Secrets

[Requal Jo]

We all have secrets that we dare not share but never from my wonderful and loving wife. She knows and accepts, with some reluctance, my CDing. The secret is hiding it from my grown children. It is a very quick change when they drop in unexpected.

[OliviaM]

Disappointed. My friend was supposed to be alone in her office but something happened and other people were there and of course the plan was not possible. We were able to find a place where we could talk and she was able to see my outfit. We are looking for another opportunity next week. She had some good advice and gave me a bag to compliment the outfit. Fun.

[OliviaM]

It looks like another try at dressing outside the house for another person might happen on Monday. That's the plan right now. If it happens I am hoping to get pictures to post even though I do not have the wig I really want. That buy is in the works. Keeping fingers crossed.

[OliviaM]

I was able to dress for my friend in the office. I was very comfortable with her and she gave me positive feedback (commenting on how "girlie" my legs looked). She was also helpful with overall fashion tips. It was exciting and comfortable at the same time to be with another person outside of the house. A good first step I think. What made it really nice was that I had a wig that was old and cheap and wore no make-up and looked OK. I did get some pics and tried to upload to the gallery but had problems. I will try again tomorrow and will try another outfit for her this week. Feeling good.

[Paulette]

I have a submissive alter ego that is bordering on homosexual in nature. . . I get the impression that the mainstream company line here is that most crossdressers are mainly heterosexual men who happen to like to wear women's clothing. Might just be me but I find it hard to believe that dressing up in female attire and being feminine does not spark at least some bisexual feelings.

Well, you've got a lot of issues packed in here. From the outside it isn't hard to make the connection you've made from the submissive bisexual longings as part of your CDing to the homosexual childhood abuse you suffered. . . With me, I have fantasies about being a woman having sex with a man. Like that's more a transsexual fantasy than a homosexual or a bisexual one. It isn't necessarily the case, then, that dressing up implies bisexuality. I get the sense, when I'm dressing up, of being taken over by another, female, person. So then my alter-ego would be female rather than tending towards the homosexual. . .

Sorry to have taken bits from two posters, but I wanted to respond to both.

Lexie, you're not alone. Sometimes I feel like a Top; sometimes I don't. I often (but not always) get all submissive when in bed in a nightgown, but my wife is also a Switch and we pick up on each others inclinations-of-the-moment quite easily and quickly.

As you work your way through the junk of your various abusive experiences I hope you'll find that your own interests and desires are simply that: your own. They may have been influenced by the rest of the experiences in your life, but they are yours.

The secret is that human sexual experience is much broader and more complex than most people think. Don't let yourself get freaked out by what or who you are, or where your senses lead you.

Even the sexual outliers, LGBTQ etc., tend to feel that if they are X they must want what all other X's want (and if they don't, they must be weird). That if they've been subjected to XY or Z as children, they must therefor prefer AB or C in sex. Not always true, or even mostly so. Most combat vets do not get PTSD. Most abused children do not subsequently have weird sex lives. But yes, some do in all of the above instances, but again, we are more complex than that.

So, work through your manure as you uncover it, and accept yourself and your desires as real and true and not simply the results of a bad childhood.

[Ralitsa]

It's nice that you have someone you can share things with Olivia. Myself, I would never be that familiar with people I work with. I just have this thing about the private/professional line. I wear anything I want outside of work, and I'm sure everyone in the county knows about me, but at work I don't talk about it. That's just me.

It's sort of a curious thing about this part of the country (Montana) that most people don't really care the slightest what a person does, but they probably don't want to hear about it either.

[OliviaM]

Thank you Realists. I hear you and I did not plan it and really did agonnize over whether I should do it. But she was really easy to talk to and made me comfortable enough to trust.

[Micki]

I share your dilemma and agree with many of the responses. I don't want to burden my significant other with my issues. However, I really don't enjoy lying about my desires which creates the vicious circle.



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[OliviaM]

I hear you Micki but hiding things is the only way to go right now while being so limiting. The only way to have more opportunities to dress is to have the talk. May watch Dallas Buyers Club together which would be a way to get the topic out there. We will see.

