A Little Progress...

[Emily]

I had a nice visit with my mom and sister this weekend.

I got a really good sense on their thoughts and feelings about LGBTQ issues and acceptance. Just as I thought, they are supporters of LGBTQ rights - completely ok, comfortable and accepting of people who define themselves as such... Come to think of it, I think they were more surprised over the fact that I even had to ask... "Well, its not something that we really talk about," I told them. I just wanted to get a good understanding of their feelings. Like my sister had said, "I work in the fashion industry, so what do you think!?!" I kinda knew that all along... but just wanted to be sure.

As I was driving my sister back to catch her bus back to TO., we had a nice long chat... which she insists that we continue. She now knows that there is something I need to say... she now knows that it somehow has to do with an LGBTQ related issue... "if you're gay, it's ok" she told me. "It's not really that", I replied. So while I didn't come right out and say it, at least it feels as if I've opened up communication.

Her bus pulled up, so she had to go but told me she would come back to see me whenever I wanted to talk. She told me that I really could tell her anything... that as long as I was happy and healthy, then that's all that mattered.

[Nicole Rose]

WOW absolutely awesome Emma, that's really great that sis is so understanding, and mom too. sis will be wondering now emma, so you might as well discuss it with her more, she'll probably really embrace your feminine side, as you two seem to be really close, its so nice you can open up with her, I think your relationship with sis is only going to get better and better emma, so proud of you emma, and hope the best for you , you are such a sweet girl emma , so happy to call you a true and honest friend emma, you are dear to me and lots others here as well

[KimberlyS]

Wonderful Emma. Keep the communication going as it sounds like your family is accepting.

[Emily]

I hope to continue this conversation with my sister. We've always been very close and it definitely feels like I can open up to her. Yes, no doubt she will be wondering, Nicole. She just told me that whenever I am ready to talk, she is ready to listen.

so proud of you emma, and hope the best for you , you are such a sweet girl emma , so happy to call you a true and honest friend emma, you are dear to me and lots others here as well

Thanks so much, Nicole! If it wasn't for you, and all the other great girls here... I wouldn't be where I am today. I think I've come a long way since joining this forum just one year ago! Thanks to all!!

Keep the communication going as it sounds like your family is accepting.

Thank you, Kimberly! It does and that's the plan!

[Nicole Rose]

, awe emma, ty for being such a sweet girl, and great friend, here for you always are you are for us emma!!!

[Stephanie M]

Awesome Emma!

[Ralitsa]

I can't help but ask this Emma, why didn't you just come out and tell your sister: I'm not gay I just like wearing women's clothes!" She's in the fashion industry for crying out loud, this is the PERFECT excuse for a great shopping trip together. Think about it, what would her reaction really be?
She's going to tell you that your wardrobe needs a total overhaul and she's going to help you find the right clothes, and you are going to say "Can we go shopping right now?"
Unless you're afraid of how much this will cost (and it will be worth every cent), I really don't know what you're worried about.

[Anne Bonny]

Wow, congratulations. The assumptions are crystal clear, she knows and will come back to discuss it openly so that you can become more comfortable, she accepts you. It's not about sexuality...it only leaves gender. There is nothing more wonderful than widening the circle of people who know accept and support who you are.

[Emily]

Thank you so much, Nicole, Stephanie, Ralitsa, and Anne!!

There is nothing more wonderful than widening the circle of people who know accept and support who you are.

I am really beginning to feel that this is true. And for the first time, I truly believe that I can start widening that circle!

I can't help but ask this Emma, why didn't you just come out and tell your sister: I'm not gay I just like wearing women's clothes!"

Believe me, it was just on the edge of my tongue... I almost did come out and say it, but to be fair, the conversation wasn't really planned for and her bus was going to be there any minute. Even though I got the sense that she will be accepting (and supporting even maybe too), I still wanted to exercise some caution.

Her reaction? Best case it plays out much like you describe... but yes, I am afraid of how much it will cost, LOL! There is not a chance that I could ever afford to shop where she does! But... I suppose only time will tell how it goes. A part of me still worries (that's just my nature) but at least I feel much more confident now!

[Nicole Rose]

hi Emma, your doing great girlfriend, take your time, no sense rushing things now. I think mom and sis have a pretty good idea, how wonderful that must feel like!!! Youv'e planted the seed now, so just sit back for a bit and see how the little seedling grows Your mom and sister sound great, good things happen for a reason so just be patient Emma , all the best nicole

[Anne Bonny]

You are right you use your "Radar" gather intelligence on things they say about any in the LGBTQ community, attitudes, views...you can tell if they are intelligent, understanding, loving, open and accepting people and then... you are right, next time you are sitting in private with one of them...you just state There is something you have to say....

