Hear I be!!!

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu Apr 08, 2004 3:37 pm

You know, Deborah, never did post under new member and at first I have thought about this but now I just want to say a few things as when I welcomed Pauline it hit me that I have derived most if not all of my strength from Deborah. Well here goes.
I came out to my wife back in December, primarily because of you ladies. I am not the type to hide and live in fear of "being caught." I realized that there had to be more to this new "me" than just nting to dress-up, so I began studying and continue to do so. (If you have not read any of the information posted by Danielle you are really missing something - what a great lady) Anyway I digress. I asked my wife of 27 year not to tell anyone, well you know how that went?! She told her mother, who told her father, (a 78 year old retired minister), then they told my brother-in-law, whether or not he told his wife I don't know. His main comment was, "if he hurts my sister, I will kill him!" ( what an idiot- but that's another story). My wife then told my daughter, who told her husband who said that he did not want me to be alone with my grandchildren, (he being a former institutionalized drug addict - did not want me around my own grandchildren - yeah! right!?)Now my wife asks me to go to a counselor - I do and flat told him who I was, that I enjoyed being Deborah and if he did not like it tough - Hell, I told him He could be wearing women's clothes under his suit for all I know. I told him of my relationship with my wife's family and that they have MAJOR problems and he thought that they needed counselling more than me. He said I need not come back unless the specifics that I was to ask them for as to how to improve my family relations were contrary to what I might expect.
To date they have given me only two 1. don't be late for family functions 2. go back to church. Anyway what followed was a four hour discussion between my in-laws and me. I held the winnng hand, because when the time came and it did. I simply pointed out that every Holloween, my father-in-law dressed up as a woman, fully - wig, dress, "war paint" etc. His reply was typical - "That's only one day - one time a year!!!" The BOMB was then dropped!!!!!!! I said. "How many times does it take?"
The expression on my mother-in-laws face was, shall I say, "to die for!"
Funny thing - they have not brought it up since!!!!
AS for my son-in-law and brother-in-law I won't even go into the crosses that they have to bear!! But, if asked, pressured or whatever (we have not confronted eachother since all this came to light) I am taking the position -"You don't like it -SCREW YOU!"
Well,that is where Deborah and I are, lost a lot of trust in my wife who is still in therapy, but not for my CD'ing. She feels too much stress from her job and our son ( now 19 but married at 18 to a 17 year old right out of high school ) He is a cook in the Army and they are in Texas. Kids playing house! Yes, we tried to talk them out of it - evidently did not do a very good job of it. But that's another story. For me I am loving my "Magical Mystery Tour" and I am thoroughly enjoying all my sisters hear. Love ya ALL,
Deborah

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Thu Apr 08, 2004 9:38 pm

Thank you for letting us know about yourself Deborah. It always makes it easier to understand someone when you know something about them. I must say you are one brave soul to have had to deal with the things you have told us.

It must be terribly difficult to have been outed to so many people by your wife, I can certainly see that trust would be a very huge issue in your relationship as a result of that.

Speaking for myself now, I had people similar to that in my life, and I have found that I am simply better off without them. But I let them make the decision to act like they did and I treat them as such. I now treat them the same as I would anyone else who would treat me like that.

Just because one is family does not give them the right to abuse me. IMO you are a good person with a good heart, and I wish you well

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Thu Apr 08, 2004 10:04 pm

Hi Deborah,

That was an awesome post!

You are very strong and major kudos for telling your wife!

I'm glad you finally decided to share that with us!

Beauty

Joanna_S · Post by **Joanna_S** » Sat Apr 10, 2004 1:47 am

Hi Deborah!

What a brave lady you are. I´m not sure how I could handle a situation like that. Before telling my girlfriend I asked her not to tell anybody ever and she has kept her promise.
That Halloween thing was great! I wish I could´ve seen your mother-in-law´s face; it must have hit the nerve.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Sun Apr 11, 2004 3:40 am

Hi Deborah--
Well, since your in-laws spoke of going to church--all that outing must have been some cross to bear! That was not good, but you know that already.

Thanks for your story. Therapy is a good thing, but only for better understanding, not in an attempt to "cure" you. I'm glad the therapist recognized this.
Anita

Kyra · Post by **Kyra** » Mon Apr 12, 2004 7:13 am

Way to go, Deb!
Awesome post. Thanks for sharing with us.

I'm glad you're dealing with life's ups and downs so well. (Some people don't!) You're a strong lady.

As Beauty said, congrats on telling your wife. I did the same in January of this year, albeit with better results. My only advice is to keep the communication lines open between you and your SO. She's the one you married, NOT her family.

