Brief intro

[Estefania]

I just realized that I joined this great forum just one week after it was started. No wonder why I was draw to get back 'home' after being away for many years.

Talking to Andrea in the chat room made me think that even though my main reason to comeback here was to reconnect with the community after years of somehow self imposed isolation, I also feel the need to share some of my life experiences, things I have been through, what the school of hard-knocks thought me, etc. And a good start would be to re-introduce myself to the community.

I'm 50. Happily married, and we have two great kids. Our girl is in college, our son is a HS Senior. I work for a Fortune 100 company in the IT area. I love my job! It is challenging, demanding, and makes a real difference in the bottom-line for the company. We came to Memphis from Mexico almost 20 years ago. Been several since we became US citizens.

Anyway, my oldest memory of any cding activities or interest was from when I would have been 3 or 4 yo. Trying on my aunt's school jumper. A couple other things in my early childhood, then in my teens, a bit more in college. But all behind closed doors, nobody ever knew. (Well, my parents kind of knew). Met my wife in my mid 20's. After dating for about a year we got engaged, and very soon after I told her about my cding. How it was something that was in my past. She asked if I was still doing it, told her "no" and God knows in my heart that I thought I had outgrown from it. Anyway, some months after we got married... yeah sure, you can skip forward to the part when I got a job offer to come to the US. It was an offer I couldn't refuse. So, picture this... moved to a different country, a new city, where I was to be by myself for a few months and I didn't know anybody. And better yet... nobody knew me!! I was already in touch with others through chat rooms, so... that's when my CDing really bloomed. I went crazy shopping, and didn't take long for me to start going out.

Family moved in, kids were growing, and well, at some point the subject was brought up again. My wife wasn't happy, but at some point we got to the DADT situation. She made it clear that her fear was mostly because wanting to protect the kids. And I can certainly understand. So, our agreement was that I wouldn't do anything at all other than when she was to go to visit her mom and family. So, over many years I had a few chances to dress maybe one or two weeks each 1 or 2 or 3 years.

So... during those chances I was able to meet many friends in person, travel to different cities, attended events, support group meetings, did LOTS of shopping, took quite a few photographs, but the most important thing of all... I got to learn a lot about myself. Who I am, what I want, what I don't want. Many things were not to hard to learn. Others almost cost me dearly. Talking to people in the chat rooms early on, I almost allowed myself to think that maybe I was a TS... that I might be able to get away with living FT as a woman...was losing ground. Thank God I was able to get over all that and realized that I'm happy being the husband and the father, and that even if I could, I didn't want to go full time.

But more important than that was to realize that clothes for me are only that, clothes. True, women's clothes are prettier, softer, nicer. But I don't NEED them. I LIKE them, and given the chance I would wear them often. But they are not the most important thing in life. I was able to find a balance in life. I realized that I don't have a masculine side and a feminine side. It is all in the same persona. It was such a liberation!

I love being able to transform my look from a boring looking guy into a more or less nice looking woman. I enjoy when I can interact with people as Gaby. Gaby is me. All the time. I don't go from loving and caring and nurturing to whatever the "masculine" side is supposed to be.

Ok, that's enough for a brief intro I think!

*hugs*
Gaby

[KimberlyS]

...But more important than that was to realize that clothes for me are only that, clothes. True, women's clothes are prettier, softer, nicer. But I don't NEED them. I LIKE them, and given the chance I would wear them often. But they are not the most important thing in life. I was able to find a balance in life. I realized that I don't have a masculine side and a feminine side. It is all in the same persona. It was such a liberation!

So nice you were able to find balance for yourself as that is so important not only with our CD/TG but with everything in life. I also must be nice to deal with one of you with both masculine and feminine traits instead of one of each. I have found I am this way also.

[Requal Jo]

I to have been down the same road as you Gaby and I have come to the conclusion that I am just a person who enjoys the comfort of female apparel.

[Rikki]

Ditto!

Well said.
Rikki

[Estefania]

Thanks ladies.

