How do you feel about crossdressers or husbands that are?

[Anne Bonny]

I imagine 90% of crossdressers shatter every mirror they come near but even if you are shocked and cannot tell by looking what do you think about crossdressers? Do you pity us as men who are messed up? Are you repulsed? Do you think why do you do this? Is there tolerence. Or do some of you have no problem with it at all? If so do any of you like it? I have to say that most of the time I am just your average man but while I don't like hunting or fishing, I do like seafood. I don't like sports except for the America's cup before it was taken over by hobie cat enthusiasts. I mow, edge, and blow, prune and clean up. I can change the oil, air filter, battery, charge the battery, plug, change and check the tire pressure etc... I am pretty good working with wood working tools and making and fixing things. I jog. Sail, and am usually pretty tough but do not like leading anyone but myself. I feel a marriage is among equals and I am solidly heterosexual. I can even make a skim board and can skim very long distances by kicking and jumping on again while running until the shallow water runs out but am wise enough at 55 to have given that up. Yet for 46 years I have had this secret and struggled with it until I was around 40 and then accepted myself until I had to work out some conflicts in my head but I have worked through them and have come back to the board. I have set foot out of my house on very rare occasons but only when I believe I will not be seen and only for brief periods to fill a bird feeder but I did not realize a neighbor was on the back patio of his house smoking so I ran back to the house! I am not sure I would ever feel comfortable out in public as I am not amongst the blessed few who are turly beautiful. Hope someone responds.....

[Vanesa M]

I certainly can relate to so much of your post,,eagerly awaiting some GG responses,,,,,

[Anne Bonny]

Very few would be aroused by a partner who appears of the same sex but is not, but there are some out there we really know the answer - no one fully understand with compassion and love knowing we desire to be fully accepted and loved for who we are at all times. Such is life we know the answers.

[Noelle (SO)]

For me personally, your question is easy to answer but very hard to put into words. I feel nothing but love for my husband no matter what clothes he is wearing. I am just as loving and passionate with him if he is presenting as a man or a woman. He is still the same person I fell in love with.

I don't feel pity - that term has such a negative connotation with me, I do however feel so sad for crossdressers who are not allowed to be themselves. Everyone has a masculine and a feminine side - some people just need to express it by wearing different clothes. There is nothing wrong with this. I don't understand why it is such an issue! I don't understand why it has to destroy people's lives! The world is filled with so many problems why should it matter if my man wants to be pretty!? He does like to hunt, he does like to fish, he likes to work on our Jeeps. He likes to put on pretty clothes and make up too (and so do I)!

[Vanesa M]

Noelle,, you did an excellent job of puttitng your answere into words. You are going to make a lot of (girls) out there extremely jealous. I wish you and your hubby all the happiness in the world.

you are a jewel

[Judith(SO)]

No, I wouldn’t say it’s pity which I feel for my husband and I don’t feel repulsed, but I have wondered a lot about why he has this need to do it.
I’ve never seen him dressed up and he certainly wouldn’t let me see him when he is. Him being such a big man in no way could he ever look like a woman, no matter how much make up or accessories he wore could disguise the fact he is a man, so I’d suggest that the reason he does it goes way beyond just trying to look like a woman. I feel it’s a much deeper driver which propels him, maybe something in his genetic map.

I have to take him at his word that it’s not a sex driven thing, and the fact that he tells me that the desire to wear female clothes was with him long before he experienced any sexual appetite, suggests that it’s something which he was never going to be able to control. Similar to most other functions which are activated or driven from within as a result of our genetic map. The plans are laid there long before we ever start to function as an active human being.

I’m not sure that ‘messed up’ is the right term to use, maybe for some it may be, but from the knowledge I’ve gained it seems to me that most of you have a clear image of what you need to do and the emotional results you gain from fulfilling those needs, and just maybe, outsiders, such as I once was get the impression you’re messed up, but maybe because of circumstances, it’s more the situation which is messed up, rather then the person, it’s just a thought.

I can say with some accuracy that when I first found out about my hubby I was certainly in a state of shock because it came out of the blue and after knowing him as the man I knew him as for 25 years it was the last thing which I ever expected of him, it was just so out of character, and I know that many of his friends and relatives would find it hard to ever believe of him, but there you are, life throws up many curves and angles over time doesn’t it.

