I like being "different".

[JennyLynn]

I've been thinking alot about all the "bitching" we do on here about our woes. I've come to the conclusion that I like being different and kind of relish in the fact that I'm not "accepted" by the rest of society. I know this post will probably bring a rath of criticism my way...oh well..let it be so. Debate is healthy! Imagine a world where "we" are totally accepted and eveyone felt okay with dressing as a man or a woman. It's okay to have sex with whomever. Would you be "special" or would everybody else be posers to just fulfill their fantasies? Being a manly man and having the womanly side as well, would be a crap shoot, because every pervert in the world would be exploiting us for their own fantasies, which they couldn't be honest about. We are a lucky crew in the fact that we are gathered here as "outcasts" and not exploited by others.
I know this opens up a huge can of worms, as I would, like most, want to go out in public without being laughed at or ridiculed. But in my eyes, sometimes that's what makes me so drawn to being a CD. It's my "private" thing and my "private" person. I used to look at being housebound a burden and unfair, but being with friends here, makes it alright.
I think sometimes we have to be careful of what we wish for. I like being different. I am a manly man, I am a feminine woman. I am special.

Jenny

[Anne Bonny]

Nice dress. We are different, and it takes time to settle in to who we are but once that is done everything begins to fall into place. Sunday I came home from church and changed into a very feminine dress and heels so I could be like the ladies at Church - it felt so feminine and wonderful. Bra, panties, full lacy slip, pantie hose, heels and a nice back zip dress, jewelry make up and of course a slight spray of perfume. Yeah, I wish I could wear it to Church but I am wise enough to know better. God I am sure looks at my heart not at my clothing. When that wave of feminine desire sweeps over me, it is wonderful to have the freedom to dress however I wish at home, and I am slowly opening that door so other people know that has been a wonderful thing too.

[Noeleena]

Hi.

The can of worms okay and being different, lets see how this pan's out, ill go for being born different plus now you like being male and showing a side of you thats like a woman, and dressing in ether, clothes, okay so far sound about right to you, give or take a bit here and there,

Now my ? is , is this about just dressing boy or girl mode, maybe a bit of acting here as well, or and this is where it compleatly changes wheres your mind at how do you think i mean the real who you are as this is a detail that makes ( myself .) very different, i mean in being born . your thought patterns how you see things understand things im getting at the differences between men and woman. if you know my background that may change how you answer so with out reading about myself or knowing where im at ill be interested in what would make your answer different in if you were a male or if you were a female you see if your not a female how could you answer as one and if your a male can you answer as one,

just one miner point here Psychologically and Emotiionally where are you in regard to your thoughts, just to make it more interesting,

be nice to hear what you think because theres a bit more ill add after you,

...noeleena...

[Carol Ann]

Anne,
I love the way you said that as that is why my favorite time for going out is Sunday as churches are letting out and being all dress as I came from church I just blend in.

Church I have been to many a time as a teenager with my mother as it was a huge church and way to many people to know.

As today my church would never except Carol Ann so if and when I go I am drab, but I have read and heard many a church are starting to redone their outlook on LGBT people. One day you and I will be able to go as women and be dressed up nice and proper

[SilverLady(SO)]

As today my church would never except Carol Ann so if and when I go I am drab, but I have read and heard many a church are starting to redone their outlook on LGBT people. One day you and I will be able to go as women and be dressed up nice and proper

Unfortunately, hon, you know as well as I do that the LCMS will never change their outlook on the LGBT community, and I sincerely doubt that the ELCA or the WELS will, either; however, I believe that the ELCA would be the first to become more LGBT-friendly among the Lutherans and I say that because the ELCA are known for their female pastors.


- SL

[Sarah Beth]

Life isn't fair, I think we all know that and accept that. I grew up being laughed at and ridiculed for various things not related to cross dressing. The fact that I can't go out dressed, partly because of where I live and partly because I am afraid I would look to much like a "man in a dress" and I have come accept that. (Although I very much want to go out at least once in my life and I hope to go to Denver in the Spring and get a makeover and do just that) That being said I enjoy my time being dressed in the privacy of my home. Right now work is not busy the weather is cooler and I dont' have to go out so early so I am getting up around 5 am and getting dressed and just starting my off pleasantly.

