I am officially ON the wagon.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 8:33 am

Lorna.
Hon, you have taken the first MAJOR step toward cming back to us as the Lorna we know. You shared with us your experience, it was not fun and I am sure sharing was difficult, but you shared it and as you can see from all the previous posts -WE ARE HERE FOR YOU! You are a wonderful person and I know that we all look forward to your sharing with us, so don't stop! We all love you want to be there for you, so keep talking to us and we will all get through this together. I now some of your sisters here have the knowledge and insight to be really helpful, so we will put our arms around your shoulder, wipe your tears and walk with you into your beautiful future!
God Bless you and we are here for your,
Love,
Deborah

Bernice · Post by **Bernice** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 5:10 pm

Wow... UGH! Double UGH! There but for the grace of God go I...

Life is NOT fair, and your experience just proves it.

No lecture on DUI, You've learned that lesson. I was lucky I never developed a taste for alcohol. But a taste for speed has gotten me stopped many times.

Breathalyzers are notoriously inaccurate. I guess your lawyer already told you about that. I suppose the DA might go for your license (revokation) because you refused the blood test contrary to "implied consent". Another little known fact: Impairment does not necessarily begin at .08% BAC. It is as varied as gender identity, or even more so. Many people can be impaired at less than .08%, but many more can be not significantly impaired at .16%. 0.08% BAC laws are there to generate more revenues and to placate the hysterical irrational ravings of MADD.

Like speed limits, it is easy to imprecisely measure, and it makes ignorant people think government is "doing something" about the problem of impaired drivers. I don't condone drinking and driving, but mainly because I don't condone unnecessary risks, and I don't see drinking as necessary. Those that see drinking as necessary often end up in AA.

As a pilot, I like to think that part of our problems on the highways are that driver's ed focuses too much on fear and speed control, and not enough on managing resources, and maintaining complete situational awareness. Driving is only easy if you pay attention, not only to your driving, but those around you, and your own health.

Shackled: Ugh. Never officially been there. Can't really comment intelligently except to say "think how much character you will have after this is over".

Your wardrobe, however, is punishment that clearly does not fit the crime. The average legal costs run $10,000, but certainly my wardrobe is also worth $10,000. Consider discussing the rights of property ownership with your mother. Suggest that what she did qualifies as grand theft. How would she feel if you disposed of her wardrobe?

You father, what a mess. I'm no help there. My father never knew, or if he did, we never discussed it.

You are a person of good character. Whatever responsibility you need to take, you will. This is just a (very painful) life learning experience.

I wish you well!

Hugs,

Bernice

Post by **Celia** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 7:39 pm

Lorna,

Neither you nor anyone else here is about to condone drunk driving. But it is important to keep things in perspective. We all know that there is plenty of negligent and reckless driving going on out there, relatively little of it is due to drunkenness, and almost none of it is aggressively discouraged the way drunk driving is. If ever you feel too bad about this incident (or anyone else tries to make you feel too bad about it), remember all of the vehicular misconduct the powers that be have seen fit to essentially ignore (or, in the case of speeding, actually encourage, through relaxation of laws and enforcement). Don't let Society's hypocritical scapegoating get you down.

Yours,
Celia

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 9:54 pm

Bernice wrote:Wow... UGH! Double UGH! There but for the grace of God go I...

Yes. Exactly, hon. I have been surrounded by preacher types my whole life. But when I say that I am not trying to justify my mistake by any means.

As far as my father is concerned, yes he was shocked initially, but he did say that I am an adult and he does not care that I CD. He said he is supportive of whatever I do in my free time as long as I'm not breaking the law. Hence his main issue was my being arrested, and understandably so. So I'm glad that he had the sense to keep the two issues completely separate.

My mother on the other hand was another story.... she chose to blame this whole incident on my CDing. Figures. How could I have been born from someone so closed-minded? For as long as I have known the woman, she has never been reasonable.

Thanks for the info on the BAC... I really hope that my refusal to submit to a blood test works out in my favor. At this point I would REALLY rather have my license revoked for however long than have to do jail time. I have trains & buses to take me from A to B. Besides, I am planning to move closer to the city anyway, as soon as this whole thing blows over.

As for character-building experiences, I think I've collected enough of those over the past 2 years to write a book!

