Is it possible for someone to be too "Feminine?" After spending 11 days with my older sister...I would say Yes, Yes it is...I was so irritated at the end of it all that I was highly motivated to grab up her baggage and get it to the car so she could leave without delay.... I am not feeling the love. I do have it for her but she can be quite irritating. I did internalize my irritations heaving sighs throughout to myself....
There is a down to earth balance. Even women have a limit. They may play into the stereotype a little around men but today's women is stronger, more self sufficient and independent. They work out and even tone their muscles. They are stronger and more competitive and assertive at work. I believe the day of the wall flower, too demure and weak and squeamish and needing everything done for them is done. No self respecting woman today is going to stand for being a "kept" and catered too woman carried across the threshold by her "master" with no standing of her own!
My sister is intelligent, and strong willed and can really push certain points...but she does have a mind or value set straight out of the 1950's...she is 74, a shockingly age defying 74 who looks no older than my 61 years. She really believes in those values with the man having really a higher status being stronger, bringing in the money, and being the head of the household. Oh well too much for my taste...I have always believed in equality, in partnership, in the value of two equal people putting their heads together so that they are as a unit greater than they are on their own.
Too Feminine?
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Anne Bonny
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2577
- Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 9:22 am
- Location: The Gulf Coast
Too Feminine?
Go with the flow
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Diana Michelle
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1754
- Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2014 2:17 am
- Location: Northern Michigan
Re: Too Feminine?
I would suppose that is possible however we would have first define feminine, then establish a norm, and then finally define what is too skewed from the norm to be considered "too feminine."
First there is always the stereotypes women battle constantly, men as well. Yes they are slowly changing but they are still there and always will be. I doubt there is a woman who hasn't at one time turned on the "feminine charm" when we want something from a man be it the butcher, the mechanic, or even a husband. Is that what you mean by too feminine? In the case of your sister she is of a different time, not like many of us aren't, when it was expected women to act a certain way. Some changed as they became career women while some took the housewife and mother route and probably more closely clung to those old beliefs and stereotypes. I guess my question here is what is wrong with that? While it may not be the route I chose for my life nor your late wife or a lot of other women that doesn't make it wrong.
Truth is we are all individuals and the path I chose for me may or may not be for anyone else. Rather than ask or think anyone is too one way or the other look at that person, their circumstances, and ask yourself are they happy? If you can say yes they are then that individual has achieved what eludes many. Anne I understand your circumstances and your desire to be able to be more out to your sister however the fact you choose not to avoiding confrontation and possible loss of that relationship shows how important that relationship is to you. Like patience tolerance is a virtue and treasure it within you. How can you ask for tolerance if you are not willing to show it as well?
First there is always the stereotypes women battle constantly, men as well. Yes they are slowly changing but they are still there and always will be. I doubt there is a woman who hasn't at one time turned on the "feminine charm" when we want something from a man be it the butcher, the mechanic, or even a husband. Is that what you mean by too feminine? In the case of your sister she is of a different time, not like many of us aren't, when it was expected women to act a certain way. Some changed as they became career women while some took the housewife and mother route and probably more closely clung to those old beliefs and stereotypes. I guess my question here is what is wrong with that? While it may not be the route I chose for my life nor your late wife or a lot of other women that doesn't make it wrong.
Truth is we are all individuals and the path I chose for me may or may not be for anyone else. Rather than ask or think anyone is too one way or the other look at that person, their circumstances, and ask yourself are they happy? If you can say yes they are then that individual has achieved what eludes many. Anne I understand your circumstances and your desire to be able to be more out to your sister however the fact you choose not to avoiding confrontation and possible loss of that relationship shows how important that relationship is to you. Like patience tolerance is a virtue and treasure it within you. How can you ask for tolerance if you are not willing to show it as well?
Remember Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did only she did it backwards and in high heels!
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls and whispered in the sounds of silence. Paul Simon
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls and whispered in the sounds of silence. Paul Simon
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Noeleena
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 409
- Joined: Fri Mar 29, 2013 5:09 am
- Location: South Island, New Zealand
Re: Too Feminine?
Hi Anne,
I was allso going to ask feminine in what way I,m a 1940s kid your sis is 3 years older than I and I was not brought up as a boy or girl I did my own thing are my values based on the 49,s through to the 60s
Yes of cause some were, and I cast off many long ago as man made bullshit. is that strong enough .the ideals sounded good for those time,s yet was that the case no for those who bowed the knee yes.
for myself and other, no.we were taught the Victorian value history and british ,
Would I go and fight for that if we had to no bloody way, the british flag is blood red, look at it and that's what it was about I know what they did to our people here in New Zealand so those values are …………………?????
Would you say good or not, we were born into that we had no say. it,s history yet it effects us today 72 odd years later. we have to change we have to accept what happened do we have to repeat again and again , no ,.
Don't blame your sis I know what its like and for her, ya okay different land different detail yet not really that much different mentaly Emotionally she,s a woman and so am I , to feminine we are different and I,m different from her yet I can relate ...WITH....her, I,v been through it I know,
You may find I,m very irritating if I stayed with you for a week, well maybe two. just you may find I,m not so off , or bad because I know there would be many subjects or hobbies or detail you like and can talk about and with guys = men you may just find I can pace you just the same and youd think hell I know too bloody much oh shut up , that's were that difference comes in for your sis and I, I was trained in different fields and knowlage base and would have done things many women would not or get the chance ,
I don't know if your fussy or a fusspot …… I,ll relate,,, now clean up after you keep it tidy for goodness sake clean that bench after you or did you do the washing and all nicely folded and put away,, get the idear . my friend I cant stand her lazzzyness it grates on me , so I do it all you know the saying keep house she don't and I do.....8 weeks is my time span 10 weeks I,m climbing up the wall. am I too feminine I quess I am or a crazzzzzy cow,
11 days ...a.... I may drive you up that wall. LOL,s …
...noeleena...
