Will i ever find true love?

[Diana Michelle]

Perhaps not in your original post however you raised them through the thread for as you note I quoted you and commented on those, one of which was a complete untruth.

[Victoria K.]

I speak the truth as i see it! i do not make up stories or stretch the truth. The one correct thing i can say is true with what Diana speaks of is that i am not a trained therapist or expert. I speak from my journeys in life and what my heart tells me. Its up to all to decide to listen to what i say or ignore it. All that i say and do here is not fantasy! its my life that i live every day and i just share it with others.

[Amanda R]

Victoria you really need to calm down and take a deep breath, You should talk to your therapist about your paranoia. You seem to have the need into jump to defensive mode in a virtual instant. I have reread the entire thread including Diana's posts and nowhere does she or anyone even hint you make up stories or stretch the truth. The untruth she speaks of is your comment about FFS helping with gender dysphoria.

If you feel you need FFS to become the woman you see yourself as then go right ahead. I will tell you as a fact FFS and GD have nothing to do with each other. Yes some have it and some don't. It is a personal choice based on situation, comfort level, and financial resources. However I will tell you excessive amounts of plastic surgery for anyone TG or otherwise does throw up a red flag to any trained therapist.

[Victoria K.]

Amanda! I know you and others here dearly love and respect Diana. The only ones who seem to think i am in the wrong are friends of hers! no one else does. I am not here to tear her or anyone else apart! that is not my way. When others speak that i do not know what i am doing or continually keep judging my actions i will defend myself. Diana has said many untrue statements about me! some you do not hear about because of private messages. I dont need to calm down! i am fine! my life has never been better as you or any can see by reading my posts. Diane and a few friends of her continue to never support me in my life as a transsexual! only saying false and rude comments about me. I dont need people like that in my life! would you?. I laugh now when i hear comments from her because they are not true! only in her mind. I share my life with others and give opinions! its up to any who listen to do what they feel with what they hear. Please dont worry about me!! my life has been wonderful since i started transition over a year and a half ago. Love Victoria

[Amanda R]

Victoria I and others love Diana for person she is. A sweet caring individual who give tirelessly of herself to girls looking for advice concerning transition as well as other causes she believes in. I remember the first time I met her. I was a scared 15 year old kid that told her mother she wanted to be a girl. From that first time I talked with Diana through my transition to one of the first faces I saw smiling down at me as I came out of the anesthetic after my surgery she has been there for me. She has never asked anything of me or any girl other than give back. You are entitled to your opinion of her however among those who truly know her you would be hard pressed to find a single one that feels as you do.

I and Diana and others here have offered advice and help to you yet you constantly spurn it with an arrogant attitude. It is not we don't know for we do as many of those offering guidance have been through transition. I am not telling you that you are or are not transgendered however as someone studying clinical psychology I can tell you many of your posts, paranoia, persecution complex, and general attitude say a lot about you.

You raised a legitimate question at the start of this thread yet when offered advice and questioned on the whats and whys you instantly throw up a wall in defense. You seek advice yet attack anything that is not what you want to hear. I certainly hope you are not the same with your therapist. A friend will tell you what you want to hear, a true friend what you need to hear.

As for what goes on in PMs like they say "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." Personally I know have known Diana over 10 years now and while I may not always agree with everything she says I do know what she does is to try to help in a true altruistic manner. Yes she can dish tough love. She did with me and I am sure she has with others as well. However it was never meant in a cold cutting way but rather to get a point across.

You can take or ignore any advice I or Diana or anyone else offers but don't do it in a vicious defensive manner with the arrogant attitude you know so much more than others. Remember there is what you know, what you don't know, and what you don't know you don't know. That last one is the one that will jump up and bite you in the backside every time.

[Victoria K.]

I am finished with this! You and a few others say what you must but i know i speak the truth! End of conversation

[Heather W]

My grandmother always used to tell me "no one will ever know how stupid you are until you open your mouth and tell them."

Full disclosure here I am proud to be one of Diana's "girls." She has been a true friend from the first time she PM'ed me and still is today. She has been there for me and many others through our highs as well as there to kick us in the backside when we start into the "poor me" routine. I want to take a second to thank Amanda for her eloquent reply and wholeheartedly second her sentiments.

