Came out to a friend (girl)

[Eloise]

For the last year I have been away from this. Before stopping I went on a holiday 4 days in a beach resort (low season), where I spent most of my time as a woman. then I thought I had had enough. After that I had a girlfriend for a short while... I wasnt really in love, it was me the one to split. Then I have spent the last six month without thinking about this, but it seems like not being in a relationship with a woman eventually drags me back to CDing. It's been a bit difficult to accept again... I dont know why, last time (more than a year ago) I was feeling quite well about doing this. Anyway, I managed to become a bit more slim and now I like my woman side more :D. A few weeks ago I decided to tell a friend. I talk to her about anything I think... she is the only person I trust almost for any subject. So does she... so I decided to explain her what I had been thorugh regarding CDing... she was very supportive and kind. But it's me who strugles to feel ok with doing this now.
comments are wellcome

can I post a pic already? I know I am not the most active member... but, reading you on time to time, helps.

[Eileen (SO)]

Eloise,

The need to CD never really goes away. It is stronger in some than others, you just have to accept who you are and cope. Don't feel guilty, this is more normal than you think it is. It helps that you have such a supportive friend, confide in her. Maybe she's the relationship you're looking for?

Eileen

[Anthony Simon]

Hi Eloise,

It might be you came to a point where you thought this is getting a bit too much. Because, quite often, when people come back to it, it comes back stronger. That's certainly happened to me.

It's nice that you have someone to talk to about it. Because she can mirror you and tell you if this is really good for you. Which is presumably why you stopped, because you weren't sure anymore.

[Eloise]

Thnk you for your answers,

defenitely, when i do it, i feel a part of me gets fullfiled, afterwards I feel good and balanced. It just makes me afraid at the same time, to have a psiche probably more complex than most of the guys of my gender (the normal ones).
Im trying to listen to myself

many thanks indeed

[DonnaT]

I agree with what Eileen said. You may need to see a therapist to help you back to liking this part of yourself.

Yes, you can post pictures in the gallery.

[Eloise]

Im ok with therapist. Having said this, never talked about this with them. May be this step of talking to a friend first, goes in that direction.... may be one day. thankyou guys / or girls... i don't really know
for me, certainly I can say i've been a girl in previous lives... my emotional body is the one of a woman... Everybody told me that for years but i couldn't see. This has helped my to see that. We tend to remain the way we used to be... I think my problem is with social acceptance of this thing.

Anyway... very kind regards to you all <3 <3 <3

[Anthony Simon]

It sounds as though you're trying to feel your way by talking it through with your friend - and then, maybe when you're a bit more secure, you'd go and try it out with a therapist.

The trouble with the social acceptance thing is you're still you, no matter what society says. At least that's what I keep trying to tell myself. But you also have your self-image - and maybe that's the hardest of all to let go (speaking for myself).

[Eileen (SO)]

You could spend a lot of money and time with a therapist who has learned about transgendered persons in class. Or seek out others like yourself and have a real dialog. Your long time friend knows much about you already, this is just a new chapter.

Whether society accepts is secondary to your mental health.

You state strong desires to being female over dressing on occasion. Push some boundaries in femme time till you get uncomfortable, then you can judge how far your desires will take you.
You live alone, so being female till either you love or get tired of it. Experiment.

BTW, I was a girl, now a woman.

Eileen

[Diana Michelle]

As always Eileen has pretty much hit the nail on the head. Only you can know how comfortable you are when dressed as well as how much is too much. If you have a couple of days to yourself try spending them en femme, you will know when you reach the overload point. Telling a friend helps, I know it did for me the first time I let someone inside me. That was a long time back in college and Beth and I have been BFFs ever since. Yes therapists are great and perhaps you should consider opening up to yours a bit but having a friend who knows is the best.

[Eileen (SO)]

You make me blush, Diana. Way back when as a teenager, I had some experience with family issues therapy which was a waste of time. I know therapy can work wonders for some, depending on the situation.
IMO, nothing beats a long time friend that can tell when you're happy or sad a block away. Disclosing the desire to CD might lose some friends, but Eloise seems to have a supportive friend.

I guess I should expand on what I mean about pushing boundaries. Dress very casual to do every day home chores, vacuum, dust, dishes, laundry, etc. As a for instance, my guy likes to do some of those things while femme, till the thrill or excitement wears off. Then he's comfortable as a guy for the rest of the time. Dressing up for a meeting or night out with the girls is not the same as wearing a bra and forms on a hot day working in the garden or doing a car oil change.
So, I know he's just dressing and not transforming. I can live with that.

thankyou guys / or girls... i don't really know

My last response was a bit awkward at the end. I was referring to this line. On this forum, you are all ladies to me and try to respond as so.

Eileen

[Eloise]

Hello !

I will go and try a dress service. It gives me such a thrill just to think of it. May be I will upload some pic, should they be ok :D :D

I was going over your replays, ... thanks for your advice, it is helpful this days of inner self self questioning.

[Anthony Simon]

Hi Eloise,

We talked about a dressing service before. I think that should be fun - and maybe you can get some tips about make-up etc.