What was it that told you it was OK?

[Deidre Taylor]

Spent the weekend with an old friend and we got to talking about our past and somehow we ended up talking about what was that told you it was OK to be you? Was there something that happened that told you it was OK to be you and come to grips with being CD or TG or whatever.

Personally I have gone trough several phases from to accepting to being a CD then later on transitioning to full time to finally having surgery. For now I will talk about accepting being a CD., maybe if the thread progresses I will add on later.

My father died when I was quite young do it was my mother and my 3 older sisters. I started trying different things when I was about 8 and by the time I was 11 or 12 I was dressing as fully and as often as I could, I got caught more times than I can even count and of course every time I promised it would never happen again, a lie as we all know.

I was 14 and had again been caught in my sister's clothes and got yet another lecture but there was a difference this time. It was just not my mother but all my sisters were in on this one. I remember my mother asking me why and I told her I don't know why, I just know I like it and it feels right. That was the middle of the week and for the rest of the week Mom made sure I was not left alone. That Saturday morning Mom and my oldest sister took off to do the grocery shopping and I was left under the watchful eyes of my other 2 sisters. I thought they were gone longer than normal but never gave it a great deal of thought. After they got home and everything put away Mom called us all into the living room. She then handed me a bag from Montgomery Wards. I looked inside and there was a 3 pack of nylon tricot panties like they all wore and 6 pairs of beige tone stockings. This was 1967 and while pantyhose was just starting to come out most still wore stockings.

I looked at her and asked what these were all about and she told me that that every girl needed her own panties and stockings. I think that was the first time I ever shed tears of joy. Over that weekend my sisters went through their closets and dressers and soon I had a fair wardrobe of dresses, skirts, tops, shoes, and assorted underpinnings.

That was my first sign of it may not be the norm but it was OK to be CD. What's yours?

[Shelby]

What an interesting question; to be honest I am still working on coming to grips with my dressing but the more I allow myself to explore this side of me, the more comfortable I am becoming with it.

I too felt the urge to play with women's clothing and make-up at a very young age and I would mess around with my mother's things when she and my Dad would go food shopping. Figured that would give me at least an hour; didn't do it often and, to my knowledge, was never discovered.

Fast forward 30 some odd years and I decided to buy my wife some sexy shoes after having seen the show Kinky Boots. Out of the blue she said; "We should get you a pair"..............DONE. I think I ordered them the next day. It's been all downhill ever since; we started wearing them together and then branched out to include clothes, make-up, breast forms, the works.
She is very accepting and makes me feel comfortable but, it is still something I am struggling with. So, at this point in my life, I am still waiting to fully be able to say it's "OK".

[Diana Michelle]

OMG where do i start? So many incidents over the years and phases of my life. Try to pick one Diana.

Back in the dark ages, 1976, I took my first baby steps into the light and found it exhilirating. It was early 1977 I actually ventured out to the girl clubs and as time went on I would go a couple of times a month. As the year drew to a close they were talking about the New Years Eve celebration so I ought myself a ticket. Then I saw some pictures from last years party and could see the outfits the girls wore were far from what I had in my closet. I was starting to wonder if i was going to fit in as my wardrobe was more mainstream and not party clothes. I decided that I needed some "fun" clothes ar at least one for NYE.

My mind instantly went to this one store I had walked by and even browsed a few times as they had stylish clothes aimed at the younger crowd, I was 24 at the time, so I figured try there. It was a cold snowy Saturday and I had been to the laundromat. I was all femmed up with my Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, knee high boots, and leather jacket. There weren't many out and I was feeling adventurous so I went to Fischers and started looking around. The store was empty except for a 50ish woman and a probably 20 year old sales clerks. I avoided them and perused the rack of disco dresses, remember this was 1977 and disco was the rage. I finally found one and nervously made my way to the register. The older sales lady looked at the dress then me and said this will never do for you. I was shocked and about ready to make my retreat when she added, "The color is all wrong and being as low cut in front as it is I am afraid things will show."

I was so stunned as she walked back to the rack and started going through it, calling the younger sales clerk over to help. As they looked for dresses for me I found she was the owner and the other clerk her daughter. Finally they had settled on a couple and I was shown the fitting room. I have to tell you my hands were shaking as I undid my blouse unsure of their motives but finally I was in the first dress and they were calling for me to come out so they could see. I slid the curtain open half excited, half scared they were going to laugh at me. Much to my delight they smiled as I emerged and after a look over they pronounced a definite possibility but lets see the other ones.

I repeated the same with the other 4 dresses. Finally we all decided on the navy blue was the one. Margaret, the owner, even had Shannon get a slit half slip so we could see how it looked with the appropriate undies. I ended up with the dress and the slip as well as some gold high heeled sandals to complete the outfit, spending close to $100, a lot of money back then. As I was leaving they both told me to come back any time and feel free to shop.

