Started dressing at 11

[KathrynCamfield]

When I was born, August 27, 1946, they said I was a boy. By age 11, I was sure I was a girl. However, my mother said I was being silly and not to anger God.

Back then, transgendered kids were ignored. My mother was my only source of information, a flawed source at that. She taught me about a vengeful God who would punish me for "sinful thoughts." She was divorced against her will, so she told me how men only think of one thing and that I should not have sex with a woman because "they don't like sex." She hated men and I agreed because I certainly hated me.

So, although I wanted to be a woman and no one would believe me, when I left my mother at age 18, I tried to become a man, even though I never had any male image. (Never met my dad.)

Through two failed marriages and, thankfully, no kids, I blundered forward trying so hard to be a man. I learned how to walk like a man from movies, but I simply could not think like a man no matter how hard I tried. In bed, I made love to my wives the way a woman would, with lots of foreplay, kisses and hugs and romance.

When I met the woman of my dreams, in 1998, I did something I had never done before. I told her everything. I admitted that I had felt like a woman my whole life but I did not think I was a woman. I didn't want gender reassignment surgery or hormones. All I really needed was to dress like a woman without having to hide.

Smart girl that Cindy is, she immediately researched transgendered topics on the internet, joined an online support group for transvestite's wives and bought me a dress. I could scarcely believe it. Someone finally got me and apparently loved me in spite of myself. We went out in Big Bear Lake (CA) as women in July 1998. Since then, because I am a writer working from home, I've been a woman five days a week and a man on weekend.

When I first started passing, believe it or not, I was 275lbs and 5'10." I lost weight over the years but was still 230lbs a year ago. In the last six months, I lost 40 pounds on The Transvestite Diet now I am 190lbs and 5'8." (Who knew that being 67 would lead to getting shorter!)

Also adding to my happiness: Since January of this year (2014), I have been a part-time ballroom dance instructor for the Ibanez Dance Studio in Reno. (My mom was a professional ballroom dancer.)

Strange. Back in the 80s, I taught as a man. Today, I'm teaching as a woman.

So now, I'm a happy working woman, thanks to the unlimited love and support of my wonderful wife, Cindy.

[DonnaT]

Nice

[Rikki]

Kathryn,

Love and cherish that woman!! You lucky person and enjoy those dance lessons, what fun they must be. I so love images of ballroom dancing back in the 60's and early 70's, those dresses were divine.

Rikki

[Carol Ann]

Oh happy days as like you I wasn't happy as a boy and after being caught by my mother twice dressing in her clothes which she was really upset and forced me to dress and go shopping with her and when no one knew the difference she caved in and let me dress at home and after a while we were going out as mother and daughter. Now that was back in the early 50''s and it was a hugs NO NO.

I dress and live as a women about 95% of the time as my loving wife which said NO to going full time as she still enjoys seeing me as her man , life is great

[LisaK]

Kathyrn--can you elaborate on this ?--"In the last six months, I lost 40 pounds on The Transvestite Diet"

[KathrynCamfield]

Sure!

I created the Transvestite Diet about a year ago. (It is NOT anything like the Crossdresser Diet, which has been around for a while.)

My editor wanted me to write it as a book but we finally decided just to make it a part of my Oct 2014 book HAPPILY TRANSVESTITE. Frankly, an entire book about it would be about 7 pages.

I'll be talking more about it on my blog, but basically:

1. No gym membership, unless you really want to.
2. No expensive food.
3. No "point system."
4. No cost, except for the book when it comes out. (Although knowing me, I'll end up spilling the beans long before the book is published.)
5. Almost no sacrifice. You can much of what you already eat.
6. No drugs, supplements or special drinks.

I weighed 275 pounds in high school. Once, in the mid 80s, I hit an all time high of 313 lbs. At the time, I was 5'10."
When I could not dress, I gained weight. When I was not dating or married, I lost weight and eventually, with love came weight.

I tried more than a dozen diets through the years and the only one that worked a little (getting me down to 230) was Weight Watchers, and only because I attended the meetings as a woman.

A year ago, I was on 12 different medications for blood pressure, diabetes, thyroid and cholesterol, not to mention Zoloft, Clonazepam and Bupropion for anxiety and depression. I also had problems with side effects, shaking, drowsiness ETC.
So, I decided I had to lose weight or die.

So, I realized that the problem in the past had been MOTIVATION.

Suddenly, it hit me: I was 275 when I first started passing 16 years ago. I was 230 about five years ago.
Before I died, I wanted to be A PRETTY WOMAN. I wanted to wear a size 14 dress. In short, I wanted to be a better woman.

