Are people getting more accepting?

[Monique]

I have become pretty comfortable with shopping for my femme stuff and often go into women's clothing stores wearing feminine things including my bra, with obvious projection from my size 7 forms as well as my painted toes showing in my women's sandals. I am always friendly and tell the s/a's that I am a Cder and what I am looking for. I am amazed as to how helpful and friendly most of them are and that they take no exception to what I am wearing, even suggesting things that I may like. Are people becoming more accepting as time goes on. I would like to hear about other's experiences and thoughts on this.

[Latanya]

i have the same experiences and have come to the conclusion that it starts with us being nervous or paranoid. once i got over the nervousness and go into the store with some confidence i have found most sales person helpful and friendly.
i used to circle the store until i got the nerve to go in. then i would say just browsing when asked if they could help even though it was obvious i had no clue what i was looking for or what size i was. once i started to relax it started to fall into place. now i just say it is for me and what i am looking for and if i dont know the size i tell them.
one of my best experiences was going into a clothing store. a nice gal came over to me and asked me if i needed help. i said yes and told her what i was looking for. she then said do u know what size ur girlfriend is. i said no and its for me! then she said well do u know what size u are and i said no!. she asked if i didnt mind taking my measurements and i said no. we went into the back cause there were other customers(not to embarrass me) and then helped me pick out an outfit!. from that moment on i am up front with what i am doing in a store. and it definitely saves time in the long run not having to return items or wasting money cause u bought the wrong item.

[Anita]

Hi Monique--
People have been very accepting to me, when I'm around and interacting with them. I have no yardstick to measure whether acceptance is growing, though. I only know my own experiences, and my own part of the country. I can say that people were more accepting than I thought they might be, and that was a pleasant surprise.

It is my gut feeling that acceptance will not grow, though, until more of us are out there in day-to-day life, and not a novelty that people only see now and then. That situation may never happen, either. Trans women who transition do not draw attention to themselves, ideally. For us who live and go out in both genders, we'll probably always be a small percentage of the population. So people don't have much opportunity to get used to having us around.

I still hope that more of us become entertainers, politicians, and other public figures. People might still not know one of us personally, but they'll be more aware that we're out there in the world.

[Stephenie G]

I . think people are getting somewhat more accepting but then it might be the area I live in
and how when out looking for fem clothes in drab or dressed i always smiled and acted like it
was the most normal thing to do and in turn thats how i was treated . I have been to stores were
I was taken to the womens side to try on the clothes as i believe of how I acted and wanted to be treated
and when they did i always went out of my way to thank them for there help and kind words . I think
if we want to be more accepted just be yourself and be confident and smile and enjoy life ,just my
2 cents lol . Stephenie g

[Paula G]

I still hope that more of us become entertainers, politicians, and other public figures. People might still not know one of us personally, but they'll be more aware that we're out there in the world.

I suspect that plenty of us are, we just don't lik eto admit it in public for fear of losing our vote, or our popularity, it takes brave souls like Grayson Perry and Eddie Izzard to start getting us accepted.

[Kimberly Kael]

People are absolutely, positively, measurably more accepting. Count the number of states with legislation protecting freedom of gender expression twenty years ago versus today. List the companies with policies against discrimination. See HRC's equality index for a list of companies that provide some kind of explicit transgender health care coverage. There are still people who are adamantly opposed to LGBT rights and social acceptance, but they're becoming an identifiable minority. The demographics of studies regarding LGBT acceptance speak loud and clear: the younger generations are dramatically more comfortable with us than their elders.

Things have definitely changed for the better. That's not to say it's uniformly the case that you're will be accepted or are guaranteed to be safe. Statistics describe the general population but there are clearly individual outliers and geographic regions that are behind the curve, particularly in rural areas.

I agree that exposure to transgender individuals is part of what helps change attitudes. Stories from the likes of Chaz Bono make a demonstrable difference and it's a part of why I felt obliged to transition rather than continue hiding how I felt. I'm no celebrity but I am a successful professional and I do touch a lot of lives through work and day-to-day life. I made a point of going to my high school reunion. I don't wear an "Ask Me About Transgender Issues" T-shirt but I haven't disowned my history and gone stealth, either. I keep several copies of Jenny Boylan's She's Not There in my office to loan to anyone who is curious about the subject. I've also made a point of being discoverable within support organizations so that people who are struggling with their own gender identity can find someone to reach out to. I owe a debt of gratitude to those who made my life possible and I have every intention of paying it forward to keep the momentum we have thanks to their efforts.