Sure there are some butterflies, some fear, perhaps a little embarrassment not knowing how they will react for sure you are putting yourself out there and are very exposed and vulnerable... knowing once you hear yourself saying the words..."I like to wear dresses and to wear women's clothes sometimes because sometimes I feel like a woman..." Wow!!! you blush perhaps a little and tingle and pause waiting for what they are going to say and knowing once you have put it out there there is no taking that back...they will forever know....

Butterfly time....

Then will come the most beautiful and wonderful feeling you have ever felt..."Oh....well nothing wrong with that... lots of men do.... or something to that effect...acceptance...support...rather than rejection, or a demand you should not or that you need to stop or need help...when another person, a woman expresses to you it is ok and that there is nothing wrong with it or with you it is the greatest feeling you can ever have and every time you tell someone new it happens over and over again.

Of course if you tell the wrong person you get the opposite but I can say so far there is not a single person I have told who has rejected me as a person or told me I must stop ...impossible because you cannot stop being who you are inside.

[Emily]

Your mom and sister sound great, good things happen for a reason so just be patient Emma

Thanks, Nicole! Mom and sister are both amazing women and they mean the world to me. I am trying to be patient... but it is difficult to keep this secret for much longer, LOL! Just going to wait to see how the talk with sis goes... I think that will give me a good idea of how to proceed.

Anne,

You are so right... once its out, it out. Butterflies? Oh yeah, you bet there is! Fear, embarrassment, feeling exposed and vulnerable... I know that I will be feeling all of these, but am hoping that in return, once all has been said that I will experience that feeling of wonder and beauty. All sorts of scenarios are playing out in my mind as I type this, but my true hope is that maybe she might see me as the sister that she's never had. Growing up with three brothers couldn't have been easy, and while we are way past that stage in life, its never too late to form a closer, stronger bond.

If it doesn't go as hoped, well then, I guess I will just have to ask her to forget I said anything...

[Anne Bonny]

Well, I hope it comes out well for you. I told my "pragmatic" sister....she has her own life and family and time and distance has really turned us into rather distant strangers only tied by genetics and our early years. She eventually just no longer wanted to discuss it and that is where we left it. My other sister is very traditional...like stuck in the 1950's traditional, she is 72 so I can never tell her. My parents never knew, or my grand parents. My wife knew but it was really only tolerance with understanding that this was something I could not help, part of who I am but really she would rather I had been the cis male she believed she married...you never marry without being fully open with your partner because being gender expansive/fluid does not magically cease to exist when you marry, it is part of who you are. My sons once they were older than 18 and had graduated from High School were told and both are accepting but my older son's Catholic Wife refuses to know anything about it though face to face she acts as if I am the man I present to her.

If your mother and your sister accept you fully, you are very lucky. I would say don't go overboard just be careful to continue to be who you are. We are all unique and for myself that means I am probably more on my masculine side more than on my feminine side (with the ingrained restraint nearly 60 years of having to hide it all I am not sure I will ever figure out If I am as feminine as masculine or more feminine than masculine) Good luck I hope they are very accepting and supportive It is cruel that the rest of the world believe it is perfectly fine to force us to suppress half of who we are so that they can feel comfortable because they are only comfortable in a cis world which does not exist for people like us.

[Lysette]

Wow Emma, that's fantastic! I think I'd be more likely to have that conversation with my family at some point (way down the road) if I looked as femme as you do in your avatar. As it is, it would simply be comical in my case.

I'm happy for you

Lysette

[Emily]

If your mother and your sister accept you fully, you are very lucky. I would say don't go overboard just be careful to continue to be who you are.

Agree completely Anne. I'd like to tell them, but it won't change anything. (Unless they are comfortable with me presenting as female, then ok, maybe - but need to have the talk before I can even think of being dressed in front of them.)

I am sorry to hear that there may not have been a lot of acceptance for you, Anne. While I think that generally, there is more acceptance these days, ignorance still exists. And its across the board... not just older generations, but some of the younger ones too... I fully understand that if my family does accept, then I am very lucky. Unfortunately, we don't all have this support.

I think I'd be more likely to have that conversation with my family at some point (way down the road) if I looked as femme as you do in your avatar.

Thank you, Lysette! Although, I am finding that its really not about how you look... it really is about how you feel. Be happy for yourself! Our femininity comes from within. I guess our hope (or at least my hope) is that others can see that as well.