Showing yourself en femme up for your wife for the 1st time

[Wendae]

Martina Hall ...I told my therapist that I could understand my wife's feelings about seeing me dressed because I didn't think I could handle it if my wife wanted to dress as a man. She found that rather interesting. Strange isn't it? Can't see my wife in a beard or mustache in male attire.

[Martina Hall]

Yes it's interesting, we could be as weirded out as women are about us. Come to think of it, never seen a FTM with my own eyes, that I know of. If my SO sprang it on me, I would at least try to have an open mind. If she got out strap-on tools, that would certainly be a game changer. And not in a good way

[Anthony Simon]

I was once in a coffee-shop where the guy next to me (standing in the queue) seemed determinedly provocative. It seemed to be mostly in attitude - there was a distinct sense of being dared to make some sort of response.

It seemed kind of too much. Like that was the sense I had of it later. The guy was only 5ft 4in and relatively slight. It was too small for the amount of aggression he was pouring out. So then I jumped to the abrupt conclusion that he was a FTM TS. This is partly because the coffeeshop was only a couple of miles away from a big gender-reassignment hospital in London.

The other reason was there was something very neat about the guy. It's like a certain quality of very tidy presentation that I associate with a certain sort of woman but not with men.

Given that I'm only 5ft 6in, I dare say I looked like someone he could get aggressive with.

[Carla Michelle]

Last Monday, at the local TG support group meeting, there was this guy there that I had not seen before. About half way through the meeting the FTM sitting next to me, who had not started to transition, asked if the dude was born female. Yes, he was a TransMan and I never would have thought he'd been anything but a man.

[Sarah Beth]

The first time my wife saw me en femme was by accident. I had hinted around about my need, desire, urges whatever to dress and feel feminine but didn't have the courage to come right out and say it. I was still taking classes at college at the time and she was working. I didn't have class this particular day and she had gone off to work so I had gone down to the basement and gotten out my stash of fem things and gotten dressed.

I had my own littel space set aside in the basement and was enjoying my time alone, doing a bit of studying and day dreaming. When I heard something and looked up and there she was, red faced looking at me. She ran upstairs and I quickly shed my clothes and went up after her. She was in tears and the more I tried to explain, make excuses, whatever the more upset she became. The only thing that the could say was that she thought I wanted to be a woman that I didn't love her.

Nothing I said could get her to listen to me about my reasons or where we were at.
I finally left just to give her some time and see what happened. Later on I called home and all she said was for me to pick up our child from school. I did and went home and she wouldn't really talk or say much about anything. We just went about the evening. When it came time for bed that night we got into bed but she wouldn't even let me kiss her. The next morning she told me if I loved her I would stop the dressing.

I did stop for a long time. Later on I started again, after a couple of months I had a talk with her about it and she seemed to understand a bit more maybe because we had bother matured or we were able to communicate better. What happened after is another story.

[Wendae]

From my post it would seem I have a problem with FTMs. Nothing could farther from the truth. Before I retired I had a lesbian couple working for me. One was very fem and the other very masculin in dress and demeanor. She felt she represented a father figure to their child and in fact after a breakup filed for custody of the child. Both were excellent employees as was a MTF TS . Never had any problems with other employees. I just wouldn't be able to handle it if my wife were so inclined. Does this make me a bigot and small minded? Sorry this is so off topic.

[Paulette]

No, but be prepared to have your views change as you recognize that your mutual love transcends your physical bodies, or their appearance. And if it doesn't, you've to some thinking to do.

I've had to overcome my ageism, being a body-bigot, and many other attitudes that I acquired in early life. It wasn't easy. It wasn't fun. But it was necessary.

[April Rose]

No, Wendae, I don't think it makes you a bigot. It's just one of those hard questions we all have to ask ourselves if we're not going to live in self delusion. It does sort of make you have to re-evaluate your wife's position, though, doesn't it?

[Ralitsa]

What is being a bigot about?
I have to admit that there are certain categories of people that I categorically dislike. I suppose that I could be considered a bigot in that way. Mostly, because I characterize these groups as not very intelligent and not very civilized, people instead consider me to be arrogant, unfriendly, and judgemental. Which is probably true.
But I think that pretending to like everyone is simply fundamentally dishonest. There are people, and groups of people, that I just plain don't like and don't want to associate with. I do not think that is necessarily wrong. I think what makes it wrong is what is done about it. I just avoid them and try to ignore them. I suppose there are plenty of people that don't like me and what I do, and I am perfectly happy if they ignore me and avoid me.
My opinion, everyone is allowed their personal preferences to like and dislike who they will. But no one is allowed to belittle, persecute, harass, or otherwise bother someone because of personal preferences.
Of course when you get into the workplace then all sorts of regulations take over, and I'm not talking about that situation.
So I don't think it is really that unfair to say that you want a partner who can accept your CDing even though you wouldn't accept it in them. Undoubtably you will have to accept something from them that they will not accept of you, maybe handling finances poorly or the like.
And don't even get me started on the subject of not being honest and forthcoming, because most women are masters of deceipt. I think it's safe to say that no woman has ever willing revealed her flaws at the beginning of a relationship.

[Tammie]

Thats a tricky one Dana.

When i first realised i needed to do this, i told my wife before i started? She just said she always knew which kinda threw me a bit lol. What followed was trying just a few things out... socks, tights, some MJ's then a skirt. She saw this as it happened over about a week. Then i just turned to her one night and said "i wanna see her". She asked if i was sure, and then fetched her makeup and spent several hours showing me how to use it and trying to do stuff with my hair. Then she took a picture of me.

what's "mj" Mary Jane Shoes??????