Early days

[Suzanne]

There's quite a bit more to come..

[Suzanne]

As I drove to the office the following Monday, I couldn't help but wonder what Julia's reaction was going to be to the wonderful last few days we'd shared together over the weekend. I wasn't sure how or on what basis we'd manage to resume our normal work relationship. I needn't have worried.

My boss was always a little late on Monday mornings which normally gave me time to flick through the post and remind myself of the programme for the week. This morning though it wasn't long before I heard the unmistakeable sound of Julia's heels in the corridor.

Her eyes were shining when she came in and I think mine must have been too. She was wearing a black bouclé tailored wool suit with a straight skirt with a white high necked blouse with a lacy stand-up collar around the throat. This was my favourite of all her outfits.

She closed the door behind her and said, ''I'll be quick - 'himself' is due in any time now. How are you feeling? We had fun didn't we..?'' she added with a smile.

My smile gave her the answer. ''I must admit I thought I might be a bit embarrassed but now I see you again - I feel great. By the way - I can say it now - you really look good in that suit - it's my favourite. What're you doing at lunchtime - do you have anything planned?''

Julia replied that she hadn't. I asked her if she'd like to meet up at lunchtime and we could grab a bite to eat somewhere.

She said, ''I was hoping you'd say that - how about 12.30 at the coffee shop?''

I heard the measured tread of my boss coming so I said quickly, ''OK fine. I'll see you later then.''

At lunchtime we met at the same coffee shop and after we'd ordered coffee and a toasted sandwich each we started talking. She said that she'd been thinking about my figure and what options we had to make my clothes hang better on me. She said she didn’t think that she could do much about my lack of hips but, if I had a waist, then skirts, especially straight skirts, would sit better on me. The only solution she could think of that would emphasise my waist was a firm control foundation and that the shop we'd started at in Chester might hold the answer. She asked me if I fancied a trip there the next week-end? What a question!

Through the week there was the same sense of mounting excitement as before - which she kept nicely stoked up! Julia was a devil with me - she knew I was watching her and she played up to it. She'd often come by the office when she knew my boss was out and she'd sit on the edge of my desk, on my side. I'm sure she was very aware of the effect she had on me. I wanted to bury my face in her lap, in her bosom, everywhere. And she knew it. Her perfume lingered long in my nostrils after she'd left.

I wondered how she was planning to embarrass me this time. The week dragged by interminably but eventually Friday came. We agreed that I'd come to her house that evening so we could be away bright and early on the Saturday morning. She said she'd given the shop a call to make an appointment for 9.30am - so they were expecting me. I'd left all the clothes I'd bought the week before at Julia's house - she said she'd put a few of my things through the wash for me.

At last, it was Friday evening and I left my flat with an overnight bag containing a change of male clothing but, after last weekend, I wasn't expecting to wear too much of it.

I parked my car a few doors away from her house to avoid any possibility of neighbours making any connection between me and her and I went up and rang her bell. She opened the door with a big smile and invited me in. She was wearing a lovely fuschia blouse with a long black taffeta skirt that rustled as she moved. She took my bag off me, put it down and then pulled me to her for a tender kiss. I put my nose in her hair as I loved breathing in her perfume. She felt good in my arms and I couldn't believe my luck.

I found it hard to breathe and I'd only been there a minute or two! We went through to the kitchen - there was something sizzling in the oven - and she made us a couple of drinks while she got things ready. I sat down at her breakfast table and she came over to me again and pulled my head into her. I wish I could remember what her perfume was - if I ever came across it again it would whisk me straight back there.

She served us a very tasty roast chicken supper and we talked about the following day - what time we'd have to leave to be at Pamela's shop for 9.30am. It wasn't long before we were doing the washing up together and then she poured us another couple of drinks to take through next door.

We sat in front of the fire and she said, ''You know, I've been thinking and you know where this is going don't you..?''

''No, I'm not sure I follow you..''

She said, ''Well, I think that, sooner or later, you'll want to go out dressed. It's all part of it - no, don't interrupt. If this isn't to remain a fantasy in your head, you'll want to try going out into the real world to present yourself as a valid woman. I think that's what you really want deep down isn't it..? Or haven't you thought it through that far ahead?''

She was right, she was right. I had often fantasised about what it would be like to be 'out and about' as a woman, especially during the last few days. I didn't want to live as a woman hiding behind curtains and if I wanted to find my true self, it had to be in the context of the real world. Swishing about behind closed doors was not the answer. I told her that she knew me better than I knew myself. The trouble with her relentless logic was that knowing it was one thing - putting it into practice was something else entirely. She said that if I agreed with her that going out dressed was the goal, then I should bear that in mind when shopping for clothes. In other words, I should look for the type of clothes that women wore while they were out and about during the day.

I wasn't sure I was ready for this - after all, it was only the week before that I'd 'come out' to her. She said she was sure that between us we could develop my presentation such that I could pass un-noticed. She said that it was all in the detail - the suggestion of a waist and hips, a bust, a co-ordinated outfit, a few pieces of costume jewellery, perhaps a silk scarf, a bag that matched my shoes, shaped and polished nails, plucked and shaped eyebrows, the removal of unwanted hair from the back of my hands and elsewhere, a ladies wrist watch. And more! She added that I needed to make sure that all the signals I'd be sending would say the same thing - this is a woman… and so I needed to ensure that every detail of my female presentation was right so that the all-important ‘first impression’ tipped the balance in favour of the verdict that I’d be tagged by a casual onlooker as a woman. I couldn’t afford to leave a few details to a later date. It would be all or nothing. She said that it all started with a feminine figure. We had to find something to cinch my waist in a few inches to give my figure some shape, a few curves.

I said, ''Sounds to me like we're going to be very busy!'' I said I wasn't too sure about plucking my eyebrows. She said that all she'd do would be to shape them and to thin them out a little. She asked me how I felt about making a start right then and there?

Five minutes later, I was lying on the rug in front of the fire with my head in her lap, eyes closed, while she plucked away at my eyebrows. I told myself that they'd grow back if I decided that the effect didn't look right. It did make my eyes water though but I loved the feel of her cool hands on my forehead. She talked to me non-stop all the time in what felt like a woman-to-woman conversation. I felt so at home like this and I realised that this was how I was meant to be. After quite a while she told me that I could open my eyes and take a look at what she'd done.

She did a wonderful job with them - she'd thinned them out a little and now they arched slightly and were slightly more defined than they had been before - without them looking too outrageous!

She said, ''Now that must be worth a kiss!'' Which it was.

Ten minutes later, she said, ''Bed time! We have to be up early in the morning again. You go up now and I'll be up shortly''.

I went upstairs to my room at the back and after a few minutes in the bathroom I was ready for bed. She'd laid out my freshly laundered nightie on my pillow. I slipped it over my head and got into bed and turned out the light. A few minutes later I heard Julia coming up the stairs and after she'd finished in the bathroom, she came in to see me. She sat on the edge of my bed and asked me if I was all set for tomorrow.

I replied, ''That all depends on what you have in mind for me!''

She laughed and said, ''We'll have to see about that!'' She bent down and gave me a gentle goodnight kiss and with that she was gone.

I woke up around 6am the next morning. Julia was already up and about and she said she'd be downstairs making the breakfast if I wanted to use the bathroom. I had a close wet shave followed by a shower. Minutes later I was downstairs and having scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast. I said I'd wash the dishes so Julia disappeared upstairs to get ready. Before leaving she said it would be a good idea if I took a few things with me if I was going to be trying on jackets - such as my bra and boobs and my blouse. She said we might find a nice jacket and I'd need my boobs for the fit. I should also wear my girdle and my stockings. I thought about that for a minute or two and yes, she was right again. I went back upstairs and changed.

/more to follow

[Suzanne]

By 8am we were both ready to leave and we set off for Chester again. Once we were out of the suburban traffic and on the open roads, I saw her looking down at my trouser legs. She reached out and with a beautifully manicured scarlet nail she pressed the little lump made by one of the suspenders under my trousers! She grinned and said, ''Cheeky!'' She always knew how to get to me.

We made good time on the roads with it being early and before long we'd arrived in Chester and were making our way through the early Saturday morning shoppers on our way to Pamela's shop.

I felt a lot more comfortable this time around about going into the shop as all of us were now singing from the same hymn sheet. They knew about me. I knew that they knew about me. And they knew that I knew etc etc. I like to have things out in the open as it were. Pamela looked pleased to see us and her friend went around to the door and locked it and turned the sign around to 'Closed'. Pamela said, ''We won't be disturbed now.''

She said that Julia had told her that I needed something that would give my waist some definition so that I could wear a straight skirt. I said I was now venturing into unknown territory. Julia told her that my waist was 31'' (she was always measuring me!). I asked Pamela if she had something in stock that might be useful.

Pamela said that she didn't get much call for heavy corsetry these days but she'd found some boned lace-up corsets if I'd like to try one on. She led me through to the fitting room and asked me to take off my sweater and shirt while she fetched the corsets. Julia couldn't resist pulling a funny face - imitating being laced up tightly and crossing her eyes! She said, ''Now you're for it!''

Pamela returned holding several corsets and she picked one out for me to try on. She loosened off the lacing before wrapping it around me and clipping the front sections together. She then turned me around and suggested that I held on to the door frame while she tightened the laces. She slowly and methodically pulled the laces tighter and tighter. It was a strange sensation, not unpleasant, and not at all what I would have imagined.

She finished off the laces with a bow and asked me how I felt. To be honest, I could have had it tighter but she said it was best to progressively tighten it over a few weeks and months to let my body became accustomed to it. She ran a tape measure around it and it came out at just a smidgen over 29''. She said that in a few weeks it would go down to 28'' - which was a size 12. Looking in the mirror, it certainly gave me a waist and made it appear as though I had hips.

Pamela asked me if I wanted to try the heavy girdle on. She told me that I wasn't the first gentleman she'd helped and she thought that if I wanted to wear a straight skirt, then an open girdle was definitely the way to go. As she said, it would flatten out all my ''lumps and bumps''. I'd have to take my trousers off though. I caught a wink and a stifled snort from Julia - who else! This was not easy for me and it struck me that I'd just have to grin and bear any embarrassment I might have felt. There was no other way around it. I stepped out of my trousers and I stood there in all my glory in my pantie girdle and stockings. Julia said to Pamela that she'd told me to wear my girdle as she thought I might get this far.

Pamela undid the side fastening of the girdle and held it out for me. She positioned it correctly before doing up the myriad number of hook and eye fastenings before finally zipping it up. Looking in the mirror, the waist cincher gave me a defined waist and the girdle did a wonderful job of smoothing me down at the front. I was very pleased with the outcome. I told Pamela that I'd take them both and she started to disentangle me from both garments. Before she'd got too far, Julia stepped forward and said to me, ''Why don't you keep everything on? If we see a nice skirt in a 12, you'd be able to try it on?'' That made sense so Pamela fastened me all up again and then said she'd leave me while I got dressed again.

I found it hard bending down but if I kept a straight back, it wasn't so bad. I must admit that putting my shoes back on made my eyes water a little though. I found I could pull in my belt a few more notches! I put my windproof jacket back on which covered up my new curves from prying eyes. I went back into the shop and I said to Pamela that I'd take them both. Pamela said that as both the waist cincher and the girdle were old stock she'd give me a small discount.

After paying, I thanked Pamela for being so helpful and we said our goodbyes. She even wished me luck with my search for a skirt - and I'd never had a woman say that to me before. It made me feel warm inside. Was it acceptance? She didn't have to have said it. I felt like a member of the club.