One thing I can say is that I have become much more mellow than when I was younger. I had some really strong points of view about many things cd/tg related that I know that I have softened over time. True, reading some things in the forums will make me cringe from time to time, but hey... I might have been there and said the same thing when I was just getting started in all this. I know I said "If I can't get to cd I will die", for instance. Well... I'm still around even after long years without doing any cding related things, and thank God, I'm healthy and happy, so, I guess I was wrong back then.

True, I hope I will never change the way I think about some things. But for many others, we live and we learn. Few things are absolutes. And what works for others may or may not work for me, and vice-versa.

On the newer experiences in life, on my latest trip I had to go and buy me some hair... Well, I had only been to a wig shop maybe twice in 20 years, and those times were a long time ago. This time around, I had no hesitation or nerves about it. Just imagine, knowing I had enough money, in a city maybe about 2000 miles from home, not knowing anybody at all in town, well, it was darn easy! So, just walked into the store, asked about the wigs at the counter, they sent me to the back of the store. An older Asian lady asked me what I needed, and I told her I was looking for a new wig. She asked if it was for somebody else. I said, no, it is for me. She just said "oh". And then asked me more or less what I had in mind. She actually pointed me out to the wig I'm wearing in my avatar pic. I wasn't convinced because i had always work dark hair... but I tried it on, and it was a good fit. I tried another couple wigs, but she suggested I kept this one, even though it wasn't the most expensive. So, I said yeah, I'll buy this one. She made small talk while cashing me out and I asked her if she wanted to see one pic with me enfemme and she said yes. I showed her a couple in my phone, and she was very nice with the right amounts of oooohs! and aaaaahs!

So, as we know by now... about shopping, just follow the golden rule. Thy who has the gold, rules!

Gaby

[Diana Michelle]

So, as we know by now... about shopping, just follow the golden rule. Thy who has the gold, rules!

Gaby

Truer words were never spoken Gaby.

I read and talk to so many girls "afraid" of what the sales clerks will say. Trust me in today's society most have seen it all and those who haven't have been coached and trained in customer service to accommodate the customer. Just act like a lady and you will be treated as such. If for any reason you aren't use whatever feedback available (customer surveys, talk to a manager, social media) to let the world know where customers are only welcome if they "fit in". It works.

[Estefania]

Diana,

I think that there should be some sort of mandatory stint for every person to spend at least 90 days working as a retail sales associate or customer service rep in some company. I have worked as both at some point. And it is almost unbelievable how idiotic and rude customers can be. (Sorry, getting off topic here for a minute). People who will try to find their size in the bottom of a pile of sweaters only to pull it out messing up the dozen of sweaters on top, saying or thinking "they are paid to fold them again anyway"... Or people with unreasonable demands to get a "price matched" when it is obvious that the item they took to the register was misplaced, very likely by a different customer (if not themselves!). And you know examples like this are endless.
Having people work those jobs would give them a little bit of empathy for those who have to be there either full or part time.

And now getting back to the topic, yes, as customers, we should be getting good service. (of course, within reason). And if something is not right, if the sales rep or manager or any of the employees is rude, you have the option to report them to upper management. Noticed I had the "within reason" addendum. You can't expect the store personnel to bend-over-backwards to help you if you are being unreasonable about something. Say, demanding privileges over what the other customers get, etc.

*hugs*
Gaby

[Anne Bonny]

