Long-divorced ex spotted in store

[Martina Hall]

During a quick visit to the grocers, I maneuvered my shopping cart around an obese woman riding one of those motor-carts in aisle 4. As I passed her, I realized that it was none other than ex-wife #1. Now she was always, since I met her, somewhere between plump and quite fat. Not the reason we divorced, BTW. Anyhow, she now could possibly top 600 lb. I was not sure it was her, I haven't had a reason to communicate with her for at least fifteen years, but I think she recognized me, and likewise, did not say anything.
Later, I was sure that was, indeed, her. I kind of felt sorry for her, on the other hand, she is selfish and greedy, so it's not surprising that she has become morbidly obese. Did I mention that she did not like my cross-dressing one little bit? Later, the thought crossed my mind, too bad I was not dressed, so she could see that Martina was the same size as thirty years ago, and can still rock a miniskirt.
I am undecided whether this is mean-spirited, or maybe justified. After all, she did try to ruin a significant number of years of my life. And cost me a lot of money.
If you encountered an ex, how would you feel if she had let herself go like that?

[Davita]

Martina!

That was mean spirited and I applaud you. Just don't be making a habit out of it. We are all just human, but we can try to keep to the high road. Maybe next time offer her a solution to help her lose the weight to look like you and certainly be fem then. *meow*

[Ralitsa]

I agree with Davita, it was mean spirited - and I would feel the same way!
It's perfectly natural to want to show up people we feel have mistreated us, but then again we should be above acting according to natural instincts. It's an interesting story, but I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

[Martina Hall]

I resisted the urge to gloat and laugh, as some folks would at an adversary having bad luck. But it really is just sad.

[Debbie Jean]

Both what she did to you and how you feel about it makes me feel sad. But then again death is always sad, isn't it? Death you say? Certainly, divorce is emotional death, the death of a relationship, I see no other way to put it. Since you did once marry her, that says there was once a loving relationship, which has since died. Did you ever mourn that death and go thru the steps of grieving? Although grief groups as a whole are designed to deal with a physical death, I think some of their steps can also be applied to grieving an emotional death. Although I've never been divorced, I have experienced grief caused by death of family members, and subsequent attendance at grief groups, that is why I say that some of their steps might be helpful in your situation. From second hand chit-chat from some of my divorced friends, I have come to believe that separation by divorce exhibits many of the same characteristics as separation through physical death. Just a few thoughts.

hugs,
Deb

[Paulette]

Our perception of our lives and lifetime is peculiar. For example, the death of Abraham Lincoln is closer to my birth date than I now am. That's a mind bender.

The loss of any part of yourself, your family, chosen family, friends, pets, etc. - the loss of anyone you have incorporated in this way, puts you into the process of grief. You mourn not only for them, but for that part of yourself.

I am now the oldest living member of my family. This is no small thing for, by the deaths of those before me, I have become the principal carrier of their and their ancestors memories and continued effect on the world. What I absorbed from them is as much a part of who I am as are my own memories and any effect I have on others. That's an immense burden, lightened because I share it with everyone else alive today.

Having lost two wives and three cats to death, four of them while in my arms, I've come to believe that grief is the process of emotionally saying goodbye, while incorporating my experience of them into a memory of not just who they were, but who I've become because of them. My shadow, our shadows, stretch back to the beginning of life.

I wonder at the loss of all. Especially of those I've loved, I mourn the loss of their presence. I celebrate what they have added to my own life, and what of them I now carry with me.

Where will I take them?

[Eileen (SO)]

Martina, interesting that she disproved of your rather harmless lifestyle while slowly killing herself with hers. There are medical conditions which make weight loss extremely difficult, not impossible. Just as the need to dress female can be suppressed, not be prevented. If she recognized you walking about, healthy and all, may have been punishment enough.

Ex #1? You should pick your soul mates with more discretion.

Eileen

[Martina Hall]

I know that's right. Married MS. Wrong, divorced her rather than killing myself. Then married MS. Way-Wrong. Separated, then seven years later, heard long-distance ( I no longer lived anywhere near her, nor had no contact for four years) that she had died. So now widowed, and plan on retaining that status for good, since I let the wrong head think for me too many times.