How do I shop successfully?

[Robyn]

Simply question; how does one go about shopping for clothing, dresses in particular? I’m certainly not vain, but while in the process of trying on different styles and colors in the privacy of my own home I’ve found that many items simply do not look very appealing on me. In addition, some of those that I thought would be perfect didn’t look good at all. I won’t be going out shopping en femme, nor do I see myself trying on dresses in the woman’s dressing room while shopping as a male. I’m hoping to avoid making purchases whereas I just end up returning them after I’ve gotten home and tried them on.

How do you ladies go about shopping?

[Virginia]

One of the first things you learn is that sizes vary from designer to designer. A 6 in a Gloria Vanderbilt is a 10 in Jordache or vice versa. Shoes, well that's a different matter. A girl's 10 is a man's 8.5 or so. There are "Women's" and petites, and juniors and some larger petites overlap with womens and juniors and petites overlap in the larger sizes. It ain't easy!

I can only tell you what I have done to learn sizes and get me in the "ball park," so to speak. I go to a Goodwill, grab a buggy and go up and down the aisles. I see something I like and it goes in the basket, shoes, dresses, blouses, skirts, jeans, slacks whatever. Up and down an aisle or two and no one knows or notices whats in your basket. I do look for size labels and a brand name in the clothing so I will have some idea for comparison. Then off to the changing room. In the changing room, if necessary, have a small notebook and make notes of sizes and what fits and what doesn't with the brand name. Elastic bands in skirts and slacks seem to work best as we are prone to changes in our waist lines. Carefully with the pullover blouses that require back buttons if you don't have anyone to button them. Sweaters are relatively easy. Also having a good dry cleaner is a good thing as some of the nicer items are there because a spot has "appeared." Close inspection can tell you if you think it will come out or not!

At check out I have had the cashier say "Oh, that is so pretty!" and I simply respond, "Thanks, I think she will like it!" Some other replies I have heard, let's say you buy a lot of things and the cashier says something as to the amount "Its for our church play!" I was going through the dresses once and pulled out one that was really nice and a lady standing next to me looked at it and said, "Oh, that is so pretty!" and I said, "So many women, so little time!" She laughed and moved on!

Ordering on line can be a real downer in that, for example, a "L" and "XL" can vary between 8 - 10 and 16 - 18. So again "going on site" i.e., Good Will will give you a good basis to work from and it is confusing as a Woman's L could be 10 - 12 whereas you may come across a Junior XL which could be 6 - 8. But it is fun trying. Also if you go this route, wear something that is easy for you to get in and out of, like a sweat suit, or warm-up suit. Just one less thing to have to struggle with and shoes that are easy to put on and take off and if you are trying on shoes that you find, no sweat sock, try them barefoot if you don't have any ankle hose.

The bottom line is virtually no one cares! No one is going to scrutinize whats in your buggy. Just do it!! Its like a treasure hunt anyway, so remember, "When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!"

Let us know what treasures you may find, I know I have found, probably more than my share, like a $2,200.00 Vera Wang, $290.00 pair of heels (brand new) for $3.00 (Yes, looked them up on the net!) a Coach all leather purse for $2.00 and a Prada Purse worth, at best guess $250.00 again for $3.00. Ain't it great!!!!!!????

Shop on!

Virginia

PS: Now I am all excited and its off on another treasure hunt!!!!!

[Carol Ann]

Good advise Virginia , now Carol Ann has been at this to long and nothing scares me anymore so I shop enfem and always have 3 or so items to try on.
Look in the mirror and make sure of the fit and then the over all look

[Ms. Erin]

Yes great advise given. I like to add that at one time you will find a store that's has a great selection and helpful staff. One of my favorite stores has a sales lady that enjoys helping me find an outfit, and I am en Femme btw, and fit clothes in the ladies fitting room. Her manger insisted that I use the ladies fitting room since most man are not all that "cool" and will not appreciate when they see a cross dresser in their fitting rooms.

Enjoy shopping. And oh yes me to, I do have clothes that are to small, but one day I loose weight.

[Anthony Simon]

The first thing you've got to do is work out your basic size. I mean, given that sizes vary from manufacturer to manufacturer, you're still going to have a basic size. Like I'm a UK 12, sometimes 14.

