Comming out to my mom

[Ms. Erin]

Well ladies, next Sunday I will be flying to the Netherlands to visit my mom, like I do every year around the same time and for 2 weeks.

This time however I will be coming out to her. I did not tell her sooner because it is not something you do over the phone, but needs to be done in person.

So I am nervous, excited and curious in how she is going to respond. I have no idea how to tell her yet either, so I will be waiting for the moment and see how it goes. My mom is almost 82 and live by herself in her apartment in a nursing home. Although in a wheel chair and not in great physical health, she still is 100% mentally healthy.

I think I will start to tell her when she asks about my hair. Since I am growing out my hair, it looks terrible, and she don't like that, so I assume she will tell me to please get a haircut.

I arrive on the 4th of may and on the 6th its my birthday, so I might use my birthday to tell her. Don't know yet.

Thumbs up ladies.

I did buy a new wig that closely assembles the one in my avatar, but slightly different and a little lighter in color. (one tint below dark brown) I think I am going to bring one outfit and minor makeup with me, the outfit I have in my avatar, as I really like that one right now, so I can show her how I look.

I will be going home in drab, since she doesn't know I am TG yet, she is expecting to see me as a guy. This will be my first time in drab since 4 months.

I will most likely be in drab all the time, to respect her, unless things turn out really positive and I can dress up. I will be buying fem. clothes back home though.

PS I will be living with her in her apartment for the full 2 weeks. Also, almost everyone in my family and friends already knows about me and promised not to tell her when I came out the closet, last November.

[Anthony Simon]

Good luck, Erin.

[Eileen (SO)]

Was there any 'different' behavior during your childhood that would give Mom a clue? Your Mother raised a son, respect that and go only so far that she is ready to accept.
Good Luck!

Eileen

[DonnaT]

Hope it goes well, Erin.

[Robyn]

Have a good trip Erin. No stress, take it as it goes and spend some quality time with mom. Best wishes!

BTW, I love your new avatar, you look great :-)

[Ms. Erin]

Thank you ladies for the kind words and support.

Yes there have been a few "different" tell tale's in my early childhood, but I think she probably will relate that to that as being gay. I don't think we as a family where aware of any trans related issues that time, back in the 60's, 70's and early 80"s. After all my sexual education was nothing more then an adult magazine my mom caught me with. She then said "great now I don't have to tell you about that stuff".

I used to wear "girly" colors in my clothing, wear my pence inside my tall boots, have a red umbrella at elementary school to name a few. All of which I was being teased at. Was not much in relationships, kind of quiet by myself. I made some remarks about how I felt for a male teacher, that my mom told me was gay-isch. I was not supposed to talk that way.

Any way there are more things that happened that might suggest I was not just a "regular boy" I don't know, it still is confusing sometimes. How to explain I am not gay, but as a trans gender woman I am steering towards man, which is hetero if you are a woman. My mom is also Christian, and in that believe there can only be hetero man and woman.

Lots of things to think about in the next couple of days. And my ears are wide open for any tips or info, as I speak with friends, local and on Facebook etc.

PS I do have a few gay family members, and there seem to be no problem with that.

[Davita]

Erin,
First, my goodness such progress!

And so... The infamous sex question... Sex, gender and sexual preference are their own scales independent of each other. Sexual preference labels tend to be placed on your sex parts and what parts they like. Don't quite know where the sex parts are on a rain coat though. Sex parts come in having them -- boys parts, girls part or a combination. Another what to define sex is chromosones - xx, xy, xxy, xyy. See? Even sex has a scale. Gender is the mind, the socializations and behaviours.

Are you gay? The real question is does it matter as long as you're happy and so is everyone else that will know your partner. So are you going to base your "gayness" on your sex or your gender? go from there.

Now mom only knows of boys and girls.... This is where you just ignore that limitation in her experience because that's part of why you are having the conversation. As for religion? God created us in his image so many say. Also he's supposed to be preaching love. When a church starts excluding people and not loving them and helping them, then the man made instituion needs to be changed. Better for mom just to say the Pope is teaching tolerance and love and all the Christians and not just the Catholics should take heed.

Hope this bit helps, Erin. Good luck

[Ms. Erin]

Thanks Davita, interesting points.

And to answer myself really, no I don't consider myself gay, as in a man to man situation. But (trans) woman to man situation... . Confusing right?

I do act and dress feminine. my mind is in piece with myself. Sexually I don't really care... yet.

[Requal Jo]

Congratulations on your progress in transition Erin. I have been following the posts you have written.

I wish you all the best with coming out to your mum.

[Kelly]

Tomorrow is the big day!! Will be thinking about you. Oh, and early Happy Birthday on the 6th!

Kelly.

[Gina L.]

I hope everything goes well for you Erin. It never ceases to impress me the capacity a Mother has to love her children.

Your Mom may take a while to come to terms with Erin, but a Mother's love will prevail.

Wishing you all the best.

Hugs Gina L.

[Ms. Erin]

Well ladies one quick short answer:

YES

Mom accepted me for who I am, it was a little shock at first, especially when I told her I dress like a woman also.

But to be honest it went pretty well. I know we are going to talk a lot more about in the next few days ahead.

I am on wifi with limited access, so I keep it short, but I am one happy gal.

Yours truly, Ms. Erin (100%)

[Anthony Simon]

Well done, Erin.

[Robyn]

I'm so happy to hear that Erin. Things may not always be easy, but it sounds like everything turned out okay.

[Eileen (SO)]

Good for Mom!

Eileen