RULES

RikkiOfLA · Post by **RikkiOfLA** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 1:06 am

I have been looking around the current threads and have found references to the rules. In particular to Rule # 6, that this board is limited to heterosexual crossdressers and SOs only. Is that rule still in effect?

Apparently a poll was taken on that on that rule? Is the poll still active? If so, how do I respond to the poll? If not, what were the results of the poll?

The reason I ask, aside from needing to know the rules, is that I am technically not heterosexual. I am a bisexual crossdresser. This does not change the fact that I am faithful to my wife (who is a GG). But I do find that I would be a liar if I were to claim to be something that I am not, namely heterosexual. There is a well-known national group for heterosexual crossdressers. I have not joined it because of this. If this rule is still in effect here, my conscience would require me to leave this forum and wish you all the best.

If I may climb on my soapbox for a moment, I feel that we (crossdressers and for that matter, lots of other people) receive enough pigeon-holing, stereotyping, misinformation, discrimination, and general badmouthing from people outside our community without doing it to ourselves. We should be the first to welcome everyone (who can behave themselves) to our support groups. That doesn't mean we should put up with spam, flamers, exhibitionists, porn, child molestation, etc. But if a transsexual or a gay person, or ... is interested in our group and our issues and can abide by our rules I think they should be welcome. But that is only the opinion of one person and I am quite happy to abide by the rules of whatever group I'm dealing with. But nothing is to be gained by my misrepresenting myself just so I can gain admittance. Whatever the group decides, I have been truthful and that is what I am responsible for.

So that is why it is important for me to know what is the status of rule # 6.

Sincerely,
Rikki

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 1:27 am

Hi Rikki,

Shannon waved the rule to see how things would go after the vote.

The rule isn't in affect. Great post.

btw, I love your soapbox, where did you find it?

$\:D/$

Beauty

RikkiOfLA · Post by **RikkiOfLA** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 1:59 am

About the change to the rules, I can only say YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Where my soapbox came from? I found it one day when I was rummaging thru my personal baggage.

Alexandra · Post by **Alexandra** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 2:37 am

"But that is only the opinion of one person"

There is MORE than one person here that shares your views on that topic. With the rule now gone, I now don't have an internal ideology conflict about being here! It might not seem to be that big of a deal to some, but for others, it is. My hats off to Shannon and Sharon for taking this forum in a slightly different direction than they intended.

I now yield the soapbox to someone else . . .

GalicianGirl(SO) · Post by **GalicianGirl(SO)** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 2:22 pm

Hi RikkiOfa,

Just a little background for you, please don't take offense to what I am saying...

Yes, we decided to wave Rule #6. It turned out to be more of a tie so we decided just to take it off and see how things go. Shannon didn't want the Rule to begin with. I was the one that insisted on it. I was raised very conservatively and never encountered anyone outside the heterosexual, straight community. I never even heard of a Crossdresser. So I am not as open minded as Shannon is.

After being introduced to Crossdressing I took to the internet. Big mistake. All that garbage that I saw just floored me that I became even more against anything that was so not called "normal". Whatever the heck that is? Shannon knew when we started this forum how strongly I felt about it all, so we put in Rule #6.

Since then I have met some really wonderful people that were hetero, bi, transsexual and I began to realize that they were nothing like what I saw on the internet. (my whole entire vision was that all they did was expose themselves and have sex with everything and anything. I was afraid of the forum turning into the same thing if we allowed others on here.)

Well that was the whole reason that we started the forum in the first place to get away from all the sick, perverted garbage that you see out there. I feel sorry for people who are looking to find answers and all they see is the same garbage that I saw. It sure scared the heck out of me for a long while. But I am getting a lot better about things.

So I just wanted to say, you are more then Welcome to stay here and share your experiences with us. We want this to be a good, clean, safe place where we can all hang out and not feel that we are being judged.

Sorry, I just got on one of my rolls... Sometimes when I get started watch out...

Sharon(SO)

RikkiOfLA · Post by **RikkiOfLA** » Mon Nov 03, 2003 5:11 pm

Dear Sharon,

I agree with you totally!!! One of the things I like most about this Forum is the lack of porn, sexual solicitations, and all of that sick stuff that the Internet is indeed justly infamous for! Please keep it the way it is--don't change a thing on my account.

I am glad you are starting to discover that sick, exploitive, pornographic and abusive sexual activities are not the property of any one sexual orientation or one gender group. There is gay porn and straigh porue.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Tue May 04, 2004 7:04 pm

I thought this would be a good time to bring this back to life.

Beauty

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Wed May 05, 2004 5:25 pm

I'm glad you did bring it back, Beauty. I wasn't even aware of this. I kinda knew I wasn't going to flame people, call them names, or post graphic sexual stuff, so I didn't seek out the rules. That is generally what the rules are about, on forums.

I'm glad this got straightened out (no pun intended). I would have had to take my leave, too, and that's no fun.
A

Josey · Post by **Josey** » Wed May 05, 2004 8:33 pm

Hi Beauty,

Thanks for bringing this back.

I am so glad that Rikki decided to stay. I love to see her input. I am also quite happy that Sharon(SO) realized that the entire world isn't dark and gloomy. It took me a while to understand that also. After five years in law enforcement, I began to feel every one I saw was wicked or worse.

I am finally realizing that each person is just that - a person with good and bad points and each should be judged on their own merits. Realizing that does make life so much sweeter.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu May 06, 2004 7:32 am

"Yeah!" for "Rockin Rikki" I too love to read her posts! She definitely brings her own unique style to us and I love it!
Love ya all,
Deborah

Jamie Ann · Post by **Jamie Ann** » Fri May 07, 2004 8:40 pm

The Rules:

1 - No bashing or flaming anybody. Be nice.
2 - This is not a dating service, no posts looking for dates.
3 - No pornography.
4 - No commercial postings.
5 - No converting those who have not accepted what you believe.

