beginnings

[Teddi G.]

hi, im teddi g

when i was about 4 or 5 back in the mid 50s my mother would put her nylons in the toes of her hi heels. i would put them on and this would get excited but i didnt understand why. didnt do anything more until married. i would once in awhile put on my wifes pantys or little nighties but not often. a few years ago my wife stopped having sex but im still very veril. about a year ago after surfing web sites i found i really wanted to wear the little things i was seeing. when im alone i love to put on my bra, pantys, garter belt and nylons. for me it is purely a sexual outlet. im wondering if others here have this obsession.

[Gillian]

Can the Pope swim??? Are fish catholic???

Everyone in your place has asked the same question, and the answer is Yes, you are not alone. The spectrum of dressers runs long and you are a part of the spectrum which many refer to as a transvestic fetish dresser. I wouldn't get bent out of shape about it. Just be carefull as some do get bent out of shape about it.

[Carol Ann]

Teddi,

[Anthony Simon]

I don't think, necessarily, being excited when you were 4 or 5 proves you were sexually excited...And also, speaking from my experience, that it seems just sexual as an adult doesn't make it so.

[Requal Jo]

Hi Teddi and welcome to this happy, friendly and supportive Haven.

[Anne Bonny]

What you are experiencing appears to be typical of someone in the very early stages of exploring your gender. Typically it is a deeply hidden and covert activity because it is not understood. If discovered there is very real fear, and correctly that there would be shame and likely rejection from those close to us. Hence the activity tends to be filled with adrenaline driven sexual drive leading to mastrubation or can be part of some sexual activity with another person involved. So there is trembling, a fast pounding pulse rate, quicker breathing, sexual excitement, rapid activity leading to a climax after which shame comes on over the activity and the desire goes away for a while. If caught they would be exceedingly embarrassed, blushing, trembling, feeling downcast and ashamed of their self. As this activity is exceptionally pleasurable it becomes extremely addicting and becomes reinforced in the pleasure centers of the brain so like cocaine addiction it is practically impossible to break the addiction. What is deeper is a very strong identification with the opposite sex...the person realizes a desire or a wish that they were the opposite sex but for now the pleasurable activity pushes this fact aside as the person denies or deludes their self that they have no such desire or identification for their selves...yet it is true this is the real cause of the very desire which led them to pick up the item of clothing associated strongly with the opposite sex in the first place. They identify feelings inside their selves that are identical with those whose article of clothing they are picking up...I am also like them...we are the same...I am also like that too because their gender matches, it is a very real realization that my gender is the same as theirs...that is what is really taking place denial or not. It is not so much "Oh I so wish I were like them as it is...I am also like them and want this for myself too because this is who I am!" Because they are like them.

Such activity deep in the closet can go on for years.

Eventually you may come to realize who you are, and that your gender is at least partly feminine so that there is nothing wrong with who you are and you are no longer ashamed. Sex then returns to being sex, and dressing becomes appropriate clothing depending on which gender is prominent with in you at a specific time leading you to dress so that you feel consistent inside and out with whichever gender is prominent at the moment. This is the point at which we begin to bring who we are into our normal everyday life, to share who we are with those around us who are accepting and encouraging. The shame and the adrenaline rushes become a thing of the past as you come out into the open. Of course sex is always pleasurable depending on your orientation.

We realize, our gender which is nothing more than a strong identification with being masculine or feminine may be opposite, or a dynamic mix of masculine and feminine. Gender has nothing at all to do with what genetalia we have...our sex, it has nothing to do with our sexual orientation. Gender is an entirely separate thing.

I am gender fluid some days I feel more masculine...some days more feminine...and some days androgynous. Transexuals have a gender that is at least 51% opposite of their sex.

Well this is my experience and understanding of all of this based on years of thought and reading, and discussion.

[Genevieve]

It all started when I was 8 years old. I had built a fort in the backyard that was out of sight of the house. I was walking down the back lane to call on my friend when I saw a bag of clothes next to a trash can. It was ripped and I could see some women's underwear in it. I was curious so I took the bag and snuck it into my fort. I emptied it out. It was full of old women's clothes. There were bras, panties, slips, stockings, a girdle, skirts, blouses, a dress and three pairs of high heels.

I remember being excited but not knowning why. I loved the fabrics, smooth satin, lace, the nylon of the slips. I couldn't believe how sheer the stockings were. I tried on very single piece of clothing. It felt so good and right. I especially loved the lingerie and heels, a love affair that continues today.

I wasn't a very good carpenter in those days. We had a rainstorm, the roof leaked and my wardrobe was ruined and I did my first purge. I still remember how sad and disappointed I was to loose my clothes.

That lead to the discovery of a walk on closet in the basement where my mother kept her old clothes. There were many days I spent there trying on skirts, blouses, dresses, heels and any and all lingerie I could find. Fascination with and wearing of women's clothes continues today.

[Martina Hall]

Welcome, Teddi G (and Genevieve) Finding all that stuff must have been an omen.