Need Help with what I am feeling

[Kara]

I haven't been on in a while. Seems like I only pop on when I need help.

My dressing has always been sexual. From the time I started. Internet porn has only progressed this. It is something I have been struggling with and am working to change because it is affecting my health and well being negatively. My dressing has become part of this so I am also trying to stop that also because one feeds the other. I want to determine if dressing is just a sexual thing or something that is part of me.

About a week ago I was looking at Youtubes about people struggling with transvestism and transgender issues. I came across these videos by someone calling himself gregory gorgeous. I started watching and, not really sure why, but kept watching more and more.
Over the last few years he has transformed into she and now calls herself Gigi Gorgeous. If you want to see go here: https://www.youtube.com/user/GregoryGORGEOUS
Go back a few years and jump your way forward through some of the videos.

Anyways, I find her transformation stunning. The personality is a little over the top for me, but kind of a hoot.
But I can't stop thinking about her. What is wrong with me?
When I was a teen I fantasized about being a Playboy bunny. I think what I feel is she is what I wanted to be. I admire her for having the courage to do what I was afraid to do. I would love to tell her so.
At the same time I am jealous and feel guilty for feeling this way because it would mean I wouldn't have the life I have now - great kids and a wife who loves me (but doesn't always understand me.) How can one rationally say they wish they had become a woman and erase their previous life and the lives of their kids?

Anyway, back to Gigi.
I keep watching this video over an over https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cw5_p8NRetg
I love her butt. (She is the tall blonde in the leopard like leggings, by the way). I want to know how to get a butt like that.
I've fantasized about her. Which just makes me feel guilty. Even though I know that it is going nowhere.

In her, for the first time, I see the possibility of what could have been or be with me. It frightens me and excites me. And makes me jealous.
I've always told myself that I was too tall, too manly looking, too this, too that to ever make a good looking woman.
Yet, after watching her transformation, I actually think I could.
And that frightens me also. I have been hiding behind excuses and now that I see a possibility, I am not sure what to do.

But it makes me wonder if this is just a progression of sexual addiction. Porn is progressive, always looking for the next new thing, and I am not sure if what I am feeling is just the progression of this. If this is the next new thing to latch onto.

Your thoughts?

P.S. Thank you very much in advance for putting up with my rambling.

[Davita]

First, the easy question for getting a nice butt. You get it the same way other women get it: be born with it (*sigh* the best way); the correct exercises, the ever so expensive butt implants and finally the easy cheat of panties that have pads (and hips). BTW, someone said for the panties, putting pantihose over them evens out and smooths the lines better for a more real look.

Now is it all about the sex or the need to be a woman. As you said, porn is progressive. I think many of us girls have an addictive nature so being addicted to sex would be a natural thing to occur whether you like it the idea or not. Would being a woman change what you do for sexual pleasure? Probably not other than you had suggested that it might add to your repetoire of what you do/feel.

How can you separate the sexual feelings from wanting/needing to be a woman? First, I think by definition, you have a fetish. You need to figure out what exactly that fetish is. Once you know what it is, figuring out the why you have that fetish might help to change the "habit." Just concetrate on the fetish since it seems to be your focus. The dressing, the need to be a woman, will either stay or go with the fetish. If it goes when the fetsih goes, then you have the answer to the relationship. If it stays, you have the answer to the relationship.

Hope this helps.

[Anita]

Hi Kara—
My take on this is to suggest that you find a support group; either a trans support group, or an 12-step sexual addiction group. It is hard to fight something like this all alone. In my own experiences with it, I went out in the world as a woman to deal with it. I went to support groups. I was also single, so I could experiment and go through the fire, so to speak, to try to find my way to the other side. I did not have a partner or a family to deal with. You do, and that limits the options for you.

It is very hard to separate dressing from sexuality, IF the two are tied together. I know one way that people on this forum have done it is by just living more and more as women, until the fascination and obsession began to diminish. That solution won’t help you, if you’re dealing with this in secret and have others in your life who don’t know. You’re probably not going to be going out in public at all, and it’s not usually practical to try to dress at home fulltime.

It helps to write to us. There is nothing like “live” support, though—somewhere you can go where others know more of what you’re going through. This is too specialized. A pastor or a therapist may have all the good intentions in the world, but they’re not going to know the power behind all of this. We know!

Yet, after watching her transformation, I actually think I could.
And that frightens me also. I have been hiding behind excuses and now that I see a possibility, I am not sure what to do.

Kara, if you go to a support group, you can actually dress as a woman when you’re there, and ‘try it on for size.’ You can listen to other’s stories, and see which ones fit your own experience, and which ones don’t. I had my own fears about whether I was destined to ‘transform,’ and to figure that out, I had to spend time as a gal around others. I’m not sure I could have done that on my own.

But it makes me wonder if this is just a progression of sexual addiction.

In some way, whether on your own or with others’ support, you have to wrestle with this. It will affect your health and well-being, as you’ve noticed. If you can’t find others right now, then I would hope that you can sit down and plan a step-by-step process that you can use to make sense of all this. Only you can figure out what that might be. Then try to implement it. Don’t be upset if it takes months to stay on track and make any progress; this type of thing has a lot of power. I wish you the best.

[DonnaT]

Sounds like a need for more stimulation, likely due to previous stimuli wearing off.

A sex therapist may be of help. You might want to take something to reduce your libido to see where that takes you.