So, the only kind of exercise I felt I could do, was to walk. We live 900 yards from a beautiful river (the Truckee) with three parks within a mile. So I started walking a half-hour out and a half-hour back. Soon, I was walking a mile a day, five days a week. What made it doable, palatable and worth-while was that I walked AS A WOMAN. In fact, that made me so happy that I didn't want to stop. (Once I walked two miles to a casino and my knee hurt for about a week.)

Exercise, check. (Remember I am 67 years old and was 230 when I started.)

(Sorry. Got to tell a joke: "grandma started walking a mile a day; we don't know where she is now.)

So back to the diet. The best diet is to EAT LESS. At first, I was having only one hamburger and fries, and then, one hamburger and no fries. As I got used to eating less, I found I was less hungry. I used to eat two hot dogs at one time. Tonight, I was only able to eat one.

On my own, I stopped eating potato chips, french fries, ice cream and candy.

Every time I dropped a dress size, it kept me going. Can I have pizza. YES. but not every day.
(Funny thing, I found a terrific, inexpensive alternative. Michelina's Pizza Rolls. 17 rolls, nuke them for 90 seconds, costs $1. 220 calories. Also, Michelina's pizza rolls are the best on the market. And, Supreme Pizza Snackers, Mozzarella cheese, spicy pepperoni, savory sausage, bell peppers and onions, all mixed with zesty pizza sauce and stuffed inside oven-baked Foccacia bread. $1 for two. 180 calories.)

Remember, you can eat almost anything. Just NOT A LOT.
For lunch, I love unsalted cashews. I eat yogurt, Kraft puddings, a root beer once a week. I eat peanut M&Ms because I can put them in a bowl and just eat a few now and again. Smart Ones, Lean Cuisine are fine and the reason they work: they are mostly only a HALF-CUP per serving. I hate apples, but love bananas, cantaloupe, peaches and pears.

Last night, I ate Chinese takeout. A week ago, we went out for Italian food.
The key is just this. Eat want you like BUT NOT A LOT OF IT.

In addition, after about a month, you'll find you CRAVE less food.

So, I weighed 190 lbs this morning. 5'8" Size 14 dress.
My med's effective 5-21-2014:
1. Diltiazem
2. Levothyroxine
3. Metformin (500 MG, instead of 850 MG, 3 times a day.)
4. Simvastatin
5. Warfarin
Multiple Vitamin

Thanks so much for asking me about it!
Want to know more, just email me.

[Ralitsa]

wow, you are so lucky to have an SO that gets you so well. It's great to hear that you got past all the earlier issues and now found happiness.

And congrats on getting into a size 14!! I know what you mean about finding the motivation to lose weight by targeting the size you want to wear. I actually did that same thing, and was able to drop 2 sizes. Like you, I found that after eating less for a while I was actually less hungry. Now I only eat 1 meal a day, mostly fresh vegetables because I'm too lazy to cook, but I do put some brats on the grill once in a while. I call mine the cheapskate diet because another goal is to save money on groceries.

[KathrynCamfield]

I hear that! A good diet should save us money!

[Requal Jo]

A beautiful story Kathryn. I am pleased that you have finally found your true place in life.

[TiffanyAnne_Williams]

Thanks for sharing your story Kathryn - I love a happy ending!

[JenniferMay]

Kathryn, that is such a wonderful story. I'm glad that you were able to be truthful with your SO. You were lucky to find a woman like her. I wish you all the best in the future. And congratulations on getting yourself healthy again. Bravo!

[Paulette]

A good story Kathryn, and it points up the significance of being raised and socialized by women.

I was raised by my mother, her girlfriend and two sisters, my father's two sisters and both my grandmothers until I was five. The men in the family were either in the service or paid me no attention. After that, my father came home from overseas and I began school, and from that point on I was socialized as and adopted the goals and values of a boy.

I remember little of this period, the first five years of my life, but I know that all the significant figures around me were women. The few images I have from that time were of women, often in their underwear or putting on makeup. And though I didn't start dressing until I was 11 or twelve, I'm sure the earlier period had a great effect on me such that while I wanted to be like a girl, I had no idea of how to do that other than by stealing from clotheslines and dressing in secret.

This is one pattern I frequently find in the histories here. Another is your own, which tends to more frequently spend a large portion of their time and life en femme. It's not easy being a girl, and unless you have good teachers or models, or worked hard at it, you almost have to go through adolescence all over again, which is probably why so many CDs go through or get caught up in a pink fog.

You're one of the few who have a successful adult life as both a woman and a man.

Congratulations!