People fail to accept that gender like orientation can vary

[Anne Bonny]

Thought I would pop in here and add this thought... Many people even today do not believe someone can be Gay, or bisexual apparently believing this is a behavior and a lifestyle choice. Well, we are viewed in the very same way by probably an even higher percentage of people. People believe we are making some kind of a perverted lifestyle choice and would firmly reject that our gender is something we are born with and ours is somewhere in between or completely the opposite of our physical sex.

When people begin to accept our gender is what it is, I believe acceptance will improve.

Perhaps they are afraid of our presentation in the world since we have remained hidden in the shadows? Perhaps they do not want their comfortable simple, basic male/female binary understanding of the world shattered? They are uncomfortable with it, and have a great deal of difficulty with it, they want things to be the way they believe they are "supposed" to be rather than to be revealed to be as they really are which is more complex.

Perhaps we ourselves with our blended/mixed gender fear what all of this truly means for ourselves? What are the implications for each of us? I really think it is just a recognition that many of us would never fit the strongest, insensitive, abrasive, competitive, masculine man who can be unfeeling - those who would abandon their wives and children if they hindered their life? We are more sensitive, and caring, we take in the beauty of our world and we are or tend to be a little softer - yeah...so what?

My gender is not completely female, but it is not the strong abrasive alpha male either and I really do not care or want to be anything but what I am. When I am feeling more masculine I want to get along with people, I want to be liked, and I hope I am seen as friendly and considerate, as a gentleman...but that's just me. At other times I drift in a more sensitive and feminine direction - but there is not a thing wrong with any of this or with my ability to accept it because this is who I am, this is where I fit and I am therefore comfortable with it and not fearful of it for that reason. I suppose it can be a little scary or was but not anymore.

I am who I am, I am where I am because my gender is what it is that's pretty simple and as I blossom more and more and open like any budding flower to the world then these realizations will help me to see and to adjust having implications for how I exist in my world, how I am, how I dress and feel and interact with others. For myself such little epiphanies and ah has's take me closer to who I am supposed to be. Great thought and feeling.

We are more than Metro because our gender places us into femininity and at times when we are really feeling all of this watch out!! As individuals we all live within a range of emotions and moods so that we can vary from a rather regular man to a rather feminine person as well.

I know this is passe, old news to many, but as a child sees the world everything is new to them as the experience it for the very first time, children they say help us to stay young, they also help us to see old things in a new way. These thoughts to me are new so I cannot help myself, writing them down.

[Andrea F.]

I wholeheartedly agree with Anne here. I believe we were either born this way or it was caused by an event early in life that changes who we are. Society needs to accept who we are. We can't help that we are not masculine and other typical male attributes. Like Anne said, we have a mixture of both parts of us. Very complex and hard to fully understand it all but all we know is that change is in the air for us. Awareness and understanding would be a beginning. Old gender stereotypes need to be tossed aside in this diverse world we are living in now. I believe there really is no such thing as male or female but many different shades of gray. All of which are important to allow for freedom of expression and not be limited to what birth gender you are.

[Ralitsa]

Well of course one can find examples of people who believe any number of things, so that some people believe a particular notion doesn't mean all that much.
I don't agree that "society as a whole" (if that phrase even has a meaning) are completely unaccepting towards gender diversity.
And really, I'm getting a bit tired of the whining that "society doesn't accept me, and they need to". Honey, if you are waiting on society to give you permission to be yourself, then you have other issues. I'm not saying that is has never happened that someone has been beaten up or killed because they didn't fit in one way or another, but at least in the western world that has become very rare. Obviously the situation is much different in the middle east.

I wear women's clothes, out in public, all the time with no problems. I've gone everywhere, Europe, South Africa, all over the US dressed as I please and have not had any trouble. Sometimes there is a bit of confusing going through security when the person reads my ID, and then I'm happy to think that for a few seconds I actually had them fooled into thinking I am female. Usually nobody is fooled though. So I totally reject the contention that I am not accepted as I am.

I do have a written agreement with my current employer that I will wear only male clothes when on the job. Before I was hired my boss said basically "I really, really don't care what you do on your own time, but these are the rules at work. If you want to work here, this is what you will do." Fair enough, I can deal with that. It's common enough to have a specific dress code, at least I'm not wearing a McDonalds uniform
Probably attitudes have changed a great deal in recent decades, everything in the world has changed a great deal. And before I went out and did it, and proved for myself that most people really don't care, I was one of those who thought the world would be against me. So yeah, it is hard to get past the fears that were implanted 40 years ago, and to accept ones self even though it contradicts decades of conditioning. But we are lucky now, because society is not the problem anymore, now the only thing holding you back is yourself.

[Anne Bonny]

Whoo...gender diversity, like that term, and the fact that I am the only one holding myself back...well...have started keeping appropriate items in my purse...and I did get out the other day in the car half dressed but only had to go through a drive up. Hey! that's progress.

