Will i ever find true love?

[Victoria K.]

I have a question!! Is there real hope that i will find a male wanting to love me as i am even after all surgeries or am i doomed to live a lonely life. My girlfriend who transitioned many years ago says its not possible! she has yet to find true love and now hates all men.PS! my girlfriend and i are transsexual.

[KimberlyS]

There is love out there as many that have gone before you can tell you. Finding it can be the challenge. From the feeling I am getting from you about your girlfriend, is your girlfriend has given up and gotten a little bitter. I am not saying it is easy. But in order to be loved, one must first love their self and be available to be loved. Also someone needs to look in the right places or be in the right places. Sometimes people try to hard and think they need to go looking for love. I am a believer in one needs to first love their self. Then start enjoying life and doing things you like to do. Get out and have fun doing what you like. Then you be come open and are around like minded people. If you are having fun and doing what you like, you are much more likely to draw in someone without even trying.

You are less likely to find someone sitting at home, or trying to hunt them down like prey. Yea there are a lot of online services they help couples to meet with someone of like mind. But I am a believer more in the fact that love happens, not going to look for love and find it.


kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

[Victoria K.]

Thank You Kimberly for your nice words. I do love myself and very proud of who i am so thats not a problem. I agree that i need to get out and meet others away from the computer! i did very well last summer and fall when i was out and about meeting others but at that time i stayed away from males because i felt i was not emotionally ready for that.I have heard that even with srs and all other female features true heterosexual males will stay away because even though i am transsexual they think that because i was born with male body parts that will make them gay if they try to have a relationship with me. I hope this is not true and it is this that i worry about the most. I will talk to me therapist about this when i see her soon. Love Victoria

[Amanda R]

Finding love as a transgendered woman is not as easy as it is for cisgender women however it is possible as I and many other TG women will attest to. The first issue you have to identify is what you define love as.

Victoria you talk of all your surgeries so the first question is have you truly accepted yourself or are you looking for something else for yourself. You say you love yourself but do you? Are your surgeries because you are seeking some form of the "perfect" woman? If so then no matter how many surgeries you have you will never be satisfied with yourself and if so you will never fond that individual that will satisfy you on the deepest inner level.

So now the question becomes what are you looking for? A man? A woman? Another TG, be it M2F or F2M? Love is a lot deeper than mere physical attraction. It is not about sex either. Love is a sensation that is beyond words, it is an inner satisfaction, a sense of being, of knowing that this is someone you seek to be a life partner far beyond the bedroom. I am blessed to have found that and it is the most wonderful feeling.

Yes our intimate life is an important piece of our life together but there is so much more. It is about doing the laundry, cooking, cleaning, being there for him when he is sick and healthy as he is for me. Taking his temperature when he has the flu, going out in the snowstorm to pick up the prescription, and even cleaning up after him should he not make it to the bathroom. No it is not I look forward to these however it is about doing it without question because you know if the roles were reversed he would do the same. It is about the nights when you are feeling romantic yet between the two of you in bed is his 3 year old daughter who is frigtened by the thunder storm. Cleaning up that next morning because he had a few buddies over to play poker or watch football. Love is not all about flowers and romantic evenings in sexy lingerie.

Before you question is there love out for you the first thing you need to do is to identify what love means to you and what you are seeking. Love is about being 100% open and honest with your partner as well as yourself. Once you figure out all this then you can find what you identify love on your terms. Remember though love is a two way street so be prepared for with those wonderful nights and feelings there are other things that you may not enjoy that come with them.

[Victoria K.]

Thank you Amanda for your comment. Yes i had all these surgeries because i was not happy with what i saw. I truly love who i am and what i have done but have been very self critical on how i look. I am now at the point of excepting and loving what i see in the mirror.True i will always see ways to improve but for the most part i am very happy with the results. When it comes to relationships since transition i feel i am just like any Cis heterosexual woman when it comes to love. I want a man who will love me as i am and share life with in every way. Someone who is there for me in good and bad times. Someone very close to me that i can share life with. The only men i have found so far are the ones looking for sex and a good time. When the weather gets warmer and i start going out to meet others like before i hope it will be different. This time i wont be avoiding men! i feel confident now emotionally that i will be able to handle a real attempt at a relationship with a man. Confidence is not a issue with me in many cases but it has been in the past since transition when it comes to meeting men. This is really the last fear i face and i need to deal with it. Love Victoria.

[Sarah Rene]

Victoria I hope you took the time to read Amanda's reply carefully then read it again. She knows what she speaks about on many levels and for a multiplicity of reasons. Life as a woman is hard, as a transgendered woman even tougher.

You talk about you and your girlfriend being "transsexual." From your posts I believe you are still pre operative but did not say if your friend is pre or post operative. For pre operative girls there is a very small pool of available partners out there. Most men who will even give you a second look see you as a quick romp through the bedroom. Someone so eager to prove you are a woman you will give them what their wives or girlfriends do not, ie oral and/or anal sex. For most of these "takers" it is a one night stand and for that minority that come back for seconds it is a bootie call. I have no idea of statistics but I would wager that is less than 1% of the male population that are seeking the type of relationship with a pre or non operative TG you describe.

