Dressing again

[Anne Bonny]

I am not sure if any here remember much about me biggest thing is my wife's Alzheimers, and my Faith. For a long time I stopped dressing - depression and conflict with my faith. But after talking about this on another blog and adjusting to my present situation and my psychologist I have finally arrived at a new position:

After thinking about tenpennie's post, and speaking with my psychologist, not about this. Then I am sorry to dissappoint IBM. I was completely validated about where I am and was told I need to do things I enjoy and spend the money to bring in sitters to do so. So I am not going to beat myself up about something that truly makes me happy and that is crossdressing and feeling feminine on occasion so I have on my jeans, poloshirt and lingerie, sandals, polished my toenails, and put on some lipstick, some secret-lavender deoderant, and ear rings necklace, bracelet, watch and am relaxed and feeling wonderful allowing my feminine side out for a few hours before my son comes home

I reached the point of acceptance at age 40, but things came along that held me back. There really are much larger sins to worry about than cross-dressing. I feel that I am partly feminine. I just hope I can find a dating site where I can state something like Man seeking Woman 55-60. I am a widower after 21 years of a loving marriage. I am a man who enjoys sailing, and occasional tinkering. But I also like to crossdress on occasion when I feel feminine and would like to find a woman who understands and can love me as much which ever way I happen to feel, and will understand on occasion I prefer dressing fully as a female would, and also prefer to wear silky feminine night things to bed as well. Other than that I am a fairly masculine man at least 60% of the time. I want understanding, love, encouragement, support and assistance and I will provide the same for my life partner.

Wonder if that would work? I was rather happy today, first time in a long while.

[Leeza]

Wonder if that would work?

It sounds good to me. That is being very up front about who you are and if they have a problem with it they shouldn't answer. Oh course you might get some strange responses.

If and When I decide to look can I use your ad with modifications?

I was completely validated about where I am and was told I need to do things I enjoy and spend the money to bring in sitters to do so.

Anne, as I have been told and passed on to you, we as care givers have to take care of ourselves. If we don't, we will wear down to where we can't give the care to the ones we are trying to help.

[Anne Bonny]

Sure but I am not sure if there are any dating sites that would allow this - and it might open us up to black mail or exposure of who we are and where we live etc.... I am always cautious. It would save time, no telling who would reply.

[Anthony Simon]

I don't know about dating sites, but I've certainly seen ads along the lines of yours from CDs in liberal UK print media (i.e a newspaper and a listings mag). I also don't know how to avoid the bad stuff coming back at you.

[Erica Bern]

I think many religious people dont understand spirit world at all, they are way off in many things, I researched it a lot and many times we get some influence from spirit world from a femenin ancestor or something, like acting a person make a foundation to a spirit to come to a person based on his or her desire and wish or action, so if you want to become a women you can based on that or you can control it, to make it in a nutshell

Edited: Quote removed Portions of a post may be quoted but generally not the whole post http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 31&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

LZ

[Anne Bonny]

