Is it overcompensation

[Sarah Beth]

A couple of days ago I had to go to another town to get somethings for my business. I put on panties and bra under my drab and left for there early because I like to beat the crowds and I had things to do later in the day back home.

As it turned out because my dad some medical issues (nothing serious it turned out) my parents turned up and mom called me so I met them at the Dr. There was going to be a long wait and mom and I went out to get some things because they thought they would keep dad overnight at least. So we were in the men's department at the store and my mom stops at this sale rack and shows me this pink shirt and says she thinks I would like nice in it. I told her no way was I going to wear a pink shirt.

We had gotten back to car and were leaving and I had a bit of chuckled. I had totally forgotten about being underdressed and I had told her no way would I wear a pink shirt yet I had on a pink bra and pink panties. Then I had to wonder had the bra straps showed somehow, or what.

Anyway if I like the pink when I'm en femme, why don't I like it in guy mode?

[AJ West]

I've been crossdressing now for close to 50 years, and until just recently have accepted the fact that Alexis Jean (AJ) is an integral part of my being. I used to be negatively vocal about trannies, CD'ers, and any other TG individual when in guy mode, but would never say anything derogatory while em femme, mostly becasue I had little or no opportunity to speak to any one while I was wearing a dress, LOL. I have now changed my outlook and what I say, if anything, when a person is seen or the subject is brought up in conversation. More times than not, I will defend ther persons right to express themselves as they see fit. People should just be allowed to be people, nothing special, just let it be, whatever they might choose. Of course we don't murders, rapists or child molesters, regardless of what their gender marker is or how they dress or present. With all that said, when I was in my pre-teen or early teen years, we got some 'hand-me-down' clothes from a neighboring family. I distinctly remember a pair of blue cordury jeans that I swore were 'girl jeans', and I was adamant about not wearing them, but deep down inside I really wanted to. So, to answer your question, 'do we overcompensate?'. In my opinon, its how comfortable we are with our current state of feminine identification, but then again, I might be overcompensating!

[Davita]

Both of you have me wondering why what you're wearing has to do with how you're acting. That to me sounds like over compensating. Clothes make the difference?

BTW, if guys couldn't or wouldn't wear a pink shirt, it wouldn't be for sale.

[Anthony Simon]

My problem with wearing a pink shirt would be that my CDing impulse is pretty close to the surface. So if I wore anything that woke it up I would be asking for trouble.

On the other hand, I often have seen pink shirts in shops here - and I've also seen golfers on TV wearing pink sweat shirts, who look jolly masculine. A guy wearing a pink shirt in London seems like an expression of personal style to me, rather than anything else.

When I'm fully made up and everything, I sometimes have to do stuff that's going to get the clothes dirty. Then I slip on an old male sweater and trousers - and, because I've still got women's clothes on underneath and still have the hair and the makeup, I look in the mirror and still see a woman.

Like although the top surface - clothes-wise - is still male, somehow the rest of it has magicked me off into the women's zone, and there I have stayed.

[Paulette]

Such overcompensation is something many of us do because we fear or dislike what we are. It's a disguise, a cover, a "beard." It is a survival mechanism generated by our fear. But bad-mouthing others like ourselves, or denigrating those who express any other sexual or gender variance from the expected, simply in order to protect ourselves, is cowardly terror. So be brave, but be wise.

"An it harm none, do what you will."
~ The Wiccan Rede

"I yam whats I yam."
~ Popeye

[Noeleena]

Hi,

I wear many shades of pink, tops skirts hats gloves scarves you name it ill wear it.....ooops forgot im a woman. now years ago only men who where a little different would wear pink so they were set apart from the ...normal... thinking of men , oh your a pansie = gay. oh come on this was in the 60's .

so pink was the sign being gay,

Pink is my colour from age 10 , now i have seen some men in pink thought nothing of it just thought they looked nice,

Boys were dressed in pink in my time late 40's & i see nothing wrong with it now,

...noeleena...

