First Time In The Comfy Chair - What To Expect?

[Angie]

Hi, Everyone!

I've decided to take the plunge and speak with a psychiatrist about a number of issues going on in my life. Among other things, I'm seeking an objective opinion about where my gender explorations are taking me. In short, it is getting too easy to go about my daily affairs as my female half. I would like to get to the bottom of this to understand if the core issue is gender identity or something else. I'm "out" to all of my friends and (thankfully) have never met with anything more than the occasional stare from members of the public. For the most part everyone has treated my courteously and (at least to my face) as a woman. And that, I guess, is the problem. It's just been too easy, too natural somehow. Heaven knows my appearance has not helped in this regard.

Sometimes I wish I would get a good dose of revulsion from the public to "wake me up". So, maybe talking to someone who is experienced in transgender issues will provide that check or afffirm that this is who I really am. As I mentioned, I have made an appointment with a doctor who comes recommended by the TG community for later this week. What should I expect? I've never visited a counselor, psychiatrist, etc. so I don't know where to begin. Should I go as my male or female half? I would think that I should go with whichever gender feels most natural. Unfortunately, they both do, though the female side seems to be winning out of late.

Thanks for any suggestions!!!!

Take Care,
Angie

[Carolynn]

Hi Angie. I went in male mode the first two times (but I went direcrtly from work where I was far from out), then female mode thereafter (I used vacation time to give me time to get ready). Your therapist likely will not care. But they will want you to be honest. Most folks on a transition track already know that is where they are going, though when starting therapy they may often suggest that they are going to find out if there are alternatives. Sounds like that may be where you are, and that you are a bit ambivalent, maybe. On the other hand, some clients are kinda looking for "permission". But make sure above all else, that you are candid with the therapist. That may take you a few visits, or you may strike up a good relationship right off. Depends on the therapist, and on you.

First will likely be filling out a few forms with a medical history, then you will talk with maybe a few directive questions if the therapist senses you are equivocating or slightly in denial (remember that Denial is much more than a river in Egypt).

Many of these folks are quite insightful, though there are a few bad apples that are in gender "treatment" for the bucks. MOST are NOT in the latter category. I had the misfortune to encounter one when I was first starting, but didn't bite at the offer of a letter for money.

Talking over several sessions will give your therapist a feel for how you are leaning, whether you are aware of it or not.

Some therapists may use low doses of testosterone inhibitor (Spirolactone or other aldactone brand) and low dose estrogen as a way of checking a diagnosis, as if you are TS you will likely think it is wonderful, and if you are not, you may become depressed while on the meds. Usually that is only after three months or so of appointments so they sorta have a feel for you. If they see that it is something else, like borderline personality disorder (not likely in your case) then they do not move on to hrt.

Thats about all I can suggest right now. Just be honest and hold nothing back if you can help it. Remember that everone they see have a few warts to their personality and past, so they will not be shocked by anything you want to say.

Good Luck
Carolynn

[DonnaT]

Never been to a counselor, so can't offer much help there.

IMHO, however, the counselor isn't or should tell you who you are, but only ask the right questions so you can make that decision yourself.

It sounds like you are comfortable in either mode, whereas many on the TS side of being TG don't find comfort with their male self and prefer to transition (which does not necessarily require hormones, nor body modifications).

Good luck.

[Angie]

Thanks, ladies, for the advice!

I intend to be completely upfront with the doctor, warts and all. This is as much a search for truth as anything else, so I don't want to try to "prime" the discussion (not that this would likely be effective with a trained psychologist, anyhow). I'm not seeking a letter certifying that I'm under treatment for GID - especially if this has nothing to do with gender dysphoria. Just truth. If I come away from this experience with diagnosis that I'm 100% male with a taste for women's garments, I must admit it would be a little disappointing, but I'd at least know where I stood. There's a BIG difference in being who you really are versus being who you think you'd like to be.

As I've gotten, ahem, more seasoned (older? NEVER!), I've decided to rid myself of beliefs, traditions, societal expectations that don't have meaning/truth for me. Maybe this is early onset curmudgeon disorder or just someplace that we all get to when we reach middle age. I don't feel old, but I just don't have the time to waste on unreal things. This, I guess, is just another step down that road. I'll keep everyone posted as to how this goes in case it may help someone else.

Take Care,
Angie

[Anna]

Good luck with your appointment Angie. I hope it goes the way you want it to go.

Hugs

Anna x

[JoAnnDallas]

I started seeing a therapist about a year ago. She specializes in Gender Identity problems. She even comes to our Tri-Ess meeting. When she does we always have a large turn out. Anyway, I started seeing her because I had started going out en fem and had told the wife. I had issues about my gender identity and how it was affecting my life and my relationship with my wife. My wife even went with me a couple of time, so that my therapist could gauge my wife's relationship with me. I think it really helped sense some time after my wife got more compy with me going out en fem. Wife also joined my Tri-Ess chapter and that helped a lot too. Anyway, with my therapist help, I now more fully embrace my female side. I now have my letter for hormones which my medical doctor accepted and now prescribes my hormones. My medical doctor has now entered into my medical record that I suffer from GID ( Gender Identity Disorder). I now see my therapist on a as need basis instead of a monthly session, when I need to get things off my chest. Sometimes you need someone other than your wife or family to just listen to you without judgement.

[Angie]

Hi, Anna - Thank you for the words of encouragement! I just wish I knew what specific outcome I was seeking. Mainly just want to get an honest, objective assessment. I'll deal with the results when the time comes.