We don't live in a perfect world full of acceptance but it is nice to know that we can places where we are accepted. This is just such a place.

[Anne Bonny]

Hey..."Can of worms" you seem to write with an accent. There is no "acting" on my part, no posing, or assuming an air of any kind at all. My personality is my personality. A dress and heels will lead you to keep your knees together or to cross your legs for modesty and good taste - is that an act or just the correct way to behave politely when you are only wearing panties and do not wish to flash your crotch panel to the world. If you are wearing a narrow and especially high heel you quickly learn to set the forward part of your foot down and to just use the heel for support when standing otherwise you may fall and hurt yourself, twist an ankle, or break a heel off - is that acting a part? I suppose if I am feeling more feminine I may not be reeling about like a drunken sailor, I mean if you adjust because of the clothing you are not given to large sweeping motions with our hands and do not bound around the room as if I were in guy clothing. I may not be in the mood to be loud and booming with my voice but my voice is my voice.

When I am feeling feminine I do not think any differently, my personality does not change, nope...I am just enjoying, savoring the feeling, feeling the relief from the angst because I am merely able to express outwardly what I am feeling inwardly everything clicks. I feel closer, at one with my favorite gender of the moment as my gender tends to vary all over the place from day to day, moment to moment. I want to be a woman know that I can't but I can move closer and am able to savor a small piece of the feminine world.

Acting is false and really tacky in my mind it's kind of stupid, reality is where I am, I cannot be anything else but what I am inside.

The best I can explain myself is that from time to time a feminine spirit sweeps over me and I cannot help but respond to it or I become uncomfortable, there is dissonance. I need to feel in sync outwardly with what I am feeling internally - does that make sense?

Hope that answers your questons.

[Anne Bonny]

Sarah, hopefully one day people will learn more about who we are and that many will understand and be able to accept our difference and know we are not a threat to anyone. Are women a threat? We may not be women but we sometimes imagine we feel very like them (we believe we do indeed feel as they do) and savor being able to be like them is that a crime against humanity, a threat to children, and to the social order? I don't think so. So what if children learn that some men like to wear dresses - worst that can happen is that some children may want to try on a dress too but most would not. I think some of the few that do will find out at a young age they are like us the rest will shrug and not do it anymore.
Are we a threat to the artificial accepted behavior limits placed on men and women? So What! What we are living is the way things actually are society will have to acknowledge reality and it will eventually because mixed or transgender people exist in nature and that is simply just the way things are in reality - It is so exasperating! Geeze!!!!!.

[Carol Ann]

SilverLady,
Yes you are so right, now you seem to know me better then my wife . You are a true friend in deed .

Sorry Virginia, not makeing time with your lovely wife

[JennyLynn]

Since I started this post and so like the responses I've seen, I do have to say that I'm thinking I missed someones post, or maybe it got deleted. Specifically Annes refernce to "can of worms" . Did "can of worms" post something awful and it got deleted? I don't really need to know what it was, because I don't need the negativity. But I do have to say that I love your posts Anne and I love all the posts here. Maybe that's why I care. I guess what I was getting at with my original post was that I used to, and sometimes still do, have this overwhelming desire to go out in public and be accepted. I've evolved and now going out in public isn't as much a big deal to me as it once was. If everyone accepted me it might be nice, but somehow I would question their motives for accepting me. There are alot of weirdos out there and I wouldn't want to be "accepted" by sacrificing my integrity or safety. I just got home from work and put on a nice little pink top with my forms and bra. No wig, still in my man jeans and I feel as sexy as ever. I guess I ramble a bit, but my main point is that I feel so very lucky that I am who I am. Can you ever imagine having to repress the urge to be your feminine self all your like just to play the part of your....oh... wiener? I can't .. I hope that word doesn't get me slapped! Let's all be comfortable with who we are and not worry so much about what everyone else thinks. Those who criticize the most have their own demons to deal with. I prefer to not let the demons run my life.
In closing, I guess my biggest sadness is not having friends who are nearby that I can't have a girls night out...well..not "out" but a nice card game, dress show off time, wine and laughs in a private secure environment. I know there are support groups out there, but I'm not close to them and I'm not willing to put the effort into going to one. I know, I'm lazy and whining about what I don't have when it's my own fault. Hey, I'm human too!!

