Fear of Shopping.......

[Mikaela]

I've been here enough and talked to other CDs about their fear of shopping in public for women's clothes for wear of being "caught." I too was apprehensive on my first shopping trip. But I must say, each time I go out, my fear is unfounded.

If you have some doubts, try it like this:
Unfortunately, it requires going in drab. But if you dont want to try anything on (assuming you know your size) and you aren't buying half a wardrobe worth of clothes, then it'll hardly raise an eyebrow, as it looks like you are just gift shopping for a GG. I was shoulder to shoulder with a store employee....and a customer...today and I STILL picked up some FABULOUS 6 inch heels and 2 babydoll sets.

No one said a WORD.

So get out there girls....in a bigger store, (I was at Ross), no one is going to notice.

Perhaps I'm not saying anything new....but I wanted to share my experience in hopes it encourages someone else.

[Eileen (SO)]

Dear Mikaela,

Shopping can be stressful in either mode of dress. But no one cares much what you're buying, especially store employees. You're next step is trying on in store. Dressed or not, you'll find SA's very helpful. My guy hasn't jumped that hurdle yet, which is OK with me. We're both a bit timid in that respect. In this, I can sympathize with your fears.
I mean him shopping as her, not me shopping. That's not a problem.

Eileen

[Janet Bern]

I suggest you underdress and go to a Dress Barn. You will find that it so easy to
try on clothes. Just be nice and assume that the SA knows its for you and ... if not
let here know its for you. you will be amazed at how nice they are and unassuming they are.
Once you do it it will become a regular part of your shopping.

[Anne Bonny]

I have shopped for myself in masculine clothing. Only once did I feel all eyes were following me. Another time I was making the pretense that it was for my wife but I was trembling and I got the feeling the very sympathetic SA knew and was very kind but I did not see what I was looking for at that time. On another occasion I felt the SA knew but since it was a sale did not say anything. It is difficult but now I shop online and because I have learned how to judge quality and materials and know my specific sizes I have been quite satisfied, In fact everything I am wearing now I purchased online. The benefit is there is absolutely no stress involved. I have shopped at Target and Walmart without too much trouble, but when checking out I try to find a female cashier and a short line.

[Sarah Beth]

I used to find it really stressful to shop for women's clothing even if it was really for my wife because I was never sure what someone would think or say. Now, I am of an age where I don't care all that much about someone is going to think or say. I'm in a place that isn't near home and half the time my wife is with me even if I am looking at stuff for me. This all depends of course on where I am because in my part of the world as the saying goes "location matters". Not everywhere in this world and not all stores, even of the same chain have accepting SAs.

One of the places mentioned here is Dress Barn. I was made to feel unwelcome in their store in Amarillo a few years ago when I was looking at some dresses while my wife was in a dressing room trying something on. This past summer while in the one in Pueblo, on my own, one of the SAs was really being helpful and showing me some things I am pretty sure she knew I was looking for me and then she went to help someone else and the other SA came over after a few minutes and asked me if my wife shouldn't be there with me.

I live in a really small town and there is only one place in town that sells clothing and their selection isn't great and I know full well the negative attitudes here about all things transgender. The closest place with any kind of shopping at all is over fifty miles from here and there too the attitudes the are not very accepting. I wish it were different everywhere and that the experiences I could have shopping would all be pleasant but it ain't about to happen.

[Pam T.]

Building the confidence up to just go into any random store and buying what you want no matter how sexy and beautiful it is, that is the hardest part. Getting over all the emotions that you feel when you are dressed as a guy and wanting to just explore and try on every single female piece of clothing can be hard. Before I even started to dress FT I would go into stores and I would feel so nervous thinking that I should care how the clerk that is checking me out with my purchases views me.

Then after a bit of time my confidence started to grow and grow until a few times I would actually go up to clerks and ask them how they think this dress or skirt on me and they would just laugh it off and think I was funny and they had no clue that I was dead serious and that all the outfits were for me. They honestly don't care and they are there to do a job so they are not going to question you and why you are buying twenty pair of panties (yup I have done that, lol)

[Ralitsa]

well it is really hard to get past the fear and get out there the first time and do it. After that, well it gets easier and and easier to do, then harder and harder to stop

I think it probably would be easier to go with someone else. It's a lot more fun anyway. Usually I go shopping by myself but every once in a while I'll go with a friend and much prefer that.
So I will just add my encouragement - don't worry about it, just DO it!

