Keeping the secret

[Lexie]

Hi ladies ! So it all started when I was 12 years old. I was over my cousins house and we were hanging out in her room talking and playing around. One is a few months older so at the time she was 12 too and the other is younger so at the time she was 8. They told me to try on some clothes and they would do my makeup and the whole 9 yards. From that point on I knew there was another side of me. It went away for awhile but a few weeks ago the urge to dress started again.

The only problem is my girlfriend of the past 2 years has no idea of my little secret and I want to tell her but I'm afraid to reveal this... Any advice or experiences in this situation or one similar to this ?

[JoAnnDallas]

Welcome to our world. LOL. Don't worry, we all go thru this phase. It is normal and the decision to tell your girl friend is solely your decision. The ont thing I will advise you is the soon you tell her the easier it is on you. Yes there is the possiblely that she may take it badly and it will end your relationship, but I have found that more women are somewhat accepting than not accepting. Accepting can range from being interested, to being OK but don't want to see it, to all out support. If she doesn't freak out and run out the house sceaming, then your next step is to sit down and talk to her about it. Communications is the key.

[DonnaT]

As can be seen from a few threads, trust is important to a relationship. See http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 17&t=14427" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

If you are in a serious relationship, one you may think of taking to the next level, then you need to tell her.

If she's against it, then it's best to know early on, before investing a lot of emotional time in advancing the relationship. It's only fair to both of you.

[Josephine (SO)]

it is totally selfish to keep this vital information from your girlfriend. If you love her, you will tell her and give her the freedom to make an informed decision about her future. Many women would have choosen a different path in life had their partner been honest with them from the early stages of their relationship. It blows my mind when i think that a partner can be that deceptive to one they are suppose to love.

[Ralitsa]

I agree with Josephine, it is totally selfish to keep this to yourself. On the other hand, it being totally selfish doesn't mean it is wrong or a bad idea. Also, we will for the time being overlook the basic principle that women never, ever, tell the truth about who they really are. Because Josephine is right, if a person really knew the truth about what their potential spouse is like they would never get married.

I would suggest that you consider the likelihood of the relationship lasting very long. If you will probably break up anyway in the next couple years, then I wouldn't go to the trouble. If you think that this is a serious relationship and she can handle it, then you should tell her. Like Donna says, it's better to know early on if there will be a problem, before making a big emotional investment.

[Anna]

Lexie, please excuse me if I ask Josephine a question. My wife and I have been married for nearly 40 years. As far as I know, she doesn't know about my little hobby (it has only really re-emerged in the last 3 years having previously been virtually dormant). Should I tell her at this late stage?

[Anne Bonny]

It is the risk you take. I am about to lose all who were closest to me, and somewhere in my late 50's will be completely alone except for my sons, one of whom is 19 and knows. Suffering from depression as my wife in the severe stage of alzheimers disease, though still very verbal and mobile. My "friends" were her's by extension as I really have very few on my own. But I do believe if you are thinking about a formal longterm relationship - marriage - you must tell your partner it will either be over or there will be acceptance. I believe acceptance has a higher chance if you tell her otherwise you compromise your trust and will be seen as a liar, and as "the other woman" so to speak. Problem is 90% of women will probably back out of the friendship entirely, or may state that she can only be your friend but wind up backing away and leaving. In either case if you cannot live with this lie it is better to tell her and the sooner the better. My Opinion. Though I do believe Crosdressing and transgendered people are beginning to find more acceptance, I do believe there are unfortunately very few women who will not mind that you desire crossdressing. Younger and perhaps more liberal women may be more accepting, not sure as they mature if they later on would continue in a formal longterm relationship with you. Women want 100% Men.

[Carly]

I think if it has any chance of being a long term relationship you need to tell her sooner rather than later. As for after 40 years, be prepared for a lot of trust issues. My wife felt I hid it on her even though the urges grew along with my age. If I knew then how I would feel now I would have told her what the future might hold/ My wife said she never would have married me if she knew and current relationship is cordial at best.