CDing then realizing it's more

[DonnaT]

Being on the middle path of a cross dresser does not mean walking a straight line, and it can be a wide meandering path.

For me, I have no desire to be anything other than a man who has a need to cross dress.

And yes, there are a number of people who wander off the path after finding they need much more than that.

However, we must remember that forums are a small sampling of the community, and one (especially SO's) should not be fearful due to stories of some actually needing to transition.

Everyone is different, and the paths some take aren't necessary indicative of the paths others will take.

[KimberlyS]

Each of us here is going down our own path and none of them are the same. Yes some of them sound really similar at times but each is different. Some have rolling hills, others have mountains to climb and none of them are straight. Some have rolling hills, others have mountains to climb and none of them are straight. Some walk the whole way others take bikes, trains, planes, automobiles, or roller coasters. And not only is each path different but each destination is different. Yes some of the destinations may be in the same city, but others are on the opposite side of the world. And along our journeys down our path we each pick up different things along the way. Some of the items may be similar while others are not.

As for what SO's can deal with, some can deal with it to a point, others deal with it fairly well, and others can not deal at all. Just like our path we are going down, we need to have our SO along and hopefully going down the same path or one close to yours.

As for me personally, my path has taken me to being a guy who likes to wear a mix of masculine and feminine clothes. What I wear each day depends on my mood and what I am doing for the day. My ex was not able to deal with my cding but she could not handle a lot of things in life. My GF has been wonderful and we are still working out where my different femme modes work and fit into our relationship. Keep your communication open and flowing to keep a health relationship in all areas.

[Mike P.]

Great post Christina, and thread here as well. I have mostly male friends, so I wonder what they would think if I told one or two of my best friends. I have females who know, but no males. I also like to dance when dressed, but mostly to feminine music, so it would be interesting one day to go to a concert, which I do often, dressed, but that may be a while away. As some others here, I did not grow up feeling like the wrong gender, but was always unhappy, feeling something wasn't right. I've always liked female clothes, so now that I'm doing it way more, I'm not worried about the possible transition, because inside, I'll still be the same person. It also wouldn't matter to me, cause I don;t really care about my male parts, so I wouldn't miss anything, and being that I already work in a female dominated field of social work, the transition would be even easier. Only thing I wonder is making the transition as far as legal documentation, as well the adjustment for close friends, and family, but I think they would understand. Talk to a therapist if you can, it does help.



*** Post edited to remove redundant quote, as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 65&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL

[Anne Bonny]

I know that I am very emotional, and cannot always trust what I am feeling in the spirit of the moment when enfemm as being entirely objective later after the moment has passed. A girl can change her mind. I do find overall that I am and have always been a transvestite, using the old term...I really do believe my gender is partly female but not in greater part. I have been this way since I was very young - 5-6 but started dressing around age 9-10 and it has continued through my entire life and I am now 57 - can I deny who I am? Nope. Do I wish to proceed further - well, yes in that when I am in the mood - I think of it as a feminine spirit blowing through my soul and sweeping me away - I am working to maintain control (by this I mean when you out yourself completely to the world you may find consequences you had not foreseen or desired there are after all people who are dear to us who would no longer accept us if they knew - so I seek to maintain some control as I said) but to come out to people I feel I can trust so that I am free to dress much more when I want to which for me comes and goes. It is not constant for me so I know any operation to rid myself of masculine genitalia and to create feminine looking and functioning genitalia and breasts would be wrong for me - not saying at times I think that I would want that very much but I know those are not objective thoughts. So I am seeking to expand my freedom to dress whenever I please and widening my network of people who know so I can simply relax and be who I am at any particular moment.

I am sorry, apologize for writing too much about myself but that is so you might see the similarities that exist or not and that is my way of responding. Hope that's alright. Anne

[OliviaM]

Wow. the more I read here the more amazing I find all you ladies. I think I have a female and a male side. I enjoy both. I have been trying on women's clothes for years, but only started buying my own clothes and experimenting with make up since August. I am not sure where the road will lead, but I would never consider being a women full time. Thank you all.

[Christina Kay]

Thanks you everyone for all the wonderful advice and heartfelt stories. I am touched. After having some really rough days emotionally ,,bouts of crying to anxiety and being depressed. I have made an appointment to start seeing a gender therapist this week.

After the initial shock when telling my wife that I was going to therapy,,,a gender therapist no less. We have had some in depth talks , and now realizes that indeed to work on this. I understand that to her full transition equals divorce. I don't feel I need to transition or die. But something short of that , that would work for both of us. She is my one constant in life , as I am to her .

It's odd right after I made-my appointment and talked to the therapist assistant about my concerns( they we so concerned about my well being ,I broke down crying on the phone) I guess I had a bit of euphoria and actually felt so good and relieved , almost like nothing was wrong. Ahhh that lasted for about a day n a half. And all the usual things crept back in. I know truly believe I am a woman or such a greater percentage than I ever thought.

So now I will at least take my first step on my journey. Where it will go , really don't know. I am just going to take it one step at a time. I'm sure there will be disappointments as well as hmmmm now that makes sense. Once again thank you Hugs Christina

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Some thing thats comes out to myself is when a man = male say's he is a male and wonts to stay that way that say's something to me, some may think why would i say that, well you know me well enough to know i dont understand the meaning of the word or what it is about being a male,

What brought this up was how many men on many of the other forums im on keep saying Jos and I had a laugh at this comment .

from another guy
, Im a girl and because i went out the door i become a woman,

pink fog and fantasy

The chap concerned likes dressing in womens clothes and no issue there, yet is not female to start with .

I have noted a few men have over the last year come out and say i am a male dont wont to be other than i am very happy being a man and dont think as / like a female they cant , and they say that, .

so when i hear a male be truthfull about them selfs , to me that shows a little more of the real who they are, so i think thats really quite neat,

any way's thought it was quite good,

...noeleena...

[Anthony Simon]

After having some really rough days emotionally ,,bouts of crying to anxiety and being depressed.

Sorry you've been having such a tough time, Christina.

After the initial shock when telling my wife that I was going to therapy,,,a gender therapist no less. We have had some in depth talks , and now realizes that indeed to work on this. I understand that to her full transition equals divorce. I don't feel I need to transition or die. But something short of that , that would work for both of us. She is my one constant in life , as I am to her.

I'm assuming that it's the talks you've had with your wife that are largely what's been causing you to get so upset. I'm not sure, but it sounds like the reality of where this may be going is the problem.

It's odd right after I made-my appointment and talked to the therapist assistant about my concerns( they we so concerned about my well being ,I broke down crying on the phone) I guess I had a bit of euphoria and actually felt so good and relieved , almost like nothing was wrong. Ahhh that lasted for about a day n a half. And all the usual things crept back in. I know truly believe I am a woman or such a greater percentage than I ever thought.

Well, it's a good sign that you felt that relief. I would take that as meaning you knew you were putting some trust in the help you're going to get from the therapist and you really need that help. With me, it can take a lot of the pressure off once I put myself in the hands of professionals.

So now I will at least take my first step on my journey. Where it will go , really don't know. I am just going to take it one step at a time. I'm sure there will be disappointments as well as hmmmm now that makes sense. Once again thank you Hugs Christina

It's got to go to some place where there's a lot of woman in your life. Otherwise you wouldn't have such problems with your wife. The question is whether it's going to be too much for her. Because of the way you sound, you give the impression of a deep fear that it might be - and you sound in shock about that.