What Is Love?

[Karin]

Okay I have a question

In one line, what is your definition of love? No, I'm not telling why, I just need some definitions cos once again Karin is confoozed.

[Gillian]

Love is laying down what you want, or feel, or think for the sake of another person. In short, prefering the wants, or needs, or feelings, of the other person over your own. I know of no other simple defination.

[Paulette]

Operationally, love is what you experience when you say "I love you," and mean it.

Functionally, love is the term used to describe loyalty and dedication to another person above all other obligations.

Spiritually, love is the conviction of two people that they have always had, and always will have, linked souls.

[Anthony Simon]

Love is laying down what you want, or feel, or think for the sake of another person.

And then that works out as good for you, which works out as good for them, which works out as good for you...

[CharLee]

Karin.
There are different kinds of love that we all share. There is the love of your parents, the love you have for your siblings, love of your children and the love you have for a spouse. So it depends on which one you are seeking and answer too. The one thing they all have in common is that you have a strong feeling for the person it is intended for and you only want the best for them.

So take your pick and then we can figure out which type of love you are seeking an answer too.

[Paula G]

Hmm tough one this, after all I have several different types of love, my love for my Mother is different to that for my Daughter, and the love I have for my Wife is different to the love I have for my friend, so how to find an all encompassing definition, without selling love short. Love is more than a strong affection after all I can have that for a teddy bear, and it is more than seeking the best for some one else as I would do that for my customers.

I think it is something to do with wanting to be intimate with somebody, to seek and value their happiness and welfare, to willingly serve their interests without seeking return.

Of course "to love" is a verb, so the act of loving becomes a choice to do these things, even when sometimes we don't necessarily feel like it.

Sorry more than one line, but then if you asked easier questions.......

[Karin]

These are some well worded and good answers I think. All of them very valid.. bear with me here as I try and word this right.

So there are many different types of love out there, all stemming from three or four main categories perhaps? If I read this right. And all of those types of love indicate a desire for someone to he happy and to feel a higher degree of caring ? So far this all seems perfectly reasonable and straightforward..

Here's the 'karinism'...

I'm wondering if its possible that all these types of love can indeed be merged and that there is only one true type. ?

For instance.. imagine living in a world where intimacy of the physical kind was neither interesting nor practiced. Not out of dislike or anything negative, but if people had moved beyond this need. If you take that out of the equation, just the same as taking sexuality out of the gender equation, then a partner type of love is different from a good friend type of love in what way? Of course a partner has extra draw that makes them 'different' but is that a love characteristic or just some other interaction added to the mix?

See, I'm the type of person who has my whole life struggled with the L word. I never used it at home as a child often, and all through my life have been prone to taking affection too seriously. Somebody says something nice, and boom they're in my head. I've always had trouble 'not elevating' comments that if said to someone else might not even be taken as real? Flirting with me thru the years...fatal. Now I know just cos someone says something nice does not make them a partner. Of course not, but I'm trying to get my head straight on this. Since I've begun transitioning I've met a lot of fantastic people, who are all different and I'm proud to call my friends. I care about all of my friends, very much so, but a small few I've become very close to. I would say its fair to say I love these people. I think about them, I worry about them, and I love to make contact and just spend time with them. I miss them when they're not around quite badly, and they always make me feel good. This to me is love I think? It's quite loud. It's like how I feel about my partner, but they would never replace my wife ever (she's extra special),How can I feel the same kind of love for everyone now? Maybe this ultra close friendship isn't love ? But it fits all of my definitions of it anyway and I'm kinda confused really...

Then again I've often been told I'm 'different' prolly not a good thing. Haha

[StephnieJoy]

I think you've answered all your questions. And we do that all the time. It's normal because in time we figure out the answers to our own queries. As you have done! Good job!

Sometimes LOVE is overshadowed temporarily by other factors...Grief, Despair, Loss, Inadequacy, whatever, but the important thing to realize is that LOVE overtakes these seeming deficiencies...and come back stronger than ever. LOVE is multi-tiered...Love for Self, family, friends, spouses, children, creation, other races, the animal kingdom...my God! it goes on infinitum...but the most important ingriedient is LOVE...for whatever and whomever...

Do I hate the spider that bites me? NO. Do I kill the spider that bites me? Yes! And save it in a jar for my DR to look at and send in for lab tests if I get sick...SELF-PRESERVATION is the greatest of all loves...I want to live...therefore I do...all else is temporary...or at best, temporary...

[Paula G]

Not that confused, I would say that what I feel for my close friends is indeed love, if we take away the physical stuff then maybe there are just two kinds of love, conditional and unconditional, the love that is dependent on the actions of the loved one, and the love that is not dependent on them, such as that love we feel for our children even when we don't actually like them!

