A Wife On Another Forum Posts Her Feelings About Finding Out

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 6:57 pm

This post appeared on another forum and I am posting it here just as it was originally posted. with her blessing. Darlene.
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I'm not certain I am the right person to offer advice, just take everything you're told here and give it your own perspective. Having said that - here goes.

I recently found out my husband of 20+ years is a CDer. I'm trying to find out everything I can to understand the situation. I love my husband dearly & can accept CDing. The deceit is the lingering question. I understand why a person keeps CDing a secret, but from a person who has shared & bared her soul to another - it's the deceit that's the problem for me right now, not the CDing. If this - than what else.

After being on this & other sites only a few days I can see how classic these feelings are. I know you run a great risk of loosing your friend's affections if you tell her, but your relationship will be built on very shaky ground if you do not. For as difficult as it is for me to understand the desire to CD, I believe it is equally difficult for the CDer to understand the feelings of a significant other in my situation.

I'm am absolutely certain I would have preferred to know 20+ years ago. What I can't tell you is how I would have reacted. I do know that if I had accepted Charlie's CDing then, we would have a bond earth, wind and fire could not destroy. As it is, I'm haunted by - what else...MiMi

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 8:14 am

Darlene,

Honey, I know we are all learning about the "whys and wherefores," for ourselves. Based on a medically related post I read, we are evidently born with these "cross-over " genes and they manifest themselves in different degrees over our lifetime. I have been reflecting on my situation and I think I (know) I have had these "feelings" all my life, but they have been repressed as I could not believe I had these feelings. That is until recently and I guess as we get older we begin to question and explore certain feelings that we have. I have finally gotten in touch with "my feminine side." and I love it. It may manifest itself physical in the form of CD'ing, but the mental side is great too. As I have said we are not only wired different, I feel we are "wired better" than our brethren so down the road I go the swish of panty hose, the click of high heels and a smile on my face. Love, Deborah

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 3:24 pm

Thank you for such a refreshing response Deborah Dear, Yes enjoy it as much as you can.

I did not post this article here, nor did I select the title, but I am OK with that. I posted it under another thread that I had initiated, and some one moved it here.

The reason that I am posting this kind of stuff, is mainly for those who are seeking to enter a life time relationship. They need to be aware of what they might be missing by not being upfront with there partners.

I did not have this kind of a resource when I was there, and I am aware that not every one who reads this will heed it, but if they choose to proceed ignoring this kind of information. then they should expect to be confronted most severely from there mates when they do find out.

I believe that if we truly believe that we are "wired better" and have more insight into what it is like to be a woman, it should also include this kind of information.

Respectfully.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 4:57 pm

Darlene, Thanks for clearing it up, guess my excuse will be "just another dumb blonde." Anyway, I think your point is well made and if we can help another find their way through this so-called maze of CD'ing and its ramifications, then "we done good!" Right?
Love ya,
Deborah

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 6:50 pm

Deborah dear.

Thanks so much for your contribution here.

I realize that for those who were not up front about there cross-dressing with there mates in the beginning this is hard stuff, and I wish there was some thing I could do to help them.
All that I have to bring to this forum comes from the issues that I have worked through. For myself I have decided to acknowledge and accept my loss, and have chosen to remain single for the rest of my life. And enjoy and cherish Darlene as much as I can.
As for those who are struggling with being found out, and are working at continuing the relationship. I have no experience, and I leave that to those who have to be the guides in that area.
What you see in my posts is my gift to those who will benefit from it. Other than my friendship and compassion I have nothing more to offer.

*Hugs*
Darlene.

LeftyRainbow(SO) · Post by **LeftyRainbow(SO)** » Wed Mar 24, 2004 11:00 am

Thank you so much for posting this...as an SO,it really sums up alot of feelings that we all go through..thanks again

Lefty