Almost came out yesterday.

[Michelle Diane]

Yeah I said almost. I was in the bathroom putting my foundation on and my wife came in as I was about to do my eyebrows and I thought this is the time....but then I lost my nerve and left the bathroom eyebrows undone, I did them a little bit later.

Lately the pain yes pain it's gone beyond urge of wanting to be femme 24/7 has become too much to bear I love my wife more than life itself and without her there's no point in going on she's my soul mate. I guess if I wasn't such a fricking gutless wonder this wouldn't be a problem I'd just sit down with her and tell her about Michelle.

Lying in bed last night I actually thought how easier it would be if there wasn't a tomorrow for me.


Sorry just had to say something,

love you all
M

[Anthony Simon]

Sorry just had to say something.

I don't know that we can help you with the problem. But don't be sorry.

[Carol Ann]

Michelle,

You are not the first nor will you be the last to ask this question, One day she will catch you and ask why and then when you answer well who knows

[Kelly]

I understand your anxiety. I live it as well.

Wanting to tell, having the opportunity to tell, retreating at the last moment. It is frustrating, especially the part about being disappointed in yourself.

My situation is different than yours. I don't want to go 24/7, at times I don't have any urges for long periods of time. Thus sometimes I don't care if I ever tell her, then the issue is moot. Other times I think that I think it is the most important thing I should do. I'm all over that map; but am sane - most of the time.

The thing that I would venture to guess (and it is only a guess) is that if you are putting on your face while she is around, then she has a suspicion (maybe just under the level of consciousness) that something is driving you.

Based on the accounts I have read, it is better to introduce the topic rather than being caught or confronted. The important thing to remember, through, is her perspective. If you keep it just our little secret then you haven't come out of the closet, just brought her into the closet.

Just food for thought.
Kelly.

[Eileen (SO)]

Do you not think that your wife suspects something already? You had foundation on and doing eyebrows are a problem? Your wife knows and doesn't want to ask, afraid of the answer.

If you toned down the 24/7 urge, you might just have an accepting wife that loves her part time girlfriend as much as her husband. And look forward to waking up each morning.

Just my opinion and personal experience.

Eileen

[Mikaela]

I think Eileen is on to something. I'm willing to bet there is some suspicion on the part of your wife already. Something like this is not worth "not waking up" over. Confront it in a gentle manner and you will feel better in the long run.

[Anthony Simon]

Michelle's wife married her in part because she's the "girliest guy she ever met" (or similar) and has gone out with a drag performer as a pair of women. So there's definitely an interest in "guys who are girls" there.

But the issue is (IMHO) how utterly dependent Michelle feels on her wife. And that's where she is stuck.

[Ralitsa]

Well I'm not qualified to give advice on the subject, so I will only make an observation. If you feel like you'd rather not wake up tomorrow, this is a really serious issue that needs to be dealt with quickly. I don't know what the right answer is, but I hope you are not considering the wrong answer you alluded to.

[Michelle Diane]

Sorry just had to say something.

I don't know that we can help you with the problem. But don't be sorry.

Thanks, it's amazing how much better I felt just putting words to page with friends, who maybe not in the exact boat, can sympathise.

Michelle,

You are not the first nor will you be the last to ask this question, One day she will catch you and ask why and then when you answer well who knows

Very true Carol Ann. There is part of me that's wishes she would catch me where I won't have to instigate the conversation. Right now as I type my wife is in bed and I've "put my face on" eyeshadow, mascara and lipstick knowing full well she could get up for whatever reason and catch me and the cat is out of the bag so to speak.

I understand your anxiety. I live it as well.

Wanting to tell, having the opportunity to tell, retreating at the last moment. It is frustrating, especially the part about being disappointed in yourself.

My situation is different than yours. I don't want to go 24/7, at times I don't have any urges for long periods of time. Thus sometimes I don't care if I ever tell her, then the issue is moot. Other times I think that I think it is the most important thing I should do. I'm all over that map; but am sane - most of the time.

The thing that I would venture to guess (and it is only a guess) is that if you are putting on your face while she is around, then she has a suspicion (maybe just under the level of consciousness) that something is driving you.

Based on the accounts I have read, it is better to introduce the topic rather than being caught or confronted. The important thing to remember, through, is her perspective. If you keep it just our little secret then you haven't come out of the closet, just brought her into the closet.

Just food for thought.
Kelly.

It is frustrating isn't it For the past about 5 years my feelings have become more and more feminine, I've always had the feelings since puberty but they've come to a head so for me being femme 24/7 seems a natural progression. Yes my wife has watched me putt my foundation on so in some subconscious level she suspects something. About 10-12 years ago all of a sudden I was hit by adult acne and it was embarrassing as my job dealt with the public (at one point I had the face of some drug addict you see in police mug shots...yeuch!! not nice) well we spent thousands seeing different dermatologists and different pills, potions, lotions etc I just said why not just cover it up and let it runs it's course and I've been wearing make up ever since.

Do you not think that your wife suspects something already? You had foundation on and doing eyebrows are a problem? Your wife knows and doesn't want to ask, afraid of the answer.

If you toned down the 24/7 urge, you might just have an accepting wife that loves her part time girlfriend as much as her husband. And look forward to waking up each morning.

Just my opinion and personal experience.

Eileen

Sounds strange that I don't mind her seeing me put foundation on but have a problem with doing my brows, yeah I never said I made any sense I've always had very fine almost non existent eyebrows one of the problems of having what my wife and the lady at the DMV both called strawberry blonde hair (I called it light brown, but they won and my license says hair blonde) that they disappear with the foundation well a couple of years ago I bought a eyebrow pencil and slowly carefully introduced my pencilled brows to my wife and the world. Maybe some misfiring synapse in my brain equates her seeing me do my brows with being outed????