I the Bible there are three Greek words for love, Eros, this would cover both romantic and erotic love; Philos brotherly love, that love between friends, and Agape, the pure love of one who loves, a love freely given and freely committed to, this is the word that describes the love of God for His people, it is unconditional and complete, a bit like our love for our children.

[Karin]

Still confused a bit I'm afraid. I haven't answered the real questions yet...

So if we go with two types of love, conditional, and unconditional. I'm afraid again all things seem to merge for me really.

Conditional would mean I have a choice. So in theory I can say conciously ' oh you suck, I'm done' and then not love the person etc etc. I've had friends who I 'love' quite dearly and as I or they are married, I try to choose not to love them. Epic fail I'm afraid. It's kinda weird, its not unfaithful as my wife knows I like them and that's its no threat to the marriage, but it gets quite confusing loving more than one person. How can this be possible?
Then of course there's the case of when you feel complete attraction to a total stranger? Try to ignore it and nope, that ain't gonna fly either. All of these attractions are mental I would stress. It's not lust based, its not even physical but its there..

If I can't choose these, they just happen, and I can't 'unchoose' how I feel, then are they then unconditional?

Then on the other hand we have the unconditional. Family would be this. Here's an example. I recently had a major bust up with my parents and have cut them out of my life. Things were said and a boiling pot overflowed. my mothers answers to me saying please stay away from now on? 'Oh no change there, it won't make any difference!'. Now she said this trying to be snitty to me, but its kinda backfired because its actually the most comforting thing I can remember her saying to me in the last thirty years. No different. She's right. I don't think I'm going to miss anything. I'm serious, its a good decision trust me. My point is this relationship should be unconditional, yet I am able to end it and actually feel better, surely that's conditional love? The conditional loves I have, I can't end so easily??

It points to me that I can't choose who I love. I can't choose who I don't. It just is. So that means I'm back to one kind of love.

The thing is, this is a totally new experience for me. I never had this happen before. I meet more and more people and along the way I'm getting connected. I can't seperate loves, and its overwhelming. Am I a floozy? Is it wrong?? Sometimes I just think of dropping in a hole and going away from it all cos I don't think this is normal is it?

Oh and Stephnie? Please don't kill the spiders. I don't kill mine, I just take them outside and they don't bite me . I even get upset if I step on a bug..seriously.

*sits in the corner and waits for the white van.

[Paula G]

Well, my white van has spiders and bugs in it ~ occupational hazard.

It is often said that you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends, not at all sure that is true I think somehow it just seems to happen. Certainly my closest friends are people I have just been thrown into situations with and we have found a mutual love. Yes friendship is a form of love it's just that we don't often call it that unless we are drunk "I really love you man...." etc.

Sometimes in relationships we have to make a choice whether we will continue to love or not. This is relatively unusual between parents and children but quite common between married couples. We had a "situation" a while back where we had to make a decision to love each other. The love then becomes the action of loving, which will in turn lead back to the emotional connection. On the other side my Mother drives me crazy and I often don't like her, but I find I always love her.

So no, not a floozy (well of course you may be but nothing here suggest it to me) just a bit confused, probably as an effect of the recent events and dare I suggest the hormones?

[Nicole Rose]

Hi Karin, in one line love is universal, you love your family that is the ultimate, you can love your friends but thats on another level, plus Karin you have to LOVE yourself ,thanks Karin, by the way i luv your chat , soooooo funny Nicole

[Carla Michelle]

I've been telling some people, that should have known, that love is more than just a feeling. It is also the things that one does to demonstrate that feeling. You can say all you want that you love someone but if you pull the chair out from under them, that's not love in action.

[KimberlyS]

Karin, I wonder if some of what you are feeling is because you are fairly new on hormones. I do not have first hand experience but hear hormones can throw people on quite the emotional roller coaster at times. You your self said in the chatroom that your emotions were off at times. You have been going through a lot of other things lately on many fronts and it sounds like your emotions are running a bit wild. Just do not do anything life changing without a lot of time and thought about it. It sounds like you need someone that is away from the situation to talk with and get some different views on the situation.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Agape, the pure love of one who loves, a love freely given and freely committed to

Methinks Paula touched on something here.
I certainly think that you (and you said so yourself in your reply) have a unique and amazingly wonderful capacity to love.
Sounds simplistic but i think it's very true.

I was taught a little something about love from you, you wonderful woman, or put more specificly, the ability to feel a different form of love for another person that we as human beans ( ohh alright----beings) were supposed to believe couldn't exist.

I'm not so good at this love thing and so don't have anything to add to help you, but for what it's worth Karin m'dearest..............don't ever change!