, joint counseling may help your situation. Your psychologist may have more insight and help to facilitate needed counseling/therapy.
I wish you and your wife well, Jamie R

[Josephine (SO)]

Ronnie
i know you love your wife, but honestly this is about you too. Your are not a pervert or commiting a crime, she sounds very selfish. She should appreciate the great man she has, not every woman is that lucky. You need to be allowed to dress as you like and she need to open her mind and her heart. Everyone has hardships and losses in life, we either sink or swim, life goes on. Time for her to get real. and love her man