Defining the "Woman Within"

Celly · Post by **Celly** » Sun Apr 18, 2004 8:05 pm

Although the term "Woman Within" is used by a clothing retailer, I think it describes a phenomenon that is common to all of us who share this affectation. When I first chose my femme name, I thought long and hard about a name that would fit. Later, in doing some deep self-examination, I wondered about the woman who lived within me, who she was, what were her likes and dislikes and generally, a life's story for this personage. I know that many times this sounds very schizoid but there is a woman who lives within me and I have to share my life with her.
Believe me, I learn more about her each day but she's 60-ish, in a monogamous relationship with another woman whom she loves dearly, she's large, somewhat gawky, well-mannered, a gourmet cook, shy, loves to read, likes frilly undies but very tailored conservative styles, earth tones, music ranging from Bluegrass "Pickin' and Grinning" to Wagnerian Opera. She's not always sweetness and light but sometimes very difficult to deal with and very demanding. Sometimes as solid as a rock and other times, emotional to the point of crying over a broken nail.
Keeping up with her is a full-time job but I love her.
Anyone have any opinions?

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sun Apr 18, 2004 9:02 pm

The woman inside of me, after not have been taken seriously for many years, now gets to be treasured, pampered, and cherished as much as is humanly possible. And Darlene just laps it right up.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Mon Apr 19, 2004 4:50 am

Hi Celly,

I really like the description of the woman inside you any GG would be lucky to have you as her mate.

Hmm?

The woman inside me . . .

I'll have to think about this one. One because I'm not sure I have a woman inside me and two because if I do I'm not sure she's separate from the drabbe me.

Such a thought provoking post so early in the AM.

Beauty

Phylis Anne · Post by **Phylis Anne** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 10:58 am

dear darlene for me the woman that has been inside me for the past 55 years has finally been able to come out into the light of day.she is a very conservative woman and she loves to shop and buy as many pretty dresses and lovely new shoes that she can.and she enjoys wearing all of them when she goes out to her cd functions love phylis anne

Darlene wrote:The woman inside of me, after not have been taken seriously for many years, now gets to be treasured, pampered, and cherished as much as is humanly possible. And Darlene just laps it right up.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 4:50 pm

Beauty wrote;

Hmm? The woman inside me . . .

How then do you describe that side or part of you?

I believe we are not separate from each other, but would it make any difference if we called it the woman that is part of me, or my feminine side, or what ever?

If you are making a point, I would like to understand?

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 6:18 pm

Hi Darlene,

No, I honestly wasn't trying to make a point.

TS's feel a woman inside them or they are a woman (not sure if those two are the same). So I really wanted to think if I felt that way.

I wasn't able to understand until you said feminine side. That's what I feel it's like for me.

A feminine side, not a woman inside me.

I promise. If I would have thought of that I would have said it, but I couldn't think of that term to save my life.

Thank you!!
Beauty

Sally · Post by **Sally** » Sun Apr 25, 2004 9:35 pm

Hi Beauty,

Just to give a few points of view from my side of it, as I've said before to you, I don't feel like a woman trapped in a man's body or that there is a woman within or that I am really a woman, I have just always felt I was born wrong and have always wished I was the opposite sex, even though I know biologically I'm not and never can be, no matter how many hormones I take or how much surgery I ever had. I tend to think the 'woman trapped in a mans' body' has become a culture cliche but having said that I also believe that many people have a strong mental affiliation with the opposite sex and many men do have a feminine side to varying degrees and many don't exploit it enough so that they gain maximum comfort from that side of them.

The term 'feeling feminine' has always been hard for me to grasp, it's always interesting to get peoples opinions of what they mean when they say they 'feel more feminine', what does it actually mean exactly, is it feeling delicate, desirable, pretty, soft, submissive, I'm not sure, mainly because every day I wear the clothes which I feel are right for me and the only different feelings I feel with clothing is the times I have to dress drab and then that is a feeling of loss, but changing back to female clothes doesn't make me feel more 'feminine', my gender feelings actually never change, it just gives me back my feeling of rightness and it reduces the stress and tension caused by my life long instinctive feelings of a wrong physical appearance, even though I don't feel I am a woman inside, I just wish I had been born one. Having said all that though, I must add that years of hormone treatment has effected my brain and how it thinks. I hope all this is not too ambiguous, I know it's difficult for people to grasp and understand because I know how difficult it all has been and still is for me.

I just feel there is a difference between feeling a woman and wanting to be one, even if it sounds ambiguous, that's how most of my T/S friends feel and myself too, if we are honest with ourselves we know we are not women but we wish we were and we firmly have always believed nature got it wrong for us. It would be nice to be like some of my CD friends who never have any mental hassles with it all, they just dress and have a wow of a time after which they 'pack her away' and go about their business, and that's how it should be, but we are what we are.

Many people believe they are T/S, but the majority come to realise they aren't when they ask themselves the necessary questions and honestly answer them, that's the difficult part for the professionals, they can only go on what information they are given, there is no invention which will tell them one way or the other for certain at this stage. I know I tested some psycs out by feeding different ones varying information about myself and there was no way they could differentiate between fact and fiction. I didn't do this for mischief, I only did it for my own satisfaction and to substantiate my belief that psycs have a minimal role to play in us, even if the surgeons require we get two positive certifications from two independant psycs before they will operate, I think that's more for their own protection why they put that requirement on.