The way you describe it, you need to try clothes on to find if they look any good on you. If that is the case at home, it's liable to be the same way in a shop. I know you say you don't see yourself trying dresses on, but you need to come to some sort of conclusion before you buy.

For whatever reason I seem to have found that, if I buy separates - like a skirt and a top - together, I can sense if they will work together and if they will work on me. I have an image of what I look like en femme and think "well would that work OK with her" - and it does seem to work. Which enables me to avoid trying stuff on.

With dresses, however, I've been less successful. Part of that seems to be that I simply have a different body-shape to a woman. So, even if the general size is OK, often somewhere it doesn't fit right. This is particularly so under the bodice, where a woman's body narrows.

There is some stuff, like wigs, coats and shoes, that I have to try on. Dresses are probably in that area for me too...

[Davita]

Everyone is right about varying sizes. One simple thing to do is carry a tape measure and you ahve already measured yourself. What hasn't been mentioned is the cut of the manufacturer. My hardest place to fit me is my shoulder blades not my shoulders. Some styles and some manufacturers fit me better than others so you might know your size but the trying on teaches you who fits your body better than the others.

Now, do you have to try before you buy? Not if you know the return policies and a trip to make a return is just another excuse to shop again.

[Robyn]

Excellent tips, thank you all!!!

After I first read Virginia’s post this morning I thought “that’s BRILLIANT”. My SO and I were already heading out shopping this morning so we added thrift stores to our list of stops and off we went. While I was there I actually went through every dress on the rack just as if I had as much right to do so as the next person, but obviously I was able to maintain a higher level of self-confidence having her with me. I selected three colorful dresses that I’d like to have, and another that I had to have.
I casually entered the unisex dressing room. They were open at the bottom so if someone was paying attention they would have figured it out when they saw one of the long dresses drape down around my ankles while still wearing my mens black suede shoes. My heart pounded a bit as I somewhat rushed myself through the process. (An instinctive action I guess.). However, this day is marked in memory as my first, which I’ll never forget.

So I’ve confirmed that I’m most comfortable in a 1X, 16. I’ve measured my chest as 38”, and from what I’ve learned that means I’d wear a 42 bra size. (Haven’t purchased one yet).

you will find a store that's has a great selection and helpful staff. One of my favorite stores has a sales lady that enjoys helping me find an outfit

So, even if the general size is OK, often somewhere it doesn't fit right. This is particularly so under the bodice, where a woman's body narrows.

know the return policies and a trip to make a return is just another excuse to shop again.

So much to learn… so much life to be lived… getting to know helpful staff, bodice (never knew of that word), knowing the return policies… simple, but true.

[Ms. Erin]

I am happy you had a great time shopping. As far as the bra size, I measure 41 inch but have an 38 D cup. I was lucky that a sales lady actually measured me and advised me in the size, and tried them on in her presence, over my shirt. I guess the d cup makes up for the subtracted length? (I sure don't have d-cups)

You probably noticed that there are so many bra's, that it is very confusing to understand which one to get.

Go on, shop again, that's what a girl has to do right.

[Robyn]

TY Erin, and yes the bra, a necessary feminine garment… between the strap size, chest size, round up/down, add four inches, cup size, and not to mention the complexities of the breast form choices, lol.

BTW, I’m very happy for you :-) I’ve seen a lot of your posts, and you’ve made some pivotal life changes recently. We are all individuals with different goals and needs, and that’s the beauty of it. We are not here to harm others, rather to simply be accepted for who we are. I absolutely admire your diligence.

[Davita]

Want the simplest easy way to know your bra size? Do you own a men's suit? Does it fit right? What size chest is it? The odds are fairly good that's your bra size. Cups are however much you want to "stick out." Strap size? girl, the straps are simply attached proportional to the bra; you don't measure them. Now if you're talking about adjusting them so the bra sets right, simply adjust them so the bra isn't riding up in the back. If the bra does once you have it adjusted correctly, then you need to be going down a band size. Remember I said "the odds are farily good".