We set off back towards the town centre and all the shops. Julia asked me how I felt trussed up like a Christmas turkey as she put it. To be honest, it felt great. I enjoyed the feeling that I was getting somewhere - I felt encouraged that a woman like Pamela - who was what I'd call 'old school' and very correct - should have said what she said to me - another step forward. Julia said that I'd have no difficulty at all finding a straight skirt I liked in a size 12. She slowed as we came upon a fashion shop - she said, ''Come on, this looks as though they have some nice things - let's go in.''

We went in and headed over to the skirt rails where Julia started riffling through them. I could have bought every last one of them if I'm honest - but, as Julia reminded me, I was looking for a skirt I could wear every day. She pulled out a classy looking black pencil skirt that had an elasticated back waistband. She said the elastic waistband would make it fit better and it would be comfortable and easy to wear. It had a concealed side zip and button fastening. She lifted up the hem to show me it was lined and she pointed out the gorgeous pleats to the back. She told me I'd look great in it. I was convinced already! She stopped dead in her tracks..

''I forgot - wrong colour,'' she said, “We're supposed to be looking for light coloured skirts - to make your hips look bigger - but try it on anyway - every woman's wardrobe should have at least one straight black skirt in it.'' With that, she pointed me in the direction of the changing rooms. ''I'll continue looking while you’re trying that on.''

Swallowing a large lump in my throat, I went over to the lady who was hovering about near the changing room and asked if I could try the skirt on. I said I was with the lady across at the skirt rail. Julia was looking over and she smiled and mouthed ''It's OK!'' to the lady. She turned back to me and said, ''Well, I don't know I'm sure but if you're with that lady I suppose it's OK.''

I closed the door of the changing room, kicked off my shoes and took my trousers off. It occurred to me that I was in a very female space - how many men had stood where I now stood? None, I hoped. Was I the first? I felt good about being there. Taking the skirt off its hanger I stepped into it, pulled it up around my hips, turned the closure around to the front and pulled it together - and yes, it just met - buttoned it up and then zipped it up snugly. I turned the skirt back around so that the zip was at the side. Wow! Looking at myself in mirror I was astonished at the difference now that I had some curves. My new girdle worked wonders and there was no sign at all of anything untoward - I had the look that I’d long wanted – my skirt was completely flat and smooth across the front of my hips. I stood there lost in contemplation of myself.

There was a tap on the door. Julia said, ''It's me..!'' I opened the door and she came in with three skirts for me to try but her eyes widened when she saw me. ''Ooh, now that is a perfect fit and it does look good on you!'' she said.

''I think so too - and I love what all that corsetry has done for me.''

''It's really given you a woman's figure - especially there..'' pointing at my flat front.

I said, ''I think that's what I'm pleased with the most.''

I think this was when I started to think more seriously about changing sex.. as it was called then. I longed for that clean and smooth feminine outline, that mysterious flatness at the front. I felt so happy and at ease as a woman too. I wouldn’t miss any of it if all my lumps and bumps were to disappear – in fact, I’d welcome it. I would love to be able to wear skirts and womens’ slacks in complete confidence without having to worry if “it” could be seen. I also couldn’t wait for the day when I could step into a pair of panties and they’d fit snugly without me having any bits and pieces to tuck away – that would be heaven. And if one day I had the “op”, then I could finally live day-to-day as a woman without fear of being exposed as a man. However, I had a lot of thinking to do before that day came though.

Julia told me she'd found another identical skirt to the one I was trying on but in a black and white dogtooth check.

She added, ''This would be a very easy skirt to co-ordinate with - you could wear most things with it. You're enjoying this aren't you..?''

It was true that standing there trying on a skirt in a changing cubicle in a dress shop - that most feminine of spaces - felt very good to me. I felt completely at home in a skirt - it didn't feel alien to me at all. I've always thought a skirt is the single most feminine article of clothing – a skirt reveals yet conceals and it swings differently with every stride. By contrast, putting on a pair of trousers was more prosaic - it was just putting on an outer layer of clothing - whereas putting a skirt on was liberating - there being virtually no sensation of wearing anything apart from the waistband. I could easily spend my life in a skirt.

I asked Julia what she thought about the skirt I was wearing. She took a small step back and looked at me through half-closed eyes. She said, ''It fits you beautifully - in my opinion you won't find a better one and if I were you, I'd take the black one and the dogtooth check as well.''

After we'd finished in the shop, we were walking along and Julia said to me that I needed to start thinking about what outfit I was going to put together. She said, ''C'mon, let's stop for a coffee then we can talk about where we go from here..''

We found a small café and got ourselves established in a corner. She said that I now had three skirts - the two straight skirts we'd just bought - one black, one dogtooth - and I had the pleated skirt in the grey Prince of Wales check that we'd bought the week before. I had a pale grey blouse, black shoes and a few bits of underwear. If I was going to want to go out, I'd need a jacket, perhaps some light sweaters and maybe even a coat. Julia gave me a wink and said, ''This is fun though isn't it? Come on, let's see if we can find you a jacket.''

We then set off and we must have looked in half a dozen shops before we found something suitable. We'd gone into an independent fashion shop that looked promising and once Julia had explained my situation to the elegantly dressed manageress, I was surprised at how she seemed to accept me as a woman - even though I was dressed as a man. She asked us what I was looking for and I said that I'd like a smart black jacket that I could wear with the skirts I'd just bought. She asked to see them and thought for a second or two before leading us to a rail with a selection of jackets. Julia said that a size 14 should fit. She pulled out a few and asked me what I thought of them in turn. She had two that I liked. One was a collarless edge to edge jacket that looked very feminine and the other was a more tailored style with lapels and a nipped in waist. She asked me if I'd like to try them on and she showed me through to the fitting room towards the back of the shop. She hung the jackets on the coat hook and said that she'd look to see what else might work. Julia and I went into the room and I started taking my sweater and shirt off. She held out my bra for me and helped me with the back fastening before popping my breast forms into the cups. ''There..'', she said, ''that looks better already! Here's your blouse as well..'' She gave me a hand buttoning it up as my hands were shaking with nerves.

''Now let's try this jacket on..,'' she said, holding out the edge to edge jacket. I slipped it on and Julia said, ''Look, it doesn't look anything with your trousers underneath - why not take them off and slip one of your new skirts on?''

She was right of course - I was thinking of having a sign of this made by this stage! I took them off and stepped into the black skirt that Julia was holding out for me. I turned around and she tucked my blouse in before doing the honours with the zip and button closure. ''Turn around and let's have a look at you..'' she said, ''Ooh, that's looks lovely on you especially now you have some curves. That jacket looks so much better doesn't it?''

''Can I come in?'' asked the manageress from the other side of the curtain. Julia stepped back to make some room and pulled the curtain aside as the lady came in. She looked me up and down before saying, ''Well, if you don't mind me saying, you look every inch the lady in that outfit. You've obviously had some help with the curves as your skirt hangs well on you and the jacket drapes well over your bust.''

Music to my ears! At last I had acceptance from the other side - which was now my side. How I'd longed for this moment. She said, ''There's no-one in the shop right now - why don't you come outside and look at yourself in the big mirrors out there..?''

I stepped out and I wished I'd had my shoes with me and my wig and - well, all the rest of it! She showed me to the mirror and even without my shoes and my wig, I thought that, from the neck down, I looked like many well-dressed women we'd seen out shopping. I turned around to see how the back looked and I was pleased with the fit of the jacket.

She said, ''Why don't you try the other jacket for size?'' I went back in the changing room and put the first jacket back on its hanger before putting on the other one. It was in a deep plum and was slighter shorter than the first one. It had a more tailored fit with its nipped in waist and when I fastened the two buttons up, it fitted more closely around the bust too. I felt good wearing that too.

The manageress stood by the curtain with a raised eyebrow, ''Well, what do you think? From where I'm standing you look very nice..''

I asked Julia what she thought.

She said, ''I don't think you'll do better than these two jackets. The black one will go with anything and the plum one looks wonderful on you.''

The manageress added, ''These are wardrobe essentials if you're trying to put together clothes that will co-ordinate. You won't go wrong with either of these jackets.''

That was decided then. I said that I'd take them both and got changed back into my own clothes again. Stepping out of the changing room, I walked over to the cash desk and while the manageress was folding up my latest purchases she said I'd be welcome in her shop at any time. If I wanted to come in again, I should just give her a ring and she'd make sure that we wouldn't be disturbed. This was really a blessing as I wasn't sure that I'd be able to cope with a shop full of women customers. And with that, she shook my hand and wished me luck.

Julia said all I needed now before going back home were some tops - she said she thought a light sweater or two would be useful. We looked at each other and, as one, said, ''Marks!''

Marks & Spencer had always had a great knitwear department and so minutes later we were browsing the shelves.

Julia thought a black polo would be useful and she found one in my size. She said that it would go with either of the jackets. By this stage we were both getting a little weary and so, after paying for it, we headed for the car.

We'd had a very good day and Julia said that I now had the basis of a wardrobe. If I kept in mind what I had when I went out clothes shopping, I could build up a well-co-ordinated set of mix and match outfits.

/more to follow

[Wendae]

This is good enough to post on a TG site.

[Suzanne]

Glad you enjoyed it, Wendae..
======================================================
Before too long we were pulling up outside Julia's house and fortunately it was dark so nobody would see us. Closing the door behind me, Julia said, ''Why don't you freshen up - have a shower and a shave if you need like one and then I'll take the hair off your chest. You'll feel much better about yourself then.''

I no longer questioned any advice she gave me so I went up with all my carrier bags and was soon standing under her shower. She'd given me a perfumed shower gel which I loved the smell of. I was drying myself off when the door opened a tad and she passed me a lace trimmed wrap saying, ''Pop this on when you're finished and come on through to my room.''

After shaving quickly I went through to her bedroom and she said for me to lie on her bed so she could depilate my chest. She held up a few wax strips which she said might make my eyes water! I felt her sticking one to my chest then there was a ripping sound and ouch! Yikes, that stung! She said it wouldn't take long and then she repeated the process over and over again till it was completely smooth. I could feel my eyes watering despite myself. Then, as she slowly stroked some soothing skin lotion on to my chest the soreness lessened.

She said, ''Once the redness has faded, your bra will look so much better on you without that hairy chest! Now open your eyes and here's a little something I've treated you to..''

She gave me a very light little gift wrapped package - which, when I unwrapped it, contained a lovely black camisole top and a matching pair of black lace-fronted panties. She was looking at my face for my reaction and she said, ''I'm glad you like them.. Pop the panties on now and the camisole will go on afterwards..''

I stood up and slid into them. They were lovely. I asked her, ''Where do you find panties as nice as these?''

She laughed and said, ''How do they feel on? You suit them. Come on, let's get you made up..'' She sat me in front of her dressing table again and started with some skin cleanser before doing my make up. I loved the feeling of her gentle hands working on my face, putting my eye make up on before the final touch - asking me to pout a little as she applied my lipstick.

She said that she'd also bought me some false nails to try. She reminded me that it was all about the little details – if I could only get those right then suddenly it would be like a set of scales - just a fraction of a bit more weight on one side would tip the balance in its favour. She said all she was trying to do was to tip the scales. One by one she stuck the shaped nails onto mine and once the glue had set, she started to shape them in turn using a nail file. Then she opened her dressing table drawer and selected a plum-coloured nail polish. She explained that it would match with my new jacket. I found this all to be one of those deeply feminine experiences and I loved it. She was rapt in concentration as she applied the lustrous colour to my nails one by one and when she'd finished one hand I had to wave it in the air to speed up the drying process in that classic female gesture. I loved it!

