My best description of this dual system that resides in me

[Anne Bonny]

It is hard to figure out how to say this...I am not "being Anne" or "being George" that is as if I am saying I pretend to be a personna which is not it at all!! No...rather there is simply an internal movement as whichever simply clicks into a knotch and there are simply two positions on this moving switch...once it moves and the click happens it is as if my entire operating system is then in one mode or sense of self or the other...That is Female....or Male...and that is where I happen to reside as long as the setting for whichever is in that knotch! My operating internals simply run off which ever sense of self happens to be up at the moment. May sound a little different but it is the only way I can figure by way of an explanation there exist two "this is who I am's!" and this is just how it happens to be with me!

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Of cause there is another way of thinking or acting as some like to yet the real nut,s and bolts remain the same so switch off the brain stop trying to think in ether male or female and you then can embrace both with out fear of it not being right .....there is no right or wrong , just a difference of a body is male or female or like myself nether or both and ether way I don't give a damn.

okay have you switched off your brain mind thinking and just be right bang in the middle extend your self out side of your body some then it matters not what the hell you wear clothes don't make the person never did and never will.

Its who you are your makeup what makes you you with out outside interferance get that right and your well on the way of accepting just ...YOU.... do a lock down on what some people wont to think or say . = discount them.

See it from my side, no male or female sexual organs nothing body has none. my body is made up of different aspects of both yet is that all. i dont have a switch that i can change from male to female in fact i dont have a switch and dont need one to change,

Try thinking as a being that is normal for get how you were brought up or what you saw regarding your body all window dressing even the brain can be fooled or changed , to suit others or your self .... go back to conception you were nether male or female you were not one or the other get that fact right and youll see things differently you had the makings of being ether m or F,, what changed was your program and that started you on your way of being a male or female . or like myself...

One day when we have more info it will become more clear. and just a thought here what about the person who was born with out male or female organs i wonder how,,,,, she,,,,,him or hang on saw ,,,,,,, self no male no female to connect to try that on in my case i connect to and with female in all ways, and thats not a put on of .......i wont to be a female or woman i was born this way . no say in the matter .

What i see is great is having aspects of both male /female and over my life has been great for most part , of caurse now i see things that are different how do i get on with guys, = sexually.= or women ...... okay what do i do am i attracted to men or women or maybe both or none
nothing to do with being..... bi bisexuale or what ever term used, like the worm both sexed ether way matters not worm has got it right. .....gee wonder how that works.....lol.....

Ya Ya i know i,m crazzy as and mad.... now what were we talking about..... oh dear time i left... dancing shortly.

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

I suppose I have an ambiguous gender....hum...you know that is a pretty good thought... I am listening....and because of my situation I am free pretty much to go with it however I feel and I do do that right now. What I do not do is carry it out into public...though I have shared this with many many female friends, some of my family, sons, etc.... But in public it would be like going out the door naked...or trying to swim against a raging river current in the opposite direction with the occasional person hurling slings and arrows at me - Ouch! At this time, and without an encouraging person there to take my hand and encourage and lead me out that door...I have no desire to confront all of these real and imagined fears. At this time there would be absolutely no consequences for me because I am retired and have my own secure income so no one can lay a glove on any of that. I would certainly find many defending my right to be who I am today...but at this time the will has never jelled in that direction.

Huh...now if I got on a plane and flew half way round the globe to visit you I am sure you would soon have me out that door following you around wherever...I bet you would. I could see your music friends and meet folks in your area...hah!

Yeah...I was also born this way...whilst I was born male...the "this is who I am" part of who I am was left expansive feeling at times more in to male and at other times more into female....and like you I had no choice I just turned out this way.

I will say having a male body I am quite attracted to females...so I am most definitely heterosexual...I have two sons and a grandson...and step grandson... any thoughts the other way? Well when it comes right down to if It were a reality french kissing with a male and being with a male...kind of ew! nah! It would not be sexually there for me the way the juices flow when I am with a woman...ha though I was only with one other woman before I married my wife.

Good sharing thoughts with you dear....Anne

[Noeleena]

Hi Anne,

your dead right out the door driving down the road 1/2 an hour for you to how shall we say it sweating it out till we got to our ether Orchestra or Brass band members oh 35 give or take . in the door, and

This is my friend anne from the US is staying with me for a few weeks ... hi nice to meet you.....and do you play .....yeap youll be asked after the formalitys you,ll be with me near the back and I,ll be playing the drums.

After you go back to the US Ill be asked hows your friend anne....

You see the thing is if your with me you are my friend and are wellcpmed in to our circle of friends and then my other groups of 300 people and theres more I know, ,okay in this case I have opened the door for you.. and you take it from there. and this does not include the other 230 friends I have in Tasmania = Australia. .

I know about acceptance where to go people I see meet and interact with, most times I was by myself just my door of opening is I,m connected to so many others matters not where I go..

most don't know my background in Australia and matters not if they do or not. in our land was quite different in how I approached others and yet same result was accepted by 97 %, of those I met .

what is easy for myself now is I can kiss a guy For Jocelyn - female- was very different after 35 years together there never was a ? being able to see I can be attracted to a male or female is no drama quite normal and has allways been part of my makeup just I never did kiss a guy before 14 months ago. any thing to do with men was total shut down and because I,m free I,m able to.

Sometimes as we grow up we unlearn so much that was taught us and was false and to unlearn becomes very hard, now I,m getting better to see what is really so neat to hold onto . and takes time.

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

Ha! That's great! I just have to learn to enjoy the life I desire to lead here no matter which part of myself is in the lead.