Hum...Not sure about any of that I am a Christian that is my faith the nicene creed and all. I am presbyterian pca also don't like to pay much attention to grammatical rules on occasion but can if I want to expend the effort. But beyond that any denomination tries to make sense of the inspired message of God who is the trinity tri-une Father Son Holy Spirit three aspects that have different purposes or functions but it is one of the mysteries of our Faith. Doctrine is man-made and all of them are flawed some more than others - who knows who is closer to the truth but I believe if we believe in the basics found in the creed and are in earnest in our heart God forgives us because God is Love, we are to Love God, and we are to love others just as we love ourselves. Christ is the nexus of Christianity. The Old Testament is part history, but also has much prophecy and symbolism all pointing to Christ (see Isaiah 53 probably one of the most amazing chapters in the old testament) and there is also a psalm somewhere that is similar as well as many other predictions of the coming massiah the lamb of God who would first come to save those who the spirit draw to faith, and later even now is a king who's reign is everlasting and who we expect to come again. there is also allegory. But, all that followed Christs self sacrifice death and rise brought a New Testament no more need for animal sacrifice of pure spotless lambs, no more dietary laws, many things changed because with the indwelling of the spirit in our heart as we live out our lives working out our salvation with fear and trembling for the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom - a process called sanctification whereby each day a christian must recall the good news for their self, repent, ask forgiveness and Christ forgives us so like a little child who runs, falls and cries soon gets up to run again. We carry the seed of sin passed down from adam and eve which may be literal or some kind of allegory, there is good and evil. temptation and sin. there is a natural man at war with the spiritual man our soul once saved always saved. so I believe somewhat in a kind of universal church beyond the Catholic church and other denominations as long as the basic beliefs are held and understood correctly. Not all are in the elect, most of mankind will reject Christs offer Ephesians 2:8-9 for it is by grace that you have been saved through faith (alone) not as a result of work(s). Works are an out pouring of love from a heart changed by the spirit though in this life we are and always will be imperfect. We are to be the salt of the earth, the world will hate us and want to destroy us but we are not to judge the world but to love. We are to live in this world but we are just traveling through, our real home is in heaven with the trinity where there will be no male or female, no marriage, no temptation or sin, we will have a glorified body that is perfect just as our father is perfect where we will live and praise God forever. Our purpose on earth is to live and to bring glory to God and to praise God who is our creator. That is long, but that is the gist of what my faith is all about. I understand you believe in a spirit world, you are perfectly entitled to your beliefs, and we can agree to disagree, God loves you and I love you.

Enough on that. It is not not off topic because I do not take it lightly, I had to come to understand that though I am probably rationalizing and deceiving myself - after 46 years I am not likely to change. I accept that God may - MAY have given me a brain that is PARTLY female, sin is sin but I cannot concentrate on one particular tree there is a forest of other sins out there that are probably a better place to focus my attention - greed, gluttony, and other sins.

Now back on what I wanted to write this morning. And that is about being a woman (partly) I enjoy beauty, making my body beautiful, and wearing the pretty clothing styles that women have to enjoy, men's clothing can be nice it is functional and can be comfortable utilitarian, men do not worry about their clothing just that it is appropriate for what they are doing, I would not work on my boat, or go sailing in a business suit!!!! Just so when I am inspired to be a "woman" (am feeling very feminine) I am not going to enjoy wearing a man's business suit - I want to look like Becky Quick on CNBC, or Maria Bartaromo, or Felicity Kendall, or any other woman. And the clothing choice there will also suit my mood and what I am doing - Am I lounging, or do I really want to wear a pretty dress or a skirt and a top, what ever some make up and jewelry and styling of the hair is involved - as a "woman" I enjoy many of the same things, I do prefer the company of women more than that of men, and I do love women I am heterosexual. I just wish women would understand and still want to kiss me and love me however I am presenting or feeling which is who knows probably more male and masculine than feminine - still - I am happy and feel balanced or centered and ok with my faith and my life - Praise God! It is so bad that society and my church members would mostly reject me just because of who I am but I am not going to torment myself about it any longer - I believe God will forgive me this because I believe he Made me this way. I am not about to flaunt what most people would be very uptight about and repulsed in front of them openly, neither do I need to tell those who simply do not understand and probably never will but in heaven every thing will be understood and all will be revealed and I imagine I will receive many hugs and told I'm sorry that I did not understand and would have held this against you in the world.

So I enjoy many of the same things women enjoy - but I am not going to delude myself that I function like or even understand how women think and function inside their head. Like my sister who recently came to visit and told me when she goes out and is with a group of people she becomes very keyed up and it takes her time to settle down - must be horrible to be like that women seem to intently work with all the wheels spinning in their mind. Men get stressed out at work - I remember that and once I made it to the car feeling energy returning, myself relaxing, but still for several hours kind of going "awwwwww....." in a comfortable chair infront of the news while talking with my wife, or helping to fix dinner. I am partly woman but have not delusions - I am not a woman, have no cycle, hormone fluctuations, do not bear, give birth to, or lactate or have that natural mothering instinct, no intuition. I just have a small sliver of that - I love beauty, I am sensitive but do not cry easily, I am not very competetive and thus not into sports, I am only interested in leading myself and perhaps in guiding or helping to share my life experience with my children and friends. I do like a relationship, perhaps a network of friends to comunicate with but that is the extent of what I call my feminine self, I do like the clothes, the make up and bling.....