[KimberlyS]

Monique IMHO there are two things going on here.
- One, yes society is becoming more accepting.
- Two, at the same time I think more of use CD/TG's are accepting our selves and more comfortable going out.

IMHO others acceptance starts with our own acceptance of our self and what we are doing. If you present a very nervous demeanor to someone, and you are thinking inside that you are not sure this is right, they are going to think there is something wrong. While if you come in to shop acting a bit nervous, bit interact with the SA's and act like it is ok to be doing what you are doing and just doing that, shopping. You do not need to go into detail about who you are. Just stating the clothes are for you give them a reference point as to who it will fit.

One of the best things I did was deciding to go shopping for an item. I went into a store and the first person that asked to help me I said "YES'. Then I went on about an item I wanted. The SA took over at that point and I was like a puppy dog following her around the store finding different items that I may like. And then she started a fitting room for me. This is not the point you run screaming from the store, you just keep breathing and follow her to a fitting room. And once inside the fitting room "BREATHE" and "Breathe" and "breathe". Now calmer begin trying on you items. You may only be starting to try on your first item, but she will be checking on you, and just say you are doing ok so far. They usually come back several times to check on you if you need a different size or something. Often the full set of mirrors is in the main area of the fitting room and these will give you a better look on how something fits you. you can also ask the SA's as most of them will be fairly honest with you.

Happy Shopping, and Have fun shopping.

kimberlys
joe in a skirt

[Carol Ann]

but at the same time I believe it is the almighty dollar they are after, and it has been posted before about sales people loseing thier jobs over refuseing to servise a CD'er let alone the bad publicity they get . March on ladies

[Gillian]

Carol Ann:quote;"I believe it is the almighty dollar they are after", no truer words have ever been written on this message board! LOL. If the fashion industry could get most men to get into the "dressing with style" phase they would more than double there profits. I look at womens wear prices and compare them to mens wear prices, and wonder why I dig myself deeper into this enjoyment. LOL. Guess I am a sucker for "style".

[Karen Ski]

I have to go with Carol Ann here. Brick and mortar stores are fighting for every penny with the internet offering excellent service and prices. They feel that customer service is the only way they can compete, although personally I feel that customer service is a lost art to most of them, so they will go out of their way to make you feel welcome especially if you are spending money.

Stores are one thing but I personally think in many areas the general population is a lot less accepting than they could be and less than perhaps a few years ago. I think the rise of conservatism in politics has something to do with this.

Edited: Political comments do not belong in this section. LZ

[Paulette]

You'll notice when there is a large enough proportion of out CDs and trans of various stripes for the marketers to target. Some specialty stores already have noticed, but mostly online. Early adopters were like Fredricks of Hollywood, back when the assumption was that kink drove deviance from the norm. Now Woman Within is with it.

I don't do that much shopping for female clothes, and that mostly in second-hand stores. But they have uniformly been friendly.

But the down-side of all this is that the dollar is what makes everything work, which means that everything is controlled by what's the most profitable, and that is always theft and fraud. (Sorry for the downer.)

[Kittie]

Yes I think we are being more accepted & a lot of our coicern may be our own nervousness. It is like the first time wearing eyeglasses or hearing aids. I have just "come-out" a bit more by wearing tights (panty-hose) with shorts and a thin top with my bra underneath. i went out with a walking party on Saturday & nobody noticed. I have been for the paper in a similiar manner this morning. I hope my next step will be wearing a bra under my sports vest at my fitness club. I have worn a shimmel (vest withj built in bra) severaL times & hopin g soon to come out with my one pieces Zoggs swimming costume which to me is more comfortable than water shorts

[Anita]

Kimberly wrote:

People are absolutely, positively, measurably more accepting. Count the number of states with legislation protecting freedom of gender expression twenty years ago versus today. List the companies with policies against discrimination. See HRC's equality index for a list of companies that provide some kind of explicit transgender health care coverage. There are still people who are adamantly opposed to LGBT rights and social acceptance, but they're becoming an identifiable minority.

On paper, by law, things are better for us. I can agree with that. Corporate politics are often ahead of the general acceptance level. It’s the awareness of the guy or gal on the street that I’m thinking about when I say that I don’t see much change. That doesn’t mean that it’s terrible out there—not at all. I just think that we’re not even on the radar of most people. They may know a little about transitioning, because that’s sensational when it’s in the news. They know next to nothing about Out CDs, transgenderists, “Who am I?” gals, and whatever else we label CDs who aren’t going to live fulltime or transition.

The demographics of studies regarding LGBT acceptance speak loud and clear: the younger generations are dramatically more comfortable with us than their elders.

