Hard times...

[Emma-A]

Thanks for the advice, but sadly things have gone from bad to worse. With all the hiatus of late, I even forgot the wedding anniversary yesterday, so I'm in even worse trouble now. I stayed a work as long as I could today and just went straight to bed when I got home cos I feel so low. The medication isn't enough to hold me together at the moment, and I lapsed into planning my suicide a little while ago. But don't worry, I can't do it as long as my parents are alive, because it would destroy them. On a more positive note, I ordered some hormones today. Looking forward to getting them. I know they won't directly make me feel better but at least it's something positive for me that I can keep hidden from the wife for some time. Not being delivered to home....

[MichaelaR]

Emma, I know things look bad right now, but please remember SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER. Talk to a therapist, doctor, co-worker, God ... something. There is always a solution, though you might not be able to see it at the moment.

[Karin]

Emma, I know things look bad right now, but please remember SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER. Talk to a therapist, doctor, co-worker, God ... something. There is always a solution, though you might not be able to see it at the moment.

Michaela is right Emma.
*off to write a rambling PM to you now.....lock your inbox!....Too late, now youve gotta read it!

Stay strong Emma ...

[KimberlyS]

lots of hugs for Emma.

[Leeza]

Emma, I have been there. I was at the point of suicide when going through my divorce years ago.

I am glad I didn't carry through with it.

I was going through counceling at the time and ended up on the mental ward for a few weeks. After I got my head screwed back "straight" I married a girl I had met. We survived almost 37 years (till death do us part) and raised 10 kids.

I know that ATM you are going through a very rough time, but believe me there is a better day coming.

I am at a point now that I can look back and see the difference I made in a number of lives. I know the direction a lot of those lives were headed and was able to help them turn them around.

Anita wrote

There are parts of us that go dormant when we pair up with someone, and those parts have to "wake up" again if separation is coming.

How true. Even though I have had to wake up parts of me over the last several years to be able to handle things my wife could no longer handle, I find parts of me that are waking up after her passing that I didn't realize were still asleep.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Please remember that we are here for you Emma, and keep your head held high, don't let the wife or this screwed up world beat ya down.
Leeza is so right, there will come a day. I was once in the abyss and tbh, it's taken me quite some time to get to where i can now say that the light at the end of the tunnel is very bright.

[Emma-A]

Thanks everyone for the support. I've been coping. bit better this week. My emotions have almost completely disappeared, which is a good thing for now as it makes things easier for now. But I miss my emotions and hope they will come back once I start a new life. When I start taking the hormones I'm sure they'll return.

Luv,
Em

[Kerra]

I've heard those exact same words from my wife.

After much counselling - more to do with the relationship and both our issues.

I have accepted that even though I don't want to transition, I think I am just happy being able to dress - that my wife loves me and I love her, but if she chooses to leave then at least be it on good terms and not hatered. Been through too much to end a relationship in hate.


Bottom line, is if you feel this strongly about it, and your SO can not or will not accept it, then that's their decision. What you need to look after is yourself, and suppression can lead to depression and well.. where you have been heading.

Being yourself you will be much happier as the only person who has to live with that is yourself. If you are not kind to yourself and you expect to please someone else for the rest of your life you will never be truly happy.

It's hard to give advice on this, but the one thing I know is that you need to take care of you and your needs. Sometimes the right decisions are often the hardest. I've learned that if you really truly love someone you will let them go, if you are to be together, they will come back to you. If not, you have your peace of mind that the other person is not going to drive you to extinction of self.

You can suggest seeing a counsellor not to deal with the dressing, but to deal with the relationship. Tell her you love her no matter what, but you understand how she must feel and that you don't want to end the relationship hating each other because she means too much to you, but if you are to extinguish a part of yourself because of her she will feel worse for forcing that hand.

I hope you find peace. It's been a rocky road for us, but I am at a point now that if my wife decides she wants out, I will help her in any way I can.

[Emma-A]

Thanks Kerra for the advice. You appear to be new around here so let me say hi and welcome to you first.

As you probably know, crossdressing is not the cause of all our problems. Our marriage has been rocky at hte best of times, and this was just another item for the wife to add to the list of 'undesirable features'.

The problem is that she wants me to supress my feelings about crossdressing and be a 'normal' man. However for reasons that I don't understand, I find myself unable to do that, and I've been honest with her about that. She can't understand why a side of me that I've recently discovered can't just go away as quickly as it seemed to emerge. She says if I valued our relationship more than crossdressing then I would choose to ignore those feelings and focus on making our marriage work.

We did see a therapist together a couple of times thus far, but to be honest I don't see it helping and its costing me money that I don't even have to spare, which is just adding to the strain on me.

luv,
Em

[Anthony Simon]

The problem is that she wants me to supress my feelings about crossdressing and be a 'normal' man. However for reasons that I don't understand, I find myself unable to do that, and I've been honest with her about that. She can't understand why a side of me that I've recently discovered can't just go away as quickly as it seemed to emerge. She says if I valued our relationship more than crossdressing then I would choose to ignore those feelings and focus on making our marriage work.

You've said (as I recall) that you could give it up if you want. You've also drawn attention to other "enthusiasms" which you've had for a while and then given up. So, it's not as though she's coming from an irrational place.

When she brings up the question of you valuing your relationship above the CDing this likely relates to her characterisation of you as spoilt little boy. The trouble is I think there's some justice in that characterisation.

But then that's true of many (all?) men. It has to do with the issue of pride. I think your pride is at stake in all of this - and you have a lot of pride - like that's one of the key reasons you dig in your heels about the CDing.

[Ralitsa]

When she brings up the question of you valuing your relationship above the CDing this likely relates to her characterisation of you as spoilt little boy. The trouble is I think there's some justice in that characterisation.

That is true, but that sword cuts both ways. If she is threatening a divorce, then she in effect has said that it is more important to her than the relationship. The instant that one party says "if you do (or don't do) this, then it's a divorce" they have set the value of the relationship to them. That party cannot then with any honesty say that they value the relationship above all else, because clearly they don't. Which is not to say that it is doomed, just that it must proceed on some other basis. If mutually agreeable terms can be worked out, then fine, but there should be no pretension that it is other than a mutually agreeable arrangement.

So basically, what it comes down to is: are both people willing to make it work, and do whatever they can to achieve that? Obviously there are some things one "can't" do and the other person has to accept it, or not. The possibility exists that how much one person can and cannot do is not fully appreciated by the other.
Often though, one person will impose unattainable criteria so that when the other fails to meet it, it is all their fault.
Any decent marriage counseller should be able to sort that out, but I have yet to find any decent marriage counseller.