Over the years I shopped there many times and always felt safe and welcome. I have even stayed friends with Shannon and cried when the store finally closed about 10 years ago. Looking back it was a milestone for me but more importantly it told me that I wasn't a freak but also there were people out there who did care and treat me as just another person. It was the first sign that it was OK to be just me.

[Amy Dixon]

i figured out that it made me happy and got tired of fighting others for my happiness. So I admitted to my self that is was ok. And then I told my wife. I could not tell my wife till I could come to grips with my femmes side myself. She excepted it better then I ever had. Who thought it!

[Jina James]

Shelby is right. This IS an interesting question. Thank you for raising it, Deidre.

I'll go further than that. It's a wonderful question, and I want to spend time thinking it through before I answer.

[Lacey Hadley]

What told me it was ok, or better that I was ok?

Not any one thing, but life passes by, one's own mind, heart and soul all mature and learn on life. I learned by my oh late 20's that crossdressing and a feminine side to my regular male persona WAS NOT GOING AWAY! I slowly and even to this day still am trying to accept that and my cding. I probably will do so till my last day. I fought my feminine side and my love to express it through cding, beat myself up a thousand times or more, contemplated suicide a few times. I resisted dressing but thank God I never purged, too much money tied up in my stuff. If I were to calculate the money I spent on my cding and especially all my clothes, shoes, boots, makeup and wigs for my femme side as Lacey, SHITE I'd probably have stroke The futility of resisting CDing only wore me out, frustrated me and I would relent to dress up and the dry spell pain was relieved by incredible joy to put on female clothes and/or especially getting all dolled up as Lacey.

So my acceptance to it being OK was slow but with real time stamped moments. Most are a memory blur today. But buying the first articles of clothes are more clear. The first time I bought myself pantyhose, I was so nervous, it is silly to think that today. First panties, bras, high heels, skirts, blouses, dresses and first makeup purchases all notches on my life belt so to speak.

I accept myself now, I love doing it all out fully as Lacey. Learning to do my makeup, finding wigs that suit my face, style and persona all helped me be OK with my cding/femme side. I now see I do not have to lose my regular dude side and dude like things and feelings to let my girly side out and especially as Lacey. Lacey is quite girlie, very traditional in her femme role based on how I would want to be if I were a natural GG. If I'm going to go all out and dress fully up, makeup (about 45-50minutes of time needed to shave, brush the ivories and do my makeup) pick out my under garments, put together my fashion look, match shoes or boots, accessories and pick the wig colour I feel like at the time (I have blonde Lacey, Light auburn with blonde hi-lights Lacey, Dirty blonde l Lacey and Brunette with auburn hi-lights Lacey. Each give a slight tweak to my Lacey girl persona). All that work and I'm gonna be lady-like, fashionable and even a tad sexy, flirty-cute looking and feeling. No sweat pants and sweat shirt or yoga pants etc. not after all that work.

So again not one thing told me I'm OK, but mostly many little things and lots of time. I will always struggle a bit with my cding side but I love cding and I love dressing as Lacey. I now know I will never not be a cder nor will I ever not have all so many clothes, shoes, boots, makeup, accessories, wigs etc. I do think at times when my time comes (I hope it's along way off ) what will become of all my femme things. It kind of makes me sad at times to know they will likely all be donated away or sold off for mere pennies. But I'm still relatively young, in good general health and of SOUND MIND so I return in thoughts to enjoy my cding and getting all dressed up as a Lacey.

Dressing as Lacey is the one time I am 100% at zen like peace of mind and life. She is my escape, cding my pleasure. It all allows me to take on and accept more ably my regular dude life and keep it all more in stride.

[Emily]

What told me it was ok? Hmmmm.... very good question.

I came out as a trans woman last March-April, first to friends and family. Up to that point, it had been years and years of trying to understand who I was and trying to figure out all of these confused thoughts.

Was I a cross-dresser or was there something more? I accepted that yes, I was a closeted cross-dresser and I could easily live a balance between male and female. I tired it out for a while... (a long while, actually!) but, that didn't seem quite right either. Something was still off. Early 2017, I knew what I had to do - I think I finally had it figured out. I first told my sister and then my mom, afraid to death what they might say or how they might react. But when they said that all they wished for was my happiness, and that I be myslef, right then I knew it was ok.

[Karen Ski]

I will go one step beyond Jina here, very interesting question.

I think what told me it is OK was not what happened to me but rather someone else. After college I took a job 2/3 of a continent from where I grew up. I knew no one but one of the more senior individuals at work took me under their wing, not only showing me the ropes and mentoring me but also befriending me. Had dinner many times at his place and he and his wife would keep talking about what they were going to do when he retired in a couple of years. A couple of years after I first him his lovely wife was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. This was in 1980 and medical science was not nearly as advanced as it today and in essence her diagnosis was a death sentence. Thankfully she didn't linger long or suffer too much.