It’s taken quite some time for me to arrive at a degree of acceptance of him with what he does, even if it’s no excuse as to why I took so long, there are circumstances and outside events which have occurred in our lives over the last few years which made me fearful of anything out of the ordinary regarding what may be termed as deviating from the usually accepted norm, but as time has gone by and the more I’ve learned about it all, I’ve got to the point where I’m now calm and not fearful of what the future may hold.

I’m not going to say that I really like it, because I’ve always been attracted to what may be loosely termed as ‘ a man’s man’, and my hubby has always been the strong man type, very athletic, excels at contact sports and has always been a defender of the weak, but as Noelle said, he’s still the man I fell in love with and still love dearly after 20 plus years of marriage and three children.
If the love wasn’t still there then I can imagine that some people may see an opportunity to walk away, but I feel love and marriage and commitment goes very deep, and there’s probably some things my hubby doesn’t particularly like about me, but I think that if both of us counted up the positives against the negatives about ourselves and our relationship, then there’s not any real chance either of us will ever walk away. I think you only ever make major decisions and changes in your life if there is something of significant value to be gained and the risk of losing something valuable is negligible.

I suppose our case is different to some in that my hubby doesn’t want me to see him in a dress and he wants to go on keeping it private as he always has, but of course there’s always that angle that when he’s off doing what he does there’s that inquisitive female emotion within me which nags away, but I have to respect what he says as he does with me, so we’ll see what the future holds.

What I do believe is that men wearing dresses and make up wouldn’t be such a big deal if children were introduced to it from toddlers. It would be seen as the norm just as everything else men do on a daily basis is. But the wheel seems to have turned because men once wore wigs and colorful clothes and make up, so maybe the wheel will turn a circle again, but as I’ve said before, I can’t see men wearing women’s clothes as being the accepted norm for a lifetime or two because there just isn’t enough people out there doing it to make a difference, and I understand that, it certainly wouldn’t be easy or safe in the world we all live in.

I’ve gained tremendous ground with all this since being here and reading everything and corresponding privately with some of you, it’s been wonderful and mind opening. Thank you.

Judith (SO)

[Elly (SO)]

This is an old post- but one I had to answer!!!!
You are not "damaged" or "broken" -- Society has this stupid lil box that it wants everyone to fit into, one that I myself don't fit into either! We needn't be consumed by labels, or shunned by them either. I love it. I feel I have a more whole partner now, he too is heterosexual all the way... It doesn't always mean sex, or 'play' time- it's just the way that he was able to express his ultra-femme side, traits and all, and now this is how he feels complete.'
I don't pity or feel upset or repulsed by him.. I enjoy it, I admire him, and I do like seeing him (thus far not 100% decked out but one step at a time). He's also very masculine, all of his features except his cute lil tushy!! He doesn't want to be a woman, he just needed this area to explore his whole self. Considering his feelings of self-loathing, shame and all of those negatives I know that it must be a really huge deal if he feels he still must do it- who am I to judge him, his desires, or any of it? I'm no one in that realm... He had neg experiences as a child doing this, so I'm quite positive that's played a role in it.
The reasons are never across the board, for anything let alone this topic! He is still, and will always be, the man I fell in love with, the man that I married and the man I want to grow old with- now he just wears a few things to keep himself happy (I equate this to me getting a new dress that I love, that just screams wear me). He's whole now, complete, and for me a better partner due to the closeness and communication lines we've opened

I have to agree with Judith- if we were exposed to these continuums as children it wouldn't be a huge issue, or one anyone had to hide or feel poorly about.. Alas society deems it unfit, therefore we "drink the kool-aid" if you will and think the same until we're confronted with other evidence! All that I know is that this community is amazing, each person I've met has something else to offer the world and to disregard them as a person because of CD, T, LGBTQ etc is only making our world as a whole suffer

[Ralitsa]

Elly,
we are so glad to have you here
Yeah, we have often felt the things that you said, it's hard though to be on the side that society says "is wrong." It is so reassuring to know a person who has a brain to make their own decisions Sometimes that is what I think it is all about, whether a person gets to decide for themselves, or whether they must conform to the dictates of a lot of ignorant provincials. At some level we are all somewhat contradictory, we have to be in order to survive................