GG's are welcome to comment as well I wonder what they think - I may be disappointed so please soften the blow, I hope true women understand and can accept me as I am. as CD's what do you think. Please do not ding me for my faith, I am not pushing it it is who I am, I was just responding to the previous post by way of explaining my belief system

[Gillian]

Anne, you and I have had some interesting dialogues on the subject of christianity, and from my point of view, you have your head screwed on correctly. Your comments on why you believe what you believe are soundly backed up through your bible understanding.That being said, I encourage you to think about the following thoughts.

God is always looking at our motives, intends and thoughts, this is what is important to Him, read Heb 4:12, also 1Sam 16:7. Some day we will all die, the flesh will be gone, but our spirit, soul, (mind, will, emotions), shall continue on, that being what God is attempting to develop to the fullest within us. So, if this body,"earth suit", will pass away, then why would its occasional covering be of any interest to God? That is unless we are moving in the wrong motives, intends, or thoughts.

We are told that we will be given a new heavenly body as the old one will pass away. Yet, the church, in general, seems to be obcessed with the body, instead of the soul. The early Greek culture was the same way. The premise was, soul... good, body... bad. We still see the Olympics today making the body "good" through self disipline, if that is really possible. This is very different from what Jesus taught. Read th story in Mark 7:15-23. The essence is that what is on the outside, or the outside taken into the body does not make us evil, but what comes out from the soul is what is evil. You understand that "grace is saving you, not your works. That grace is an internal transformation, not works which is an external restraint. With God everything is a process, like a journey, not a destination. So continue to let God do His work, don't be like the Galatian church,Gal 3: 1-7. Gods' work is on our souls first, That is where fruit is developed, and character traits grow.

I know that you will not take this lightly, let this encourage you to be who you were meant to be, and enjoy your life, regardless of your quirks.

[Anne Bonny]

Thank you for that. It is very encouraging I will read those citations and looks like we agree. Love it when there is understanding encouragement and support, not really into sports but high five!

[Anne Bonny]

I am kind of disappointed that no GG's have weighed in. Seems Women through the millinia have mainly been the ones to adorn themselves to attract a mate who would then drag the off by the hair to a nearby cave perhaps? But Are there ANY women who understand men like us who are essentially speaking for myself - have to limit that - normal - because CD's are a very varied crowd. Anyway essentially normal heterosexual men most of the time, but on occasion perhaps 40% of the time revel in their feminine sides all the way while still being attracted to their wives. I am a faithful husband and will be having in a few years to find another life mate to hopefully marry. Are there women who when their mate is fully adorned and made up and feeling very feminine - are able to still be aroused and find their mate attractive and kiss them etc? No matter what their presentation which would be either presenting as a normal female, or their manly masculine selves? Can they accept full equality? I believe I can and at times enjoy a more submissive following role allowing my mate to lead on occasion equally??

[Leeza]

WARNING

I think many religious people dont understand spirit world at all, they are way off in many things,

The last 6 words border on head bashing or trying to convert if they didn't cross the line.

The first reply to that quote combined with the quoted could be considered argumentative or trying to convert.

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... =39&t=4764" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

This has been referred to Admin pending further action.

[Leeza]

Anne said

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... =39&t=4764

Though no GGs have responded to this post, there have been several comments by GGs about your subject.

There have been recent posts by CDs with SOs who have helped them and by the SOs who helped bring them out.

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... =2&t=14673" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... =2&t=14657" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Although they are not frequent there are more posts the touch on the subject.

