Coming out, am I the only one worried?

[Melissa J]

In my experience, whenever I have come out to someone close to me, it seems almost a relief to them..
Like any good friend, or close family member already knew about this part of me long before i said anything. And i get that vibe that they knew for a long time, but were too embarrassed to say anything. Embarrassed themselves, or just didn't want to embarrass me? Doesn't matter.

Close friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, family! they all seem so relieved when I finally talk to them about it. Like they were more worried about my little secret then i was.. And after breaking that tension they are for the most part accepting, they just didn't want to be the first ones to bring it up.

In my experience the people who love you, love you for who you are.. hiding yourself from them makes them more uncomfortable trying to hide your secret. They all know, not sure how but they do..

I'm not out to many people, but almost everyone I have had the talk with seems relieved I was the one to bring it up..

Thoughts?

[DeniseL]

I can understand what you are saying Melissa, I was totally in the closet until i move just a bit over 3 years ago at which time i came out full time.

I was very fortunaate that i did not have one negative comment, and the biggest compliment i got was from a lady i know, when I told here just about 2 months ago that i was now Denise, and her answer was, What took you so long.

Have known this lady for well over 40 years, and she used to ride back and forth home with me when she was going to College.

From out discussion it appears that she suspected something even then but did not know what it was.

Good luck, and if you are like i was each person you come out to and get a good acceptance makes you feel better


Denise

[Kimberly Kael]

In my experience the people who love you, love you for who you are.. hiding yourself from them makes them more uncomfortable trying to hide your secret. They all know, not sure how but they do..

In my experience there are several categories of people in my life:

Those who wish for nothing more than my happiness and well-being. I wish I could summarize this as "family" but in practice it was some family, my wife, all of my close friends, and many of the co-workers I interacted with on a regular basis. There actually was a fair bit of worry among this group because they didn't know how it would affect my career and social life. They're largely relieved that things have gone as smoothly as they have, so I guess the concern would have been absent if I had already visibly struggled to fit in before I outed myself.

Those who worry primarily about appearances. Some people, including my father, are much more comfortable keeping anything awkward hidden away. He'd vastly prefer that I had never said anything, which would have been hopelessly impractical without leading an elaborate double life. Some adherents of religion fall into this category, sadly, because what's important to them is not the teachings of their faith but rather the prestige of being thought of as a model citizen by their peers.

Those who really didn't care much one way or another. The vast majority of the general public fell squarely in this category. Sure, the last time they served me dinner I was presenting male and now I'm not. No big deal. Some found my transition interesting but for most it was simply irrelevant. No worry or relief in this camp.

[Melissa J]

Kimberly, I fear i will never gain my father's acceptance either.
After coming out to my parents first, I thought I was destined for this sort of 50/50 acceptance whenever I broke the news. But the more people I told, The more I heard "I know".. And it always seems such a relief to them that I broke the tension, instead of them living with my secret.. But anyone I have told fall mostly into your first category, being either close friends or family. Most others fall in the third, I don't care.. Only two men in my life come in category #2..
On another note, every woman I have ever told falls in category 1??

M

[Ralitsa]

Oddly, there isn't anyone I know that falls into category 1.

Most people I know are definitely in category 2. This includes almost all of my family. I deal with that by not accepting any judgements they would like to pass. In effect by telling them, your opinion on the subject is pretty much irrelevant it has no authority over me. At that point they can either get over it, or not. Most of them have gotten over it.

The very small handful of people who fall into category 3 are the ones that I associate with. I suppose it sounds depressing to have almost no close friends but it's been that way all my life. Since I never really did fit in anyway (long before I started CDing) it was really nothing new to be treated like a weirdo. Which is oddly liberating, all that people have to try controlling you with is their "acceptance or rejection". Once they have excercised the rejection option, then they have nothing left to hold over you.