[Anne Bonny]

It has been a long time but I have finally made it back here to check this thread with a pleasant and grateful surprise. I am so glad there are women, significant others, who are accepting of their men and are perfectly willing to let them be all of who they are. I am particularly happy that it can be included during intimacy as I have enjoyed feeling feminine while with my wife. Acceptance is so important because I am sensitive to tolerance, my wife was a very good woman and she was willing to tolerate this side of my being but because it was tolerance I frequently held back because I did not feel completely accepted for all of who I am. My wife is still alive but is in the very advanced stages of Alzheimer's Disease (started at age 49/50) she is now close to 57. I cannot remember the last time we had intimacy that stopped when she was no longer able to consent, desire and participate - I could never take advantage of her and so love now is holding hands and listening to beautiful music, or throwing an arm over her as we sit together on the couch. I have hospice. I will now be facing life alone and will have to find someone who will accept all of who I am from the very beginning because I desire full acceptance, love, understanding, encouragement, assistance, even a desire for this side of myself equally with the rest of who I am. So It is good, and encouraging to know that I will probably be able to find a woman like that to spend the rest of my life with. Thank you all for responding, I really appreciate hearing from the women GG's on this site. Anne

[Elly (SO)]

Thank you for sharing your story Anne, this must be a very trying time for you and your wife. I'm so sorry to hear that but I am so glad that you've had a long and loving relationship. Sometimes holding hands is more intimate than the rest of the things. I'm sure you're journey will be beautiful, and I look forward to hearing updates about you and yours!

[Letitia_Jolie_GG]

I, for one, went from not minding it to actually finding it very sensual and attractive; and then to still haing a kink for it, in general, after the relationship ended.

[Ralitsa]

That is a very curious statement Letita_Jolie, and one that just must be followed up. I guess it's not a long ways to go from being mostly ambivalent to having a lingering interest. But I'd be interested to hear more. Did you originally not think much about it, because there was no reason to? And then develop an interest later for a specific reason? I think that happens to many of us.

[Carla Michelle]

I've enjoyed reading this thread. Even though it has brought back some painful memories from childhood, it has also given me hope for the future.

Thank you every one for making this a safe place that I feel at home at, even though I just found it. It feels like it's been too long in coming.

[AlexandraF]

Noelle your response was perfect, your husband is so lucky to have such a sweet woman.

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Depends on how far in dressing one wonts or needs to go in wearing our clothes. i say our because i dont know what it is that makes men this way, as im not male i cant answer as one or for you men.

Pity. no, strange yes. I know iv been told & heard many reasons as to why, just i dont understand why it has to go beyound just about the clothes, if it was only about wearing them like men wear clothes, i dont see an issue its more than that far more, you wont to look like women breast forms hair makeup shoes & every other detail or bits that we can wear as normal womens items .

I have commented else where ( other forums ) how do i feel or how would i react had i married a man & ...he... told me he's a crossdresser. so the answer would be i married a man i would expect him to be one, he should have had the guts to say before marrage long before even dateing, let alone a relastionship. im a crossdresser.

I would then say sorry this is not for me. & back away,

Because im a woman i married a man because i wonted or needed a full blooded male.

For mysself i would give every thing in that rerlastionship my all not hideing my past or hurts or my history, it would be all laid out , so i would expect the same of the one i would be courted by. is that to hard, is that more than i should expect from the one i will spend my life with .you see to me its all based on trust with out trust theres nothing.

Dont hide who you really are,

Long before i wrote about this subject i looked at this from two sides, one side i tryed & tryed my best to see it from a males point of view, i failed , i serched i thought about every last detail and i could not come to any understanding of whats it like being a male & crossdressing in our time of western thinking that made sence.

I can only see this from our Renaissance group of our men wearing dress's & skirts or long garments similar to women of the time 1400 - 1700. yet none i know wont or even try to be like or look like women, i know over 100 men with in our membership. yet they look lovely all dressed up well many do. they are still just normal lovely men, okay some are built like rugby players, & very strong that i know from the heavy gear they wear as well for armory fighting, im ruled out thers no way i could wear that & fight,

Iv answered this in how i see it through womens eyes, and i do really understand why we have concerns why we distrust men because they are not upfront with us, they hide behind a false lie , that in many case's leads to not takeing onership for who they are & what they represent as men.

I allso understand some women will accept thier husbands dressing & thats lovely & maybe that can be part of thier relastionship.

...noeleena...