Clues that a woman may be accepting.

[Anne Bonny]

My wife's sitter gave these clues:

Liked Ellen.
In discussing ellen openly stated she believes they are born that way.
Stated she had people in her family who are Gay.

These statements clued me into her having an open and accepting mind of different lifestyles.

I cannot remember how I edged the conversation in the direction where I felt comfortable openly telling her that I crossdress. I did think about it over about a month or so of noticing her attitude, and feeling things out a little at a time but in the end I was correct. She was matter of fact about it all, completely accepting. At first I showed her pictures of me in dresses. During the last visit I greeted her wearing my favorite dress a recent purchase. Again very matter of fact and did not even make too much of it as we carried on discussing my wife's care and my plans to get out of the house for a while (not in drag!).

We can pick up clues if we listen and we also have to know the person as well, is she discreet, is she the type of person who would can be trusted, is she down to earth? If so we most likely can open our net a little wider and enjoy the reward of acceptance - it is a really great feeling!

[KimberlyS]

Anne, I agree people give off signs that they may be accepting. The media is giving us more and more good information these days for starting or having conversations with other people. Having a conversation about the Ellen or RuPaul's Drag Race show or some other celebrity that is in the media. More and more people are coming out in the media. One thing a person does have to feel around about is most of those in the media have come out gay. Just because someone is accepting of someone that is gay does not mean they are ok with a hetro CDer. Often people may think we are the same so there is some education that may need to be done. But accepting of gays and they life style is a huge start.

Another topic that can give you a feel for some one is the gay marriage issue. I have talked with people that were ok with gays but gays being married they just can not handle that. Just goes to show that acceptance is not across the board. I would think those that accept gay marriage may be more accepting and open to cders in general.

[Anne Bonny]

Right, gay is much more common than transvestite. If someone is accepting of people with different lifestyles it is a good indication that they would be equally accepting of someone who likes to wear the clothing of the opposite sex on occasion. The key is do they have an open mind. Do they accept differences as just the way things are? And in this case she matter of factly stated she has a couple of family members who are gay. Because transvestism is not as prevalent I find reasoning that if they are accepting of that then it is a good bet they would be accepting of transvestites and tend to see us the same way. In this case it turned out to be true. We have to develop our radar, and our senses about a person and it does take time perhaps a few months to know a person close enough to be able to have a sense about them - again it worked in this case.

[Davita]

My radar is always working. When I am ready to come out, I set up a "victim party". I invite past victims and friends and naturally the victim for a lunch date or after hours. I let everyone know what's going on but the victim; not as much fun if the victim knows.

When I say I'm ready, I've done all that watching and listening and feeling out of the victim. Even with as good a track record as I've had reading the victims, there will be a day when I will have goofed. So no matter how confident you are that it will be okay, be prepared for a negative response and associated consequences.

Now a victim party is a coming out. The victim thinks he/she is meeting up with folks and my boy self. I try to have some friends with me before the victim shows, but that's not always the case. Anyway, the victim comes face to face with Davita with no warning. Gotta love that first expresssion. The friends are for moral support; not mine, the victim's. After the initial shock, everything settles into the usual rythm of a fun gathering.

[Anne Bonny]

Hum...we all have our way of doing things there are no rights or wrongs only what are we comfortable doing.