Soon, she'd finished the other hand and she said that while that was drying she'd help me dress. She said a black bra would be best under the polo sweater. She slipped the wrap off my shoulders and helped me into my bra before slipping a breast form into each of my bra cups. She adjusted the straps until she was happy with the result. She then held out my pantie girdle for me to step into before asking me to sit down again so she could put my stockings on - rolling them on from the toe. She said, ''You must be enjoying this..!'' I was!

Once I had my stockings on, she said that my new waist cincher was next so I stood up to hold on to the door while she tightened it up more and more. She finished it up by wrapping the laces around my waist once and then tying them off in a bow. She stepped back and said, ''You've got your waist back! Now to smooth you down at the front.'' She wrapped my girdle around me and did up the innumerable hook and eye fastenings before zipping it up with a satisfying ziip!

''Now for your new camisole top..'' she said as she slipped it over my head.

She said, ''One thing we forgot today was a nice waist slip.. Even though your skirts are lined, I always like a waist slip with an edge of lace to show when I walk.'' She opened one of her drawers and passed me a black waist slip trimmed with lace at the hem. ''Slip this one of mine on while I take all the tags off these clothes. And then try your black polo first - but careful not to smudge your make up.''

I held out the neck of my polo as I pulled it down over my head and over my bust. Looking down I had a lovely shape to my bust under the sweater.

''Which skirt first, do you think? As I'd like to see you in the plum jacket, let's try you in the black one first..'' She held it out for me to step into and then she stepped around behind me and zipped me up. She smoothed my sweater down over my hips and then held my new plum jacket out for me to put on.

''Now, where are those shoes of yours..?'' She passed me my shoes and I stepped into them. ''We'll just do your wig and then you're done..''

I sat down again in front of her mirror with a lovely swishing sound from my skirt. She asked me to hold the front of my wig close to my hair line at the front while she pulled it back and down over my head. There was a small tab over each ear that she jiggled and pulled down so that the wig was properly seated. Then, reaching for her styling brush, she gave it a few expert flicks and then, shielding my eyes, gave it a quick spray to fix it in place.

''Now we're getting there,'' she smiled, ''All we need now are the finishing touches..'' She rummaged through her jewellery box until she found some dangly pearl earrings with a central plum-coloured stone.. She clipped these on to me and then got up to go to her wardrobe. She came back with a silk scarf with plum and black accents that she said would finish my outfit off nicely.

She tied it loosely around my neck, arranging it this way and that before declaring herself satisfied. ''Ooh! I forgot rings.. You'll need a ring or two.'' She was back in her jewellery box and she came up with a couple of rings that she tried on me before setting on a nice one that matched my outfit. It was a large chunky plummy stone.

''OK.. let's have a look at you..'' I stood up and walked over to her big full length mirror. I was struck dumb again.. just like the weekend before. All I could see was an elegant woman and the knowledge that that elegant woman was me was the best feeling in the world. My outfit flowed from top to bottom.. My jacket had curves, my skirt sat properly on my hips and, best of all, my skirt was absolutely flat at the front with no hint at all of anything that shouldn't be there. And all those little details that Julia had talked about - my nails, a scarf, rings, earrings - transformed my sweater, jacket and skirt into an outfit. It was magic! It all looked part of the whole. I couldn't stop looking at myself. Julia said that she thought I looked lovely but that I'd wear the mirror out if I wasn't careful.

She asked, ''How do you feel? To me, I could pass you in the street and think only what a smart outfit that woman is wearing. You could be one of the girls from the office - really! Let's go down and have a drink.''

I felt so wonderful, so feminine and so elegant. I'd wanted to feel elegant all my life and now I finally was. I looked at my nails and then down at my shoes.. and at the hem of my skirt and the swell of my bosom. It all felt so right. I was born to be here.

We went downstairs and I sneaked another look at myself in her hall mirror. I was so happy with what I saw that I felt myself filling up. I stood in front of the mirror with one knee cocked inwards and slightly forward in that classic female stance that accentuated my hips. I could hardly speak for the emotions I was feeling. Julia said softly, ''Come on, there'll be time enough for that later.'' She led me through to her kitchen and sat me down. I said I wasn't hungry so she said she'd just make a couple of coffees. She said that I honestly made a very convincing woman. She arranged my hands neatly in the lap of my skirt and said that these female gestures had to become second nature to me. She lifted the hem of my skirt to reveal the black lace edging of my waist slip and said ''That looks so pretty, doesn't it?''. She said she'd noticed I'd smoothed my skirt down underneath when I sat down - just as she would have done. She said “Well done!” - I liked to hear that. It made me feel as if I was getting somewhere.

She asked me what I wanted to do now. I replied that I was in seventh heaven and I could hardly think straight. She asked me if I'd like one of the girls from the office to come around? We could have a girls night in as she put it. I went hot and cold when she said that. There was nothing I'd've liked better but I was terrified of where this was all going.

I asked her if she had anyone in mind? She said that she thought that her best friend Angela (a divorcée) wouldn't be fazed by it. In fact, Julia thought she'd enjoy meeting me like this. ''Should I ask her around then?'' Julia asked with a naughty smile. She said it would help me to identify as a woman and it would be good to hear someone else's reaction.

I felt completely tense about it but after a while, I realised that this was all part of the process of self-discovery. I needed to know if I could socialise as a woman. I nodded.

Julia said, ''I'm glad you said yes. I think it's a positive step forward and Angie's the soul of discretion - she won't breathe a word to anyone.'' She reached for the phone and dialled Angie's number. I could hear it ringing. No turning back now.

''Hi Ang - it's Jools.. How's everything? Uh huh. Yep. Listen.. if you weren't doing anything special I was just wondering if you'd like to pop round for a drink. I've got someone here I'd love you to meet. Who? Wait and see! A friend! A girl friend.. (looking at me with a smile and a wink) Just come as you are. See you in a few minutes then. Byee.''

Julia looked at me with half closed eyes - ''What have I forgotten?'' she said to herself, ''Ah yes, a spray of perfume.'' She opened her handbag and gave me a few sprays of perfume around my ears, inside my wrists and on the back of my knees. ''I must get you a handbag as well. I've one in black patent that would look nice with your outfit. Just a minute..'' She dashed upstairs quickly and returned moments later with a stylish black handbag that I'd seen her using at the office. She said, ''Stand up and get used to carrying it - like this.'' She showed me how to hold it and then said I should try walking up and down a few times to get used to the feel of the clothes.

She gave me hints on how to walk like a woman, keeping my back straight, my shoulders back, tucking my elbows in to my body and pointing my toes. She added, ''Don't worry, it'll come - there's a lot to learn.''

Just then there was a ring at the door - my heart leapt into my mouth - ''Don't worry,'' she said, ''That'll be Angie.. you'll be fine - and so will she. Stay here and I'll bring her through.''

/more to follow

[Suzanne]

I heard the door opening and then Angie's voice. ''What's all the mystery?'' I heard her ask.

''You'll see in a second,'' replied Julia, ''Let me take your coat and come through into the sitting room.''

The door opened and Angie looked at me with a puzzled look - ''Hello.. that face looks familiar.. It's not - it is.. is it? Is that Xxxxxxx in there?''

I said, ''Yes, I'm afraid so.''

She said, ''I don't know what you've been up to but you look fantastic! Has Julia been helping you?''

Julia said, ''Yes, it all started last weekend.''

Angie said, ''Does this mean you're gay? Or..?''

I said, ''No, not at all. All it means is that this is how I've always felt on the inside and I finally decided to let her out.. with a lot of help from Julia..''

Angie said, ''Well, it suits you. You look great. I love your outfit - it's like something I'd wear. You look like one of the girls. You look like one of us.''

I felt my heart swell to bursting when she said that.

''You don't think it's a bit funny then?''

''Not at all,'' she said, ''It must have taken a lot of courage to go through all that. I admire you for it. Not many people could do it. How on earth did Julie get involved though?''

Julie said, ''I'll tell you over a drink. What are you having?''

And then the whole story came out and at the end of it Angie was looking at me shaking her head. She said, ''I'd never have guessed all that was going on in your head. But if that's what you want, then go for it. Are you sure about what you want because it's an enormous step - a huge decision to take?''

I told her that I'd felt like this ever since I was a child. I'd always wanted to be in with the girls when I was at school. I'd always felt as if I belonged there. I was happy and at ease talking to her about this – I felt a huge weight lifting off my shoulders - whereas I couldn't imagine telling a man the same story.

After a lot of talking she looked at me and said, ''So - where do you go from here?''

The $64,000 question.

I said that I'd read about men who'd had sex changes and that perhaps that was the way ahead for me. I'd read that they were prescribed a course of female hormones and after living as a woman for a couple of years the surgery would follow. She asked me if I went that route, what about men? Would I start fancying them? I said that as I felt now, I felt attracted to women and I couldn't imagine that changing. However, after 2 years of female hormones who knows what that would do to my psyche? Maybe I'd end up fancying men. At the moment however, I felt attracted 100% to women and I was more than happy with that. Maybe there was a woman out there who would be content with me as a partner. But if not, I'd be happy to live out my life as a woman, as me.

Angie said, ''I think before you commit yourself to such a major change in your life you should experience what life is like as a woman out there in the real world - not just here in Julia's house. I know it's only early days yet but the real world is what you'd have to live in. If you found it didn't work for you for whatever reason, you'd have the time and space to take a backward step before altering anything permanently.''

Julia said to me, ''Now do you see why I asked Angie round? She always talks common sense.''

I said, ''And I'm very grateful for that.'' And I was.

Angie looked at me with the same look that Julie often used. She said, ''You know, now that I've got used to the idea, I think you could really make a go of it. I'm not being funny but I think you could make a better woman than you do a man. Can you just stand up for a minute?'' I stood up and shook the folds out of my skirt. ''And can you just turn around slowly - that's right. I think with the right clothes and accessories, the fact that you haven't got much in the way of hips needn't be a show stopper. If you want any help with this just ask. You've got a lot of catching up to do and I can see that Julia's helped you a lot. The thing is - you're going to have to learn how to do all this on your own. Your own make-up, your own hair, your own shopping and your grooming. All those things that took us 20+ years to learn, you'll have to pick up from a standing start. Are you ready for that? And how about work? And telling your doctor? You've got a lot to think about.''

Julia said that this was really the early stages of discovery for me and that I should take things one step at a time. She said she was willing to teach me what she could while her husband was away but when he was home after his trip away, perhaps Angie would like to consider picking up the reins and carrying on with my journey.

Angie said she'd love to. She asked me what other clothes I had and Julia said it would be best if we went upstairs and showed her.

I walked up the stairs ahead of Angie and she noticed a flash of lace in the split pleat of my skirt. She said how well I walked in my heels and that the lace looked so pretty.

We laughed and laughed at some of the embarrassments I'd gone through and we talked about another shopping trip the following week to look for a coat for me. I said that I'd need one if I was going to go out. Angie said she'd like to join us if that was OK. She said that I should go shopping dressed next week. She said I'd pass unnoticed if I was in company with 2 women. And that was where we left it. I'd come a long way in a couple of weeks and yet I felt so right about everything.

I finally knew that I belonged to the sisterhood.