If your bra band is too tight, then you're gonna hate it by the end of the day. If your bra is too loose, there is a possibility of escaping girls sliding out from under or even simply falling out the top. If the cups are too small for your forms, the girls could find a new home outside the cups. If the cups are too big, the girls tend to roam some but tend to settle at some level they are comfy at, but nothing says they are setting right. One could lean one way, the other who knows. Once girl could be happier lower in her cup than the other.

Any time I make a potty run, I take a minute to adjust my bra band and make sure the girls are where I want them. I do the same when I am in a derssing room too.

[Robyn]

I love your tips Davita, they’re so logical. I would have never considered taking my men’s suit size into consideration. You said "the odds are fairly good", and it appears you’re exactly right. My men’s suite size is 44, but I wear all my boys close a size to big so that’d be a 42 bra. Brilliant.

Okay, so I’ve been looking at nails too, but it’s gotten quite confusing. My thoughts are I’d like to have some pre-painted nails that go on easy, and come off just easily with the hope of reusing them. Is that a reality, or just wishful thinking?

[Ms. Erin]

Hi Robyn,

Thank you for the kind words.

Nails are on my wish list as well, but I will need some big size, bigger then you can get in the stores. There are online stores that sell extra large sizes so I might consider that one day. But we are talking about your nails here, not knowing your size, but the nails made by KISS, not the rock band , sells a set that comes with what appears like sticky tape or something, and you can easily take them of and reuse them.

http://www.kissusa.com/nails/artificial ... .VJjnLCcFA

Now this link is not exactly what I was looking for, but I have seen them in the store.

Good luck dear, btw, Walgreens advised me just to go get a manicure instead.

edit... I just surfed at Sally Beauty and I found this on their website:

http://www.sallybeauty.com/nail-tips/SB ... lt,pd.html

There is hope for all of us girls.

[Davita]

aahhhh nails....... what a hassle any nails you stick on. Been there hate those and will never do them again. If you get a set that come off easy, wwwweeeelllll they do. If you get a set that doesn't come of so easy, then they are hard to put on. For either, you will have troubles with exactly two nails -- one on each hand. It never fails.

You mentioned size of the nails, yes, that can be a problem. If you have particularly large nails, you might need to see if more expensive sets have larger sizes. Cheap sets are cheap for a reason.

I'm not sure, but putting on nail polish and taking it off is probably cheaper than the fake nails. BUT as you said you want to reuse them. Then you still need to buy the contact papers or the glue. Pick a hassle. BTW, you have to prep your nails to put fakes on just as you prep for polish.

Look at your girl friends and the girls around you at w**k. As they come in all different shapes, their nails come in all kinds of lengths and shapes too. Many of my friends have short nails. I recommend just growing your nails a little bit beyond the tips of your fingers. It's an easy length to manage. Always look good when polished and no one particularly notices that length if not polished.

I said this other places. I just sit in from of the TV and do my mani and pedi and then polish when I am ready.

[Robyn]

Okay, given that Erin had “Walgreens advise her just to go get a manicure”, and Davita speaks from experience… I think I’ll bypass on the cheap “press on” nails for now. Thanks for the input girls, it totally helped me reevaluate that part of my look. Also, I think I’ve got the bra thang figured out too.

[Ms. Erin]

I am a bad girl now, I have nails.

I went to Sally and bought a set of plus size tips and the double sided tape. As I was paying another sales lady advised me that the tape is not going to work great, so I had her sell me the glue and remover. Then she told me I should go to one of those Chinese spa places to get my nails done.

Well guess what girls ? Ms. Erin now has a full set of pink nails, YEAH...

Posted pictures on my Facebook page. Yeah...

Another great thing is that I can not just take them of and put them back on, so this girl went to work, and still is going to work with nails. And uncovered. So since I also wear undergarment to work, I am now thinking of wearing my wig and apply minimum makeup. But I have to wear a hard hat, don't know if that hurts the wig.

Oh dear Davita, I am the girl at work now.

Oh dear Robyn, the length. They are about 3 to 4 mm or 3/16 of an inch (?) past my fingers. Talk about hoe disabled I was for a while. Trying to get your credit card out your wallet, forget putting on a necklace etc. etc... But I love it.