Jenny

[Mike P.]

Well said Jenny, and I agree, I like being different, as well as having that side of me that is private. Maybe someday I will meet that someone special who I can be open with, and enjoy going out dressed more. Sometimes I do have an urge to meet other Cd's and do feminine things with, as that would be more fun to be with others so I'm working on that, but we have this type of control over who we are and what we like sexually, so I understand what you're saying. I think. However, it is also cool to see that the trans community is slowly becoming more accepted.

[Leeza]

Noeleena, I have a friend that tells me that if I am in male mode I think and act male. If I am female mode then I think and act female. She also says that when the occasion requires it I can go from one to the other in a heart beat and it makes no difference how I am dressed.

Carol and SilverLady, The ELCA church in this community has been very accepting. One of their members came out FtoM and had the surgery. She was accepted before the surgery and he is accepted since.

The Episcopal church here has been very accepting, although I guess several years ago there was a problem. I go dressed fem almost every Sunday that I am in town. I did find out that wearing a skirt could get me in trouble though. I had been going there about 6 months before I wore a skirt to church. That Sunday they asked me to start playing the piano for the service when the organist wasn't there.

A congregation in one area may be accepting and another in the same denomination not be.

[Anne Bonny]

Hey Jennylynn...can of worms was used by Noeleena and I was not being derogatory to her she did sound British with some of her words (hum I was right in a way - New Zealand!)...anyway read your post then hers and responded.

I think I am beginning to grow and to change as I am opening up...I like the idea of being a nonconformist that does not fit and I think I refuse to conform because I am who I am - Societies gender role templates one for males and one for females are arbitrary and artificial because gender cannot really be pegged down like that in my mind that is a good reason to ignore them. I refuse to go down (die) locked in by something society has set up as all that is allowed for males. I am going to be who I am and to hell with the angst and all the hiding, and mental head games and pressures and tensions I have had to live with all of my life - enough! Enough of that.

I am opening the door and it is slowly swinging open more and more. Does not mean I am swearing off masculinity, male clothing etc but when I am desiring and feeling more feminine why not be who I am inside? In the right company, and environment why not go out in public with friends? We should live not remain shackled in a prison cell of our own mind.

[Noeleena]

Hi Anne,

Take this in fun ....okay....

Ill ha ye know we wont nort to do with the British we are Scottish and very proud of our heritage,

aye nort a bonny lass or ladie.

Why does a Scottish man wear a kilt, = because sheep can hear a zipper from a trouser a mile away.

Now I wont get into my German history/ language because most here wont understand what im saying .so

So = krank einfach nur sagen , dass es ordentlich anders zu sein.
.......ill just say its neat being different,

Can of worms = spaghetti or a tin of spag please. yummy with other nice food,we do us Kiwi's say things a bit different,

Did you know we have over the years changed many things about ourselfs our langauge in our sayings has been quite different from the North isl we in the lower south isl are or were more Scottish so if we went up north we could tell those from the south were of Scottish dissent we rolled our rrrrs....And even some British do nor understand us,

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

My apologies to this thread, not sure if I am "hijacking" the thread, I think this fits but I am responding to Noeleena's question so I hope this is ok...

Hi Noeleena, I did 23 and me and found out I am 14.8% British/Celtic 4.4% French and German, and the balance North European. No American Indian, 0.2% Sub Saharan Africa (Lucy?), 3% Neanderthal but that is so far back I do not see any features no brow ridge, no body hair, not stocky, not highly muscular or large boned - hum... This confirms what I know from the sir names back to the mid 1700's all English, not sure if the sir name is Scott but was told my grandmother was of Scottish descent, and there may be some Celtic ... well British Isles.

I was wondering If I answered your question? Because I do not want to offend or to breech etiquette I will move my response to the page as: Do I dress to affect a feminine appearance?

This is long but I do not know what it is that you are trying to figure out but this is my best effort to answer your question whatever it is as best I can. Anne