/more to follow

[Wendae]

I remember how I felt the first time I came out to a GG friend, scared, worried I lose her friendship, wondering about her reaction. She was great. I was complimented on my appearance and of course eventually "are you gay?"We went to breakfast at Cracker Barrel and had a great time. I should point out we are both in our 70's. Later visits to her house got me to meet both of her daughters and grandson(7yrs old). When I came to the house for a visit I was really scared of his reaction as he has known me for some time. He stared at me for awhile and went back to playing a game. Nothing! When i met her older daughter, after the usual questions, she gave me many compliments on my make up and she even commented that "and you have all of the accessories, too!" Loved my purse and jewelry. As I was leaving she got up and gave me a big hug and a kiss on the neck. One time during a vist all three were there. I remember telling them how wonderful it was to have friends to talk to. Tears started in my eyes and my voice started to crack All 3 got up and pulled me in for a group hug. I left walking on air and so happy to finally have the acceptance and friendship of 3 women.
I never had a girl friend to show me how to dress, do make up, walk, etc. I learned on my own. I started dressing when I was 26. I didn't start getting out in public until about 6 years ago. I first came out to my friend about 3 years ago.

[Suzanne]

Over the next few weeks I saw a lot of Julia and Angie during the lunch break or after work – we’d sometimes have lunch together but more often than not we’d go shopping. They quickly treated me as one of the girls and this was something I loved. It meant that I was able to walk into shops with them that were temples of femininity and normally off limits to the male of the species – shops that, on my own, I would have thought twice about before going in.. if I ever could.

All the time they would give me the benefit of their experience about what I should be looking for – what to wear, what went with what, what colour and styles suited me and how something should be worn. They had lots of rules like “Blue and green should never be seen..” and “Never white and cream together”, or “Pink and red” or “Brown and black”. Shoes, belts and handbags had to match as well. I learned that high heels should be worn only with long skirts and low heels with short skirts – but never high heels with short skirts. Another rule was never a low cut top with a short skirt.. It had to be one or the other. I hoped there wasn’t going to be a test!

I started accumulating all the bits and pieces they advised me that I would need to transform me into a credible woman. Until I did this, I hadn’t quite realised exactly quite how many of our belongings have been coded with a “male” or “female” stamp. As my collection of clothes, shoes, handbags, cosmetics etc etc was rapidly expanding I decided it would be best if I moved everything back to my flat as Julia’s husband would, sooner or later, be on his way home.

When I mentioned this to them both at lunchtime over a coffee, Julia said that before I did that I should try a weekend with her, living as a woman 24 hours a day. She thought it would be a good exercise to carry out and that it might clarify my thinking in terms of where I was going with all of this. While the prospect of this sounded sublime, I had to be careful not to let the thought of spending more time with the lovely Julia cloud the core issue.

Loving the clothes was one thing – “living the life” needed a lot more thought. Where was I going with this? Was I simply going to restrict myself to dressing up at home? Or – was I going to live more of my life as a woman out in the public eye? And what about relationships? Julia and Angie had often asked me the same question. They took the view that all of us needed relationships and that I couldn’t live in a vacuum. I agreed with all of that of course - but I was always orientated towards women and changing that was something I had never ever contemplated.

What they were hinting at was that, if I lived as a woman and especially if I had the “op” one day, then my natural target could and should be men. This is where I found myself out-voted. I just couldn’t see this. They insisted that the only alternative to this would be to look for relationships with women – but as they themselves said – they doubted if many, if any, women who identified as lesbian would be interested in me as a potential partner as I wouldn’t be enough of a real woman for them. They thought that many lesbians would view me as someone who’d been brought up in a male environment as a male with all of the male privileges, values and expectations. And for those women seeking something different, I wouldn’t be enough of a man (no lumpy bits) and so I’d fall in the cracks somewhere in between.

They both thought that maybe once I’d been on female hormones for a while, my sexual orientation might change. Julia’s view was that before I set off on this tricky journey that I should know where I was going. If they were right, and my sexual orientation did change once I’d been taking hormones for a length of time, then no harm done – even though at present that particular scenario was unimaginable. I identified completely with women – to me, there was nowhere else I’d rather be than in the company of women and it was to them that I looked to exclusively for a relationship.. But, if all that were to change after taking hormones and I genuinely did start to feel attracted to men, then if I followed through with that I’d be living the same complete and full life as the vast majority of the female population did.. apart from the fact that biologically I couldn’t menstruate or have children. However, what if even after taking hormones that I was still attracted to women..? I’d be stuck in the aptly named No-Mans-Land situation described above. This was the big dilemma I was facing.

The alternative was to try and carry on as I was – no hormones – and trying to keep it all bottled up inside me with only an occasional dressing-up session to relieve the stress. That didn’t sound like much fun either and I couldn’t see that as a long term solution. Given a choice between the two alternatives, I think I’d rather have the “op” and run the risk of being an unhappy woman in preference to continuing as I was with the guarantee that I would be an unhappy man.

And as much as I liked women, even I could see that starting a conventional relationship with a woman would be doomed to almost certain failure with all this going on in my head. So that would leave me back in limbo – on my own with no relationship and with no hope of living my life as I wanted.

Maybe Julia was right – that I needed an extended period of dressing and living as a woman to clear my thinking – and, as I turned this over in my mind, her offer of a weekend at her house dressed as a woman sounded increasingly tempting.

As time was marching on and her hubby was homeward bound somewhere in the Indian Ocean, we decided to try it over the next weekend. As an indication of how many clothes I’d been buying I had to pack a couple of suitcases and take a small vanity case for my make-up (how nice that sounded!) and stow them in my car ready for Friday evening.

After another week of mounting tension and Julia’s good-humoured teasing Friday came around. Julia left the office earlier to start getting herself ready and I left not long afterwards, stopping only to pick up a bottle of champagne. I parked my car in my usual discreet place a few yards away from her house and walked up to the door. Luckily, her front garden was screened with high hedges and so I felt fairly safe from being spotted.

[Suzanne]

I rang her doorbell, the hall light came on and I saw her familiar outline through the rippled glass as she approached. It always gave me a thrill to see her and I can still feel it now over 40 years later. She let me in and after turning the light off she stepped up close to me and leant against me with her face tilted up to mine. What else could I do..? I took her in my arms, held her close to me, marvelling at her warmth and softness against me.. before kissing her long and slow. The tensions of the week seemed to melt away as I realised I was again with her – she who seemed to know me better than I knew myself. I nuzzled the top of her head, breathing in that perfume of hers. I gave her the champagne to put in her fridge for later and she said it was her favourite drink. Mine too.

We broke away and she suggested that I could take a quick shower and shave and then I could change into something she’d pick out for me. She said that while I was doing that, she’d unpack and hang all my clothes up for me to stop them from creasing. Twenty minutes later I emerged from her bathroom with her fragrance on me – she’d left one of her body lotions out for me to use.

She was waiting for me in the bedroom and she’d been busy – most of my clothes were now neatly arranged on hangers in a wardrobe. She’d laid out some underwear for me and she’d picked out my straight black skirt and a dusky pink blouse I’d not worn yet, together with a matching pink cardigan. I stepped into a pair of white lacy panties, and then I put on my firm control girdle – one that gave me the flat front that I loved. She held out a bra for me and did up the back fastening before popping in the breast forms. She said she’d treated me to some barely black 15 denier stockings which looked wonderful on me. I slipped into the blouse and quickly buttoned it up while she held out my skirt for me to step into. I zipped it up and aah, that felt much better.. I put the cardigan on and left it open.

Julia then led me to her room where she quickly did my make-up and brushed out my wig. All that remained was to clip some gold earrings on and she fastened some pearls around my neck. Then she gave me a spritz of her gorgeous perfume and I was done. I stepped into my shoes and after a quick twirl for her, she pronounced me fit and ready to be an honorary lady for the weekend! I felt so comfortable like this and alive as never before. More than ever, this felt so right for me. I always found that being “dressed” made me more aware of my body and my movements. I could no longer slouch – the clothes made me move more elegantly. She picked up some false nails and some nail varnish and she said she’d do my nails downstairs.

I picked my way carefully down her stairs, being careful not to trip and had a longer look at myself in the large mirror she had in her hall. There was that mysterious lady again in the mirror returning my gaze. I said, “Hello again..”

I think it was during this weekend that Julia suggested that I think of a girl’s name for myself – she said that it felt odd to her to be calling me by my boy’s name when I looked so obviously female. This was something I’d consciously avoided doing in the past because I felt that by giving my alter ego a girl’s name it would somehow validate this female part of me. By not naming her, I felt more in control.. more able to keep her in the box - but maybe it was a little too late for that now, given my appearance and where I was. “OK,” I replied, “you’re right again.. but it’s not something I’ve ever thought seriously about.” And I explained why.

She said that I was avoiding reality and that it would help me adopt my female persona if I had a girl’s name.. She said that she thought that Suzanne or Caroline would suit me. And so I became Suzanne.

She started calling me Suzanne from that moment on and I have to say that it felt good. She took the champagne out of the fridge and gave it to me to open while she fetched some glasses. The cork popped and I poured out two glasses and we drank a toast to Suzanne – regardless of whatever was to happen to her. She said that helping me through all of this gave her a great deal of pleasure – because it was great to see someone having the courage to try and change their life in such a fundamental way. I told her that I couldn’t imagine going through all of this with anyone else. She’d helped me more than she’d ever know. We sat down on one of her comfortable sofas and she watched me intently while I sat as she’d taught me, arranging my feet and hands just so. She said she thought that my confidence levels were improving and that I was learning to stand up straight and not to bow my head. I felt it too – she gave me so much reassurance that I was able to feel well in myself.

She said that for that evening that she thought we should have a quiet night in for me to relax into my female persona and we’d think about what we’d do the following day. She asked what I thought about going out shopping tomorrow - dressed? She said before answering that we (meaning me!) could practice our movements until they were near to being second nature as possible. She said that being a woman was more than simply wearing the clothes – I really had to immerse myself in all things feminine, to make my actions and reactions, my walk, my reflexes, my mannerisms and my posture indistinguishable from all other women. All that, she said, and she hadn’t even mentioned the voice yet. Was that what I wanted?

I replied without having to think – I knew it was what I wanted – it was what I’d wanted for as long as I could remember. Sitting there next to her, talking to her about all matters feminine, with my legs crossed and feeling 100% female, I didn’t need long to think about my answer. I would be the most willing and attentive of pupils. She said that in that case, we’d start after supper.. She asked me if I wanted to go outside while it was still light and try walking on her garden path.. She said I’d find walking outside on a hard surface with the breeze on my legs to be a completely different experience to walking indoors on carpet. She said her garden wasn’t overlooked at all and I’d be quite safe. I went upstairs to fetch a little swing coat I’d bought, and after putting it on, we stepped out into her patio. She gave me one of her handbags to carry as well.

She was right (again!) – it did feel completely different outside. My heels made that adorable sound as we walked down her garden path and I realised that this was the first time that Suzanne had seen the light of day (well, dusk really). Julia was behind me and she was giving me pointers as to how I should walk (stand straight, shoulders back, stomach in and hips forward), how to hold my arms (elbows tucked in, thumb touching middle finger and palm almost facing down) and she corrected the placement of my feet. Pretty soon I was able to walk up and down, turn, stand as if waiting for a bus – all as she wanted me to. I loved it. I loved the swishing sound my skirt made as I walked, the feeling of walking in heels and the sense of freedom and lightness around my legs.. I felt as though I’d come home to a place where I truly belonged. We must have been outside for almost an hour before she said that we’d done enough and I was capable of going out during the day without frightening the horses! It felt wonderful standing side by side with her on her patio – two women together.

We went back inside and I had to remind myself to take smaller steps and to try and move elegantly – just like Julia. She said it would be a good idea to select what we were going to wear for our day out shopping tomorrow – to make sure that I had everything I needed so we wouldn’t be rushed in the morning. She thought that we should try and wear something similar – so that our styles would match.

