Why gender?

[Anne Bonny]

Why gender? Isn't it strange? What is it? Why are we drawn to this softer side? We feel a sense of peace, a decrease of our stress... are we restless as men, is it not enough or is it something else? - We find being a man to be overbearing or confining and we want to be that other part of our self. This softer side is already inside us! The femininity is already there it is trapped inside us and wants to be allowed out, it wants merely to express it self. Aren't we already decent to women? Don't we already see ourselves supporting them because we feel we are with them?

[Noeleena]

Hi .

or is this really about being human some men dont have a soft part to them they are hard calculating B........s and i would not trust them .....EVER.....colder than the Ice down at the South Pole Antarctic and iv been down there , no emotion well what there is its sure not loving ,
let alone kind , so where is gender in this ,

we all have parts to us that ....can..... show emotion love kindness friendlyness and lots of other lovely nice things , we are born with this its not a tack on its just us ,

For some i dont think it,s being drawn to this its just some dont open thier door of accepting this is who we are about ,

Yes i know some will use clothes = crossdressing as an excuse to be like us and dress like us and emulate us in what ever way they can and no doubt do very well and remember not every woman is loveing and kind some can as well be hard and like some men ,

I struggle with femininity and as a female im seeing to sides to this one is as used to look feminine yea well i miss out on that , so thats a no no.
how others see me they can judge me on that may be i show it what as being female or a woman i am that of cause , whats feminine to me im hard pressed to answer that and really i struggle with it , hey i know my self too well to say different,

Im not hard yet can be sometimes i loving im caring i can get vocused im soft , yet i will defend my self and i can stand up for my self ill go down fighting before i allow any man to touch me inapropitly or try me on , yes im a very strong woman and have needed to be most of my life, is this feminine i really dont care, more like not i wont be walked over ether,

No id best not get into details concerning men , that to has been a struggle ,

I will say this us women have taken the brunt of a lot of detail so we need to be strong , maybe not your idear of femininety yet what is it when we have to try and have a life and try and live as female / women , its when you live it you can see us maybe in a different light and what makes us the way we are ,

Just my looking at it from where i stand ,

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

I am who I am, we simply must be who we are and in that we find happiness and peace within. There is something in all of this, here I find beauty, contentment, happiness in being. I suppose that is my answer as to why I am like this. Everything else seems to be trying to prevent me from being here because they say I am a man, I am male so I cannot be this way inside that may be true I am a male on the outside but I am not at least not consistently on the inside. When I feel this way inside I simply must feel consistent as a whole so what is outside reflects this inner feeling of feminine beauty radiating from within the core of my soul. Nirvana? It is like that I think and why therefore am I not fully loved and accepted when I am just being who I am in the moment? My identity is valid genuine and true it is love and peace it is the best of who I am but rejection sadly is what we receive instead because we fail to meet the template we do not fit the pattern because our body is male not female. Sad isn't it to be rejected just for being who we are? I am who I am - sad isn't it?

Noleena - I had a thought laying here so I wanted to turn on my laptop and set it down here, getting back to your post - yes I see it we face different issues unique to who we are when times are good we are loving and when they are not we are tough I suppose some are hardened because their life has been tough they are jaded by experience but we must not allow ourselves to become that way. responding to conditions as they warrant but refusing to let them make us hard we remain loving people.


** Edited to combine successive posts, as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 65&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - Members may edit their posts within 6 hrs of original post. - SL

Wa? oh...ok will review...make all a single post I see..ok.

[Requal Jo]

Is it that real men do not cry or display emotions. Is it that we as men have this enate upbringing to be manly. Be a man, don't cry.

Therefore does dressing allow us to display this softer inner femininity that is pent up inside our manly bodies? This being the only manner in which we could permit ourselves to experience these deep, trapped inner feelings.

Just a further thought to your questions Anne.

[Anne Bonny]

I am sure most would say that these feelings we have are no different than normal masculine feelings. Really? I don't think so, I am a man and I know feelings like this do not fit inside a masculine mind we have them and we recognize them as feminine or apart from our usual mode of feeling and thought. Could we have these feelings and not dress? Sure we do it all the time but it is only half a loaf. The feelings come before the dressing. We can always put on feminine clothing but without the feelings I find I have no desire to do so, I just feel silly and masculine clothing feels correct. But when I feel feminine, feminine clothing feels right, though remaining in masculine clothing due to circumstances does not make me feel silly about being dressed masculine, there is just the desire or the wish that I could dress consistently.

As for the feelings my personality does not change, I do not become flamboyant, I am just my normal self with this feminine feeling, perhaps I am a little "softer"? More open, less aggressive more peaceful or loving inside but I do not believe anyone would be able to notice a shift in my behavior or thinking. It is difficult to describe.

[Sarah Ann]

I feel that, whatever the cultural overlays, the basic cause of transgenderism is genetic. It's a matter of physiochemical brain function. God dealt us a mixed deck of ROM cards. Anybody wanting to get into the nature-nurture thing, let's go to Hot Topics and I'll defend my position with reams of research, but suffice it to say that approaching our situation psychoanalytically looking for answers to "why?" is doomed. Just accept it as "is" and let's move on to coping. When you've been hit by a tornado or something else beyond human control, asking why is pointless, like me wondering why I'm "me", instead of being my sister or Sheila two houses up the road.

I do know that I'm very thankful every day that I'm merely attracted to being feminine rather than inspired to chase sheep in a pasture or some damned thing

[Anne Bonny]

I guess it is my day to day gender in a blender as everything is in flux, pressures not to dress, the conditions are right so that I can, being in a more masculine mood, or a feminine mood, my mind in a tumble over all of this.