I am glad to see that the rules have been relaxed. I certainly appreciate the motivations that inspired them, including that for the now-discarded Rule 6 (on sexual orientation). If you look at the America Online boards aimed at the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender communities, you cannot help but notice that the lowest common denominator tends to become the norm. Likewise, this seems to be true on other, relatively unmonitored public message boards. As for sexual orientation per se, however, I agree with Rikki. I do not see that as something that should divide people, CD or non-CD. The values that matter most in this world of ours have little to do with whom one finds romantically attractive.

The letter of Rules 4 and 5, of course, would be easy to violate. Seldom have I encountered a discussion where both (or all) parties were not partial to their own beliefs, and at least somewhat interested in converting others to those beliefs. The important point is that we recognize that the closest approximation to TRUTH we will ever find emerges from a marketplace of ideas, where we can compare and eventually accept those that measure up best. Besides, if I actually were to succeed in converting everyone here to all of my personal beliefs, it would be an extremely dull world, wouldnt it?

Shannon · Post by **Shannon** » Sat May 08, 2004 9:08 pm

Wow, I too am glad to see this topic come back to life.. Beauty just knows how to find the good stuff...

As Sharon mentioned, I was a little less interested in Rule 6 than she was, but I also was intent on making sure this board didn't degenerate into the usual smut and garbage you see on AOL and the internet in general.... The difference between myself and Sharon was that I didn't see that TS, Gay or whatever people caused that more than heterosexual people....

I think someone earlier in this post mentioned something to the fact that all groups have there "bad" members... I myself didn't want to limit the good of any particular group..... I really don't care to know the details of people that don't effect me.... if somebody can participate in this forum and be a value and positive, what they do else where is not any of my concern..... And I really don't judge anybody on doing what makes them happy...

Well I am rambling.... sorry. I hope you got my point...

And Rikki, I must say you are a GREAT addition to this forum and I have been totally impressed with you comments and thoughts.... The more members like you the better this forum will be.

Jamie Ann · Post by **Jamie Ann** » Sat May 08, 2004 10:40 pm

Lou (SO) wrote:My head was spinning. What will happen next? Will he want to become a woman and want to have a sex change? I wanted to cry but I didn't. I still looked at the man I loved so much and I saw he was happy. Okay, this will go away. He has been so stable and this is a moment in time.

The quote above is from another forum area, but it is relevant to this discussion. The now-discarded Rule 6 (restricting this forum to heterosexual crossdressers) is not difficult to understand, nor is the fact that SHARON(SO) was its primary sponsor. Clearly, the women who love male-to-female crossdressers do worry about the implications of crossdressing for the long-term stability of their relationships. As crossdressers, I think we need to understand those concerns and to try our very best to relieve them. Rikki said that she is bisexual, but she added a very important qualifier: she is totally faithful to her spouse. Being honest and true and committed to someone we care deeply about is the important thing here. Whether a person is really bisexual has little significance if they have the loyalty and fidelity that Rikki obviously has.

Several months ago, I expressed the opinion on another forum (before I found this wonderful place) that the various proposals to ban gay marriage were similar to long-standing state laws that once prohibited interracial marriage, struck down by the Supreme Court as violating the federal Constitution. Laws that deny equal rights to categories of people, even if long-established in our culture, are invidiously discriminatory and therefore in conflict with more fundamental American values. After I expressed that opinion, someone then asked me if I were gay. Frankly, I did not know how to respond. If the medical profession were to develop a clinical procedure to determine sexual orientation, and if that test revealed that I were really bisexual, not heterosexual, I would not dispute the test. That is quite possible. But I would add, as Rikki did, that I am honest and true in my personal life, and I understand the concerns of SOs. In sum, I understand SHARON(SO)s motivation for the now-discarded Rule 6 and I think that underlying motivation is valid. Nonetheless, Rikki make the crucial point more eloquently than I ever could, so let me end with a wonderful quote from her:

Rikki wrote:We should be the first to welcome everyone (who can behave themselves) to our support groups. That doesnt mean we should put up with spam, flamers, exhibitionists, porn, child molestation, [or other truly objectionable content]. But if a transsexual or a gay person ... is interested in our group and our issues and can abide by our rules, I think they should be welcome.

Heather Gail · Post by **Heather Gail** » Sun May 09, 2004 5:03 am

Well put Jamie Ann...I totally agree with you and have thought very much about what you have written. I have always thought of myself as heterosexual and would never have given a thought to any other orientation, certainly when I wasn't dressed as a woman. But I do find on occasion, more recently than before, that being dressed has "clouded" some of my perspective and made me feel a bit ambiguous about who I am and what others may perceive me to be. Going out last weekend en femme I wanted to portray myself to whoever I saw as being a woman in every possible way, from dress to mannerisms to talk, etc...I did find myself "looking" at men differently and wondering if they "looked" at me as well, and in some way wanting them to "look" at me as an attractive, desirable woman...and that was both exhilirating to me as well as extremely scary...I wonder if any of you have the same feelings and whether its a byproduct of going out en femme.

Karen Marie · Post by **Karen Marie** » Sun May 09, 2004 9:19 am

hi heather,
i think partially it's being enfemme.i've had the same experiences and
feelings too.sitting at the mall and realizing a guy is staring at my legs.
smiling back makes me feel secure with my girl self.it's just harmless
flirting. bunches of hugs,karen.