First, she picked out my pleated skirt for me with my black jacket, together with my silver grey blouse. With these, she gave me one of her silk scarves that would complement my outfit. I sorted out my underwear and I chose my black heels. For herself, Julia picked out a straight navy blue worsted skirt (one I’d seen her wearing at the office), a white blouse and a pink jacket, with black patent slingbacks. I told her that this was unfair competition! She had wonderful dress sense and she knew exactly what looked good on her. I’d always loved that navy blue skirt of hers when she wore it to the office – it fitted her like a glove and it had a small vent at the back. I often wondered if she knew how good she looked in it.. (Of course she did!).

That job done, we went downstairs for a light supper. Afterwards we talked and talked about the path I was on. I’d come to realise that life can’t be planned out minutely in advance – all you can do is to recognise opportunities as and when they come along. As far as I was concerned, I had an overpowering need to change my state and become a woman as, despite several misgivings as far as the possibility of any future relationships were concerned, my view was that I couldn’t have an answer to every possible “what if” that may or may not arise at some future time. All I knew was that I didn’t want or feel able to carry on as a man for much longer.

I had a half-formed plan in mind for how I was going to achieve my long term goal and I was constantly trying to construct a way forward that would allow me to live my life in the way I believed was right for me. I had been left an inheritance some years earlier and one of the conclusions I’d already drawn was that if I started the process of “transitioning”, I would need some financial resources to tide me over the gap that would surely occur while I recovered from surgery and until I could re-enter the workplace as a woman. Julia agreed with me that given all my options that this was probably the best way ahead for me.

First though, was this weekend to get through and enjoy. I’d be out in the world as “me” and we were both convinced that I’d be on a steep learning curve. Julia put her hand over mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze, saying that I’d come a long way during these last few weeks and that she thought I had thought it all through and reached the best outcome. Looking like a woman was one thing – sounding like one was something else entirely.. my voice would need some work and I’d have to learn how to communicate as a woman. I’d never even tried talking in a woman’s voice or pitching it up.. This was an area I’d have to look at.

Julia revealed that she’d always felt at ease with me, even before she knew my “secret”. She said that I wasn’t like the other men in the office and that her opinion was shared by some of the other girls at the office - apparently I had one or two admirers. I was tempted to ask her who – but thought better of it. The ones who were interested in me were probably interested in the ‘me’ they saw – not the real ‘me’ that I felt myself to be. She said I seemed to have a natural ability to be able to relate to the world of women. I said that was because I genuinely liked women and was interested in the same things as they were. I found it hard not to join in conversations between the “girls” at the office.

One of the hardest aspects of it all was that I had to keep my opinions to myself when I liked something one of them was wearing – or she’d had a new hairstyle, or maybe was wearing some new earrings. I’d nearly given myself away on several occasions – saying things like how much I liked a girl’s new shoes.. or a handbag.. but somehow managing to stop myself in the nick of time as the words were in my mouth. I told Julia that I’d sometimes picked up on that when talking to ladies in shops.. I was sure that on occasion they recognised that there was a feminine aspect to me. By that, I don’t mean I was effeminate but my manner was non-confrontational and supportive and that I came into conversations from the female perspective. I didn’t enter conversations with women from the traditionally male starting point.. I’d come in via the same starting gate as that used by women. Julia had noticed that too. She said that she’d been surprised at how quickly ladies in shops seemed to instinctively realise that I wasn’t a ‘threat’ and that my nature was feminine.

When Julia said that, I was reminded of something that a girlfriend had once said to me some years before. She said that I had no idea of the effect I had on people – meaning girls. It took me by surprise as I’d never considered myself to be anything special – I could never relate to my appearance and I disliked being in photographs as they reminded me of the reality of what I was. I only bought male clothes when absolutely necessary. Despite what this girl said about me, I wasn’t interested at all in the male ‘me’. I honestly didn’t think of myself as anything special. I’ve since worked out that I had very low self-esteem as a male.

And another girl, on our first date, had commented that it seemed to her as though she’d known me a long time. She said that she didn’t feel that awkwardness that she found often existed with other boys. Maybe this was because I actually liked girls and genuinely enjoyed their company as opposed to other boys who had a different agenda. This prompted me to tell Julia that I noticed what women were wearing too - instead of just gaining an overall impression as I think most men do, I was able to deconstruct their outfits and absorb the detail of how they were dressed – their hair styles, what they were wearing and all the hundred and one details that go towards making a “look”. I could recognise clothes on girls in the street – I would say to myself: “Seen that in Marks..!” and trends and colours didn’t escape me either. In short, I was a hopeless case!

Bedtime approached and after clearing away the dishes and washing up, we tidied up and went upstairs to bed. I undressed and hung all my lovely clothes up, put on my nightie and went through to the bathroom. When I’d finished, Julia said goodnight to me and we arranged to get up around 7.30am to be on the road for 8.30..

I was lying in the dark listening to Julia in the bathroom when I heard her switch the bathroom light off. She came in to see me, sitting on the edge of my bed in her nightie. She told me that I was doing something very special and that she wanted to help me as much as she possibly could to find the real “me”. She leaned forward and we kissed softly. I loved holding her in my arms – it was a dream come true for me. She got up and switched off the landing light and came back in, pulling back the sheets to climb in alongside me. She whispered simply, “Suzanne, just hold me.. please.” and we fell asleep like that.

/more to follow

[Suzanne]

In the morning I awoke to find her gone.. I could hear her downstairs in the kitchen making our breakfast. I got up and brushed my teeth and ran a comb through my hair in the bathroom and putting on the wrap she’d lent me, I went downstairs.

She took one look at me and said, “Hi gorgeous.. I enjoyed last night.” Then she took one look at me and said, “Slippers..! Add a pair to your list! ” I went over to her and gave her a squeeze. We had coffee and toast and then she told me to go on up and have my shave and shower while she pottered about.

After finishing in the bathroom I called down that it was free and went to my room to change into my outfit. It felt very special to be able to wear all my lovely things from first thing in the morning after my shower.. I didn’t want to see a shirt or trousers until Sunday evening. This would be the first time that I’d worn women’s clothes right from the start of the day and it felt like a minor victory. As I dressed I imagined all the millions of other women around the country doing exactly what I was doing just then.. clipping together their bras, putting their stockings on, stepping into skirts.. This thought was very reassuring to me. It made me feel that I was part of the vast global community of women. Soon I was ready and I tidied up my room, opened the windows to let some air in and then I made the bed. I put my shoes on and apart from my wig, make-up and costume jewellery I was ready.

A few minutes later, Julia emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of fragrance.. and a few minutes later she called me to come through. She told me that I was privileged to see her minus her war-paint. I told her that I could say the same thing about me! One aspect of all this that I must improve on was my ability with making up my face. I could do one eye – no problem – but getting the other one to look the same was proving very difficult. It was definitely a case of practice makes perfect. Applying lipstick was another art I had yet to master.. Julia was able to apply her own in seconds without using a mirror.

She sat me down in front of her mirror in her room and put a towel around my shoulders and neck in case of accidents and she soon had me looking presentable again. Then I put my wig on and with a few deft strokes of her brush, she performed her usual miracle.. I looked like a woman again. She squinted at me with half closed eyes and said she was thinking about what jewellery I should wear. She pulled a heavy gold chain out of her jewellery box and clipped it around my neck, saying, “I’ll kill you if you lose that!” She clipped some nice gold earrings on me and then she found a little gold brooch that she fastened to my jacket.. and I was ready.

She told me to take a few steps around her room and after giving me the once-over pronounced that I looked great. And she said she wasn’t just saying that. She said, “You’ll be turning a few heads later on – and that’s something else you’ll have to get used to..”

She suddenly realised that in all our haste that we’d forgotten to do my nails - another “little” detail! She sat me down and was soon hard at it sticking false nails on me and then sanding and filing them to shape. She said we might leave a bit later than we planned but I couldn’t go out with my nails looking less than perfect. It was one of the first things I’d noticed about Julia at the office and that was that her nails were always immaculate – beautifully shaped and I never saw her with chipped nail varnish. It took her almost an hour but she said she had one golden rule that she always followed - she never went out unless her grooming was faultless. It gave us the opportunity for another one of those girly chats that I loved. Finally, she finished applying crimson nail varnish and my nails looked fabulous.. that’s the only word for it. I had to wave my hands around in the air to speed up the drying process. I think this was the first time I really felt 100% female.. and it made me shiver with delight.

She started getting dressed and so to give her some privacy I said I’d wait for her downstairs.

I loved the pleated check skirt I was wearing.. the way it moved on me. As an avid reader of women’s magazines, I’d often read that the one quality that many women want out of their clothes and their appearance is confidence.. and, as a man, I’d never understood completely what was meant by this. Now I did – I understood fully the feeling that a woman sensed when she wore an outfit that really worked well together. Everything I was wearing that morning contributed to the whole – such that the end result was greater than the sum of the parts. Looking at the woman I’d become in the hall mirror gave me such a boost. I unconsciously adjusted my stance, tucking one knee in towards the other and trailing a foot out in that classic pose. I felt so happy with the way I looked – my skirt length was spot on, my jacket looked perfect, I loved my supremely elegant shoes, my hair – well, that was the icing on the cake! Thinking ahead to what the day might bring – I thought at least I looked my best.

Julia called down to me that I must have a handbag – she said she’d lend me one of hers when she came down. Finally I heard the rustle of her skirt as she came downstairs clutching a couple of handbags.. “Here you are,” she said, “Have this one.. it will go well with your outfit Suzanne..” (ooh, that sounded so nice..)

She continued, “You’ll have to put a few bits and pieces in there.. here’s a small packet of Kleenex, a spare pair of stockings, some mints, here’s your brush, your lippy and some powder.. That will do for starters. Don’t forget your wallet – and that’s another thing for your list – you need a purse!”

She swept a silk scarf around my shoulders and tied it loosely in front, saying, “Now all you need is your little coat – and we’d better take an umbrella between us..”

I finally found the moment to get a word in edgeways and I said, “Julia, you look fabulous.. Consider yourself kissed!” It’s true.. she really did look stunning.. as always. Finally – we were ready and we stepped outside and I had an exploratory walk up and down while Julia locked the house. I felt so elegant (that word again!) We carried our coats over to her car and laid them across the back seat. She opened my door and watched me get in..

“No, no.. not like that.. you should sit sideways on the seat and then lift your legs in by swivelling around to face forward – keeping your knees together,” she whispered! “Try it again..”

I tried it again and she said that was much better. She got in beside me and we were off. Here I was, driving away with Julia, and we were both dressed alike. I pulled my skirt over my knees because, if I’m being honest, I enjoyed practising the gesture!

/more to follow

[Joy]

wow susanne i love reading your posts. Keep them coming

[Suzanne]

OK Joy, just for you..!
=====================================
We were heading towards Chester again as it was ideal for shopping with some large chain stores for essentials and many independent fashion shops where we could find things that wouldn’t be seen anywhere else.

She turned to me as she drove and asked, “Well Suzanne, how do you feel? Nervous..?”

I replied, “Not yet Jools, it hasn’t sunk in yet.. As far as I’m concerned I’d be just as happy to drive to the moon and back with you.. I just hope I don’t let you down.”

I looked at my nails again - how beautiful they were – and wearing such beautiful clothes it was hard not to feel elegant and special. Julia was talking about walking down by the river or around the city walls as it was a fine spring day. I said, “I don’t know about you but that would suit me just fine - and maybe we could find somewhere for a light lunch.”