I think Eileen is on to something. I'm willing to bet there is some suspicion on the part of your wife already. Something like this is not worth "not waking up" over. Confront it in a gentle manner and you will feel better in the long run.

You're right Mikaela. It's a daft thing to consider. My wife already considers me a "girly guy". So I think Joanne will be meeting Michelle in the not too distant future.

Michelle's wife married her in part because she's the "girliest guy she ever met" (or similar) and has gone out with a drag performer as a pair of women. So there's definitely an interest in "guys who are girls" there.

But the issue is (IMHO) how utterly dependent Michelle feels on her wife. And that's where she is stuck.

Very true maybe that's why when we met we clicked on so many levels, It might be possible that in some small part she was looking for a man with an effeminate nature. Certainly wasn't hubby number 1 nor 2. I still want to meet number 2 in a dark alley with a baseball bat, but that's another story. "Dependant"??? yup I'll agree with that. I guess it's down to her accepting me, I feel the need for her approval. I'm by nature very self effacing and have preferred the shadows to the lime light I hate confrontation (unless it's exceptional circumstances ie hubby #2)....yeah I'm a wimp.

Well I'm not qualified to give advice on the subject, so I will only make an observation. If you feel like you'd rather not wake up tomorrow, this is a really serious issue that needs to be dealt with quickly. I don't know what the right answer is, but I hope you are not considering the wrong answer you alluded to.

Thanks Ralitsa, I've found some of the best advice I've ever received came from those who care rather than are "qualified" Don't worry I'm not considering anything daft. Thanks for replying it was nice of you.

Ladies may I offer my sincere and heartfelt thanks for coming to the rescue of this daft old broad.

Sincere love to you all,
Michelle.

[Eileen (SO)]

The replies after my post, and yours, Michelle, cleared up some other questions I had. Unless you live in a giant house, Joanne can hear the make up cases opening and closing. She can smell it on you. Foundation isn't needed in the evenings or night, unless you like to wear it. She knows already and doesn't want to embarrass you by asking.

Joanne already loves her 'girly guy', please just keep the 'guy' as part of her life. After a life time of hiding, you don't have to go 24/7. A part time girlfriend might make you both happy and satisfied.

Eileen

[Diana Michelle]

Lot of good advice here Michelle Diane. Like Eileen I feel you have to find down the 24/7 thing. Why after living all these years of living in the closet you have the need to dive in head first? Is it you think you have to make up for lost time? Trust me living as a woman is a lot more than pretty dresses and heels, right Eileen?

Before you blurt out your desires to your wife consider her feelings. I know you are saying to yourself you have done that for years and that is what has lead to where you are now but is that the whole truth? You have been hiding a side of yourself perhaps your wife would have loved to share with you. After all didn't she marry you in spite of you being a "girly guy"? Could she handle you 24/7? In the beginning probably not. Would she enjoy chatting over a cup of tea with her new girlfriend Michelle? My instincts tell me yes she would however the ball is in your court. Until you take that first step ewe will never know will we?

[Anthony Simon]

I've always had very fine almost non existent eyebrows one of the problems of having what my wife and the lady at the DMV both called strawberry blonde hair (I called it light brown, but they won and my license says hair blonde)...

I went to get a suit for my aunt's funeral over ten years ago and had some problems because my waist size was 30". They used to do suits like that in M+S, but by that time didn't. So I was a bit stuck, thinking I might have the same result elsewhere. I must have looked kind of plaintive - and the woman in M+S kept saying my problem was I was "petite". I was very, very aware that was a description applicable to girls rather than boys, but I decided to eat it and not demur.

So then she suggested I go up the road to a specific store - and indeed they had a suit which fitted me (they had alter it a bit, but I came back within the hour).

I kept thinking this woman basically wanted to dress me up, when I thought back about it - which may or may not be true (I also didn't really like her). But, what seems pretty clear to me is that she saw in me something distinctly female and that's why she kept using that word. I'm kind of wondering if that's what "strawberry blonde" means in this context. Anyway, it suggests the possibility of opening a conversation with your wife in this area without necessarily going that far.

[Heather W]

The opening up to others and allowing them inside ourselves is perhaps the hardest thing we can do whatever we are or are hiding inside. In a way you let your wife into your life when you married her. Hiding a secret is no way to continue a relationship. If you expect her to be open and honest with you you have to do the same. It is time you and the wife had the "talk". Something tells me she at least suspects the truth already.

[Requal Jo]

I too had your problem Michelle and found it hard to come out to my wife. However after a lot of agonising months I just came out and told her.

She had a feeling of what was happening and was relieved when I shared with her.

While she remained very apprehensive for a period of time with my taking small steps at a time my wife now accepts Requal and is even assisting her in choosing clothes.

[Michelle Diane]

Thank you ladies, as always very insightful and helpful answers. I've abandoned the desire to go femme 24/7 as for some strange reason the urge wasn't there when I woke up a few days ago, Strange that it left almost as quickly as it came. I'm 53 do men go through a menopause 'cause it feels like my hormones are on a roller coaster????

I missed another opportunity the other day a real doozy as well. I was almost finished giving her a pedicure and got to the apply nail polish part. She had picked a rather fetching blue colour called East Village by NYC, anyway I joked as to what it would look like on my toenails and she thought for a second then said Nah I don't see you in this blue, you're more of a classic red and burgundy type. I said you're right. I'm stupid this is me and I should repeat until I've knocked some sense into myself....perfect chance she was so relaxed I could have said anything.....Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy.

Thanks all, take care.

Love,
Michelle.