Back again

[Vanesa M]

No matter how confident I feel that I am done with my desire to cd, that urge always seems to find its way back.
I do so love to dress and feel sexxy ( if only in my minds eye ), then the guilt comes and ravishes me.
Round and round it goes,,,,,

[Karin]

I know how that goes. I'm too old, tired and weak to fight it myself. The solution?

Stay dressed heehee

[KimberlyS]

Vanesa all of life is a balance not just the CDing part. If CDing is part of who you are it needs to be mixed into the balance of what works for you, your family and friends.

If you really like football but prohibited yourself from talking and watching it while those around you were watching and talking about it, my guess you would not be a very happy person. Can you imagine being a die hard Ravens or 49ers fan and not being able to talk about or watching the super bowl yet knowing the game was going on?

Finding your balance for you, your family and friends is not an easy thing either. And keeping the balance is and will always be a constant changing thing as you, life and those around you always change. But working on a balance and being more in balance in life is much easier than always being out of balance.

My six cent input (inflation).

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

[Davita]

Confident you were done with CDing? I don't think I've ever had that feeling. I purged and recovered and purged and recovered. After awhile you should realize the false confidence. knowing that you aren't going to be done, do yourself a favor and save some money by not purging.

As Kim said, find your balance. Raid your fem clothes when you decide you need to and just put them aside when you don't. Above all, it's okay to be who you are and you need to stop feeling guilty. Unless all the guilt is over the money you toss with ever purge, then you just have to get used to how life will be and enjoy it. It doesn't have to be an internal fight.

[EmilyAnn]

I, too, have purged, swearing that I would never cross dress again. But I do.

I went to a therapist for about a year, during which I spent a lot of time thinking about who I am. Answer: I am as much Emily as I am my masculine persona. I am happiest when dressed (although my family is not). That was not the reusut the therapist was looking for!

I think I have accepted this part of me. I hope you can do likewise, but it's not easy.

Emily Ann
p.s. One result of purging: I really miss my favorite clothing from my previous wardrobes.

[Anita]

Hi Vanesa--
I see that I'm not a very reasonable person when it comes to balance and compromise. All my life I've been an extremist--I either had things my way, or I didn't do them at all.

This no-compromise attitude has hurt me badly over the years, and I can't recommend it. I made relationships work by denying who I was, is the bottom line. With my current girlfriend, I am able to do some compromise, but I'm 62--it's taken me many years of relationships to get to this point.

In some way, I also was no-compromise about crossdressing. If I couldn't do it the way I wanted to--which was to go out and be a woman in the world--then I wasn't going to do it at all. This sounds strange as I write it, but something made me stop doing it for 32 years, and it wasn't willpower. When the urge came back at 49, my subconscious mind knew that now I was clear to go out in public, because I no longer had any commitments that would stop me from doing it. As much as I fought the idea of going out at first, some part of me must have known that that is what I wanted all along, and I had to wait until the conditions were right.

So--I have not been good about doing a balanced amount of what I needed to do. Whether it was music, sports, writing, or crossdressing, there's a certain amount that I need to make it work for me, and that amount is almost always more than the other person wants to allow. So I've bounced back and forth between being totally alone and working 24/7 on projects, or being coupled and hardly doing them at all. I tried every variation I could think of to make it work. One relationship was with another musician, and we tried to compromise on a musical style that both of us could do. None of it worked, until now. My current girlfriend was very tolerant of my plunge back into the music biz in 2011. I, in turn, have quit all forms of music (for now) in order to do the level of caretaking that is needed. That's just the way it has to be at the moment. I have a lot more patience with it as an older person.

John Gardner was a professional writer, and he wrote a book called On Becoming a Novelist. He said that every writer has to go through times of nickel-and-diming his novel--just working on it after the kids go to bed, or on Sunday afternoon. But there comes a time when nothing less than long stretches of total commitment is going to get the job done, and it's up to the budding novelist to make time for that. Otherwise, he can't expect the results he wants.

I don't know how this applies to crossdressing, because for most people, the urge doesn't go away if the outlet is denied. That is a very difficult situation. For me, I was able to suppress whatever I was denying, for long periods of time. And that may have included crossdressing, because the fact is, I didn't do it either, for a very long time. I'm sure that I paid a price for that; I just don't know exactly what it was.

[Vanesa M]

I want to thank you gals for the input, I beleive that " this " , will be with me for life. Sounds like good advice to find some balance.
Been working nights for a bit now,, last night there was only a quiet anticipation of getting home and then dressed, the anguish was strangely absent,,,
the journey continues,,,,,

[Paula G]

Like most of us I have been through the purge resist splurge cycle, now I have come to terms that this is part of me, something I am rather than something I do, and that is not going to change whether I want it to or not, I am a lot happier and calmer about my dressing, yes balance is the thing, it is easy to find that within ones self, but harder within the family and society. But worth seeking as it makes life a lot more comfortable, less guilt ridden and a lot cheaper!

