Elizabeth, God Bless you girl! I and your sisters here know this is not easy for you. Anytime you need to "vent" just let loose, we are here for you. I feel I must state a couple of things which I am sure you have already pondered. Once a guy puts on a dress and looks in the mirror, regardless of who he sees looking back at him/her, he is a crossdresser. Now he needs to begin to understand that this desire is a gift. Unfortunately, sharing this gift with some people is quite impossible, evidently your wife, and you have to know she is not alone, for whatever reasons just can not accept this "new woman" in her life and evidently never will. For you this gift and it is a gift, will never go away. All guys fortunately or unfortunately will never experience the beauty of having the wants,needs and desires of "both sides of the fence." The fact that you have this gift becomes an opportunity for you to determine your own road. You can supress it, you can repress it, 'till you die, but Elizabeth is part of you and you also have the opportunity to cherish, nurish and grow with her and you will be much the better for it. I think all my sisters will attest to that. Being a Crossdresser is wonderful, but as you journey this road you will have many decisions to make, like how much control to exert over Elizabeth or do you give her free reign? And if free reign what effect does that have on you and those around you? Lots of questions and if we can help as you take this "Magical Mystery Tour," we are here for you.
Love,
Deborah
So scared.
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Beauty
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Hi Deborah,
I'm not so sure that anyone who puts on a dress and looks in the mirror is a crossdresser.
I think some people can put one on for curiousity sake and realize it's not for them. I also believe some who dress become obsessed with it and decided they can't do it anymore. They are probably CD'rs though.
I'm just trying to say there are those who do stop and don't like it forever.
Beauty
I'm not so sure that anyone who puts on a dress and looks in the mirror is a crossdresser.
I think some people can put one on for curiousity sake and realize it's not for them. I also believe some who dress become obsessed with it and decided they can't do it anymore. They are probably CD'rs though.
I'm just trying to say there are those who do stop and don't like it forever.
Beauty
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Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
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Deborah,
Thanks for the kind words and thoughtful way you have of asking me to look at the big picture. I have suppressed Elizabeth for too long and it has never brought me happiness. I have always looked at it as a gift. I have always wondered what it must be like to go through you entire life never having the courage to feel pretty.
I have never given Elizabeth a chance to grow, and be nurtured. That is my intention. To be honest with you, I don't really care if Elizabeth takes over, I am not certain that would be a bad thing. I have spent a great deal of time in private wishing I was a girl. It is confusing. I am not gay, but I know I would really like to be a woman. I really just don't know if I want to be a woman full time yet. I think I would, but I think I will try it out, kick the tires, and then if it really suits me, decide what to do. Like I said, right now I can not do much of anything. I am at least 3 months away from having enough money to leave. My disability is about $2500 a month, and of that $830 belongs to my kids technically and I would not take that from them. That leaves me just under $1700 a month. In Southern Cali, even where I live, that is not much money. My son wants to move in with me, so that means I need a two bedroom apartment. That is going to be at least $700 a month. I have agreed with my wife that i will take the Blazer that we both paid for and I will give her the Mustang, and pay half of it until it is paid off. That way we both have a car that both of us paid for. So that leaves me about $750 a month to pay for utilities, food, insurance, presciptions, entertainment and clothes for two adults. As you know, that is not a lot. I have told my son if he wants to move in with me, he will have to have a part time job. I have also told him the implications. I told him I was not going to hide from this and live in shame, and he is either going to have to tell his friends or risk embarassment. I would just like to say, that having all of you here as guides is more than helpful. It is like a godsend of real imformation, from the source to help me make decisions. I particularly like how everyone makes me look at things that could be negatives, that perhaps I have not considered. Or to look at possiblities I have overlooked. Thanks, I feel safe here.
Elizabeth
Thanks for the kind words and thoughtful way you have of asking me to look at the big picture. I have suppressed Elizabeth for too long and it has never brought me happiness. I have always looked at it as a gift. I have always wondered what it must be like to go through you entire life never having the courage to feel pretty.
I have never given Elizabeth a chance to grow, and be nurtured. That is my intention. To be honest with you, I don't really care if Elizabeth takes over, I am not certain that would be a bad thing. I have spent a great deal of time in private wishing I was a girl. It is confusing. I am not gay, but I know I would really like to be a woman. I really just don't know if I want to be a woman full time yet. I think I would, but I think I will try it out, kick the tires, and then if it really suits me, decide what to do. Like I said, right now I can not do much of anything. I am at least 3 months away from having enough money to leave. My disability is about $2500 a month, and of that $830 belongs to my kids technically and I would not take that from them. That leaves me just under $1700 a month. In Southern Cali, even where I live, that is not much money. My son wants to move in with me, so that means I need a two bedroom apartment. That is going to be at least $700 a month. I have agreed with my wife that i will take the Blazer that we both paid for and I will give her the Mustang, and pay half of it until it is paid off. That way we both have a car that both of us paid for. So that leaves me about $750 a month to pay for utilities, food, insurance, presciptions, entertainment and clothes for two adults. As you know, that is not a lot. I have told my son if he wants to move in with me, he will have to have a part time job. I have also told him the implications. I told him I was not going to hide from this and live in shame, and he is either going to have to tell his friends or risk embarassment. I would just like to say, that having all of you here as guides is more than helpful. It is like a godsend of real imformation, from the source to help me make decisions. I particularly like how everyone makes me look at things that could be negatives, that perhaps I have not considered. Or to look at possiblities I have overlooked. Thanks, I feel safe here.
