A Good Weekend?

[Domonique]

Hello Ladies. At least once a years BabyDoll and I take a few days off and get away from the hubbub of the park to clear our heads. This year we decided to go visit my Mom. Before we left, I told her that there was something I wanted to talk to her about. When we arrived Friday morning (just in time for breakfast) some of my cousins were already there to greet us. ( oh joy!) Through out the day relatives came and went keeping me from having my talk with Mom. Now mind you I was very nervous to begin with but now I was growing anxious. I new that if I didn't tell her this weekend, I would never tell her.

A little back ground. Mom is seventy years old and was brought up in the old ways. Like BabyDoll, I respected this woman with the respect that a queen would get. Mom is a very stubborn woman set in her ways. I knew in my own mind that this could be the end of our relationship.

Saturday Mom wanted to go and visit my uncle whom I haven't seen in a very long time. So I put my anxiety aside and off we went. I was glad to see my aunt and uncle again. Cousins that I had never met came as well. We sat for hours talking and catching up but soon my anxiety and fear re-emerged. Time was growing short.

Finally, late Saturday night, mom says "what is it you wanted to talk to me about?'' I swallowed hard, this was the moment of truth. So I went to my suitcase and pulled out a few pictures while talking to her, saying remember when this happened and remember when I did this? She had that 'I think I know where your going with this' look on her face. I continued on with my conversation though telling her about friends that were CDs. She said that she was fine with people that were "different". Without missing a beat I said to her "so am I". She stopped for what seemed like an eternity with this strange look on her face, one I have never in all my 40 plus years seen before. So I braced myself.

She turned and looked at BD and smiled, then turned back to me and said, "I just want to know one thing, do you like men too?"

"No Mom, I just like womens' clothes". BD and I explained the differences to her. With a little bit of relief in her eyes she said to me " I knew there was something different about you. Is this my fault?"

"No Mom it's not. They don't know if it's genetic or if it's something else. Just know that you didn't make me want to wear a dress. I just do."

After what seemed like several hours of discussion, I did get to show her the pictures that I had taken with us. Mom was emotional and was quiet for a while as she studied them. Finally she told me that she was glad that I had told her but it was going to take her a while to get use to the idea that her son likes to wear dresses. My heart sank. Not quite the reaction I had hoped for.

When we were leaving this bright and sunny Sunday morning, She hugged me and kissed me on the jaw and said " I love you son. I will call you this evening."

On the way home (a 3 hour drive) BD and I talked about the events of the night. We both agreed that it was a shock to Mom and that we gave her a lot to absorb. Knowing my Mom the way I do, this could go either way. I guess time will tell.

[Carol Ann]

Here is hoping all goes well for you

[Davita]

Dom,
Mom already said she loves you and this was after you told her. You'll be fine; mom will be fine. The worst that could happen is Mom will tell you to leave your dresses home, but she isn't going to stop seeing her kid.

[Alexia]

It sounds to me like your mom is very understanding about this.
Reading this, I got the impression she was signalling that it didn't bother her that much.
Her expression, that you interpreted as, I think I know where you're going with this?
If that was right, then she could've stopped you right then and there by changing the subject or excusing herself and going to the bathroom or into the kitchen or something.
Her telling you, it is okay for people to be different?
That reads as her trying to set your mind at ease, that she would not disapprove of you, to make it easier for you to continue and to be honest with her about yourself.
And Davita is spot on when she says your mom told you she loved you, right after you had explained to her.
Isn't that the best possible outcome in a situation like that?
She also asked one of the most obvious and essential questions, regarding your interest in other men.
That is such a fundamental thing, a core part of our being, a key to understanding a person.
Also, she may be afraid to offend you by saying or implying the wrong thing.

Of course this is a lot to digest, how can it not be?
But it sounds as if she's a very understanding person, who can move with the times, if need be.

Ultimately, there is only one way to find out for sure and that is to see how it goes, with time.
Let us know how it goes, okay?

And congratulations on being brave enough to even talk about this with her.
I may have to have a similar conversation at some point, if so, I hope it'll go as well as it did for you.

[Domonique]

Update: After a week of not hearing anything out of Mom, She finally called. It was just the normal chit chat of what was going on and all the gossip that was going around. Finally this past Wednesday when she called, She told me she had been thinking about what I had told her. (Here it comes). She told me that she knew that I was different from the rest of my siblings and that she had suspected something. I hid it pretty well. She also told me that She was glad that I told her. Now she feels a lot more comfortable talking to me about personal things. "I'm glad to have a daughter to talk to again but still have a son when I need him."

Now I have to mail her one of the pictures we took to show her. The maroon dress really impressed her.

[KimberlyS]

Dom, glad it went well for you telling Mom. I got a similar response from telling my Mom. She still loved me but it was something she would need to deal with. I hope things continue to go well for you and I am sure they will.