[Mersades]

I am currently in the midst of a splurge cycle. Not only am I buying a lot of stuff, but I am also being more forward in doing so. Today I bought a pocket bra at a Hanes outlet store while in drab, even telling the SA that it was for me when she said that "she can bring it back if it doesn't fit". Is this part of the cycle?

[Nicole]

Since I am just starting out ( for real this time) I don't know exactly how you feel. The last time I quit was because I didn't find a look that suited me. I can imagine that after while you start to get this feelings. That's why you have to make sure that is will become a part of your life.
When you know that for sure it is ok to let it go for a while, perhaps even feel guilty. Yet know that it will come back someday.
Greet it like seeing and old friend then, and have fun like you did before.

[Marda]

No matter how confident I feel that I am done with my desire to cd, that urge always seems to find its way back.
I do so love to dress and feel xy ( if only in my minds eye ), then the guilt comes and ravishes me.
Round and round it goes,,,,,

OK, You! Here's the real deal ... "never mind the "onagain ... " routine, "When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough go Shopping" "GREASE THE DEBIT CARD"
Love/Marda
There's never a better time/reason to dress, than "NEW DUDS"

[Marda]

Hi Vanesa--
I see that I'm not a very reasonable person when it comes to balance and compromise. All my life I've been an extremist--I either had things my way, or I didn't do them at all.

This no-compromise attitude has hurt me badly over the years, and I can't recommend it. I made relationships work by denying who I was, is the bottom line. With my current friend, I am able to do some compromise, but I'm 62--it's taken me many years of relationships to get to this point.

In some way, I also was no-compromise about crossdressing. If I couldn't do it the way I wanted to--which was to go out and be a woman in the world--then I wasn't going to do it at all. This sounds strange as I write it, but something made me stop doing it for 32 years, and it wasn't willpower. When the urge came back at 49, my subconscious mind knew that now I was clear to go out in public, because I no longer had any commitments that would stop me from doing it. As much as I fought the idea of going out at first, some part of me must have known that that is what I wanted all along, and I had to wait until the conditions were right.

So--I have not been good about doing a balanced amount of what I needed to do. Whether it was music, sports, writing, or crossdressing, there's a certain amount that I need to make it work for me, and that amount is almost always more than the other person wants to allow. So I've bounced back and forth between being totally alone and working 24/7 on projects, or being coupled and hardly doing them at all. I tried every variation I could think of to make it work. One relationship was with another musician, and we tried to compromise on a musical style that both of us could do. None of it worked, until now. My current friend was very tolerant of my plunge back into the music biz in 2011. I, in turn, have quit all forms of music (for now) in order to do the level of caretaking that is needed. That's just the way it has to be at the moment. I have a lot more patience with it as an older person.

John Gardner was a professional writer, and he wrote a book called On Becoming a Novelist. He said that every writer has to go through times of nickel-and-diming his novel--just working on it after the kids go to bed, or on Sunday afternoon. But there comes a time when nothing less than long stretches of total commitment is going to get the job done, and it's up to the budding novelist to make time for that. Otherwise, he can't expect the results he wants.

I don't know how this applies to crossdressing, because for most people, the urge doesn't go away if the outlet is denied. That is a very difficult situation. For me, I was able to suppress whatever I was denying, for long periods of time. And that may have included crossdressing, because the fact is, I didn't do it either, for a very long time. I'm sure that I paid a price for that; I just don't know exactly what it was.

------------------------------>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

HiAnita, &al, Now You Got Me Going Again ... I'm wondering if I'm being too mouthy here now, that I'm "out", even if only in my own "spaceman way" ... "SUDDENLY", i'M FEELING A great AMOUNT OF RESPECT FOR YOU AND OTHERS, WHO "GO all-the-way" INTO "FEMMELAND" .. MAKES ME THINK, AS I DO ABOUT GGs THESE DAYS, THAT I'm merely A "guest"/"intruder" in THEIR "REAL GALWORLD" and it makes me feel SO GOOD when they SHARE intimate stuff with me, as my "PINK LADIES", and "LaSENZA GRLS" DO =D>As "Winnie" shared with me how "jealous" she was of my new "stuff"

[Sandy K.]

I don't think were ever done with our desire to dress,at best we repress our feelings.It like a leaking pipe the water has to go somewhere. Their nothing wrong with dressing it only a dress.Don't let it be destructive embrace it for your health.
If you have to do it someplace private then do it.We all dress differently but we all love women clothes.
sandy(be good to yourselves)

[AJ West]

Well, I swore I'd never purge again....but it happened anyway!
I didn't ditch my shoes, wigs, and makeup, but 99% (I found several stashes) of my wardrobe, and my breastforms went to the thrift store recycle bin last November.
But, alas, Alexis really never left.
Time to shave, go shopping and get dressed again!