Good luck, and we're here for you.

Hugs,
Kyra

CJ · Post by CJ » Mon Apr 12, 2004 8:24 am

Hi all,

Deborah,

Bravo for standing up for yourself! It's always better not to let small minds and bitter souls hold sway in our court. I wish you all the best from here on in.

Love,
CJ

Josey · Post by **Josey** » Sun Apr 18, 2004 7:59 am

Hi Deborah,

All I can say is "WOW".

That is quite a story and quite a mess for you to get straightened out. Sounds like you're doing just fine.

Needra · Post by **Needra** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 12:22 am

just another wow

Kersten Lee · Post by **Kersten Lee** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 7:17 am

Deborah,

I read your story a long while back. I didn't know what to say. I'm in
the middle of a fragile process of healing. Something similar could
happen to me like you, when the day comes and I get discovered.

I do have to commend you on your tremendous will to survive, the
will to believe in and nurture yourself, your happiness and your
strength of character.

A lot of the girls have gone thru terrible times only to survive stronger
and more resolved. Thank you and so many other girls for the support
freely given to me.

Having bad parents that were unable to love and nurture, left a hole
in me that I have been trying to heal. I know a couple here that
know and understand what I went through and how it so contaminates
a beautiful mind.

No one here has treated me with nothing less than respect, including
you. The people here have become a nurturing mother to me.
I am so much better and happier than 2 years ago. It will still take me
a little time to find who I am and where I fit in this world. Unlike you, I
tend to bring this place down a little each time I write.
Thank you to all for not just saying, get over it! The solutions are more
elusive and complex for me.

HUGS AND KISSES ALL AROUND!
Kersten

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 7:41 am

Kersten,
Hon, the things I can tell you! Like my mother and father were married in Sept. '45 and Divorced in Dec. '45 and little ole me was born in March of '46. Don't know if you know who Rod McKeun is but he said it perfectly, " I was born- what a lot of people strive their entire lifetime to be." Pictures of my mother- no brag but she was absolutely BEAUTIFUL!Met my father twice in my life - nice guy but "LOSER!"
I saw my mother maybe three times after I was born - she died when I was seven - of alcholism! My grandparents raised me if you can call sticking a 5 year old into military schools for all his life! For me I worked my way throught college, became a Naval aviator got a Master degree, got politically assinated after 26 years with the same organization.
And, I don't carewhat anyone says, - I think I turned out OK. and the sisters I have met here are as much a part of me as my Crossdressing and I love each and everyone of you. I have said it before and I will say it again anytime you feel down - just remember your have made a REAL difference in someone' life!!! - MINE!
Love ya All,
Deborah

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 8:24 am

Kersten!

You don't EVER bring this place down.

EVER! The next time I hear that out of you I'll move your post to the "This Isn't True" area.

Deborah,

You're incredible. Thank you for sharing even more of yourself with us. I don't have anything but the most respect for you. You are truly a winner and survivor. I'm honored to know you.

Beauty

Kersten Lee · Post by **Kersten Lee** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 5:04 pm

Deborah,

Again, Wow! Thank you again for sharing your terrible hurts. It
only confirms what I wrote earlier to you.
I guess I can't give up after struggling so long. I have such
wonderful role models to live up to.

Beauty,

I will take your loving message in the way it was meant. I need a prodding
now and then to stay the course. I also will try to work up courage to
post a couple of my own personal messages. I don't recall ever having
done that. I know I tend to intrude at times in others posts. My self
esteem is out of the dumper but not very far yet. I still suffer
fear of rejection. I will work harder to trust all the friends here whom
I have trusted with my heart.

All of you reading this are very precious to me,
Kisses,
Kersten

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 6:10 pm

Kersten,

This is what we all want to do when you need us.

Don't worry about starting another thread. You're doing fine. Start new threads when you feel comfy to.

Beauty

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 7:08 pm

Hi Kersten!

You definitely do not bring this place down, you are not in the closet here. You are out and looking for help, and it would be unspeakable for us not to recognize that and honor it.

I have followed many of your posts, and understand you began working on yourself not that long ago. You are doing great, the kind of stuff you are and will need to face is not easy stuff. (I would like to use a restricted word here that would describe it more appropriately).

It took me years, you are in therapy (I wasn't) so you will likely get though it faster than I did, But I believe it will be more painful for you, because it may happen at a greater pace. You need to put up boundaries that will enable you to get through the pain at a pace that you can handle it. (Very important)

Kersten I would not like to stick around if there were not for people like you here, and if this forum did not support this kind of activity.

I just needed to throw my support in here as well.