Finding My Place

[Jill Mansfield]

A thought came to me the other day about how I dress today and how I dressed 20 years ago.

When I was younger it was always short skirts the highest heels, heavy makeup and well for a better choice of words a very promiscuous appearance. Today I prefer a more casual style, I am a jeans and tee shirt , tank top, camisole type of girl. To some that may seem drab or boring but I honestly feel that out of all the styles I have tried this fits me best.

I have really toned down my use of make up and try to use as little as possible. I try for a more natural look and concentrate on accenting my best features to draw attention away from the less desirable ones.

I have found that it is so much easier to achieve a more feminine figure with high waisted jeans and just the right amount of padding to give me the curvy hips I really desire.

I am rather busty and I use 42c wide, low profile forms, they give me that full natural filled out look and just the right amount of projection so I don't look too top heavy.

I have also found that if my nails are a little longer and I wear bangle bracelets my hands look more feminine and not as large. I always match the color of my nails ,my fingers and toes. When it comes to my shoes I have a great love for strappy wedge sandals or any open toed shoe, I can never have too many shoes and I have learned through past experience to buy at least 2 pairs of the ones I really like because when they are sold out they are gone for ever.

On a good day when everything falls into place, the makeup is perfect , My hair is just right and all the curves are in the right places I can actually look like the average not too mature woman next door.

I do leave the house and do things I would otherwise not give another thought to, like getting gas and washing the car, normally boring but when dressed I find it quite exciting, especially when I glance down and see my painted nails or look into the rear view mirror and see a semi attractive woman looking back at me.

So back to the reason I wanted to put this all out here is I feel like I have come to a point in my life where it is sort of all coming together and I am rather content with the progress I've made both mentally and physically. So as for coping with my fem side I am content and feel like I have arrived at a high point in my life. I love being Jill and plan on continuing to strive to be the best girl I can be. I feel like I have found My style and it fits in with the way I live quite nicely. As a matter of fact I don't think of this as cross dressing , I consider it as dressing to the occasion.

To anybody who reads this I am new to putting my thoughts into written words, So if it seems I am rambling on , Well I am.

[Domonique]

Hi Jill. Ramble on. Getting your thoughts put down in words can be challenging especially when you have so many thoughts running through your head.
You are where I am now in life. Even my SO has noticed the change in modesty in the clothing I wear. I guess it is because we have finally become comfortable in who we are. Although I prefer skirts and dresses to jeans, we all find the style that makes us feel the most comfortable. Toning down the make up was another step that I took also, accenting the good to draw the eye away from the not so good.
Hope to be able to chat with you.

[Bernice]

Welcome to the Forum, Jill.

I'm envious. When I was younger I could venture out and feel comfortable. Not so much anymore. I also padded my hips, and even once wore jeans and boots when I might normally have gone with an un-bifurcated outfit - gave me a little more confidence in broad daylight, in case I did have a close encounter.

Less makeup is always better - and less expensive. Just enough to cover the beard bleeding through.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Anthony Simon]

I used to have a boat on the Thames (Not a very big boat). I was talking to the people in the next door berth once and said that it was one of the things I did with my life. Jill's post kind of reminds me of that.

[Toni_Lynn_P]

Hi Jill
...and welcome. Yes, there comes a point in our lives when it just all works -- when we are content to just be. Its almost like we just to place where we really don't care what others think or say, for as long as we are not being morally offensive in way, and use common sense, we harm no one. Life becomes normal, and for us wearing girls clothe sis our normal. Self-acceptance is a great thing

Hugs

Toni-Lynn

[Anita]

Hi Jill--
Your avatar is very nice, and illustrates what you're talking about. It doesn't surprise me that a lot of us go through a period of wild dressing. Our girlselves are not necessarily the same age and maturity as our guyselves are. They sometimes have some "catching up" to do, and dressing like a teenager can be part of that.

[Trudy]

Welcome Jill!

I know what you mean about finding your style. I am 63 and have been out for years. I know my style has evolved over those years from short tight skirts and spike heels to more mainstream attire. Perhaps the most important part of blending in is confidence and much of that comes from being comfortable with yourself and how you look. I used to always wear large forms and loved the looks I got. Today I am a very mediocre 38B. Enough to feel the tug of the bra straps as they hold them in place but very easy to find dresses and tops that look nice. The trick is to be you. Good luck and enjoy!

[Robyn]

When it comes to my shoes I have a great love for strappy wedge sandals or any open toed shoe, I can never have too many shoes...

Nope, never too many shoes. Looking back, I remember as a little boy thinking how much I wanted to have the same cute shoes that all the girls in school did. Obviously I had to wait to get my own, but perhaps I'm making up for lost time now.

[Requal Jo]

Hi Jill. Great to read your story. This is a great safe place to ramble on as I find the people in this Haven very friendly, happy and supportive.

My style of dressing has also changed over the years as my age continues to mature. Also I see the female fashion changing and this too influences my dressing.

[Gina L.]