Elizabeth
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Loretta Ann
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Hi Beauty,Beauty wrote:
I also believe some who dress become obsessed with it and decided they can't do it anymore. They are probably CD'rs though.
I'm just trying to say there are those who do stop and don't like it forever.
I think you are right with your statements, but after having gone through that for eight years. I think it would be living hell. How would one like that get there needs met? The real deeper growth began happening in me once I accepted Darlene, as a reality that would be with me the rest of my life. My life before that was stunted, and I was the kind of person who would have delighted in telling you just how wrong you all were.
I am wondering what your purpose was for making those statements?
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Beauty
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Hi there,
Good question.
I only made those statements because of some people I talk to who don't post and tell me they want to stop because they think of it as an addiction and not a way of life.
I also said it because of the posts I've read on other boards about people being able to stop.
We have a member here who does it because she says she feels as if it's a character and not her and she doesn't think she is transgendered or a crossdresser.
I wanted to say that for those CD's who come here looking to see if it's ok to not want to CD anymore.
I said it so SO's who are curious if their SO's can stop.
I'm just not positive that anyone who does this once or who was dressed up for Halloween is really transgendered. I didn't want to someone(who came here to research themselves or someone else) to think because they donned a dress once they were TG'd for life.
Lastly I said it because I'm not sure folks can't stop.
I REALLY apologize if it came off wrong Darlene. I so hope it didn't. I totally respect you as an individual and
I hope this makes sense?
Again, that was a really good question!
Beauty
Good question.
I only made those statements because of some people I talk to who don't post and tell me they want to stop because they think of it as an addiction and not a way of life.
I also said it because of the posts I've read on other boards about people being able to stop.
We have a member here who does it because she says she feels as if it's a character and not her and she doesn't think she is transgendered or a crossdresser.
I wanted to say that for those CD's who come here looking to see if it's ok to not want to CD anymore.
I said it so SO's who are curious if their SO's can stop.
I'm just not positive that anyone who does this once or who was dressed up for Halloween is really transgendered. I didn't want to someone(who came here to research themselves or someone else) to think because they donned a dress once they were TG'd for life.
Lastly I said it because I'm not sure folks can't stop.
I REALLY apologize if it came off wrong Darlene. I so hope it didn't. I totally respect you as an individual and
I hope this makes sense?
Again, that was a really good question!
Beauty
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Loretta Ann
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Beauty,
There are extremes to every situation. When it comes to cross-dressing, I define it as one extreme as being completely sexual and the other being in denial deep in the closet. Both are dangerous, and it is possible for one to be caught in both.
It can be an addiction, and for me it was, and that is why I stopped for those eight years, and if it had been the same when I started again I would not have continued to cross-dress. As that was and still is unacceptable to me.
I don't think this has been talked about here, and it probably should be. Thanks for steering the conversation in that direction.
If one cannot stop then it is an addiction, being as they would then be controlled by it, (having no choice) being driven by some other force.
For me it stopped being an addiction when I became free to choose. And to me that is what makes the difference.
There are extremes to every situation. When it comes to cross-dressing, I define it as one extreme as being completely sexual and the other being in denial deep in the closet. Both are dangerous, and it is possible for one to be caught in both.
It can be an addiction, and for me it was, and that is why I stopped for those eight years, and if it had been the same when I started again I would not have continued to cross-dress. As that was and still is unacceptable to me.
I don't think this has been talked about here, and it probably should be. Thanks for steering the conversation in that direction.
Lastly I said it because I'm not sure folks can't stop.
If one cannot stop then it is an addiction, being as they would then be controlled by it, (having no choice) being driven by some other force.
For me it stopped being an addiction when I became free to choose. And to me that is what makes the difference.
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
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- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
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Are Darlene and her sister going to double team Beauty? Stay tuned and see. We are discussing, not critizing eachothers "philosophy" right?! OK I will give Beauty the point that maybe dressing once, looking in the mirror and saying -No Thanks!" probably does not a crossdresser make! However, take my father-in-law PLEASE!! Anyway, assuming he is not a "closet" crossdresser, give the shall I say 1000's of "costumes" one can choose from at All Hallows Night, for at lease five years on a row he chose to dress as a woman in full "war paint." My question to you and to him - "How many times does it take??"