From late 2002 to the present:

- Getting laid off, having my car break down, and getting dumped by my g/f within a 24 hour period
- Drama at every family event, including 2 physical fights & everyone being ejected from the restaurant
- Getting a jury duty letter the DAY that I finally found work after 18 mos. of unemployment
- Drama at work including fights, computer thefts & almost being FRAMED by a corrupt teacher
- The raccoon incident
- The beehive incident
- two cars sending me to the brink of financial ruin
- getting screwed out of a much needed tax refund
- now this

Needless to say that I am writing a novel entitled HARD LUCK. I don't think I can go for 2 months without something. My life plays just like a movie.

They should do a reality TV show about my life. There would be PLENTY of craziness going on to keep folks entertained!

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 10:03 pm

Thanks girls!

I was really doing much better until this morning when I discovered that my family had decided to meet me at the court. There was NO need for any of them to be there. Ugh - like I wasn't feeling enough anxiety...

The only reason they were there was to "remind" me of how much of a screwup I was. Then they wonder what happens to your self-esteem. They spend 32 years whittling it away to NOTHING!!!

Such is my punishment for only living only 15 minutes away from them. I only blame myself for not having moved CROSS COUNTRY! Sheesh.....

As soon as I am closer to the city, my brain will be MUCH better off.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 11:22 pm

You're welcome.

I honestly think your family showed up because they love you. Black folks conversate' that way. Your dad rocks!

Your mom sounds like my mom, but I was fortunate enough to have a gay family member who she learned a little bit of understanding from first.

How many of us were in high school in the 80's didn't relate with Prince's song lyrics, "... How could you just leave me standing... Alone in a world so cold? ... Maybe I'm just too demanding. . . Maybe I'm just like my father ... too bold.. maybe you're just like my mother. She's never satisfied. Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like, when the doves cry."

Anyway, when she heard I was a crossdresser she thought immediately that I was gay. Which meant by the church she goes to every Sunday. "I was damned" She looked like she was in seriously repulsed shock. (I laugh about it now) I imagine if I were single and had the same thing happen to me that you did, she'd be throwing my things away and some other things I have too (not adult).

If your family is any part of the black community you know all the things she's thinking about from family reunions, to church on Sunday. There are probably a trillion other things she's thinking to. Eventually she'll understand you love her enough that if you could have stopped doing this you would have. I think that will take time, that's all.

In my original post to you I started to say, "Well at least you don't have to worry about telling your family anymore because they know." Then I thought twice about it because it wasn't the time. I don't know if now is the time, but your parents know who you are. It's done. That hiding shyte can kill you. They will now look at you and know who you are. They'll judge you, but they judged you before anyway. (like all people do in every family or relationship) At the end of the day, the years you didn't tell your dad and what did he say? "Son, I don't care what you are as long as you're a good person." That's not just a greeting card moment. It should be a lightning bolt. If he's that cool and he raised you, that's in you. You're going to have to use that positivity to pull you out of this funky kharma (as in astrological rather than curse) thing.

You've had a lot of shyte happen the past two years and you're right. I can't remember 2 mos. that you went without even a cart ramming into your car. The weirdest one was jury duty. That was unbelievable.

When you were originally in that Lorna I'll be honest I saw a lot of stormy days ahead for you. I think it was all meant to lead up to this though. If you can make it through this one then your 2 year trial is over. These kinds of events end with a BIG BANG!

I believe the storm is going to stop and I wish you luck now. You've got a lot to clean up now that the storm is ending. You've got a tree on your car and helicopter fell in your living room and worst of all, you've got all of us.

I'm not asking you to become "the instant optimist", if I'm right you'll notice things like this and other odd occurrences stop happening. I think only then can you become optimistic about having good things happen to you.

:babble off:

See ya!
Beauty

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 6:50 pm

Thanks girls...

To be totally honest, I think it's time for me to have another good cry... just been feeling so overwhelmed by everything that has happened these past few months.... it's been total PANDEMONIUM in my life for far too long...

I'm tired of these feelings of anxiety, tired of these feelings of impending doom... tired of feeling like disaster is lurking around the corner, ready to strike at any given moment... to the point where I even feel like my life is in danger... (if I had been transferred to the county facility on Sunday it most certainly would have been because I may have been killed being locked up with the worst of the worst)

I just want these feelings of anxiety and doom to end... And if I don't shake them soon, then I don't think I will be able to perform next month.

Please... just make the the pain go away... please let it just go away...

Bernice · Post by **Bernice** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 10:33 pm

The Jury duty thing reminds me of a similar event in my life. After six months unemployment in 1984, and getting a new job, my FIRST DAY, I got appendicitis. Job offer retracted, health insurance never in force, and unemployment insurance no longer elligible because I was not ready and able to accept employment. Then my incision got infected and I was REALLY sick. That is when I learned just how much my wife REALLY loved me.