[TammyT]

The last time I wore a hot pink shirt was to a friend's wedding reception, and I wore it with a black suit and vest with a solid white tie. I loved the look, and was complimented on it throughout the night. Normally I wouldn't wear a colour that is so striking and attention-seeking, and I think that's partially why a lot of men won't wear pink: it's attention-seeking for the "wrong" reasons, and they may think that people will judge them and will think less of their manlihood. Because pink is such a girly colour, they fear that it'll tone down their masculinity somewhat.

In your case, Sarah Beth, it may just be your way of keeping your guy and girl modes separate. It could also be fear, as Paulette said, but I think it does depend on the state and level of feminine identification, as AJ also suggested.

[DonnaT]

I agree with Paulette.

There could be a bit of homophobia in it as well, as in not wanting others to think you are gay.

I have a pink (salmon) polo. first time I wore it to work, the bosses wife voiced her surprise at my wearing pink.

[Stephanie H]

I have worn pink golf shirts as well a short and dress shirts, socks and hats all my life. Never gave it any thoughts. I think mom was wanting to have you open up to her and have a conversation. Remember, moms know us best and she can be your best ally and supporter. "try it you'll like it"

[Sarah Beth]

Given some the responses I've been thinking about what to further to say. I'm not sure how to explain this to get my point across. First of all I live in a town of around a thousand people, where everyone knows or thinks they know everyone elses business. Right or wrong (I think its wrong) but how you dress, act, what you say and do makes a difference as to whether you can live here or not. Those involved with drugs in this area are more acceptable than someone who is gay or lesbian. Guys in this part of the world don't wear pink, never have never will. I remember the first year they did the breast cancer thing and they had the pink t shirts for the guys and they didn't get anyone to take one of them. It's just how it is here. Yes the make pink shirts for guys but hardly a one around will wear one its why they were all on the closeout rack.

Now I have lived around a lot of other places and I am glad that I did. I made a lot of discoeries about other people and myself. However, as a guy I still won't wear pink, something in the way I was raised I guess. Is there that homophobic paranoia invovled? Of course there is. I had enought trouble just because I was friendly with the gay guy who live across the street from me for a time. I liked him, he needed a friend, he had AIDS and even his family didn't want much to do with him. After about a year he had to leave town. There were some who thought I should have gone too.

Sorry, guess this is a bit of rant but I'm frustrated with how life is around here. I have to be here, or I would live someplace where people are not still stuck in dark ages. I could live somewhere where I could carry on a decent intelligent coversation with someone.

[Anthony Simon]

Is there that homophobic paranoia invovled? Of course there is. I had enought trouble just because I was friendly with the gay guy who live across the street from me for a time. I liked him, he needed a friend, he had AIDS and even his family didn't want much to do with him. After about a year he had to leave town. There were some who thought I should have gone too.

Sorry, guess this is a bit of rant but I'm frustrated with how life is around here. I have to be here, or I would live someplace where people are not still stuck in dark ages. I could live somewhere where I could carry on a decent intelligent coversation with someone.

It's hardly paranoia, homophobic or otherwise, to avoid behaviour that might get you ejected from the place you live - and cause the rest of your family trouble.

But your mother did suggest the shirt to you. I think she likely did so because she thought it would look good on you. However, she probably wouldn't have been suggesting it if she thought you or your family would suffer intolerable consquences from it.

Maybe (and this is a maybe), she remembered your friendship with the AIDS guy and thought you could cope with the flak from wearing the shirt. At the same time, maybe, you'd have been making a small statement about what was viable in your town.

What she didn't think of (if this line of thought is correct) is that you are a CD - and didn't want to draw attention to yourself as an untraditional male for that reason.

That would be the reason you don't like to wear pink as a guy. It was over-ridden in the case of the AIDS guy because he so obviously needed support and you couldn't, in all conscience, refuse it.