JoAnn - Thanks for sharing your experience! My biggest issue is that I don't seem to fit in with most groups. Anita's post "How The Borderlands Have Failed Me" really resonated with me. I've visited with Tri-Ess and other gender-variant support groups, but never felt really at home there. Many of the folks in those groups were wrestling with guilt and fear of being "outed". I went through the guilt phase until my late 30s and then realized there was nothing "bad" about being Angie. My question was why she existed in the first place. I've been used to trying to work through a lot of issues on my own - probably not the best way to go through life. But, I've finally realized that these questions are bigger than me, hence, the the appointment with the doctor. Just wished I hadn't stubbornly resisted seeking help for so long.

A more immediate question for those who have sought out professional assistance - should I go to the first session as my male presentation or as Angie? I'm equally confortable in both modes, but didn't know if seeing me in my "natural" male presentation might help to establish a baseline with the psychiatrist. Any suggestions?

Take Care,
Angie

[Wendae]

I'm back from seeing my therapist this morning. I look forward to these visits where I can talk freely. My first visit was in male mode over a year ago. Now I go fully dressed and she is fine with it. She doesn't specialize in gender idenity problems and I guess it's a learning experience for her. Going to the first meeting was nerve wracking for me. Still I'm glad I went.

[Anthony Simon]

... being Angie. My question was why she existed in the first place. I've been used to trying to work through a lot of issues on my own - probably not the best way to go through life. But, I've finally realized that these questions are bigger than me, hence, the the appointment with the doctor. Just wished I hadn't stubbornly resisted seeking help for so long.

A more immediate question for those who have sought out professional assistance - should I go to the first session as my male presentation or as Angie? I'm equally confortable in both modes, but didn't know if seeing me in my "natural" male presentation might help to establish a baseline with the psychiatrist. Any suggestions?

Welllllll.....You probably need to present as Angie. I mean you have a question about why she exists (and I guess all the stuff in the background from that) and that's why you're going to the doctor. So you probably want to bring Angie rather than just talk about her (which is what you'd be doing if you were in male mode). So the doctor can see what Angie's about.

The trouble with that is you're seeking core psychological help for your problems while presenting as a woman - and that would imply cementing your female self even further.

[Davita]

Davita was getting to be awfully persistent in my life to the point I was doing some crazy things. I found a psychologist to get that 3rd party sanity check. I specifically had a doctor that was experienced but it was not her specialty. I had homework assignments, I had frank discussions, I had my mom involved. We were digging to know if Davita was an innate part of me or a manifestation for stress relief, a protest to authority or something else.

I went to the doc without an expectation of being designated as TS. I just wanted to know who I was. So after a bunch of months and with the help of the doctor, I got my head cleared and stopped the craziness. I was diagnosed transgender, but undetermined (DSM IV).

So Angie, this was a long dance to tell you that it's good you're going and to take advantage by cooperating with everything the doctor may need of you to diagnose you. It's going to be a useful journey for you regardless of the outcome.

[Angie]

Hi, Everyone!

Just returned from my first time on the comfy chair...er...couch. Things seemed to go quite well, at least as well as these things go. I did go as Angie and opened my soul. Nothing was held back and it felt very natural. I did get a bit emotional at the beginning when the subject turned to my deceased parents. I don't know why, since I can usually speak of them quite easily, even though I miss them.

We spoke of gender, sexual preferences and my current relationship. I told her that my life seems to be one big set of paradoxes at the moment, but that I really was generally happy. I just needed to figure out what is truly "me" and what is a manifestation of something else deeper that can perhaps be done away with or placed in its proper perspective.

She diagnosed "adjustment disorder" as a starting point, but stated that the root cause of my restlessness needs to be discovered. Might be a gender issue, might be a relationship issue, might be something else. I appreciated that she didn't latch on to any particular issue off the bat. She asked me if I wanted to be a woman. I replied that I didn't feel like a woman trapped in a male body exactly, but that I felt better when I was a woman. That said, I added that I wasn't sure where from where the good feelings were originating.

I made an appointment to see her again in a couple of weeks. If nothing else, it felt good to get some of this off my chest.

[Anna]

Hi Angie, I'm glad it went well for you. I suppose we all feel a sense of anticipation and dread the first time of anything, but I'm glad you had a satisfying "get it off your chest" consultation.

I am interested to see what the final diagnosis will be. It may apply to me, and many others too.

Please keep us informed.

Anna x

[Leeza]

Angie, it sounds like you had a very good first session.

I know at times it can be scary and there may be times that you will wonder, but it is worth it. (voice of experience)

Leeza

[Anita]

I don't feel old, but I just don't have the time to waste on unreal things. This, I guess, is just another step down that road. I'll keep everyone posted as to how this goes in case it may help someone else.

Glad your first session went well, Angie. I'm really interested in your posts. What you're saying above gets to me, because for many years, I have not wanted to waste time on unreal things, either. However, I also have a deep inertia which has resisted therapies and even life-threatening disease. I can say that becoming a part-time woman was one way in which I did not want to be unreal anymore, and acted on it consistently over time.

[Latanya]

hi angie i have been seeing a therapist weekly for a bout six months now! and she has helped a lot!
i have never gone as latanya cause Latanya has never been out. but i go as me! which right now is integrated mode male and female clothes which right now is my comfort zone. it is the one place that other than here that i can be me !