We know that there are "sisters" out there who are crossdressers but will never pursue it for a multitude of reasons varying from individual to individual and they take this "undiscovered gift" with them to the grave - their misfortune! WE can also all agree that CD'ing is not a spigot that we can turn off and on at will if IF we are accepting of it, be it as a closet CD'er or one who pursues this "passion" beyond the closet. We also know it ain't easy to deal with and in certain situations, like Elizabeth's it can be "earth shattering." this blonde has lost her train of thought and she is getting another "blonde overboard - headache." So --TAG-- your it Darlene, but be gentle with our sister, Beauty -uh dat's a joke girls! We know Beauty can defend herself - love her, too!!!
Love,
Deborah
We know that there are "sisters" out there who are crossdressers but will never pursue it for a multitude of reasons varying from individual to individual and they take this "undiscovered gift" with them to the grave - their misfortune! WE can also all agree that CD'ing is not a spigot that we can turn off and on at will if IF we are accepting of it, be it as a closet CD'er or one who pursues this "passion" beyond the closet. We also know it ain't easy to deal with and in certain situations, like Elizabeth's it can be "earth shattering." this blonde has lost her train of thought and she is getting another "blonde overboard - headache." So --TAG-- your it Darlene, but be gentle with our sister, Beauty -uh dat's a joke girls! We know Beauty can defend herself - love her, too!!!
Love,
Deborah
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Lorna
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
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These are some great theories, but for me it is more than just crossdressing. I want a canopy bed, I want very girlish pillows and comforters. I love to hold stuffed animals. I want to be able to express that side of myself. I can dress or not dress, that has nothing to do with how I feel inside. Dressing just allows me to feel it in the most intense way. I had a romance with a woman in Houston when I was a young man, before I was married. I think I continued to see her because I loved her apartment so much. It was totally girl. Her bed was like heaven, soft and fluffy, pink comforters and sheets all frilly and lace at the edges and all matching. I think I only had sex with her because I loved her bed so much. *LOL* That is what I am talking about, it is not just clothes, it is how feminine things make me feel. I like that part of me, and I always have, but have had to keep it a secret. I am now looking forward to being able to express that part of my personality, that has been buried deep within me for so long.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth
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Beauty
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Hi,
Again I've miscommunicated. I don't have a theory. I was just saying I don't know either way. I agree with everything everyone has said.
It may be possible that anyone who puts on a dress once is a CD'r. I honestly don't have the slightest clue? Since I don't have a clue I think maybe the opposite may be true because of others I've read about who have stopped dressing. For them maybe it was an addiction.
For me, it's who I am.
Beauty
Again I've miscommunicated. I don't have a theory.
I was just saying I don't know either way. I agree with everything everyone has said.It may be possible that anyone who puts on a dress once is a CD'r. I honestly don't have the slightest clue? Since I don't have a clue I think maybe the opposite may be true because of others I've read about who have stopped dressing. For them maybe it was an addiction.
For me, it's who I am.
Beauty
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
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- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Your as always, correct, Beauty. It is who we are. I, personally, LOVE IT!!
Elizabeth is in an interesting quandry, one that I am not qualified to direct. I can see her going one of two ways. She has evolved like Deborah (me) to the understanding that it (for us Elizabeth and Deborah) more than the need to wear beautiful clothing, there is something mental going on and that is what I am dealing with, who is Deborah and what can I do to integrate her into me. According to Jung, the integration/merging of the two personnas create the "gift" we possess and the female personna will become dominant, not to the exclusion of the male but only to direct the male to be more loving, gentler, caring, and calmer. The attributes that most of us see and honor in most GG's.
I am loving this journey and I love all my sisters here who have helped me so much on this "Magical Mystery Tour."
Love,
Deborah
Elizabeth is in an interesting quandry, one that I am not qualified to direct. I can see her going one of two ways. She has evolved like Deborah (me) to the understanding that it (for us Elizabeth and Deborah) more than the need to wear beautiful clothing, there is something mental going on and that is what I am dealing with, who is Deborah and what can I do to integrate her into me. According to Jung, the integration/merging of the two personnas create the "gift" we possess and the female personna will become dominant, not to the exclusion of the male but only to direct the male to be more loving, gentler, caring, and calmer. The attributes that most of us see and honor in most GG's.
I am loving this journey and I love all my sisters here who have helped me so much on this "Magical Mystery Tour."
Love,
Deborah
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Loretta Ann
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- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:30 pm
- Location: Vancouver, Canada
Hi Girls,
I have been away from my computer since this morning Deb. I do not disagree with any one who has posted in this thread, I just wanted to know what was behind what was being said. I like it when people contribute like they have here.
All positive input with no one criticizing any one. The way it should be.
Good night all.
I have been away from my computer since this morning Deb. I do not disagree with any one who has posted in this thread, I just wanted to know what was behind what was being said. I like it when people contribute like they have here.
All positive input with no one criticizing any one. The way it should be.
Good night all.