[OliviaM]

Well, obviously the movie didn't work. It wasn't that great a flick. The reason I thought it might open a door was because in discussing it beforehand, she could see no difference between drag queens, transvestites, or crossdressers. Drag is drag. The movie just didn't help.
Maybe one of these nights when she wants me to pick out the television program and says "what do you want to put on" I'll tell her and show her.
Maybe?
My friend at work is trying to jazz up my wardrobe and has started to look at clothes for me. She saw a nice dress but couldn't buy because she was with someone, but when she went back the next day it was gone. She will keep trying. Kind of excited.

[Anthony Simon]

The reason I thought it might open a door was because in discussing it beforehand, she could see no difference between drag queens, transvestites, or crossdressers. Drag is drag.

The way you talk about stuff to do with the dressing up reminds me of the joy I sometimes experience - like when I'm getting fitted for a wig or something. Like that's a thing to do with internal experience, I think to do with a part of me that desperately, desperately needs to come out - and then, there it is out there in the sun.

The clothes - or wigs or whatever - and like the process of getting to them, are one thing. I mean drag queens and crossdressers both wear them - and, in that sense, drag is drag. But the internal experience tends to be different.

There's the whole question of who you are in internally when you dress up. A drag queen is a man putting on a show. A crossdresser like me is someone who's got a female bit inside them that needs to come out.

[Ginny Jones]

This is a fascinating thread!

As I understand it, the term DRAG is a derivation (if that's the word) of "Dressed as a girl." Hence you often hear members of this community refer to their male persona as being in DRAB ("dressed as a boy"). Hence as Anthony points out - in some sense we are all in drag!

The term drag is often used in the context of "Drag Queen" and implies parody - often within the context of a show or pantomime. Whilst this behaviour often has superficial justifications associated with it (e.g.. "doing it for charity"), it is harder to generalise the underlying motivation. Drag might for example represent "hiding in plain sight" for some. I trained as a nurse in my twenties, and in some respects I was doing the same. To this day, when people hear what I do for a living, they say "Oh you're a MALE nurse?"

This whole labelling thing is a minefield isn't it? We seek out the labels in order to understand ourselves and to belong, whilst at the same time feeling excluded or boxed in by the labels others apply to us! Often we can't even agree on definitions and the connotations associated with different labels! For years I applied a label to myself - "Weird!" Funnily enough - as I get older, it's the one I have most affection for!

Hugs Ginny xxx

[OliviaM]

OMG Ginny. I tried to post here last night and the battery died and the device froze. Wouldn't charge, shut off, or let me log out. At first I thought I did something and would have to ask my resident tech expert what to do. Of course that would mean seeing the screen stuck on the forum. At first I panicked, but then I thought oh well the subject would be out there for discussion. I left it as it was in a place it could not be seen and went to bed. In the morning, the device was dark and began to charge without the forum page showing. Equally relieved and disappointed. Now I hope I can remember what I wanted to say last night. Thank you for your post it really made sense. So all men in women's clothes are in drag and we do it for completely different reasons. I think the labels help in some way for the person in "drag" and those around them to understand those reasons. Of course there are levels within the drag categories. In this forum, for cross dressers, there are people who want an outward expression for their female inside who are not attracted to men even when en femme, and they do not want to dress 24/7. There are others who want all three or something in between. We do not have to let the labels stifle, but know they are there and just feel comfortable with ourselves. And Ginny, a little wired is not so bad, it's all relative. Hugs xxx to you.

[OliviaM]

Oh wait. Thank you Anthony Simon. Hearing people voice similar feelings is a real confidence booster. That's why I love this place.

[Martina Hall]

Are we trying to define definitions here? What do all us girls prefer to be called? Transvestites? Cross-dressers? Drag Queens? I am not uncomfortable with any of these. Another question: Are you offended by the word 'tranny'? Also not offensive, although it could be, depending on what was meant by the speaker.