Being 11 years post operative I can tell you that things do change but there are still issues. Love is about having that soul mate and opening up with your deepest darkest secrets. I know some girls go stealth or try to but to keep that part of your life hidden means living a lie. Is that what you would want from your life partner? For most of us that answer is no but only you can answer that for yourself. I tried it once or twice myself early on and the inner turmoil was too much for me to handle and "confessed" my past resulting in the loss of that relationship. It takes a special person to see beyond the what you were syndrome to the person you are. For me it took 8 years and many failed attempts to find that special person. Yes it is wonderful and I can't wait until June when I walk down the aisle so our lives can become one in the eyes of the law. The two of us have seen it that way for a long time already.

Being in love, having that soul mate to share your life is a wonderful feeling beyond description. It makes the tough times easier and the good ones even better. It is not always easy but what in life worth having is? To reach that you must be honest with yourself and your partner. Then and only then can you truly find and feel love.

[Victoria K.]

She had her srs done years ago and has had a very hard time when it comes to relationships. She is very beautiful and has many men after her all the time. She is like me and wont tell others she is a transwoman unless needed. In the past even with srs she feels the need to tell others before sex and then she gets two types of responses from them. One is anger or they will make some excuse to leave. The other response is they want to have sex but do it in a non heterosexual. She does not want it that way and i agree with her reasons. You may not agree with this but i feel as she does that even with srs many heterosexual man will see you as a male and will not have a relationship with you because it makes them feel gay. Its not a easy life being Transsexual and having a true loving relationship with a man. I label myself transsexual because i believe i am female and will do all i can to be that way physical and mentally including srs which i will do once i finish my year of hrt. Love Victoria

[Amanda R]

First off Victoria love is not about heterosexual any more than it is about same sex relationships. I know several same sex couples who are truly in love. Among those is one post operative girl who found her happiness and love with a cisgender woman. They are one of the happiest and well balanced couples I know and wish them nothing but the best. Although you do not realize it I feel you are still confusing love and sex. There is a huge difference! Yes sex is a big part of many successful relationships even there exists two levels of satisfaction, physical and emotional. Don't mistake one for the other which many do. Do you really think someone just suddenly becomes Gay after being married for 10 years or longer? No they buried the feeling and allowed the physical pleasure of orgasm to override the emotional emptiness of the love making act.

As for your friend I am a bit confused about her not telling anyone yet instantly confessing to a man she is about to sleep with. From a psychological perspective the two don't match up. The male ego is fragile and while men are visual creatures they do have a tendency to think with their penis. To me it seems like your friend is going into every potential relationship a bit starry eyed. Also if "every" man she meets seems to have either the walk away attitude or seek other than vaginal intercourse she needs to look for a better class of man. How it is the old C&W song goes? Looking for love in all the wrong places.

I have been there with the rejection after telling a man of my past and yes it hurts. I like every other TG woman I knew this could happen going in. Any TG woman who doesn't realize this or tells herself it won't happen to me is lying to herself. It is part of the life as a TG woman as the old, tired stereotypes that still exist. I can also testify there are men out there who can see through the what you were to the person you are. I am blessed to have found one and know many other girls that have as well. A friend once told me she had to kiss a lot of frogs before she found her prince. I was lucky I only had to kiss one frog before my Prince Charming came into my life. There is love out there for the TG woman and while the pool may be smaller than that for cis women they are there.

One final note, I am quite troubled by your one statement.

I label myself transsexual because i believe i am female and will do all i can to be that way physical and mentally including srs which i will do once i finish my year of hrt. Love Victoria

My education and training as well as having lived with GD that statement when combined with your self justification to all your past surgeries causes many red flags to pop up. What does your therapist have to say about all of this?

[Victoria K.]

First i will start with your last comment! many mtf transgender people get FFS it helps them with their gender dysphoria. I am no different and happy to get all these surgeries done. I know the difference between love and just sex! this is why i have turned down so many who want to meet me because i want love and they want sex. My therapist has no problems with what i say and what i do! she is doing her job well and i trust in what she says. Life has been very good to me since my transition i am very happy. Yes i still have some problems to deal with like anyone else and dealing with them all. Love Victoria

[Anne Bonny]

Yes it is...Diana Michelle has survived two husbands...out lived them...and currently has another this time a male friend...so Yes, yes it is.... There are many out there who have. I have no experience I do not ever see myself transitioning being fluid my difficulty will be in finding the right woman once my poor wife is gone...endstage Alzheimer's.... But people encourage me knowing all about me.

There is someone out there for everyone....be hopeful...and be positive and open to the possibilities for yourself.

Hope you find the man of your dreams...Anne

[Noeleena]

Hi.