[Anne Bonny]

Dear Leeza, I hope I did not cross a line, and personally I was not offended, this person is entitled to their belief system just my opinion and if any are offended by my beliefs I certainly apologize I was merely explaining my belief system to them??

[SilverLady(SO)]

Ladies -

I think many religious people dont understand spirit world at all, they are way off in many things, I researched it a lot and many times we get some influence from spirit world from a femenin ancestor or something, like acting a person make a foundation to a spirit to come to a person based on his or her desire and wish or action, so if you want to become a women you can based on that or you can control it, to make it in a nutshell

Anne, you and I have had some interesting dialogues on the subject of christianity, and from my point of view, you have your head screwed on correctly. Your comments on why you believe what you believe are soundly backed up through your bible understanding.That being said, I encourage you to think about the following thoughts.

I fully agree with Leeza's comments above in re: head bashing or trying to convert. Religious opinions cited or inferred as "fact" are such only in the mind of the author (or those who are like-minded with the author) and those 'facts' or 'beliefs' vary from person to person, religion to religion, and so on. The discussion on religion will stop now, or this topic will be moved to Hot Topics.

Anne, although you may not have been personally offended, that does not mean that other members of the forum were not offended. However, religious discussions belong in Hot Topics where they are not viewed by the general public. We do not need to incite anyone, and we especially do not want to cause a 'run' on memberships here of people who would be joining just to respond, argue, and/or cause trouble as a result of a topic discussing religion, in any shape or form.


- SL

[Anne Bonny]

Oh...OK did not mean to offend just letting my mind run and thought I clarified that this was my personal belief system, made it clear I believe that others are perfectly entitled to their own belief systems. I was not attacking but explaining one of the things I have had to work through in my head. I am a very sensitive person so I am sorry and will no longer share such thoughts here did not know that I was the target here, did not realize I was doing anything wrong but can understand religion is off topic. That will stop, no intent to convert or to offend sincerely. I am also aware that going on and on about my personal life is also OT here and have cut that way down as well I think other than a brief mention (I mean about my wife and my grief). Sound ok to you?? Anne
Hum missed that on the rules OK.

Thanks Leeza I enjoyed those posts which answers my question that there are indeed women out there who would still love me for who I am, would probably be willing to kiss and XXX whatever my presentation - my dream of Understanding, Loving, Encouraging, and Supporting is not a dream I just need to find the right woman!

I have also noticed when I post out to the side is a white marker with lines am I on probation here or something?? Am I a pariah on this site?? That would hurt because this is my only CD site and I like being here. EM...kind of got a hint when someone moved all my posts into one section when I was writing so much OT about my wife - would it be better for me to move on? are there any other sites like this one that are not full of pron, solicitations, etc? I honestly have not meant to offend and turn people off. If I should leave let me know and you can kick me out. Am I on everyone's ignore list? If so I suppose you should just let me know and I will leave, then you can remove me from the list. Also noticed my photo gallery was removed as well. I suppose I should take the hint??? silver lady, Leeza??

[Leeza]

Anne

I have also noticed when I post out to the side is a white marker with lines am I on probation here or something??

This one threw me for a bit and I thought you were referting to the white boxes around the posts. I think you are refering to the while boxes on the left side of the Topic List. The white box indicates that you have posted in that topic, the brown boxes mean you have not posted in that topic.

As far as probation, not that I know of. If you are, there would be a PM to you from SL.

my dream of Understanding, Loving, Encouraging, and Supporting is not a dream I just need to find the right woman!

As I did not mention that in the Warning notice, I guess you must have takes it from the link. Often when we put on a link it is to show that it is a posted rule. Many times we are acutely only referring to a line or two but post the link which shows the whole thing. In this case I was referring to the part about conversion as that is what the warning was about.

As I mentioned in another post, I might like to use your words slightly modified in the future.

Also noticed my photo gallery was removed as well.

During some of the updates, some of the gallery pics were lost. There were posts concerning that at the time it happened. It was not a personal thing as a lot of us were affected. There again if admin takes an action there is a PM to you.