I feel like I'm losing control to the Pink Fog.....

[MariMar]

My mind is Stuck on Feminine gear and all I think about is how to become more girly.....My heart is pounding with the desire my thoughts are into shopping for more girly stuff at work I'm not thinking straight my social life, Well I still have some control but feel that skipping to make more time for my feminine desires.....

I need some advise from someone, Should I take some time away from dressing? Help

[Darcy]

Wow! You have just read my mind. I was sitting here thinking about how to write down my current feelings for this forum and you nailed it. Gosh I am looking for advice too. My coping skills are waning. I have tried to get my mind on other things to no avail.

[Carol Ann]

Oh boy what a can of worms , fear not my dears we all have been there done that and yes old CarolAnn had it real bad. Trust me it will pass as you become more fem and you will become comfortable with yourself.

Now don't get me wrong to this day after dressing some 40 years I still get excited with a new pair of shoes or a dress and I can not wait to wear them and go out, in short it will always be there.

Enjoy life , yourself and have fun

[DonnaT]

It's hard to say what you should do, because for many, stepping away increases the urge.

Thus, I suggest you seek a gender therapist to discuss how the constant thinking of dressing, etc. is affecting your every day life.

[Noeleena]

Hi,

No matter what the subject matter wether it dressing for you or ,over compolsive eating or any other hobby .

You need to settle down into a routine of time spent on those things that are importaint to you as a person.
like many issues it can become a health issue . like a lack of sleep , because you wont so much to spend time dressing. & the more you do the more you wont. till it complety takes over your life. then you feed on it drink on it & sleep on it .

if you work , your mind is on it. so this is about ,you must learn to control how you live, or is this really about nothing else matters,

i divide my time into what i need to do what work i do time doing house work time with family time spent with friends & outing 's with them & the many groups im a member of its about allocating time for all parts of my life,

Its not about one part takeing over & all else can be left . try this does your body control you or are you in control you use your mind to use what you have , dont allow one miner part of you manipulate what you really need to do.

obsesive compolsive can distroy you. even if you write down all the things you need to do & things you like to do such as work hobbys outing's family & give time to them . then stay with that. & as for dressing give your self the time that is fair to your self & just keep reminding your self each day this is my plan for the day then stay with it.

As a thought this takes mind control & for some , you in this case.it can or will be a tough one.

You see some lovely food all spread out on the tables & yes you are able to partake & can eat what ever. now the test can you look at that so lovely yummy food & say no i dont need it or i dont wont to eat it, & for that time you have nothing . or do you say what the hell , im going to tuck in , will power. what controled you

or

You see a lovely looking female / woman all dressed up & you wish oh how i so wont to be her or like her. & your mind goes into over drive. & every time this happens you cant help your self & dressing becames you must ...you must just let go & dress, or i dont have to dress evey time i see a female / woman theres time for that latter.

you must decide you carry on giveing in or allocate time for dressing & say its my time to night for a few hours, or what time youv allowed. mind control. again you must decide. its up to you only you can help your self .

This is where its very importaint that you see what you are doing to your self yes have a life just dont distroy yourself in this one aspect of it,

...noeleena...

[Anthony Simon]

It's difficult to know - and it may be the situation is different for Darcy and MariMar.

I've had it where the CDing so oppressed my mind I could think of nothing else - like a continual stream of images. But then that was when my life had nothing in it - and the CDing just kind of flooded into the gap to try and fill it. It really would have been like drowning my sorrows in alcohol (or pick your drug of choice) to have followed up the intense desires, but that didn't stop me from having underlying problems that really I didn't have the means to deal with.

More recently I've had it where the CDing was pushing me to do things that showed poor judgement in the world - and I went to see my analyst. Between us we worked out way of giving it a new importance in my life. Like the loss of control - the CDing urge felt out of control - I was suffering was because there was a need for me to give the CDing a bigger role in my life, I just didn't know what it was.

I don't know that what MariMar's got fits either of these precisely. She's got a very supportive wife - indeed a wife who's urging her on - and a job as a day trader. I'm guessing, but the intensity of the desire to CD may in part be a response to the constant aggression of the job (I'm assuming that's what it requires). Like it might be a flight from the job in part. Whatever it is, I tend to agree with Donna, that seeing someone professional would be a good idea.

Darcy said, in her first post, that she doesn't get enough time to dress - and also that she's already seen someone professional. So I'm guessing, in her case, it might be a need to find a way of giving the CDing a bigger part in her life. But, again, talking to someone first seems like a good way to go.

[Davita]

self control.... it's all about self control. So I went to see a psychologist. I wasn't able to settled down. I did it on the advise of a couple of my GG friends.

I don't know how much we actually worked on gaining control, but whatever we did got me back on track. We talked a lot about me and what I was doing. A lot about Davita

[Wendae]

Like Carol Ann said we've all been there. It's really something you have to work out on your own.

[KimberlyS]

I think most of us here have been in a pink fog at one time or the other. But I am sure most of us have also been in other fogs at one time or the other in our life like football fog, car fog, home remodel fog, vacation fog, .... [add your own here]. They all can be fun for a while but too much of anything can throw you out of balance having a great affect on not only you, but those around you. Look for a balance to what you do in life. It also makes it easier for those around you do deal if not only you are in a balance but also a balance with those around you. And the best way to find a balance is communication.