I just happen to be who I am...If I am feeling one way I may be in full make up and a pretty outfit with jewelry and be feeling a little more on the emotional side....Or I may be dressed in dirty worn out clothing with my "boonie" hat and old holy tennis shoes getting ready to go do battle with the lawn....there I am probably just focusing and pushing and driving to get through it with an occasional curse?

I am glad that I am perfectly free to lead my life as I desire and I do hope I am not in a fantasy world believing I can find a woman who will enjoy all of who I am and can take the lead like a husband at times as part of who I am does want that just not all the time, probably my other side will want to be in the lead mostly...either way it is really just being equal...I always felt my wife Pat was smarter and in the lead but she pushed me out front all the time forcing me to be the lead...she was traditional. She was quite a lady.

[KimberlyS]

Anne I think it is true that most all of use TG's have struggled with who we were and why. I know that I have done research into the why. I have read about the biology of reproduction. I have read about the drugs our mothers were given. I have read about all of the chemicals we have in our lives and the affect they have on us and on reproduction. I have seen the different statistics of reproduction, those born normal and those born with "abnormalities". And look at the statistic of those that are never born. Actually after reading all of that it is unbelievable that any of us are actually born if you read all of that. A lot has to happen in a fairly specific order to produce a baby. There are a lot of things that need to a line and not just the mother and father. There are hormones that need to be produced at specific times, the baby needs to specific parts in a fairly specific order. Who watches this process to make sure it happens correctly? No one, it just happens. And because of the complexity of it there is a lot that can happen along the way. I am not going to go dig out the statistics, but if you look them very few are born and considered "Perfect". Too big of a baby, too small, too early, premature. Born with an extra finger, toe, arm, leg, or with out a body part. Babies born with 4 fingers or toes, without an arm, without an organ, without a uterus. I am not going to go into all of the difference as I think you can get that. Now beyond the physical part there chromosomes that make us male and female along with some hormone wash things happening to make us male and female. Well along with the physical part, this process does not always go what they say is the "Correct" way. Some times male babies get a female hormone wash and sometimes the female babies get a male wash of hormones. Look at the stats for those that are transgendered, those that are gay, lesbian, those that are inter-sexed. If you put all of the statistics together there are a lot of people out there that are not born "Normal".

Anne some thoughts for you to think about. For starters maybe your subject is not completely accurate to start with. Who says we live in a "Dual System". Yes we have males and females, and it takes a male and a female to reproduce another human being. How "Male" and "Female" do you have to be to reproduce another human being. You have to have just enough of the right physical parts on each side and then a lot of luck that the process completes successfully. Beyond that other physical traits and mental traits are scatters all over in the population. Yes some traits are found more in physical male and female people, but they are still through out all people. The "Dual System" is based on being Male or Female to reproduce and the other traits are what we as human have assigned to our "Dual System".

Within the TG community we talk about the male and female spectrum. We talk about the spectrum but many, and maybe most people, are stuck with their heads in the "Dual System". I personally struggled with all of this until I finally got it through my head that I do not need to adhere to the "Dual System". For me this made self acceptance a lot easier. Personally, I am a physically male person with a mix of Masculine and Feminine traits, both physical and mental. I enjoy presenting a male person image to society, I enjoy presenting a female person image to society, I enjoy presenting a mixed male and female image person to society. I have learned to do what works for me and my family, within the situations I live and work in.

Maybe it is time we need to quite trying to define our selves and just accept our selves for who we are. Write your own definition, do not let someone else write it for you. Then just live your life that works for you.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

[Anne Bonny]

Hi Kimberly...Yes...that is what I am doing already...finding my unique way to move through my life. I suppose I am fine tuning. My sense of who I am sways, moves, leans, shifts this way and that. I have chosen for now a limited amount of openness. There are those who know and my intent is to definitely grow that list of people. Once my wife finally succumbs ... this is all really very difficult in many different ways...physically...emotionally...a lot of ways wrenching my heart...grief even after 9+ years...after she succumbs if I am lucky enough to find someone they will certainly simply have to fully embrace who I am as a person...they will have to desire and feel attracted to me or it is simply not going to work for me. I cannot live my remaining years as I felt I had to live the first 61 years of my life. So like this morning who I am moved to where I happen to be at this time...I am a woman that is where I am this morning so whoever is going to be here with me if any would have to have absolutely no issue with any of this at all other than to perhaps to just give me a kiss if she desires....

...coming back I switched my shorts out for my jean skirt without having to make any other adjustments I love being a girl!...adding on to the above...And wouldn't it be wonderful to have someone say to you...because she is attracted to you..."Gaw! Go put your make up on!" because she knows you look so much better with it on and you should make the effort whenever your being a girl...unless you are not feeling well or are very tired then she will understand and give you a hug.

I do like the idea that this sense of who I am is ambiguous...it just happens to work out for myself that If I am not a girl...I am a guy...the middle ground is rare...well my toenails remain a deep red, my legs remain smooth, my hair is still long in guy mode because who I am requires a bit of this ambiguity...men do have pierced ears, or sport longer hair styles and mine is barely to my ear lobes still it is long enough to style into a true feminine hair style as many women sport shorter hair styles too...and there are quite a few women with hair a lot shorter than mine! My legs and toes with nail polish...I suppose that is a bit of a middle ground because I keep them that way, just as I will never have a short men's hair style ever again...because I do consider and I believe objectively that I can not claim to be fully male, after all what man or boy do you know feels the way we do, they would repel in disgust wanting no part of who we are when we find we are in sync with women and not men, and I have no problem with where they are...just as I am heterosexual...attracted always at all times to women...these men are always and at all times cys gendered males so they do not have any of that part of who we happen to be at times in them, they feel strongly male and masculine at all times...I have absolutely no issues with that. It is sad that most of them have very definite issues with who we are though, there is reciprocity with a few but not with the vast majority.