Having lived on both sides of the gender curtain I can tell you it is no easier on this side. If anything it is much harder as a woman but I wouldn't trade it for anything. The satisfaction of living life as you should be is beyond words. It doesn't make life's little issues go away but that mental and emotional serenity I now possess does allow me to cope with them better.

Without the pioneers out there like Diana life would be even harder for girls like us. She and others forged the way for us girls today and showed we are not freaks or pariahs but rather just people. For that alone I and all of us should be eternally thankful. The fact she gives of herself to the TG community asking nothing in return other than when our time is right we do the same shows the type of person she is. While you are running back and forth to the plastic surgeon and your modeling school she is out there helping girls and fighting for us so people such as yourself can live the life they choose, not the one stereotypes dictate. I don't know what she has or has not said in PM's but knowing her as I do I surmise it is nothing but her version of tough life. I do know her well enough that whatever she has said is not only the truth but for your own good so suck it up girl!

You ask about finding true love but like others I will ask you do you really know what it is you are truly seeking? You are pre op now but talk about surgery. I am sure they are a very tiny minority there are men out there who can be happy with a pre op in a truly romantic relationship. However how many of those would feel the same after you have the surgery? I have no idea of that statistic but the term microscopic comes to mind. Have you thought about that one yet?

True love is beyond description and probably different to all of us. I am fortunate to have found what it is to me and cherish every moment of it. It is far deeper than flowers and chocolates and while sex is an important part of it IMO it just that one part! You talk about your friend and her inability to find "true love" and how men view her sexually. While there are some very shallow individuals out there that will only see you as you look at a quick glance, I have found most will give you a chance to show the whole you. It is not about the physical although that may be part of the initial attraction they see the total you. To use Diana's words when it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck its a duck!

Right about now I am sure you are totally perplexed as to whether to put me above or below Amanda on your sh!t list. To quote Rhett Butler, "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn." The sun is going to come up this morning regardless. Diana, I, and others have reached out to you offering help and friendship yet you have spurned us with remarks of how wonderful life is, we don't understand, you are one in a million, and even telling me I am jealous of you. Jealous? Far from it! Although they may seem mutually exclusive the only emotions I feel towards you are sadness and disdain.

[Victoria K.]

Put you on the manure list!No!! i wont do that. I know who i am and will always be truthful here and anywhere else. I could go hide or block any of you but i wont. I have aways supported you in your posts Heather with positive and kindness and you never thanked me for it but thats ok. Your just too blind to see that i am who i am and someone like me can exist in this world of ours. There is nothing you or some others on this site can say to make me change who i am! so talk your Negative and false words about me all that you want! I am a girl who knows who she is and not afraid to speak out. Love Victoria.

[Emily]

Victoria, I am finding myself in a similar situation. Having come out one year ago, living full time since November and HRT for just over three months, I too have been thinking about relationships with a man. Before I started transitioning, I had only ever had relationships with women. I may have had some bi-curious tendencies, but really, I was just into women exclusively.

That has started to change, and I for one am so grateful to have both Diana and Heather as friends to help me though it all. It's an exciting, yet confusing time. To have those conversations with Diana and Heather has meant so much to me and I value their input, their guidance and most of all their openness and honesty. I don't know where I'd be without their friendship. Lost and alone probably. Please don't dismiss what they are saying you. We've got a lot to learn you and I, and while you may think you have things figured out, ask yourself... do you really? Why throw away any help that is offered? You may not agree, but listen and really think it through. They know what they are talking about.

In your first post, you asked about finding love...

I have a question!! Is there real hope that i will find a male wanting to love me as i am even after all surgeries or am i doomed to live a lonely life. My girlfriend who transitioned many years ago says its not possible! she has yet to find true love and now hates all men.PS! my girlfriend and i are transsexual.