It wasn’t long before we entered the outskirts of Chester and we started looking for a space to park for the day. We found a multi-storey with a few places left on the upper floor. I suddenly felt a flutter of nerves at the prospect of stepping out of the car. In a few seconds I’d be out in the wide world (well, OK – Chester!) without a safety net - dressed as a woman - and my heart started pounding fast. Lord, what was I doing..? Julia sensed my nerves and she put a hand on my knee and squeezed it. She said, “Suzanne love, you’ll be fine.. I’ll be next to you all day so don’t worry. No-one will know – and if they do, we’ll be gone before they have the time to say or do anything. Come on, let’s start your new life off as Suzanne..“

Opening the car door, I got out using the reverse method for getting in that Jools had shown me and stood up. I shook the creases out of my pleated skirt (as I’d seen women do) and, putting on our coats, we took the lift down to the street.

We set off walking towards the centre and Julia issued a timely reminder – she said, “It’s best not to look at men in case you catch someone’s eye (unless you want to!) – just look straight ahead. It’s OK to look at women though if they have a nice outfit – but try not to stare..” She continued, “And another thing – watch out for grilles in the pavement or cracks between paving stones – there’s nothing worse than getting a heel caught in one..! Anyway, how do you feel – OK?”

I said, “So far so good.. I’ve been catching occasional glimpses of myself in shop windows as we walk by.. I can hardly believe it’s me..”

She laughed, “Don’t worry – we do that all the time!”

What struck me forcibly that morning was that anyone taking in the scene in a casual glance would have registered me simply as just another woman. You cannot imagine how much that meant to me then and how much it still means to me now. The passage of time hasn’t dimmed in any way my recollection of the day that I took my first steps out in the world in skirts. Writing that I felt a surge of that old feeling as I recalled how proud I felt to be viewed as a member of the female half of the species – provided no-one looked too closely at me. Walking together with Julia – who unsurprisingly monopolised all the attention – listening to our heels as we click-clacked along; enjoying the swish and swirl of our skirts as they fluttered in the light breeze; the pressure of my earrings on my earlobes – all these and more were sensations to savour.. at last I was experiencing life as a woman. Before any female reader has a knee-jerk response to that statement, I’d be the first to recognise that what I was experiencing was clearly incomplete - I would hesitate to put a percentage figure on it – but let’s just say it was the best I could do at the time. At that moment, I’d have given everything I owned to be permanently free of my male parts – I hated the idea that I was a fake.. I wanted to be a bona fide woman in every possible aspect. But life is cruel.. I would have to undergo a lot more pain (both personal and financial) before I could achieve my dream.

Julia cut through my day-dreaming to ask me where I wanted to go. I replied that I didn’t care – I was just enjoying every moment of being female. I loved the way my shoes made me walk with my feet arched like a gazelle.. I could hardly think straight – so I replied, “I don’t mind – wherever you want. I’m just happy to be here.”

I can’t describe how liberating it felt to have left my sad male self behind and to have joined the female side of life. I felt so free as a woman – the sense of freedom, free of the need to act out a male character, free to admire the swirl of a skirt, free of the need to pretend, free of the need to be “buttoned up” all the time, to take pleasure in the extra dimension of my femininity and the freedom to express myself.

I had no self-esteem as a man – none whatsoever – despite the fact that some women seemed to find me attractive. I wasn’t interested in myself – at all – and I had no ambition for my male self because I didn’t identify with myself. I wasn’t interested in polishing my male image via a ‘big’ job or trendy clothes - shopping for male clothes gave me absolutely no pleasure at all - I might as well have been buying a roll of carpet. As for a fancy car – I could never see myself in a sports car.. in fact, I find them laughable.

Having been educated in single sex schools it was only when I started work that I saw for the first time how women interacted with each other and I suddenly realised that this world was where I belonged. I didn’t feel any barriers between them and me. Apart from Julia, the other women in the office probably took me at face value. They would simply have seen nothing more than a young man in a suit. I wonder what it was about me that Julia divined? I don’t think I was effeminate in any way.. but see through me she did. I think she sensed somehow that I was different – I wouldn’t go as far as to say that she recognised that somewhere within me was a woman trying to get out, but I think she felt a kind of resonance with me – a sense of ease, recognition or familiarity – call it what you will - that she didn’t get from talking to the other men in the office.

I can’t say how much I’d always disliked looking at myself in mirrors, having photographs taken, looking at photographs of myself. I just didn’t see me when I saw those images. After all these years I often think back to that magical first time I saw myself in Julia’s mirror fully dressed, made up and with a wig etc etc. It really did stop me dead in my tracks. Imagine not ever having seen a mirror for the first 20-odd years of your life and having no idea what you looked like and then suddenly – wham, there you are. I remember the feeling like it was yesterday.. I was totally mesmerised. I couldn’t look away. Everything about the image in the mirror said woman and the beauty of it was - that woman was me. She moved when I did. For the first time in my life, I really felt as though I’d finally taken a giant step into another world and that I was now on the other side of the fence – I looked like millions of other women – to myself at least. That moment will never be forgotten.

To me, women are a different species altogether and I know – I know - it’s where I belong. I think Julia had somehow picked up on this from the start and she was doing all she could to help me to find where I truly belonged. I love the relationship that exists between women – it’s totally different to that which exists between men. There’s a kind of complicity, a shared understanding of being women together that, despite all our differences, we still have so much in common. Women are able to have close friendships of a kind that men never do. Women enjoy shopping together, whereas I can’t imagine phoning a male friend to come shopping with me on a Saturday. Women are at ease with physical closeness with each other, they look at each other in the eyes when they talk and they’re not being afraid to link arms when they’re out together. As I’ve said earlier, it’s as if we’re talking about 2 different species.

I floated along the ancient streets of Chester on Cloud 9, trying to commit everything that I was experiencing to memory. I was aware that it might be some time before I was able to repeat this exercise and so I wanted to savour every last drop of the experience. I felt the need to concentrate hard on my posture as it would have been all too easy to revert to my stumbling male self but, with Julia alongside me, it was a constant reminder of the need to stay with it. I loved being a woman and I felt conscious that my viewpoint had changed. I was no longer the one who looked with envy at women – all that had changed. I was aware that I was being looked at in a way I’d never experienced as a man. I felt uneasy with being the object of male glances. I also noticed that women now checked me out in a way they hadn’t previously. At the risk of stating the obvious, much had changed.

Julia turned to me while we were waiting to cross a road and said, “You know, we need to find you a few dresses too.. A skirt and blouse will only take you so far. There are dresses for every occasion and – but why am I telling you all this!” She laughed and continued, “You know it as well as I do, don’t you..?”

I said, “Well, yes of course.. dresses suitable for the office, the evening and summer dresses, etc etc.. but – for me the problem is..”

And Julie completed my sentence for me –“”.. I don’t have any hips..”” – and you’re right – you don’t.. Womens clothes are designed around their hips - but that needn’t be a showstopper..” She continued, “A fit and flare dress would work for you.. How would you fancy having a look to see if we can find you a dress or two..?”

What a question.. I nodded my approval because two other women were standing alongside us waiting to cross the road and I didn’t trust my voice not to let me down. Julie said, “Come on, let’s try that shop where you bought your jackets a few weeks ago. She was ever so friendly.. and she did say that you’d be welcome back..”

We set off towards our first port of call and it wasn’t long before we found ourselves standing outside it looking at the gorgeous display in the window. Julia grabbed me by elbow and said, “Come on, let’s go in..”

/more to follow

[Suzanne]

We stepped inside the carpeted showroom and a well dressed lady stepped forward. It was the same one who’d served us last time and recognition dawned on her face.

“Hell-oooo, lovely to see you again. Let me look at you.. Well, well, haven’t you done a good job.. You look wonderful. Honestly, I would have passed you in the street and not known.. Do you feel happier like that? What a question – I can see that you are.. Can you give me a twirl..?”

I twirled..

“You’ve got a lovely outfit on and you look so pretty.. (that gave me a big lump in my throat when she said that).. I remember you bought that jacket here. What can I do for you ladies today – I’m guessing it’s not a social call..”

Julia said, “Well you’re absolutely right.. We’ve decided that Suzanne here – that’s her new name – needs some dresses. I was thinking in a fit and flare style.. knee length.. could we have a flick through the rails?”

“Certainly my dear.. Are you out and about much during the day or would something for the evening be of more use to you Suzanne..? These here (indicating some lovely floaty dresses) are all new stock. Let me show you something that I’m sure would suit Suzanne.. this.. what d’you think? Isn’t it pretty? it’s a dress for the evening. It’s fitted around the bust and then it flares out. It comes with a pretty chiffon overdress with long sleeves.”

The dress in question was a silky black number in an oriental flower print and the ¾ length overdress was in filmy black chiffon with slightly puffed long sleeves with an elasticated frill at the wrists and an elasticated waist. She held it up against me and said I’d look fabulous in it..

She said, “Would you like to try it on? Go through to the changing room – do you remember where they are? – and I’ll bring this over and one or two others for you to try..

I went into the changing cubicle and started getting undressed. Julia popped her head around the door.. She said, “How d’you feel? You look a lot calmer than last time..”

“You’re right,” I replied, “I do feel much more at ease. This is my idea of heaven.”

The lady of the shop passed a number of dresses in to me and I hung them up while I prepared myself. I selected the first dress – the one she’d shown me outside and I took it off the hanger. Julia held the overdress for me while I stepped into the dress. She zipped it up for me and smoothed it down. She said that the overdress went on over my head and so I put my arms up while she worked it down. After adjusting the sleeves and setting the waist where it should be, she said, “Done – how do you feel?”

I stepped into my shoes and turned to look at myself in the long mirror. It was like a dream. I couldn’t speak.. The image looking at me from the mirror was magical - the dress swayed and flowed on me as I moved. I looked - and felt – so feminine and that was the greatest feeling in the world. The effect of the chiffon overdress softened my silhouette and it drifted softly as I moved. The whole ensemble felt as light as a feather on me and I finally knew the feeling of wearing a dress – the welcome absence of constriction around my waist. The highlight for me was that the front of the dress across my hips was completely flat with no sign of anything that shouldn’t be there. Another “stop the clock” moment.. I felt wonderful beyond words.

Julia said, “Speak to me..!”

I replied, “If I could, I would..” I started to explain to her how I felt and just then the lady popped her head in and asked how everything was?

I said that I’d never felt better in my life..

She said, “Come out into the shop and have a walk up and down.. there’s no-one in..”

I stepped out and swished up and down, made a few twirls before stopping again in front of a long mirror where I gazed at myself. This was me.. This was how I was meant to be. I looked all of a piece – it just looked and felt perfect. How could this be wrong?

The lady said, “I don’t think you’ll find better than that.. it looks so pretty on you - but try the others on..”

I returned to the cubicle and Julia gave me a hand in unravelling myself from this dreamy dress..

She asked, “What do you think? Are you going to take it? It really suits you..”

All I could say by way of a reply was, “Oh Jools, it’s wonderful.. I love it.. Of course I’ll take it.”

I tried on two others but neither of them had the same impact as the first one so I left it at that. I started putting my own clothes back on and I was just fiddling about tucking my blouse into my skirt when Julia returned from taking the unwanted dresses back. She saw what I was trying to do and said, “That’s not how we do it.. Look.. like this..” and with that she lifted my skirt up and gently pulled the tail and lower shirt front of my blouse past the waist of my skirt until it was a nice snug fit again.