[Ralitsa]

That is progress Anne, congrats!! I predict that you will find it get's a lot easier after the first time (it always does) and a few years from now you will look back at this and say "I wish I would have done that sooner".

The first time I wore a skirt out in public, I didn't even get out of my truck except to put gas in. And then I was looking around in fear that the pants police would come screaming up with the SWAT team to haul me away for reprogramming. But I survived that without any broken bones or loss of blood. And yeah, it took several years from that point before I really was comfortable with it. And now I look at all of that and laugh at myself for thinking it was such a major ordeal.

But now I'm sitting here in the local coffee shop in Laurel, MT, wearing a cute blue dress I bought last week, with my turquoise and sliver earrings and feeling really quite happy with life. Yesterday when I was here, a little kid maybe 8 years old was looking at me and trying to figure it out. Finally he asked if I was a boy or girl, and when I told him "boy" I think he had even more questions. I think his mom was nervous that he would say something that I would take offense at. But I never take offense at questions kids ask and I never give them B.S. answers, I figure that they need to have reliable information.

I did get shown to the door once in a shopping mall in Texas, but otherwise everywhere I've been, from small backwoods towns in Wisconsin to the other side of the world, nobody really cares much. I suppose that there are people I know that have a big problem with it but I don't have anything to do with them. I don't hide anything or pretend anything, and people can either accept it or move on, I'm not in the business of following other people rules. If they want to ban me from their church or social club or whatever, that's fine by me, I don't suppose they are the sort of people I want to spend time with anyway.

So I would say Anne, that you have enough real trouble with taking care of your wife now, you don't need to add any artificial problems. If wearing a dress, jewelry, make-up and anything else makes you happy, and helps you get through the day and do what needs to be done, then go for it. Of course you need to take care of yourself or you won't be able to take care of your wife, and I rather suspect that indulging yourself is something you need to maintain your mental balance and focus. Many of us here have noted that it seems easier, or more fun maybe, to get through all the mundane chores while dressed. I hate to add to the stereotype that housework is for women but I know myself that when I have to do housework I prefer to be wearing a dress. But I always prefer to wear dresses so maybe that doesn't mean anything
Anyway, life is too short to torture yourself over what other people might think. I always ask this question before I decide whether to bother about somebody's opinion: "Do I need something from them or do they need something from me?" Almost always they need something from me which means they have to meet my requirements. In a few cases (like an employer) I need something from them and then I have to follow their rules. And from all your posts over the years, it sounds to me like everyone wants something from you and it doesn't seem like anyone is giving you much help. So what will happen, all the people who aren't doing you any good anyway will go away and refuse to make more demands of you? Sounds like a good deal to me! So go buy yourself some new dresses, you deserve them

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks. Life is too short not to be all of who I am. My goal is to be out to everyone and to live openly, I do hope I can find a new wife and life partner, someone who knowing all of who I am decides she cannot live without me and who will encourage me to be all of who I am openly. For my part I would promise to love her and to care for her and be there for her until my life has run it's course and I have lost awareness of life. Until that day I continue to be there fully for the current love of my life caring for her as best I am able. And of course I will never forget her or fail to miss her once she is gone it will be a difficult day.

[Sandy]

I think I was born a female in my heart but was actually born a male on the outside. I know that people I know would never understand this about me except for perhaps my gay friends and random transgender folks that I have run into over the years. I have never had the confidence to confide in those transgender people but lately I have realized that I should and that perhaps someday I should just come out and tell people and not care about the results. I am very masculine on the outside and the first few times I even went out to gay bars people thought that I was straight and told me that the gay bars were down the street, that frustrated me and made me feel sick to my stomach that people judged me still even in the same community.

I have always fought with the female demon inside of me that is always telling me that you need to let her out and override this male part of you but I never can. I just know that I will be this way until the day they put me six feet under and I am going to put in my will that I am dressed in female clothes and if people don't like it so what. I need to get the confidence in being happy as a transgender mtf and labeling myself that way and if people cannot understand that is more there issue than mine.

[Toni_Lynn_P]

The first time I wore a skirt out in public, I didn't even get out of my truck except to put gas in. And then I was looking around in fear that the pants police would come screaming up with the SWAT team to haul me away for reprogramming.

This reminds me of when I was a wee teenage crossdresser back in the 1970s. As was my practice, I'd grab a skirt or a dress and a pair of boy's pants and head to the change-room. Over showing the attendant nothing more than the fact that I had something \on hangers (dress/ skirt tucked under the pants), I'd go do some try-ons. The first few time I did this, I so feared that a siren would sound a loud voice would blare : "crossdresser in the change room -- whoop whoop -- attention security -- crossdresser in the change room"

Never happened. Another fear fallen by the wayside

Hugs

Toni-Lynn