[Heather W]

There was a time not that long ago I to lived in feqarof shopping for femme clothes,after all what would someone think and would they think I was buying for myself. That changed and now I wouldn't think of shopping anyway but en femme whether it is for clothes, groceries, or paint for my bedroom. Remember Mikae!a the stores want your money and many SA's get a commission. The vast majority of them could care less how you are dressed or what you buy as long as you buy! If a store makes you feel uncomfortable forget them,there are plenty of places that want your business so go where you are wanted.

[Valerie]

In the beginning, I always ordered online. I did my best to figure out my size and hope that what I would order would fit. Occasionally I would stop by a local Walmart or one by work to pick up hose. Always nervous.

I recently stopped by JCPenney's near work and picked up a dress I had seen while browsing their app on my cell. I have a great female friend that know about Valerie and said I could call her when I was at the store. I did and she helped me to relax some, though still a little nervous. A couple weeks later I returned and picked up some panties and a bra. Felt better with little nerves. And stopped by Walmart again later for some new hose and female socks. No problem.

So, I guess it gets better the more you shop. Though the nerves may still be there at times, I think they will subside as time goes. Just have to keep at it and enjoy..

[Anita]

The very first time I was so nervous that I smoked two cigarettes outside the store, trying to build up the courage to go in. And that was a store that catered to drag queens, so it wasn’t like I was going to face hostile clerks. I did go in, made some purchases, and immediately noticed that prices were outrageous. The next week I was in Sears and Ross. It’s been noted before that drag specialty shops may not harass you, but you pay a higher price for that comfort zone.

I can see that if you buy online enough, an Anne has done, you could begin to figure out the formulas to make it work most of the time. I still want to try things on; it saves so much time when I can eliminate what doesn’t work while I’m right there in the store. I also can’t work out formulas for myself with women’s sizes—a size 10 will fit me in some dress lines, a 12 in others, and 14s in the rest. It’s arbitrary as can be.

The best way to try on clothing is to be fully dressed as a gal, meaning that I’ve got my forms in, mainly. Without forms, I can’t really tell how well something will fit. It does take courage to walk into the women’s section, dressed as a woman, and ask to use the fitting rooms. I’ve never been refused, but it makes me feel very vulnerable sometimes. I’m putting myself out on the line. That’s where it would be helpful to get to know the clerks in a specific store.

[Heather W]

The very first time I was so nervous that I smoked two cigarettes outside the store, trying to build up the courage to go in. And that was a store that catered to drag queens, so it wasn’t like I was going to face hostile clerks.

I remember the first time I went into a WalMart dressed to buy some panties and pantyhose. My knees were so shaking so badly I could barely walk and my heart pounding. And that was at 3 AM and there were just a couple of cars in the parking lot and a few workers restocking the shelves. I knew that I wasn't bothering anyone still I was a scared little girl. Nowadays I wouldn't think of buying a dress or skirt or whatever shopping any way except as Heather. Unlike men's clothes sizes are all over in women's fashions as Anita points out. In skirts I usually wear a size 9 but I have 7's and 11's that fit me just as well. With slacks and jeans it is even worse!

Brick and mortar stores are struggling to survive, even those with large e-commerce businesses. They welcome every penny they can get and I have never had a single one refuse my cash or Visa or whatever form of payment I have chosen to use. Another of Anita's tips is very useful. If you find a store you like to shop in get to know at least one of the clerks, especially if they work on commission. Now that I am going to transition I need a work wardrobe, corporate casual is the dress code. I have found an SA at my local Maxy's who has always been nice to me and has been helping me to assemble a wardrobe appropriate for work. She seems to understand that while I want to fit in but also let everyone know I am all girl.

Shopping is one of all us girls favorite passtimes. Enjoy it and don't fret the details. I am sure there are some smaller stores that may have issues with girls like us but I have never found any near where I live. The larger chain stores have always been friendly, helpful, and fun to shop in. Now Mikeala its time for some retail therapy for the girl in you!

[Requal Jo]

As Requal has not yet mustered the courage or confidence (and probably never will) to go, out she does all her shopping in drab. She has yet to have ant unpleasant experience as all the SAs believe she is shopping for her SO.

[Janet Bern]

Not so fast Raquel.. The SAs know that you are shopping for yourself.
They are just playing along with you to sell product. I would bet
if you said honestly that it is for you. You would get better service
and also would be able to try on the clothes and have them fit.

[Valerie]

So, if you frequent whatever store you like enough...and get to know a SA or 2....it gets easier ??

[Gayle]

Yes, It did for me.

There's a nice store at the mall, I've been going to. The girls there recognize me and make me feel welcome.
It made it easier when you know that the SA's are nice, are not going to make fun or throw you out.

They always get me a changing room when I need one. It's worked out well for them to be nice to me.