She said, “There – that’s the way to do it!” She took out her hairbrush and with a few deft strokes she restored my hair to how it had been before. I had to remind myself that here I was in a dress shop changing cubicle – with Julia – and I was dressed as a woman from head to foot.. These experiences were coming at me thick and fast. We stepped out and walked over to the cash desk where the lady started folding my new dress carefully in black tissue paper.

She looked up from what she was doing and said, “I think you make a good lady.. Are you happier like this?”

I said, “Oh yes, it feels so right. I never thought I could ever dare do what Julia – my friend here – has helped me to do. I’ve always thought that women were far nicer than men and I love being part of the female world. And dresses like this make it a beautiful experience..”

I can’t describe exactly how much I envied women their bodies, their fine skin, their delicate features, their musculature, their bone structure and their articulation that gave them their swaying walk and allowed them to move in such a feminine manner. I remember reading somewhere that some psychologists assert that women allegedly suffer from “penis envy”. Personally, I very much doubt that. Why would any woman want anything that would spoil the line of their clothes? Me? I definitely had vagina envy..! My eyes were always drawn irresistibly to women’s trim waist and hips – to me, the flatness of the front of a straight skirt across the hips had an attraction that was beyond my powers of description. This look was reinforced if they were wearing trousers – I just wished that my trousers fitted as snugly as women’s. They always looked so neat, discreet and enticing.

I love the fact that they are allowed to celebrate their bodies, to pay attention to every part of themselves, to leave no stone unturned in search of improving whatever Mother Nature has given them. That was part of it, yes, but once I found myself on the inside looking out, I found the way they related to each other held far more appeal for me. They can talk to each other in ways that are unknown in the stiff male world. What have I forgotten? Probably lots – but in short, I love everything about women.

We chatted some more and she repeated what she’d said the first time we visited her shop that we’d be welcome any time.

When we were outside in the fresh air again, I said to Julia that I was getting past the point of no return with all of this – as I indicated myself downwards with a sweeping movement. I just couldn’t see how I was ever going to return to the lack-lustre male world – the world that had been mine for over 20 years. I felt as though I’d emerged from a black and white world to one that was in full colour. She looked at me in amazement and asked why I would ever want to return to my former self. She said it was clear to her that I was truly ‘myself’ as a woman. She asked me if there was anything wrong – did I feel out of place? Did I doubt that I could ‘make a go’ of it? Did I want to go back to living as I had been?

I simply answered no to all of her questions.. but I felt as though I was standing on the edge of a cliff.. and I wasn’t sure that I was quite ready to make that jump. Becoming a woman would turn my life upside down – yes, it was what I wanted in my heart of hearts but there were still many unanswered - and perhaps unanswerable - questions. Could I re-enter the world of work and be a success as a woman? Probably my biggest worry was in the area of personal relationships. I was thinking of embarking on a course of action that could leave me permanently in the shadows. I’d always loved women and the idea of being rejected by them as a freak weighed heavily on me. Maybe there were a few women out there who could accept me as I was if I had the “op” – but how on earth would I go about finding them – let alone one whom I could love and, more importantly, one who could love me..?

The alternative was men – but I knew deep down that I’d never go in that direction. I simply couldn’t imagine myself playing the female role in a male-female relationship. I’d never considered a man in terms of a romantic attachment and I doubted very much if female hormones would change things. It wasn’t something that I had ever fantasised about when I thought about living as a woman.

Julia led me towards a park and we sat down side by side. I felt near to tears. To be so close to my dream of my real self and yet so far from being able to realise it was more than I could take.

She linked her arm through mine and talked softly to me and her kind words soothed and reassured me. It was true – I was happier as a woman. Perhaps it was a question of finding out how to move from where I was right then to where I wanted to be.

She told me that she was going out with the ‘girls’ from the office the following week. She said that they regularly had a girls’ night out most months and she thought that it might be something for me. She thought that as I wasn’t orientated towards men in any way that I would benefit from the experience of socialising with other women. She said that so far I’d only encountered herself and Angela.. but I needed to know what life as a female would be like in the company of other women. Yes, there’d be lots of questions but she thought that once they’d become used to the idea, that the majority would welcome me in. The questioning might be direct and some might feel threatened by my presence but Julia felt sure that they’d be more sympathetic once they’d heard me explain my story. Judging from how the two of us had got on together she didn’t envisage many problems. She said that women were very protective of their own space where they felt free to talk (without the risk of being overheard by men) about issues that concerned them. She said that once they understood that there was a female self residing within me that they’d be more relaxed and welcoming towards me.

Of course, this meant revealing my true nature to them and the certainty that the news would spread like wildfire around the office. I wondered out loud if this may be one step too soon for me – as much as I’d love to be included in a girls’ night out. I thought that I needed to spend more time in the role to become more comfortable as Suzanne. I knew that I needed to work on my actions and habits – to make sure that I started doing things automatically the way women did. There were so many things to think of and new skills to learn. I needed to become so familiar with these that they’d be second nature to me. For example, I was far from being able to apply lipstick without a mirror. Applying mascara while driving was another skill I had to master! I also needed to establish, out of the myriad choices that I was faced with, what worked best for me.. Here I was thinking of bra sizes, skirt lengths, sizes and styles, stockings, foundation colour, eye shadow, rouge etc etc. Girls go through a learning phase where they experiment for hours in front of mirrors before making those choices. They also shop till they drop with friends finding out what colours, styles and fabrics suit them. It struck me that nothing I owned as a male would survive the transition to female. Everything – everything – I currently owned had a male identity. I’d even have to change my blue toothbrush for a pink one! I’d have to buy the female equivalent of everything. It occurred to me later on that I’d also have to change my handwriting into a more feminine style..

As far as the learning process was concerned, maybe it would be better if I started with Julia and Angie. Julia thought for a moment and said that perhaps I was right. She said the three of us could get together at her house or Angie’s for a few evenings of ‘girl talk’ – a crash course on all I needed to know about being a woman. We could work on my wardrobe, cosmetics, confidence, presentation, deportment, mannerisms and voice, before going out for a drink or a meal somewhere one evening. We talked about it some more and the conclusion was that we’d give Angie a ring that evening to see what she thought.

Julia said that she needed to do some shopping of her own – she said she needed one or two things. Would I mind accompanying her? I said, “Need you ask!”

We spent the rest of the afternoon in shopping heaven (as far as I was concerned). We went in and out of countless stores and shops and we riffled through rail after rail of clothes, picked up handbags, ooh’d and aah’d over costume jewellery, looked at some gorgeous lingerie before I succumbed to temptation with an irresistible pair of heels. Julia had gone into a shoe shop and while she was browsing I spotted a pair of classic court shoes in black leather that were just perfect in my opinion. I pointed them out to Julia and she agreed that they were exactly the sort she would wear for the office and they’d also be fine for the evening. While the heels were high, they weren’t too high and they had that curvy elegance I loved. When she suggested that I try them on I felt my heart start pounding and my chest tighten.. She asked the assistant if she had a pair in my size and a moment later she returned with a box. I tried one on and it fitted well so Julia said that I should try the other on and walk up and down. This would have caused me major angst a few weeks ago but now that I was out ‘dressed’ I felt much calmer. I was in heaven.. I took a look in a long mirror and twirled around – the shoes were gorgeous and they made my legs look slimmer and my feet smaller. I said I’d take them and that was that.

Finally we looked at each other and realised it was time to head home. She’d bought a skirt for work, some emery boards, nail polish, a couple of lipsticks, stockings and a few other bits and pieces. How I loved the femme world!

/more to follow

[ChrissyE]

A great education for lucky you. Even if your SO is not keen now, you have a lot to look back on.

[Suzanne]

We chatted all the way home back to Julia’s house and as dusk fell she pulled into her secluded drive. Switching off the engine and the lights she turned towards me and stretched her left arm out along the top of my seat.

I must have looked slightly startled because she murmured, “It’s alright, I won’t bite..!” She leaned across and put her other hand on my knee and asked me if I liked being with her. I replied that of course I did. I told her that she was my idea of the perfect woman. With that, she leaned in even more and kissed me tenderly. She said, “Now - that didn’t hurt, did it?” Sometimes in life, there are moments like these that stay engraved in your memory for all time. I can still see her face in front of mine as we sat in her darkened driveway – a face I’d often dreamed of and now she was at my side asking to be kissed.

I reached across and put my hand under her jacket and pulled her to me. I didn’t have to pull too hard. I felt dizzy with emotion as we kissed again. She said, “We’d better go inside – kissing you out here isn’t the best idea I’ve had today!”

After collecting all our purchases we went inside and she closed the door. She put all her things down on a hall chair and came to me. She said, “Why don’t you take your coat off – and go upstairs and freshen up and try your new dress on.. I’ll be up in a few minutes to give you a hand.”

I went up and unpacked my beautiful new dress and hung it up on a hanger. I undressed, put on a wrap and went through to the bathroom. I used a cleanser to remove all my make-up and then I had a close shave to make sure my face was completely smooth and free of any traces of stubble. I showered using Julia’s perfumed shower gel and then dried myself off. I put on my wrap again and went back through to my bedroom. I quickly put on my underwear and stockings and I held my dress up against and took a quick peek in the mirror.. gorgeous!

Julia came upstairs while I was taking the dress off the hanger and she held it out for me while I stepped into it and then she zipped up the back. I put the chiffon overdress over my head and wriggled into it before looking at Julia. She said, “OK, no wig or make up but it does look very pretty on you. How do you feel in it?”

I said, “It’s exactly the kind of floaty feminine dress I’ve always dreamed about – but I never thought that I’d ever have one.. it makes me feel wonderful.”

Julia agreed with me as she adjusted the overdress – “Yes, it’s such a pretty dress isn’t it.. but put it back on the hanger for another day as tonight’s probably not the evening for it. I was just going to wear a skirt with a blouse and a thin woolen jumper – you’ve got that nice black straight skirt – you could wear that silvery blouse of yours under a jumper and your new shoes. What do you think?”

I said, “Yes but remember what we talked about earlier..? I need hips for that black skirt to work properly and look its best and I don’t have any..”

Julia said, “Well, you’re right.. and as every woman has at least one straight black skirt in her wardrobe it is something we need to think about. Straight black skirts are what the magazines call ‘wardrobe essentials’. Many of us think our hips and bottoms are too big and there’s a theory that goes that a black skirt doesn’t draw attention to them – which is why we often wear them..” She laughed and carried on, “That’s the idea behind it at any rate.. but for you, as you don’t have much in the way of hips, or at least very little, ideally you’d need a light-coloured skirt to emphasise what little you have. But – you’ve now got a waist and if we’re careful about the styles you wear I think we could get away without trying to find you a solution to your lack of hips. I think hip padding will always look like hip padding no matter what you do. I think that maybe we made a mistake with the pantie girdle – I think you would have been better off with for an open girdle. And if we can find you a high waisted open girdle, it should smooth out your silhouette and give you a much sleeker figure.”

I must have been looking slightly puzzled as she explained what she meant by an open girdle. She said the next time we were in Chester she’d see if she could find me one.

Once again, she was right! The following week we returned to Chester again – and this time I was dressed – and we made a beeline for Pamela’s shop.

But – I’m getting ahead of myself. Julia picked up her phone and dialled Angie’s number.

