Weighty Matters

[Toni_Lynn_P]

One issue that I have struggled with that is in many ways resultant of abuse I suffered as teen over my crossdressing is substance abuse.

As I mentioned in my initial post (as well as in my blog found offsite) I am a recovering alcoholic. I have suffered from weight issues for many years, at one point weighing in at 275 lbs. Much of it came from self hate. Much of it came from depression.

I have cleaned up my act in those areas -- sober 26 years -- and lost my weight with help from my loving and accepting wife.. Now I am not only sober but also girly-licious!

I might also mention that I lost my weight via certain well known famous international known group. I was so successful, that I now lead meetings as a part of that group. Please note, I am not implying here in anyway that I trying to sell any service or that the organisation is CD/TG friendly. My ethics preclude me from doing that.

However, I am saying that I am willing to reach out to those of you who may be struggling with weight and offer encouragement. I have been there. I know how it feels to deal with the duality of wanting to - -if you will -- look like a sexy chick - yet feel like a chubby guy in dress.

I am also curious if anyone has every gone to any weight loss programme and 'came out' as a crossdresser.

Oh -- BTW -- I have done some of my meetings whilst wearing a kilt -- as close to a skirt as I can go to there.

Hugs

Toni-Lynn

[Eileen (SO)]

Congratulations, Toni-Lynn.

Depression and self esteem issues are a major cause of weight problems. For myself, I'll choose to remain pleasingly plump. Can't afford a whole new wardrobe anyway.

Eileen

[Ms. Erin]

Well hi Toni-Lynn, great that you mentioned this.

I am getting ready for my big start on the first of January. One of the things I am going to do, next to hrt, is weight loss. I will have an appointment with a nutrition (?) next Friday at my work. This is a free service for employees, so I might as well try and use it, and yes I will come out to her and tell her about my great step forward. (important for her to know, I think)

She is able to get me into a diet and exercise program, sponsored trough work. (thank you!)

I am losing a little bit of weight, but last time at the doctor I was still 228, and I was disappointed. So the belly has to go to make room for the hourglass.

Since this is located at my work I can not dress properly as Ms. Erin, so I can not yet discard my male clothes.

I will keep your offer in mind, thanks.



PS, girly-licious I am going to use that one.

[KymmieL]

Toni-Lynn,
Congratulations on 26 years. My SO just recently hit her 26 year mark also.

I am the one who is in need of help with weight loss. I cannot seem to lose. I am currently around 230# I hate it. I would be happy to drop at least 20#. But want to drop 40-50#. getting down to my Air Force weight. I think my problem is motivation. It is hard for me to get going. I had the opportunity last April when I was at my Mom's. I could have gotten off my dead--- and taken the dog for walks. but I was lazy and just stayed at the house. Now that it is colder it is twice as hard getting going. I don't have the $$$s to join the rec center, so I could swim or lift or just exercise period.

I don't have any friends to do anything with except my S/O. we have our first grandbaby on the way and would like to be able to have fun and keep up.

Kymmie

[Eileen (SO)]

Kymmie,

Buy a headset, listen to some music, (or talk radio in my case) and just walk! Cold weather burns calories faster.
Learn how to observe nature, tracks in the snow are fascinating.

Eileen

[Toni_Lynn_P]

Hi Kymmie

Here is a bit of advise that may help to get you motivated.

Yes - -activity is important. Start small Just a short walk -- then over time extend to it a few minutes
Portion control -- have anything you want, but not more than 4 oz of meet at supper, 2 oz at lunch
Fruits and veg -- eat as much as you want - let them fill you as snacks

You are the boss of your world. You can control the environment

Hugs

Ton-Lynn

[Ralitsa]

well for me the primary motivation was to be able to fit into a size 8 skirt But now that I've achieved that, I'm eyeing the size 6's enviously

Of course the other big factor involved with better nutrition is saving money. I firmly believe that eating right should save money on food bills. Now I'm eating mostly fresh, raw vegetables and fruit, with maybe some cheese or sausage or something like that. I very rarely have what is considered a "normal" meal, but that is largely because I'm too lazy to cook for myself and don't really see any point in it, when it's just myself.
But if one insists on the idea that one must eat three regular meals each day, whether you need it or not, then I think it's going to be pretty hard to be healthy. There is no good reason why adults need to eat 3 times a day, and kids really should be eating 5 or 6 times a day. But we have this habit of thinking that it's immoral to not eat 3 regular meals a day, and I reject that. So I feed my kids whenever they are hungry, I never make them "wait until supper so they don't spoil their appetite" (which incidentally I think is the craziest idea I've ever heard), and when they are hungry again 2 hours later I give them some more apples and carrots. And I don't feel compelled to eat something just because everyone else is.

Everyone in my family think's I'm totally insane, but they have always thought that anyway. Probably I am crazy, but I'm also the only one that can wear a size 8 skirt

[Toni_Lynn_P]

Ralitsa

You are on to something when it comes to proper eating. It is far better to eat when one is truly hungry, rather than eat as a result of 'Hedonist Hunger' -- eating for pleasure rather than for energy needs. By recognising those hunger cues and not merely eating because the clock says so in this case, you can learn to maintain a healthy weight.

Hugs

Toni-Lynn

[Martha G]

I am 5'6" tall, medium build and now weigh 205 lbs.

According to the weight charts I should be about 146lbs.

What a goal to shoot for.

Think of the beautiful clothes I could wear. Beautiful skirts and dresses, and maybe a nice evening gown as well!

Since I make a good looking woman now, just think how much better I would look then!.

I could also do something I have not been able to do in years. Cross my legs one knee over the other.