These are just a few thoughts from someone whose journey has taken them past the crossdressing stage and may be of some small benefit to others who are having their own personal struggle.

My Kindest Regards.

Sally.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 12:03 am

Hi you all.

I have used the terms, the Woman inside, the feminine side of me etc. as a label or a title if you will, to describe what I have needed to do to accept about myself to feel delicate, relaxed, pretty, soft, submissive, some times sexy, and yes that is desirable to me. That is the only way that I have found that enables me to feel that way. And that is all I want out of it, that satisfies my heart. I don't need to look exactly like a woman or become one.

I suppose the term the woman inside of me will always be used loosely by some of us? I can't see much harm in it, but maybe I need to be enlightened?

Sally. I love the way you post, I have learned things about myself by replying to more than one of your posts, as I have from this one. I follow your posts rather diligently.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 6:58 am

Hi Sally and Darlene,

I guess it's hard to definine what I mean by feminine without repeating myself or by using words that will not exactly convey what I mean.

Women say all the time they like to feel feminine. I'm more in line with that. It's more of an umbrella term. It means different things at different times.

It's so hard to explain.

Suffice it to say I agree with you both.

Considering we've all said different things it may be hard to understand exactly what I mean, but I see the pictures that your words have drawn in my head and I agree with all of them.

Beauty

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 12:57 pm

Darlene, my sister (sorry Beauty - my twin sister!)
When you said how Darlene gets treated now! That's Deborah also. I know how we sometimes struggle with these "duel personalities" but as Jung said if we can sussessfully merge them, the feminine personna will help make us greater than the sum of the parts! Deborah is sitting here dressed and looking delicious and she knows it, feels it, accepts it and she is soooooo happy! And given the ability to correspond with her sisters her just make it that much better! Bless you all!
Love,
Deborah

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 5:59 pm

Excellent topic, Celly!

Who is my woman within? let's see... She loves to have fun. She loves to meet new and intersting people. She loves to partake in the insights of her fellow sisters. She loves to make people smile. She is very open about expressing her true self, and encourages everyone around her to do the same.

She is also very strong - she is able to overcome any adversity that may land in her path, and she does not allow anyone to try to hold her back from expressing her true self.

RikkiOfLA · Post by **RikkiOfLA** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 11:50 pm

Excellent topic!

For years I fought identifying myself as transgendered (or even admitting I was a crossdresser!). I would purge after every time I dressed, promising myself that I would never dress again.

Meanwhile, I noticed that my personality and interests had real gaps in them. I mean, most of my childhood friends liked a broad range of things. The same people who like electronics like all of it--from computers to tinkering with radios to reading about the latest electronic devices being designed. They know what a microfarad is. Other friends liked sports--they tended to enjoy all the sports.

My interests were much spottier. I liked computers, at least programming them but electronics was only of passing interest. I liked music, it was pleasant, but I had no passion for any particular kind of music. And I couldn't play anything well.

When I finally admitted I was a crossdresser, not only did I accept the clothes, but I discovered that a whole lot of my interests, the majority of them, in fact, were "buried" as well, because I had believed they were too feminine. My main interest with computers was with programming languages--because I love languages. I'm an eclectic music freak. I have other well-developed hobbies--landscape photography, cooking, and so on. I had suppressed large parts of these interests because they lay on the "feminine" side--at least in my own mind. Actually, I had a rather extreme idea of masculinity.

I'm very grateful that my wife cured me of any romantic notions I might have had that women are weaker or more submissive or more passive! Women have to work harder than men! They have to be able to do anything a man can do, and take care of others when they are sick themselves.

I began to realize that feminine isn't something I enjoy, or wish I were. It is something in the core of my being. I am more feminine than masculine.

Today, I look back on those views and smile. Today, I wouldn't judge my interests along gender lines. Like Jung wrote about, my female and male sides have merged. And I really like the person I am, who is a combination of both male and female.

And she still looks good in a skirt!

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 1:51 am

Rikki wrote;

I had a rather extreme idea of masculinity.

Rikki; As a Result of discussions with different people on this board, a window has began to open for me allowing me a little more depth into that statement and what it implies.

First I believe it is the result of over compensating (Subconsciously I believe) for the things in our lives that we are unable to accept about ourselves. I have just (right now) come to understand that it dose not apply to just cross-dressing, also all other things in this world that we can not change, but wish we could.

And until we are able to reach the point where we can accept them, we will fight them, struggle with them, and try to change them and people, every bit as hard as we tried to change the fact that we are gender gifted people who need to cross-dress in order to have our needs met.

I have just now come to understand what is implied by the term living in denial. (I used to hate that statement with a passion.) It means not being able to accept the things we can not change.

How I wish I could of understood this years ago. ( well maybe not because that is also something I can not change.)

Crossdressers-Haven.com

Defining the "Woman Within"

Defining the "Woman Within"

the woman within

defining the 'woman within'