Love sex and relastionship ,

age surgerys or corrective surgerys more like ,

As some here know I have talked with many men concerning my headings and next my details concerning abnormalitys and corrective surgerys nothing is hidden so they all know the details .

Most of those men are from the States very accepting very willing to read and listen on skype plus see me, in my case I see my age as a put off, as many are under 60. yet a few would be quite interested in myself as a person and worth the time for a long term relastionship even a few in Australia here in Kiwl land NZ maybe one.

Now the sex side oh yes most would be up for that with a little bit of hesitastion other wise no issues
would it make any difference if I have more corrective surgerys maybe maybe not, I have brought that up with a few of the guys and one said don't bother others said don't mind.

Love ,

What I hear see and now know is most men are more interested in the sex side and the NSA.or FWB=.
no strings attached and female with benefits , so that's my update on finding a partner,
I would from my details see a better idear of marrage from men in the States , plus what I,m told is they would rather a Lass from over seas ,

I have had one guy who seemed to be really interested in me as a long term mate -partner the distance age and getting it all to gether and to work is a lot harder,
I really thought I would find it near impossible for ether sex love or marrage, seems I sure did get that wrong, so there are men around who are looking .maybe my advantage is for myself in being a female yet when you weigh it all up I still have a lot of issues to be layed open for guys to see I am open in what I say and is the truth, and that is so importaint and the guys I see they see what I look like = no clothes on. what they see is a normal looking woman and no different from other women = females .

The other side is could I be with a woman again ....Yes.... some will say I,m gay bi bisexuale or some other tag name , well I don't care because I,m none of those so male or female has no meaning for me never did ,so theres a thought for you to think about ,

Just a thought what if theres no sexy play time because a partner cant sex is lovely and nice yet for me is not what love is about or the most importaint thing cuddles touching just being to gether kissing those and more mean far more to me , I know how my body works and can still be loving in a way that would be so lovely .

Some times we miss the most lovely moments we can share with each other , our bodys are made in such a way I think we lose so much because we don't just let our body feel each other what I,m trying to say is this is not about just sex, it goes deeper , connect with it and you can have a loving relastionship .

I wonder if a guy will see that and under stand where I,m coming from hope so.

...noeleena...

[Diana Michelle]

many mtf transgender people get FFS it helps them with their gender dysphoria.

No Victoria FFS has nothing to do with gender dysphoria nor does it help with it. It does help with body issues some may have however when it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it is still a duck. If in your mind all these surgeries make you more a woman than who am I to tell you how to spend your money? What I will tell you is being a woman comes from within and emanates outward and no amount of surgeries, body shaping, cosmetics, or satin and lace can change that fact.

My therapist has no problems with what i say and what i do! she is doing her job well and i trust in what she says.

It is not an issue of what your therapist says or believes. The issue is what you know to be true. In one of your previous posts you say you "believe" you are a woman. How many children have been injured jumping off the garage roof because they "believed" they can fly? It is not about believing but about knowing down to your soul. You talk about the good job she is doing. Is that because she has made you probe to your inner being or because she is telling you what you want to hear? There is a hell of a lot more to being a woman than putting on a skirt and heels.

Now back to your original question, is there love out there for the TG woman. Based on my own experience and that of others I know the answer is yes. It does take a special person to accept and love the transgendered woman and they are a small minority than available to cisgendered women but they are there.

True love is a feeling beyond description however it is far from that in fairy tales where everyone lives happily ever after. It is about giving body, mind, and soul to that special person that is willing to do the same. It is about two souls uniting as one, caring more about the other than they do themselves. I am blessed to have found that not once but twice. I know many other TG women who have found it as well so I know it is there.

As for your friend, I do not her circumstances or beliefs or desires but I do know no relationship has any chance without total honesty and openness. You say she does not tell people "unless needed" but the question is how and when she tells them. Like anything else there is a time and place and a way to talk about being TG. It is not something you bring in the middle of foreplay but rather long before it gets there. No she need bring it up on a first date but that discussion needs to be addressed before it can become a potentially harmful situation.

One last thing about your friend. You talk about her being "beautiful." Like being a woman beauty comes from within. I can show you many physically attractive women and handsome men that are IMO terrible people. Conversely there are many average or even physically unattractive men and women that are truly beautiful people. Even most intelligent middle aged men grow tired of bimbos and trophy wives unless they are so shallow a good wind will expose their soul.

There is love out there for the TG woman as I and others here have attested to. The question is what do you see as love and is that out there?

[Victoria K.]

Ohh Diana!! i am not going to argue with you! that would not solve anything. I have gotten input to the question and i thank those who gave. The question was not about if i know what love is or why i get ffs or even if i believe i am female! if it was i would of asked about it. Love Victoria

[Diana Michelle]

and I answered your question if you took the time to read the entire post you would know that.

[Victoria K.]

Yes i read the whole post! What was related to the question i ask was appreciated but with rest of what you said i did not ask for any input on.