I do have nice looking legs and in some attractive skirts I would love to show them off.

What do you girls think? Should I go for it. Naturally over a period of time.

Give me some encouragement ! I need all the encouragement I can get!

This girl thanks you in advance.

[Toni_Lynn_P]

Well Martha -- the first thing I will tell you to toss out the chart. Fir me it says 160 or so at the high end over 'normal'. Having never been normal I can tell you that 165 to 170 works better for me,

Second -- skip anything that says 'thou shalt not eat ....' or 'you shall buy _____ from us'. These simply don't work in the long run because you will not being going back to We Be Diets, Inc for the rest of your life to buy your food. In addition, there are no 'bad' foods. Yo can have everything and will in your life have everything you life. The goal is learning portion control.

Part of portion control means that while you might have a chocolate chunk cookie maybe even every day, you won't snack on them for every snacjk. Fill up on fruits and veg .. eat as much of them puppies as you want!

You can do it -- I've been there - -and I a sexy little sauce pot in my bra and panties and garter since I lost my extra pounds!

Hugs

Toni-Lynn

[Martha G]

The main thing is to get to the 146 lbs.

Then staying there.

I will be so healthy. And I certainly won't look skinny. And I have a great pair of legs.

I will also be able to cross my legs one knee over the other since I have not been able to do that for a while. Basically because I have short legs.

If I thought that I would look like a skeleton I would never do it. I hate being skinny.

But I look good now as a woman so I probably would look better.

Well, maybe I will try.

[Robyn]

Hi Toni-Lynn,

I had a feeling there were weighty facts behind that interesting and quirky personality of yours. Other than our mutual attraction to the women of the post-punk error, we have another thing in common. Although I’ve never faced weight issues, I too am an alcoholic. I’m coming up on two years of sobriety, and I’ve never been as free as I am “TODAY”. Although there was a period of six years whereas I was abstinent, I had not yet been delivered like I am now.

I was painfully shy growing up, and to all outward appearances there was absolutely no reason why I should have been that way. I never understood why I felt inferior or why social settings were so dreadfully uncomfortable. Well, when I discovered the magic of alcohol at an early aged I was instantly healed. The only problem was that I couldn’t stop. I won’t bother with the sordid tales or clichés, but I’ll simply say that the sun shines brightly each morning

... although I do my best to refrain from passing judgement upon others, I have a keen sense for recognizing those with a good soul

[Ralitsa]

Go for it Martha!!!!

I would not be too focused on a particular number for weight, or really worry about what some chart says. I would just work on one size at a time. There are a few benefits to this approach. First of all, setting multiple small goals is nice because you can achieve it faster.
But what I like better about it, is that you get to go out and buy new outfits every time to get to a smaller size. So whatever size you wear now, you just decide to get into the next one down. Then, of course, every week you need to go to the mall and try on some dresses in that size to see if you are there yet. Then magically, one day it will fit perfectly and you get to buy it And of course all week long you will be thinking about it in anticipation, and that will keep you motivated. Before you order those super-sized fries you will think, would I rather have these fries or to fit into that dress? And then you will take that money and put it in the saving-for-a-new-dress-jar.
I can wear a size 8 in skirts and pants now, but every time I look in the mirror, I think "hmmm, a bit of blubber about the midriff there, if I get rid of that I could maybe wear a size 6".

You can do it Martha, just keep your eyes on the new dresses that await you

[DanielleM]

Toni Lynn,
Thank you for broaching the subject. When I wasn't dressing, I found my self with several addiction behaviors to combat the stress and anxiety. One was alcohol but not abusive.. just a bit too much. I still drink but less than moderately and only socially now. My second was eating. I'm 5'9" but I reached 260 lbs at one point around 2007. I weighed in this morning at a much healthier 172! My third was internet porn and sex addiction. I saw a therapist for a while and attended a 12 step program.That helped but didn't solve anything. Being an atheist, 12 steps programs don't work for me and it was more of treating the symptom and not the underlying cause. What it all came down to was that I was fighting the conflict between being the man and husband everyone expects me to be and suppressing my dressing/feminine side.
Since coming out to my wife 2 weeks ago, my depression has left me. I don't have long bouts of sadness anymore. There is some stress and anxiety as me and my wife deal with my gender variance and how I intend to dress in order to bring my fem side back to life. We talk a lot more now and I've become better at asking her questions when I see her struggling and anxious. She has asked for full honesty and I give it to her. With my hidden addictions, she has a trust issue that I need to rebuild.. we're getting there.

[DanielleM]

I would not be too focused on a particular number for weight, or really worry about what some chart says. I would just work on one size at a time. There are a few benefits to this approach. First of all, setting multiple small goals is nice because you can achieve it faster.

I certainly agree with this. I talked with my trainer at the gym and her opinion is that since I do some weight training besides aerobics, I will gain weight from the muscle mass. She said look more at your waist size instead. I now fit a men's 34 inch waist, down from a 40, and a woman's size 14 jeans. I haven't been this slim in 25 years.. and loving it!

My wife did a weight loss program for a few years, ergo, so did I <g>. It helped and I lost 40 lbs but that's it. Unless someone asks what program we specifically follow now, I won't mention it by name but it's similar to the paleo diets that are floating around. We eat meat, veggies, fruits, nuts, eggs and cheese. No grains of any sort, nor starches derived from grains, and no processed sugar. Meats uncured only so no nitrites. Plus a goal of 45 net carbs a day. Net carbs is total carbs minus fiber. Once we started this program, I lost over a lb a week for 40 weeks and now slowly losing about 1/2 lb a week on average.