Hi Jill,


Welcome to the forum, it was lovely chatting to you this morning ,I hope to do it again soon. xxx

[Anne Bonny]

Not at all. We all do a little growing, and evolving and eventually we find ourselves. You have nailed it. I may be pretty much where you are in terms of make up and dressing but I am still unable bring myself to going out as Anne. I should though. Best I have been able to do is to open the door to people I feel confident will accept it and so far I have not been disappointed. I was making a lot of headway when my oldest son told me he preferred if I did not dress around him. That was a real wet blanket for me. My youngest is out in an apartment. My gender intensity or prominence is what I call "Anne" and the other is my male name but I am the same person it is this gender that varies and my desires and feelings vary depending on which is more intense and prominent while my personality remains stable. I believe Anne would be present much more around here if I were not so sensitive to even a feeling of disapproval. Anne does not go where she is not wanted. I need to find the right woman one day the ones I share Anne with are mostly women. Well I envy your boldness, and confidence and nerve. I am a little worse than I was because my son did not want Anne around, shared it with his fiance and she did not want Anne around either. I suppose it is my home but I do not push myself on those do not want Anne.

I am like you though minimal make up, clothing any woman my age would wear that make sense for what I happen to be doing and just being who I am in the moment when I can be. Great Post Jill. you write fine.

[Deidre Taylor]

We all go through that period of trying to find ourselves and how we want to be seen and understood. To some it is tight, short skirts and heels to others it is the casual look and as well as everything in between. I know when I started going out in the late 70's I had a tendency to overdress and try for that girly girl look. Over time I evolved and can be as comfortable in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt as I am in a skirt and heels. The trick is to be happy and comfortable with yourself and enjoy it!

[OliviaM]

Hi Jill,
I really do understand what you are saying. I have had discussions with my GG concerning dressing styles. My idea is to look like a woman my age and not like an older lady trying to look foolishly young, and to blend in not really stand out. I saw your picture and you look terrifically feminine. Really looking forward to seeing more of your pictures and that you can possibly help in my progression. You also write very well and your post was very thought provoking. Later gator talk soon.

Olivia

[Toni_Lynn_P]

When I was younger it was always short skirts the highest heels, heavy makeup and well for a better choice of words a very promiscuous appearance. Today I prefer a more casual style, I am a jeans and tee shirt , tank top, camisole type of girl. To some that may seem drab or boring but I honestly feel that out of all the styles I have tried this fits me best.

Over in the Bruce Jenner thread, Anita made this observation:

I am glad that someone is once again acknowledging that "repressed teen" aspect of transitioning.

I think the idea of "repressed teen" is more than just those who are transitioning.

There was a wonderful few months back in 1985, and granted I was all of 28 years old, but I was finally free of the bonds of living with my parents, when I dressed and went out very much as someone about 10 years younger. If you recall the fashions of then, it was all big camp shirts, short flouncy skirts, and a pseudo Madonna look. Did it work -- not really. It did however allow me feel a bit of what I missed.

side note: In one positive angle to it, my Madonna look did get me a whole night of dances with a girl (GG) crossdressed as a guy in suit and tie at a Halloween dance for the young adults group at my Catholic church. I was over the moon for her, and we exchanged phone numbers and agreed on a next date, but I was too chicken to ever call her again

I did adapt a bit of the look as much as possible in my boy mode. It was mostly makeup and the camp shirts, leggings, and leg warmers. Again probably wasn't a good idea - especially since I was living in Texas at the time.

Now that all said, I will admit that even at 57 years old there is this nagging thing in me to wear those flouncy skirts that women in their 20s wear and dress flirty and all. A sounder mind however tells me that if I want to try such a look, it should only be in private.

In a very real way its a longing for life experiences that I never had. In many ways it become a re-writing, a re-imagining of my history. I do think that this is one of the beatiful things about crossdressing -- we can try out any look we want for our own pleasure and not for public acceptance. Its a bit like (a bit?) playing dress-up.

Of course, as I have said in a few other threads or maybe in my blog, I did get to experience many of the same things that all girls do, first bra, first high heels, first experiments with makeup -- and experienced them with my contemporaries -- and they were all fantastic and a part of my life as a girl -- a life that no one can take away from me

Hugs

Toni-Lynn

[Mike P.]

Hi Jill,
It really is wonderful to be at that comfortable part in your life, not caring about the guilts, or confussion, and just being who we want to be. I really would like to be able to experiment more like a lot of you ladies here, going to dept. stores, and going out En Femme. It may help if I were with someone to share this wonderful gift we have. The only Crossdress group I know in NYC is in mid town, and you have to pay to join. I'd really like to be able to go outside, and try nicer clothing, instead of those from 99 cents stores, or occasionally from HSN or QVC. I regret not being able to explore this side more often when I was younger as you did Jill, because then I might be at a different point now. Who do you go to if you're used to hanging with men all the time, and not have as many girl friends? Now that I'm getting myself out of the habit of thinking like a male so much, I don't have anyone to spend female time with, and feel like i'm in a sort of limbo now.