Interesting...I agree it is a journey. We are all unique and we all eventually figure it all out for ourselves, yep...that is a wonderful experience. I am older and having lived with this like yourself look back at where I was and at those who are younger from years of experience and kind of roll my eyes but in an accepting way it takes a long time to gain perspective. I have come across a few who at age 20 something astound me and I wonder why I could not have understood as they do at such a young age...they are amazing kind of like Mozart as a young child astounding adults with his musical ability...we cannot all be like Mozart. I am happy with who I am and where I am. My personality is fixed but my gender does switch and flows one way then another. For myself I have discovered a difference in my interests, wants and desires and even in my emotions I do feel somewhat differently internally depending on where my gender flows. I do find feminine interests pop up when I am feeling feminine that go away when I am feeling masculine which is most of the time. My personality, speech, thoughts mannerisms...are fixed but as I guy I do not desire feminine things or want to dress or shop or to stay dressed...There is a difference that for myself is there but basically I am the same person. Oh and I am and always have been heterosexual that is also fixed. I think many of us toy with the idea of surgery to change our body...it is a good thing to realize this is not for me because I am gender fluid. Yes I had a wonderful marriage and have two sons who are doing well and who depend on me from time to time. I also understand that I am basically a man, was born this way with a male body and brain and am grounded most of the time on my male masculine side. I also realize that I do have a feminine side and I do find a need from time to time to spend a few hours there but it has rarely been all day, and will probably never ever be a full time experience for me because my gender switches back ... it flows back to masculine. I am predominantly Masculine have spent 90 percent of my life there. With the right woman and with encouragement...hum...well that would be wonderful and fun but still I would be predominantly a man.

[Emily]

First off, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story, Gaby! It's always so interesting to see what kind of similarities and differences we girls all share. That's what makes this forum such a great place... to get to know others, to learn about ourselves and to try to understand what "this" all means. It is an exciting journey!

Having said that, Anne said something that rings so very true with me... and I can totally understand as I've experienced it myself.

I have come across a few who at age 20 something astound me and I wonder why I could not have understood as they do at such a young age...

Looking back, I guess I had the perfect opportunity to "find myself" and gain some sort of understanding... Though I didn't quite get it at that the time I know now that it was an opportunity missed. You can't go back... the only thing a girl can do is to look to the future. Best thing is to take that understanding, take all that you've learned and experienced and move forward and be your fabulous self! I for one, do not want to miss any other opportunity!

[Diana Michelle]

Gaby, I don't know if I could last 90 days dealing with some of the customers I have seen out there. I would probably be fired within a few days for telling some over-demanding loud mouth to get his a$$ out of here.

You are correct I should have qualified my comments about "complaints" to truly genuine complaints not many of the petty tricks I, and I am sure many of you as well, have seen people try to pull. I worked for a lot of years as a consultant in the hospitality industry. I always emphasized customer service. However with that said there are customers you cannot afford to have nd Gaby you cited several of them. I am not saying be one of those customers but rather just demand your basic rights to be treated as any other customer is.

[Estefania]

Lexi,

Glad that you took the time to read. I enjoy sharing from my experiences. There is the off chance that somebody may actually benefit from them!

Anne,

Times have changed so much. Last support group meeting I attended, most of the girls in the group were very young, like around 20, 22 and the likes. And they were already part of a community, out to everybody (many of them) and pretty much on the path to living their lives anyway they wanted. Me? At 22? I didn't know anything about who I was and what I wanted!! I had never even thought about dressing fully and even less about maybe going out as a woman. So, things are different for sure.

I'm glad to see that you seem to know who you are, where you are at, and even though some things are not ideal, you are coping with life as it is. That's the best many of us can expect, unless we are willing to make sacrifices and big changes.

*hugs*
Gaby

[Anne Bonny]

Thumbs up!

[Estefania]

Just a quick update... just found out that there is a big chance that my youngest will be going to an out of the state college. If that is the case, it will only be my wife and myself at home in the fall. I know that one of the biggest issues for her was not wanting the kids to know about my crossdressing. And there would be no denying about it if they saw my clothes (suffice to say that my wife and I do NOT wear the same size.)

So, that may open the chance for some changes. Will have to wait and see.

Gaby

[Anne Bonny]

Well tread carefully...wives can be funny...I think I would see how she would feel about it by running your hopes by her... that you were looking forward to having the opportunity to dress again, occasionally, once you are both alone in the house again... Only you know your situation...she may as I have frequently heard on here from many others be thinking you were over and done with all of that....they all believe it will magically just dissipate and never return not knowing it is just waiting for opportunity in hibernation for years...waiting....

[Estefania]

Oh Anne, you can be sure that I'll be very careful. Thank you for reminding me. I have made progress in the past which was lost by the smallest of the things. So, I'll thread lightly for sure.