As awful as that was, it turned out for the best. Turns out I didn't want to work for those SOBs anyway. They fire people because they have been there too long.

I was forced to grow and learn new things, and get a much better job. Etc Etc. It was actually a good thing.

Chin up dear! Everthings alright in the end. If it's not alright, it isn't the end!

Hugs,

Bernice

Kyra · Post by **Kyra** » Thu Apr 01, 2004 12:47 am

Wow Lorna,
I'm glad to see you're okay. (Physically) I can't imagine what that must've been like. I hope (as Beauty remarked) that things start to turn around.
I think your father's cool. If he can look at that kind of situation and still show his love for you, then Kudos to him (and YOU)
-- That's what a parent should be like! --

But I have to ask one question...and if you don't want to talk about it, the "Shut up Kyra" rule applies.
What's the "racoon incident"?

Hugs, sincerest hugs,
Kyra

Erica Shade · Post by **Erica Shade** » Thu Apr 01, 2004 8:54 am

Lorna,

You are still my hero. My prayers are with you.

Erica Shade

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Thu Apr 01, 2004 7:17 pm

Thanks again girls... boy what a week...

I do have some SHOCKINGLY GOOD news! When my mother was at my apartment that day, it turns out that she took it upon herself to do my laundry as well! When she returned my laundry this afternoon, I looked inside and there they were... MY GIRL CLOTHES!!!

This will save me so much money, not having to replace what I thought was gone once & for all...

My mother didn't say a word of course, but there they were, piled on top of the male items! This was such a pleasant suprise...

Now... all I have to do is see if she REALLY threw away the shoes! I would save hundreds of dollars if she still had them somewhere... I shall see her again tomorrow.

Bernice · Post by **Bernice** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 12:44 am

See what I mean, Lorna? Just when you thought life was hopeless, you are discovering life's gonna turn out OK in the end after all. You mother didn't trash your wardrobe - she washed it! Now she can come and do mine! LOL!

Believe me, I understand exactly what it is like, waiting for the inevitable end of the world. I've been waiting a lot myself lately as well. But ... and I give at least partial credit to Danielle La Belle, it isn't very productive to wait hopelessly for the bitter end. So, while you are waiting, enjoy life!

Hugs,

Bernice

CJ · Post by CJ » Fri Apr 02, 2004 6:57 am

Hi all,

Lorna,

Mmmm, yeah, I'm with Kyra on this: what's the "Raccoon" incident?

Love,
CJ

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 7:30 am

Oh boy, I mentioned raccoons, so here it comes...

The raccoon incident actually wasn't a tragic thing at all, it was just really annoying. Looking back, the whole thing played more like a bad National Lampoon's movie.

(It's okay to laugh at this one girls... )

About 2 years ago I was helping my landlord clean out the garage as I was looking for some extra storage space. It was late April, a beautiful day, so I was working into the evening. There was an old Christmas tree box that my landlord said I could just throw away. As I moved the box, lo & behold there was a whole family of about 4 or 5 raccoons! Inside the garage, nestled under the box! Ewwww.

(Keep in mind folks, I'm a city gal, not that used to wild animals up close)

Ewwww. How am I going to get these disgusting pests out of here? I need my garage space!

I called Animal Control who wanted $400 for removal of the beasts. F that! So they suggested that I leave the garage door open & put out a saucer of milk & some raw fish & peanut butter to try & coax them out.

I did as instructed and the next day, I saw they were still there. Another suggestion they had was to try to "smoke" them out, so I lit up the barbecue grill inside the garage leaving the door open of course. I threw on lots of green branches to get LOTS of smoke. They ran out of the garage for a few minutes, only to run right back in! They finally ran out again, and just as they were about to run back in a second time I bagan pelting the pests with rocks to keep them away. I also had a large wet rag in my hand, using it as a makeshift "whip" to threaten them from running back in.

This routine lasted well into the night. I spent a total of two & a half days trying to get rid of these pests. Neighbors were walking by giving me the strangest of looks! The whole time I felt like Bill Murray trying to catch the gopher in Caddyshack. "Okay varmint..."

The whole time I'm thinking: this is only MY luck. But yes, looking back, I guess this whole thing was funny as he**! Only me thouigh... only me.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 7:33 am

That was worth the wait!

Beauty