I tend to be cynical about this. I do think the younger generations are more accepting, in theory. But I also think that if one of our 25 year old forum members decides to be honest with his future wife, she’ll still have just as much problem with it as the previous generations. “CDing is fine, as long as it’s not someone that I have to live with.” I'm not blaming them for feeling this way, either. This is not an easy thing to understand.

I agree that exposure to transgender individuals is part of what helps change attitudes.

One of our SO forum members pointed out that acceptance might be a long time coming, simply because there aren’t that many of us out there who can afford to be known or seen. Transitioned women just want to assume their new identities and live their lives as women—totally understandable. And it’s a rare CD who can afford to jeopardize everything they’ve ever acquired, including family and spouse.

I often say on here that my life had gotten so painful that I had nothing to lose by doing what I do. Many transitioned women I know say the same thing. However, when they make the change, they eventually become invisible. I’m not on hormones, and my name is still male. So I’m still visible, but I’m a very small sample of the transgender spectrum.

This is a rant. I'll try to be more positive for a moment. The level of acceptance out there, right now, is much more tolerant that I could have ever imagined from the outside looking in. I thought I'd be laughed at on every street corner. That's not how it turned out--it's amazing that even I can blend in out there for long periods of time. (I'm not the most passable girl out there, by a long shot.) I read of others on here who are doing the same. So that's all to the good. I'm glad that's going on, and we're all going out there into the world.

I do have to be aware that people who treat me well to my face are not always so accepting as I think they are. It's just something I have to remember; I hear from friends sometimes about other friends or acquaintances who really aren't OK with me, but don't let me know it. I'm not going to let it worry me. If they want to talk to me about it, I'm always willing to listen. As long as people treat me well in public, what do I care what they think or feel in private? I have no control over that. That has to change over time, and maybe I can help it along.

[Anthony Simon]

I agree that people are getting more accepting. But I also think there's a line somewhere and it's not clear right now if that line - which divides limited acceptance from something more - is ever going to be breached.

One way into this is to go to You-Tube and watch male to female transformation videos. There is a pretty good selection produced by gay men (some of whom describe what they do as CDing) but a very limited one from heterosexual men. The reason seems pretty clear to me. For a gay man to out himself as someone who wears women's clothes is a lot less of a push for society than for a straight man. Because gay men are already conceived by society as tending towards the feminine (as a group that is), if a gay man wears women's clothes - that can be thought of a just part of a the gay thing. He's not looked at that much differently by society.

If a heterosexual man does it, it can't be fitted into a preconceived image. He's immediately made himself "different" from other men - and really questionable as a man. That's why you don't see many out CDs, either or You-Tube or elsewhere.

Anita wrote:

I often say on here that my life had gotten so painful that I had nothing to lose by doing what I do.

I'm not sure I find that an altogether reassuring statement. I mean I gather from some of the sideways stuff you've said that there's an awful lot of pain in your life - from your girlfriend, from the way your music career has gone, from your age. It is (as you acknowledged in your next statement) not an inordinately positive reason for CDing. I'm really, really bad at taking pain myself, but I can't help feeling that you're better off doing nothing - kind of waiting - than being driven by pain.

Like there's a trap that I have sometimes fallen into - of wanting to feel I'm doing something - when really the hard part was not doing something.

[Anita]

Hi Anthony-
The kind of pain I'm talking about here is the pain of not being "myself," as I got older, and that began to include my girlself. I wrote about that in my post about being tired of living on the border of male and female, and knowing that I was basically forbidden to ever cross it, if I wanted to keep my social standing as it was.

There's been what?--one performing transgender musician that's come out--The Against Me singer-- since all the time I've been following music. Wendy Carlos transitioned, but since she never had a stage act (as far as I know), the fans of her music were fans of her sound, and not her image or persona on stage. I don't know what drove Tom Gabel to come out, but it must have been pretty extreme, given that so few have ever done it. I'm not sure that I would have wanted to give up any degree of success in the music business, so I would have suppressed any tendencies that could have hurt that.

Thing is, all my creative expressions have hit dead ends--writing, playing music, and songwriting--so the only one that worked was to create a woman where one hadn't been before. When we dress up and put on the makeup, we are being creative, and the usual impulse is to want to share what we've created with other people. CDing is one thing I take out into the world, and display. It's a mixed blessing, that this form of 'art' worked in a way that the other art forms haven't done, so far. I've helped and influenced a lot of people in eleven years. It is not something I could had sat down and figured out intellectually, but I am happy that I've had some kind of artistic platform to come from.