I hear you and know that you are right. I am who I am, when I think back over my life I must admit I have lived with all of this from a very early age - let's say age 9 ish.... It is just a fact about myself. So I need to move on and work on my comfort with being who I am in front of others, with expanding the list of those who know. I think the best advice here was to just do it and as with anything else soon it will become my norm and the norm for those who are around me so they no longer bat an eye. Ok.

[KimberlyS]

Why do you need to be one or the other? Maybe you should quite trying to figure out who you are and just be who you are. Yes some times you may need to look like a male father figure but who you are internally is just you. You can look macho masculine dad on the outside and feel all feminine inside.

I have leaned to just feel and be myself and add clothing to match my mood, function, or needed presentation. And outward presenting clothes can present one gender image and the internal ones only you see can present a different image. I personally mix and match depending on my mood and what I need to present to the world.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

[Anne Bonny]

Yes this is where I am now. I agree 100% This will be me for the rest of my life from now on - yea!!!!

[Andrea F.]

As I age, I am gravitating towards the feminine side of the spectrum. I really prefer the feelings and emotions that go with the lifestyle of dressing up in my pretty dainty lingerie. The world is a dark place and dressing up like a girl brings me lots of pleasure and peace. There are so many wonderful things to do while dressed en femme. I really do believe we girls here have an advantage to be able to cross over into the wonderful world of being who we really are. I struggled for years being alone with my dressing, however I did confide to a friend of mine and he was cool with it. Made me very, very happy. I no longer had to hide the true me. It was getting very hard to keep my feminine side to myself. I am glad opinions are changing for the better for all of us. Hopefully one day, we can go out dressed as we wish and not get judged for who we really are. What are your thoughts on this girls? One day in the future, Andrea wants to get dressed and go out and put herself into the world for all to see.

[Virginia]

I do know that I'm very thankful every day that I'm merely attracted to being feminine rather than inspired to chase sheep in a pasture or some damned thing

Allah ak bar! BBBBAAAAAA!

Virginia

[JanGriffin]

Genetic !!! yes , that is how I see it - just something inside that wants out. And when I am Jan in looks, I am Jan in emotions and wants - like the company of other women doing female activities. I guess females have more fun - cos they readily make friends with each other - wanting that so - a friendly hug or feminine kiss - ladies can do that and its alright.



*** Post edited to remove redundant quote, as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 65&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL

[Toni_Lynn_P]

If I may -- I'd like to quote an abridgement from my blog:

My crossdressing, dare I say, my being a girl is an integral part of me. I can no more be the way I am as an oak tree not be an oak tree or a lion not be lion. I like being the way I am. One can postulate any number of reasons why I at age 7 wanted so badly to use the girls washroom at school, why at age 8 wore my sister's panties, and why at at 13 I wanted a bra. Well, actually on that last one it was gynecomastia -- something that I see as a blessing. One an only guess why I prefer to wear skirts and dresses and panties and bras. Is it like whether or not someone likes liver (ptui)?

One thing that is certain is that I have to crossdress. I will be quite bold here. If I do not crossdress, I will die, plain and simple. My history is that I am recovering alcoholic. I have also suffered from morbid obesity. These both where exacerbated by any effect by family and the world around me to suppress the 'ME' that I am. The spiral down into depression and self-hate when I can't be who I am is a visible and real effect. Consequences of all that is that I know that it will lead to a resumption of my professional career as a substance abuser, and that will lead to heart attack, stroke, and death.

It ties in many ways to the abuse I suffered as a child, abuse because I wanted to wear girls clothes. As the abuse worsened between age 13 and age 17, I went from being a straight A student to B's and C's. I began to believe that I actually was this evil pervert that no one would ever want. By age 21 was committing a ritualistic suicide in the form of placing a red dot on my wrists so I knew where to cut.

Maybe more than was needed here, maybe off topic -- but the bottom line is -- it just is. I stoppe dtrying to figure it out a long time ago. I LIKE the way I look in a dress and I like skirts (maybe hats why when I have to be crossdressed as a boy, I wear a kilt). I like panties over tighty-whities. I also like the colour blue, I like swiss cheese and prefer to listen to CBC radio. I do not like avocados and do not like most TV shows or music today and do not like stand up comedy (I don't get it). Who knows why. It is just is that way

Hugs

Toni-Lynn

[Gillian]

Toni-Lynn quote; "I like panties over tighty-whities. I also like the colour blue, I like swiss cheese and prefer to listen to CBC radio".I can understand the panties, the cheese. but CBC radio, thats just weird...LOL.
As we have gotten farther beyond the industrial revolution, I believe that men have gotten farther away from their traditional roots. Women are now working in factories, in the armed forces and so on, with men getting farther into the macho "thing" that doesn't represent what the true nature of what men were/are meant to be. There has always been an element of male society that had its gentle side. As far as fashion goes, there were the macaroni's, dandy's, in todays lingo, metro-sexuals. It just seems that if a man shows anything that appears to be "weak" then he is thrown under the first bus that comes along. When we see the industrial/war complex that has grown since the 1800's, one has to wonder who is wanting all the men to be so macho, and who is setting up the next generation to be the cannon fodder, and for what purpose. Now don't get me wrong, I want peace, and I am prepared to take it by force if necessary, but not for the sake of the fat cat rich guy who might lose some money. Human rights are for everyone, women, men, CD'ers, TG... and the list goes on. Gender has always been the best way to separate the warriors from the breeders who will supply the next generation of warriors, Anything TG, or CD related just throws a wrench into their plans and thinking. Just remember this the warriors of the 1700's were wastrels, drunks, who joined the army to help keep them in their life style. With modern war, this doesn't work anymore, so why should we wonder why society thinks and acts like it does, just look at history with open eyes and you can see why we have come so far in one arena and not in another.