After the funeral he and I were talking and he told me how he regretted not doing some of those things they had talked about as he now understood we have no idea what the big plan was for us. It got me to thinking about a lot of things and I realized that the time was to emerge from the closet and bring Karen to the light of day. Yes it was long and sometimes process but I did it. Its sad that it someday takes the tragedy of others to bring us to our senses.

[Amanda R]

Fascinating question. What told me it was OK?

I came out to my mother when I was 15 and to say she was shocked and confused to be kind. She sought help to understand and after talking with a woman who was TG she thought some more about and the second meeting with this woman was Mom and me. I remember how she talked about the trials and strength it took to go through this. We talked and from that came questions followed by more questions. after several hours Mom turned to me and asked if this was what I wanted. I told her yes with tears running down my face. She hugged me tight and told me it was going to be alright and we would get through this somehow. That is when I knew it was OK.

[Angela Newel]

Great question and wonderful responses that give me hope.

I'm not sure I'm to OK yet. Thought I was, but it's been awhile since I have felt ok with my CDing. Hopefully I'll get there someday.

-Angela

[Martina Hall]

Seems like everyone is 'coming out' so I have decided to get bolder and become Gender Rebel.

I hereby resolve to be bolder and get dressed when I damn well feel like it.
Now if someone can do something about this endless winter.

[ReneeElizabeth]

having fought the urges to dress up for so long and wishing i could be like so many other girls who truly enjoy this part of themselves, now i can say that i enjoy any chance i get to be a woman, even if it's for an hour or 2

[Requal Jo]

I do not know the answer to this question for Requal. She has always enjoyed cross dressing and frequently wanted to transform to a female. Dreams of going on holiday and returning to daily life as a female were plentiful when younger and are now occurring again.

There is currentlty alot of restrictions on Requal appearing as there has been significant changes in my family life. My wife knows and reluctanltly accepts Requal when she appears. This also makes it difficult.

Currtently Requal appears when able and she really enjoys the freedom of being herself at these times.

The clock is still ticking on the answer to the question.

[Bernice]

What told me it was OK? You won't believe this: It was the college's staff psychiatrist. What is sad is I didn't believe him! He was way ahead of his time for 1973.

I don't specifically remember any other incident or event that changed my mind, but I did check out a good book from the local library (Amazing they even had it) in about 1979. That was an eye-opener.

Eventually, the Internet arrived, and for the first time I could research anonymously. I met some other CDrs online - had some good conversations. Hmmm... Doc must have been right all along.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Ralitsa]

A few years ago I would have told you that I decided it was OK was during my divorce. It was a very ugly situations and I don't want to talk about that. For her own reasons, she thought it would be useful to advertise the fact that that I'm a CDer. So obviously the most effective method to neutralize that situation is not to deny, but rather to embrace it. Well that's what I thought at the time.
I'm not sure that I ever really and truly accepted myself though. One could go back through all my posts over the years and try to figure that out, but I'm not ambitious enough to do that.

Lots of things have happened and changed over the years. But, good or bad, an awful lot- the vast majority of my sense of worth is tied up in my job, my career, and my profession. I'm a mechanical engineer and this identity is critical to my life. And I've always felt like my career identity and my personal identity were at odds. This wasn't merely my imagination either, I've been told on more than one occasion that what I do outside of work is my own business, but at work the expectations are: A... B... C.... D.... etc.

Until about 2 years ago I took a new position at another engineering firm. Starting out I had all the usual trepidations. This firm though is employee owned and makes a particular effort to be a "Great Place to Work". Yeah, well all that is well and good but who really believes it?? But I am who I am, and in Bismarck ND you don't keep a secret. So it wasn't long before we had the talk - except this time it was totally different. They said, "well we are hearing this and that, and we want to support you any way we can. So how are you doing, how can we help, we want to get out in front of this and make sure you have what you need." I had no idea what to say, I'd never had an employer offer to support me, this was crazy.

Some time later we had another similar conversation bringing in some HR reps. And it was the same message: "we are here to support you, you are one of us and we have your back..." AMAZING!

But the thing that really sealed it was a couple days ago. I was talking with one of the Principals about some projects, and supporting the marketing efforts of one of our clients (whom I have never met). And he (the Principal) asked in the most respectful manner "Would it be OK, and I would only do this with your permission, to tell the CEO of nnn company about your personal preferences, just so that he will not be surprised?" To which I answered, "Yes, of course. And if he happens to be uncomfortable with that let me know and I can modify my appearance accordingly." But then Paul said, "My response to that would be: you are one of our best engineers and he ought to be honored to have you helping him." I was totally blown away.

So, to be honest, I think that the point where I REALLY knew it was ok was that exact moment. Which is odd, strange, curious, or something, because I've been saying for years that I'm OK with this and who I am; maybe I'm not so OK with myself as I think I am?