“Hi Angie-love, it’s me.. Julia,“ she said, “Suzanne and I are just back from Chester and I think Suzanne could use some help.. What with? Oh, everything! What was Chester like? She went dressed.. Yes, really. Very brave of her.. She wore that pleated skirt of hers and her swing coat. She did very well.. but I think it raised a few questions. We were wondering if you wanted to get together this evening.. Are you free for a few hours? What did we have in mind? Well, I think she’s more or less decided that being a woman full time is for her.. yes, I think so too.. but she has so much to learn.. Look, shall we say around 8pm then..? That’s fine.. That should give us time to get ready. OK, Angie, we’ll see you later.. Bye for now.”

Julia turned to me and said, “Angie said that she’d love to see us.. so we’ll go there for 8pm.. What’s the time now? Just gone 6.. should be plenty of time to get us both ready..”

I said yes and went upstairs.. I laid out my straight black skirt, my grey silk blouse and a thin pink jumper. I dressed slowly.. taking care not to ladder my stockings. I was still in my undies when Julia came up.. She said, “I’ll just have a quick wash and then I’ll give you a hand..”

A few minutes later, she came in, “Right, my girl, let’s put your face on before anything else.. Come through to my room.”

By now, I was feeling far more comfortable with her presence so close. After she’d put foundation on my face and sealed it with powder, I watched in her mirror as she slowly built up my eyes. I wished I had her touch with eye shadow and mascara.

She looked at me and said, “We were talking about open girdles before – and you weren’t sure what they were. I’ve got one that I used to wear – I’m sure it will fit you.. let me go and find it.” She opened a drawer and after a quick rummage, she emerged holding a white girdle.. She said that it didn’t have a hook and eye fastening or a zip – it was a straight pull-on girdle. She said I should take off my pantie girdle and we’d start from there. First though she said I should put my lace-up waist cincher on.. If I was going to wear that straight skirt, I’d need a few curves. She said it would be best if I put my waist clincher on first so that the girdle would sit well on the waist it gave me. If I adjusted the suspenders tightly, it would ensure that it wouldn’t ride up. It would also give me the flat front I wanted. This made sense to me..! After taking off my pantie girdle, she helped me on with my waist clincher and we soon had all the laces tightened and - lo and behold – I had a waist. I stepped into the open girdle and pulled it up over my hips so that it sat snugly on my waist. I reattached my suspenders and smoothed the front down..

“Now,” she said, “put your skirt on and see the difference it makes.”

I stepped into my skirt and pulled it up – Julia zipped me up at the back and said, “Wow.. look at you! Have a look in the mirror – no, wait, put your new shoes on – the black heels you bought today.. then you’ll get a better impression.”

I slipped my new shoes on and stood up.. One look in her mirror was enough to convince me. This was the best I’d ever looked as far as the shape was concerned. My skirt looked fabulous on me – it sat neatly on my waist and then it hung beautifully on me. It showed me just how important the right foundation is to any look.. I couldn’t take my eyes off the mirror.. this is always how I’d seen myself. Julia held out my blouse and I slipped it on. Julia lifted my skirt up and pulled the tail of my blouse through before smoothing my skirt down again. She eased some of the blouse back up to make it appear softer.

She said, “It’s quite a tight skirt that – so you may want to try walking up and down to see how you feel. Try sitting down and standing up..”

It did feel a bit constraining but I was happy with that - and I loved the swishing sound I made as I walked up and down..

“All you need now is your pink jumper and then I’ll do your hair for you.. That skirt looks really elegant on you – and see, the front is completely flat.. You look good enough to eat! I think we’ve done it.. “

I put on my pink jumper with the boat neck and then I sat down in front of her mirror so that the two of us could sort my wig out. I held the front of it close to my hairline while Julia pulled it down over my head via the two tabs above my ears. After a few of her expert flicks with the brush, I was ready.. She clipped some dangly pearl earrings on me and then fastened a pearl necklace around my neck..

“There.. “ she said, “All you need now is a spritz of perfume and you’re all set..”

I felt wonderful.. from top to bottom.. I felt so elegant.. and conscious of everything.. I had to make sure that I moved gracefully – no more slouching or being careless with my arms and legs..

Julia passed me one of her bags – a black leather one to match my shoes – and said, “I think you’re beginning to find your look, Suzanne.. Do you want to wait for me here while I get ready or do you want to go downstairs and relax?”

“I’ll go downstairs and practice walking and sitting.. if that’s OK with you..”

She said, “OK, but be careful going down the stairs in those heels.. it’s best if you turn yourself sideways a little..”

I did as she advised and I had a long look at myself in her hall mirror.. standing with one knee tucked in tight against the other one.. At that moment I felt perfect happiness. I’d finally found myself. I couldn’t take my eyes off my shape in that skirt.. and, after years of wishing that I could wear a skirt and have a completely flat front, it was as I’d always imagined it. Why had it taken me so long to get there?

I went through to Julia’s sitting room and sat down in an armchair. I crossed my legs and arranged my feet. I thought I’d do something useful so I went through to Julia’s kitchen and saw a few dishes that needed drying. I put on an apron – the need to do the everyday things that women did was overpowering – and so I dried the dishes and stacked them up on her worktop.

I heard her coming down the stairs and I was tidying the last few things up as she came in. She was wearing a smart white blouse, a black velvet bolero jacket and a grey straight skirt.. with a pair of black patent slingbacks.

“That’s sweet of you,” she said, “You look nice with that apron on..!”

I felt good too.. I wanted so much to be part of that section of humanity known as womanhood.

Julia asked me if I’d give her a twirl..

I put the tea towel down, took my apron off and I gave it my best shot..

“You look lovely and feminine – that skirt looks so good on you,” she said with a smile. “I think we should be off to Angie’s soon.. Are you going to wear your swing coat? It’s not that warm outside.”

I suddenly felt a wave of emotion surge through me – and I could hardly speak..

Julia came over to me, “What’s wrong, what’s the matter, Suzanne dear? You look near to tears!”

She held me close and I broke down in her arms.. “What’s wrong with me..,” I sobbed, “I don’t know what came over me.. I’m not sad, I’m so happy like this.. I wish I could stay like this forever. I just thought of all my male clothes upstairs and that I’d soon have to get changed back into them again.. and then this started..”

“There, there Suzanne love, I know, I understand.. it’s hard what you’re going through.. but soon all this swapping from male to female and back again will be a distant memory..”

“I’m sorry.. I’m stupid.. I’ll need to do my eyes again..”

Julia sat me down and said “Let me fix your make up – it won’t take a minute..”

After redoing my eyes, she said, “Come on, let’s go and see Angie.. I brought our coats down..”

We switched off the kitchen lights and went through to her hall and we put on our coats. She said, “Just touch up your lipstick – but before you do, I think you need a kiss..”

She put her hands around me under my coat and held me to her.. I thought I would burst with happiness as we kissed. I’ll never forget that moment..

I reapplied my lipstick, popping it back into my smart handbag that Julia had lent me.

“Right, let’s go,” she said, “We’d better take my car as I’m sure you haven’t driven in heels before! And there’s no need to worry – we’re just two girls going out in the car..”

It’s true – I didn’t feel many butterflies.. Angie had seen me dressed before. Nevertheless, my stomach started to churn a little. We stepped outside and I felt that welcome breeze around my legs that reminded me (as if I needed it) that I was wearing a skirt. Julia opened my door and I sat down, keeping my knees together before turn around and bringing my legs in and closing the door.

Julia put her hand on my knee and smiled, “I’m impressed – that was elegantly done.. You must have been practising.”

We set off in the dusk and as we drove along the main shopping area of Julia’s suburb, it gave me a lift to see other women walking along – knowing that from the skin out, I was wearing what some of them might be wearing. It felt strange to think that, to the casual observer, that I was part of womanhood. I made sure my knees were together and that my hands were arranged as Julia had shown me.

Julia said, “It’s not far to go now..”

I remember wishing that the journey could last for ever as I looked down at the hem line of my skirt and then across at Julia’s.. To all intents and purposes I was a woman.. and reminding myself of that made a warm feeling run through me. To be part of the great sisterhood.. of femininity.

Julia turned into a leafy avenue and pulled up outside a house with an outside light on.

Our heels click-clacked on the pavement as we walked up to Angie’s house. Julia rang the bell and seconds later the door opened and Angie invited us in. After I’d taken my coat off, she stood back from me and said, “Ooh Suzanne, let me have a look at you.. you look lovely dear.. and I love that skirt on you.. where did that waist come from? There’s not a crease on the front.. you’d never know..”

I explained about the lace up corset and the open girdle I was wearing..

“Well, Suzanne love, you look more like one of the girls each time I see you.. and I love those shoes.. I have a pair very similar.”

She invited us through to her sitting room and we made ourselves comfortable.

After Angie had brought coffees in, Julia told her that she thought that I needed more practice as a woman.. in doing things automatically as a woman would. Angie listened thoughtfully as Julia explained what she and I had talked about in Chester and after a few minutes she nodded and said that the basis of everything feminine was the grooming.. my ability do my own make up and hair and to get it right first time. She said that I shouldn’t underestimate how much practice this would take.. but, first of all, I had to decide what ‘look’ suited me best. I wasn’t sure but I said that I was happy to use the make-up I was wearing as the starting point. I imagined that all women develop their look as time goes on but I liked how I looked that evening so that would be good to start with.

We talked a lot and in between Angie had me walking up and down, sitting down, standing up, putting my coat on, taking it off, holding my handbag.. She also took us upstairs, sat me in front of her mirror, made me take all my make-up off before getting me to reapply it. I had to do this a few times.

She suggested that I make an appointment at a beauty salon to have a beautician look at my skin colouring to advise me about the colour of my foundation, lipstick and eye make-up. She said that there was one she sometimes used at the shops nearby. She knew the lady who ran it and if I wanted, she’d ring on my behalf and make an appointment for me. This sounded like a good idea – because I’d often looked at the displays in the beauty departments of the big stores and, to be honest, I’d always found it slightly intimidating as the girls who worked there were always flawless and immaculately presented. Worse, it was all a bit too public for me. I said I’d be grateful if she’d make an appointment on my behalf.. Angie said that she’d mention my situation so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed. She was sure that the lady who ran the shop would be sympathetic towards me. She thought I should go there dressed like I was that evening..

Time was marching on and with that I stood up and thanked her for all she’d done for me. We said our goodbyes and then we set off back to Julia’s house.

“How do you think that went?” asked Julia as we drove the short distance to her house.

“I thought it went well.. it showed just how much I need to learn.. which is a good thing. I’ll be glad to take my waist clincher off though! I just wish I didn’t need it.”

We pulled into Julia’s drive and went inside her house.

“Suzanne, why don’t you go on up and get yourself ready for bed while I tidy up down here.”

I took one last look in the full length hall mirror – struck a few poses – loved what I saw – and then reluctantly went upstairs.

I drew the curtains in my room and undressed, putting all my clothes away neatly. In the bathroom, I used cleansing cream to remove all the make-up from my face, after which I put on some perfumed skin cream. I slipped my nightie on and got into bed.

I heard the rhythmic swish of Julia’s clothes as she came up the stairs.. Ten minutes later her bedroom light went out and I heard her come into my darkened room.

“Would you mind if I came in with you?” she whispered.

I felt her pull back the coverlet and she slid into bed with me. I turned towards her and put my arm across her. She was naked.. She pressed herself against me and I felt my body react instantly.. What would she think? I felt so embarrassed..

“Oh, Julia, I have to pinch myself that this is happening.” I’d had a sexual relationship before this – but it was nothing compared to the impact that Julia made on me. I held her close and tried to absorb every last impression of her.

“What am I going to do with you?” she whispered. “I’ve never known anything like this before..” We lay still and soon I felt her breathing slow down until I knew she was asleep.

/more to follow