I'm sure by now, you can see that it is possible. But it takes time and patience. Its not about surgeries, its not all about trying to fit into a certain box... its about being yourself. Let it happen naturally. You may find someone who loves you for you, you may not - I can't really say anything here because I don't know... I'm leaving that one to the experts. But I can tell you, don't rush, take time to get to know yourself - letting others see that too. Most of all, listen to the advise given. Love is not impossible, but for most, it takes time. Add to that being transgender to and it becomes even trickier... It's a whole new level, a whole new set of challenges. I'm only just beginning to find that out. There is hope Victoria, but it takes confidence and determination. That moment when you believe you are doomed is the moment that you are. Believe in yourself a little more and stay positive - you'll find your guy.

[Victoria K.]

Thank you so much Emily! i am taking my time and will not give up hope. I placed this question here because i felt others feel the same way and would like some answers as well. I have had a few dates set up with a few i thought would be for me but they seemed to disappear! why i do not know. Weather is finally starting to get better now and i soon will be much more visible outside like last summer. I will be very active outside instead of here on the computer so i will see what happens. Life is what you make it and i wont sit idle and watch the world pass by. Love Victoria

[Victoria K.]

Life is heating up more for me now. After some chatting with friends and advice i am now ready to date. I had one last week that went well but i felt no spark. Found out he is married so i wont be dating him anymore. Met another man online! he is 34 and lives not to far away and we clicked right away! i will be going to dinner with him this weekend. All that i see will know that i am transgender from now on! makes life easier and safer. I now feel very confortable dating and hope i find someone special. Love Victoria

[Victoria K.]

This week i learned a hard reality. Finding true love as a trans female is going to be a very hard task. I had some dates lined up only to get stood up or have them disappear. Many men will not see a trans female in public! only in a very private setting like my home.I'm not about to have strangers come to my home. My trans female girlfriend from Greece for over 20 years (post op) has been alone because of men fearing to be seen with her in public. Its so sad but its also a reality of life. Love Victoria

[Amanda R]

I am sorry to hear you have had such a bad time of it Victoria. I know I and I believe others were trying to tell you that all along however you didn't seem to pick up on that fact. Men view the pre op TG as well as the CD community in general as wanting to show so hard they are a woman that the avenue to that is sex. I am not saying it is right or wrong, just how it is.

I cannot speak to your friend but remember men are visual creatures and many of them have a tendency to think with the wrong head when it comes to women. I do not know where you are seeking the company of a gentleman but perhaps you need to rethink that. If it is through an online dating site you should probably take a long look at your profile and perhaps edit it. My personal recommendation in your case would be to state you are pre op and spell out exactly what it is you are seeking.

Now let us go back to what is love in your opinion. Is what you are seeking realistic? Ask yourself just how many men out there are truly seeking a relationship with a pre op TG? Yes I am sure they may be some but IMO that is a very small number. Are you looking for someone now or long term? You talk about having your GCS, what percentage of men seeking a pre op will feel the same way after that? I believe I understand what you are looking for but is that a realistic view? Yes there very well may be that special person out there for you now and beyond however it would be a rare individual.

Although many will when asked do they believe at love at first sight will say yes, is this really love or a physical attraction? There is a huge difference and most learn that as they go along. Love at first sight for the most part is what one expects from schoolgirl crushes and puppy love. One thing for sure it is not something either can discover on a single date.

Now before you go off on a rant I want you to sit back and think about this for a while. You are in reality going through a second puberty. New sensations, hormones, dreams and fantasies are now taking over your body and mind. I do not know how old you are or if you have any children but if you have a daughter think how she was at the age of say 13 or 14. How she saw boys and what she would say and how she would act. You are no different now than she was then. I will tell you here I am a bit surprised your therapist has not had this talk with you.

IMO love at first sight is a myth for true love takes time to grow and blossom. It is not about dates or flowers or cooing sweet nothings to each other. It is about developing a relationship that is about both of you, not just one or the other. People come into relationships with different needs and desires. In order for love and in essence any relationship to grow both sides need to communicate those to the other and see if those are met.

[Victoria K.]

No!! i am not going to vent! i have no need to do that! all that you said is so true. This is why i brought this topic up because i am confused about it I have learned much since my last posting and what you say here is nice to hear! Thank You Victoria

[Michelle Diane]

Victoria my dear, yes you will find true love. It took me 40 years and a few broken hearts. Turns out my soul mate lived thousands of miles away but we met and instantly knew "you're the one" we married about 6 weeks later. She spent the rest of her life with me.