[MichelleZ]

I'm also having a surge in my urge to dress. Now that warm weather is here all I see are women's white legs in flip flops, not much femininity to be seen. For some reason this makes me hot to dress sexy in a short skirt, nylons, strappy heels, wig, nail polish and make up on the slutty side....just the way I like to see women.

[Paulette]

Obsession and cross dressing. Most of us here have a great deal of experience with both.

First, they are not the same thing. Second, neither is a bad thing, but both present problems. This forum has hundreds of examples.

Do you dress only at home or do you go out? Do you go en femme during the day? Could you? Would you 'pass'? Can you deal with the neighbors? How about family and friends? Work?

Most everyone here has had to deal with one or more of these problems. Most of us have lived secret lives, hiding from others. Some still do. Some are completely 'out'. So regardless of your circumstances or the degree of compulsion, you are not alone.

For myself, rigid self-control is not the answer. Neither of my two former wives could deal with me en femme, so I dressed in secret, using a minimal stash of clothing that I'd periodically purge and re-gather. I only went out at night, and only in secluded neighborhoods, so being seen wasn't much of a problem. But periodically, when my life got especially stressful, my obsession became compulsive and I found myself going out in public and even approaching strangers for sex. That's not safe and not healthy. Fortunately, with age, my sex drive toned down somewhat and I was able to manage things safely.

Now, I underdress, and my new wife and I have a fine sex life where I wear the silky things and she gets all naked. It feels great to both of us.

Underdressing is a lovely and safe way to be 'out' and yet not. Finding a willing and enthusiastic partner is another good outlet for your obsessions and compulsions. The difficulty of finding a partner who isn't just-for-the-moment and isn't just using you as an object for their own fantasies, is that it takes time and luck to make a good and loving connection. If you start with mutual attraction, and only then tell your partner your secret, you can lose a lot of otherwise fine partners. (As I said, this is my third wife.) It can be done, and some of us have done it, but it's not easy.

What are your thoughts on all this?

[Gina]

CDing and obsession walk hand in hand. For me CDing is cyclic: ups and downs. There is a correlation to stress. I can go months without wearing anything, then go weeks underdressing every day. I simply love nylon hosiery and the feeling....

The obsession is unhealthy when it drives other people, relationships and responsibilities too far down in your life.

Seek balance best you can.

[MariMar]

Thanks The desire to cross dress has diminished a bit I have a better control now with the communication with y'all and my wife she simply says not to worry too much because I have the rest of my life to explore and be who I want to be that she will stand by me forever....I Really appreciate all your feedback and will be posting my pictures as I explore my life ..........

[Christine.Lolita]

It was only recently that I heard the term “Pink Fog” and I am very familiar with the feeling. For me it manifests itself in a very strong compulsion to buy more dresses, petticoats panties, tights, wigs, etc. I think you get the picture.

I also have a great desire to go out dressed as Christine, but because of the “Lolita Style” of dresses that I wear I know that this would be a great mistake, as I would not be accepted as a normal human being.

My wife has known about my CDing before we got married, I told her before I proposed to her. She did not take it well at all, she reacted with the usual questions of do I want to be a woman, am I really gay, why do I need to do this. I tried to answer all the questions as honestly as I could. When I asked her to marry me she gladly said yes.

I tried to stop crossdressing and I think I lasted about six months until I needed to sneak a little girly time, and it made me feel guilty.
With about 7 years of hiding my CDing behind us, I got into surrounded by the “Pink Fog” and could not resist. I wanted to buy a particular Lolita dress that I saw on ebay, so I chanced it and I ordered it. When it came my wife was at home and wanted to know what was in the package. I told her and she just flipped out. “Why are you buying a woman’s dress” she demanded, and I could not tell her.

Well several more years have gone by and I just could not resist my desire too have more dresses, petticoat, etc. So I started buying things online. My wife realized I was doing this about 9 months into my binge. She could not get it, she wanted answers and she pleaded with me to see a physiologist. So I agreed, I really did not want to do this, I kept Christine secret from the world the best that I could and the idea of having to sit down and talk about being a crossdresser made me very nervous.
So I went to therapy. I think my wife was hoping that I would have an eureka moment while in therapy and come home “cured”. I thought this was going to be the angle at which I would be treated and was expecting it to be a very horrible experience. I was only about half way through my first session when I realized that this therapist who specialized in transgender people of all different sorts was not going to try and help me change, but to come to terms with and accept myself as being transgendered and that it is not an illness.

I have been seeing my therapist regularly for six months and it has been a life changing experience for me as well as my wife. Once she realized that I am transgendered and I was born this way she began to soften her tone toward my CDing. She still fears that I may want to start to transition, which is something I have to consider, but at this point is not really something I would to do for many reasons. My therapist asked me what if you could just wave a magic wand and be the person that you really want to be what would I choose. I did not have to think about it very long, I told her I would choose to be a female. When I spoke these words out loud it was like being struck by lightning. I could not believe I actually said it. But I knew it was the truth. I feel happiest when presenting as a female, even though when I dress it is in Lolita fashion, which is not the way I would dress if I was an actual female.

I have not been to my therapist for about two months now, I needed time to think and reflect. I still dress and have to admit I have a growing desire to be dressed more often. So this is how the “pink fog” has effected me.