Getting to even...

[Anne Bonny]

I like to keep my brilliant shiny bullet proof toenails, and smooth hairless legs all the time. This is not irreversible but have you ever had to work for an hour or so to remove hardened nail polish and top coat - wow after it is there for a month or more it is difficult. And hair takes about 8 weeks to grow out and look as if you have never shaved them. I have noticed that not as much hair grew back last time. Anyway I really like this. I see my toes and smooth legs and feel happy or joyful they assert part of my gender is feminine. In the summer I can wear deck shoes without socks, and people do not notice my smooth hairless legs if they do they never mention it. I do not have to reveal anything if I do not want to. These things are there for me more than for others and I like having them.

Yeah...I am ok, no angst ask me whenever and no matter how masculine I may be feeling - I will tell you yes, I am transgender as a matter of fact. I can remember wearing dresses when I was very young...on the sly of course. I am 57 now and have been all of my life.

I am still waiting for the day when people accept all of this without batting an eye, so sometimes I feel and look different it is frustrating but it does not change anything else about who I am. Recently my MIL and one of my wife's friends who drives her over to see my ailing wife were here for a visit, they come every other week. The friend saw something about Bruce Jenner and went off on it all..."That's disgusting..." I could see the disgust and non acceptance and remember the disgust in the MIL's eyes. I will of course NEVER share who I am with these ladies they are too traditional and religious one catholic, one protestant. I am agnostic. I am building my new world by finding and surrounding myself with people who know and accept me, and around who I may live openly. My sons know, they accept it but just do not care to see it, that bothers me but is what it is. I have an older sister who will forever will be outside the circle of people who know me. I moved out of the church and into agnosticism, doing that allowed me to separate all of those people from my life, they would never have accepted me so I do not care to know them anymore but they were never more than perhaps close acquaintances not really friends. I do not care to be around people who would not accept all of who I am as a person, and want them out of my life. Family...well some know, some don't I have no problem keeping some relations with such people but they all live hundreds of miles away and that is a good situation would not want them dropping by without a heads up. Oh well that's it for now.

Oh...I did fit in when talking with them the MIL and friend that I think people should be free to live however they please as long as they leave me alone and don't hurt anybody. What business is it of people to become openly hostile, judgmental condemning and rejecting and leaving our presence? Their attitude should be one of not making any note at all of our appearance, their only concern should be who we are as people. Seems if they like who I am now, why should it make any difference how I am dressed would they be as upset if I were wearing a telitubby outfit with a symbol on my head? NO! Perhaps I would get a chuckle for wearing such an outrageous outfit but wearing average feminine attire is not anywhere near that outlandish. It may be different but people should get used to us being who we are knowing sometimes we like to wear feminine things. So!?

Went from androgeny to fully dressed I still like wearing a dress more right now because it is more feminine and I have not had enough of that in my life lately. I just cannot see why a woman coming over could not just flick her hand at me and tell me you're fine, or no need to change for me. I want to receive that kind of nonchalant acceptance that this is not even an issue...come'on let's sit and talk a while. That is what I really want is for people to take no more notice of how I am dressed than they do of any other woman, what I have on should not matter. Meanwhile I can drink in every ounce of acceptance of my gender identification inside that would be truly wonderful just to be allowed to be and acknowledged - Oh it's ok, everything's fine dear, relax....

[Paulette]

I've found that a simple white un-embroidered salwar kameez looks just fine on me; in male mode, and female mode (hair gamin, hoop earrings and matching necklace in gold, with gold bangles on my arms).

Great for desert and beach wear also, either mode.

[Anne Bonny]

Hum...those are nice, very ethnic but can be worn without the pants as a dress too. Interesting never thought about anything like this because I am not Indian. Of course I don't have to be and I can see women wearing them because many women like an ethnic look, or taking exotic looks from other cultures. I may have to order a couple and see how I look.

I have been working on my weight It had been pushing 180 I have been doing very good staying in the 170's so today I was 177.0 the trend - 7 day moving average is moving down, and the trend is falling. It is all very easy...I have it down to a science now it only takes a little will power and focus to lose the weight. I am 5 pounds above what the Body Mass Index states I should be which is 172. I run 5K every day (just 3 miles). I do not smoke or drink and eat low fat lean meats, fruits and veggies, whole grains...a balanced diet. And all of this is not only important for my feeling good, and being healthy at 57, will be 58 this March 8. I fully intend to maintain all of this until I give out one day. I want to be able to enjoy life as best I can to the end. But this is also important because as a woman a very slender and fit body means I will look my best in a dress, or in anything feminine. So many GG's just give up and live out their lives 80 to 100 lbs overweight of course it all catches up to them in the end, like my poor wife. I believe had she been active, had she lost weight down to her correct weight she would not at this time be total care, completely fried mentally waiting to die as she slowly continues to decline. I knew by age 65 she was not going to be here anymore, she will be 59 in April I think my guess is going to be very close but I do not see her able to survive realistically two more years. The human body is just amazing enough food and water, and keep it clean and protected and it just keeps going. She has too much meat on the bone but even with that a seizure, part of the brain controlling a vital function could be effected by atrophy, or some illness pneumonia, infection, blood clot, or heart attack any of those and meat on the bone does not matter. It is all a ticking alarm clock waiting to go off at any time. I do not close the bedroom door if she is still in bed so I can hear and see. But when I go out for a run, I know there is a chance I will return one day and she will be slumped in the wheel chair with brown drool around her mouth, not breathing, still, cold, and dead. Could happen at any time even right now. I live with this I am a sole caregiver trapped here. sorry got into all of that.

I do like having my toenails a brilliant and pretty top-coated red with smooth hair free legs they remind me when I have not been thinking about it when my shoes are off in the morning getting out of bed or before going to bed that I am transgender and part of who I am is feminine even when I may be going through a phase where I am not be dressing feminine. Enough of all of this...I do need to order some new, quality leather heels and pumps I no longer believe in buying cheap man made bargan shoes you cannot polish them and once they are scuffed that's it quality lasts and as a woman I deserve the same quality I wear as a man. Have found that in feminine clothing as well, I no longer waste money on cheap flimsy clothing but in ordering check on what the fabric is, check the ratings by women who have ordered the same dress or skirt or whatever. And I pay a little extra, the bottom is around $30.00 For jeans though well that would be expensive you can get fairly good jeans for under $30.00 But I have found pants must be slender in the hips because I do not have the fat women have there. Geeze all OT. I am just typing....