I was allso going to ask feminine in what way I,m a 1940s kid your sis is 3 years older than I and I was not brought up as a boy or girl I did my own thing are my values based on the 49,s through to the 60s
Yes of cause some were, and I cast off many long ago as man made bullshit. is that strong enough .the ideals sounded good for those time,s yet was that the case no for those who bowed the knee yes.
for myself and other, no.we were taught the Victorian value history and british ,
Would I go and fight for that if we had to no bloody way, the british flag is blood red, look at it and that's what it was about I know what they did to our people here in New Zealand so those values are …………………?????
Would you say good or not, we were born into that we had no say. it,s history yet it effects us today 72 odd years later. we have to change we have to accept what happened do we have to repeat again and again , no ,.
Don't blame your sis I know what its like and for her, ya okay different land different detail yet not really that much different mentaly Emotionally she,s a woman and so am I , to feminine we are different and I,m different from her yet I can relate ...WITH....her, I,v been through it I know,
You may find I,m very irritating if I stayed with you for a week, well maybe two. just you may find I,m not so off , or bad because I know there would be many subjects or hobbies or detail you like and can talk about and with guys = men you may just find I can pace you just the same and youd think hell I know too bloody much oh shut up , that's were that difference comes in for your sis and I, I was trained in different fields and knowlage base and would have done things many women would not or get the chance ,
I don't know if your fussy or a fusspot …… I,ll relate,,, now clean up after you keep it tidy for goodness sake clean that bench after you or did you do the washing and all nicely folded and put away,, get the idear . my friend I cant stand her lazzzyness it grates on me , so I do it all you know the saying keep house she don't and I do.....8 weeks is my time span 10 weeks I,m climbing up the wall. am I too feminine I quess I am or a crazzzzzy cow,
11 days ...a.... I may drive you up that wall. LOL,s …
...noeleena...
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Anne Bonny
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2577
- Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 9:22 am
- Location: The Gulf Coast
Re: Too Feminine?
Hi Diane, of course you are right...I was just exasperated... it is the 3 days and fish thing about guests in our personal space...here I will share...."So glad after 10 days, on the morning of the 11th...she is finally out of here!!! She is a home body walks at half speed, speaks softly, and is not interested in going out unless it is to buy something needed for her stay. she did go out with friends and I was invited over for a kind of a picnic at one of her friend's homes for the 4th...she did go off with some others for an afternoon...but the rest of the time!!! I tend to be up and out at 8am...meanwhile at 6am the light in the kitchen goes on and she is warming things in the microwave, stirring things up clink clink clink clink clink clink clink clink clink...bump clack clack for silverware clunk....EVERY morning like clockwork!!! Ok kitchen is right outside the master bedroom. Then there is the huge secret I have so I had to project male masculine brother man to her 100% of the time...gaw... well did not effect my sleep wear, or my being able to change a couple times when she was out. She is also hyper being 74 (an amazing age defying 74 that drew shocked remarks a couple times from people...she looks more like my age 61)...she will pop pills or do certain things for every little physical discomfort she has...sinuses, aches, whatever... She also requires all lights off for TV and blinds drawn like Dracula because of a hazy place in one eye that picks up glare...then she leans back in the easy chair covered by a light blanket and falls asleep as we start to watch something together. She also leaves little tissues laying all over the place...the counter top YUCK!!!! throw the damn germ infested tissue in the GD trash!!! I don't want to have to touch it and clean up after you!!! In the rocker on the porch, on the coffee table, in her room...nothing is well it is irritating to have germ laden snot? tissues just dropped and left on surfaces and chairs instead of looking out for herself and thinking of me by properly discarding them in the trash and washing her hands! She is also rather needy went to watch the last of the fireworks from our dock and it is humid, about 78 degrees with a 10mph gusting rather light breeze..."I'm freezing!" Could you bring me that blanket!?" So I walk several hundred feet to the living room and back down to the dock house with it!!! Yes! SIGH!...Love my sister (but after 10 days of holding all of this inside I am not feeling the love at the moment...geeze!) but gaw I was ready to see her get in that Sport Utility Vehicle and hit the road! This morning I rolled over to the clacking etc in the kitchen, light under the bedroom door and it started at 4AM!!!! instead of 6 (couldn't sleep so decided to get up she later told me), yet she did not leave until after 8am...Man was I motivated and did I ever and eagerly too pick up large loads of her various baggage and take it out to her as she loaded the dang SUV!!! I am now awaiting the towels to dry, and sheets to be washed so that guest room will be ready to receive whoever in whenever months to next year! Gaw...Done! It is irritating...can someone be too feminine!??? yeah, yes they can! And all the more irritating because she would absolutely flip out and probably be gone out of my life for good if she ever found out about me! Hers is an EXCLUSIVE girls only femininity straight out of the bible thumping 1950's...grrrr!
At least I am finally able to put on my dress and flips again to wear around the house many mornings as the gender bears...relief!!!"
Hi crazzzy cow! Ha! you hit the nail square on the head! It really was more about differences that begin to grate after a while...someone who's nose whistles when drinking their milk at the breakfast table every morning.... She is up like clockwork two hours before me and clanking around right outside my bedroom door...she wants it dark in the house while I prefer brilliant light with all the blinds open even when watching TV. She does not pick up after herself always, some ways yes but...and she sits and was content while I wanted to go out and do things so had to go by myself. yep. And having me go all the way back to the house for that blasted blanket, well I would never have asked anyone to go get something for me unless they were already going back to the house for something then I would have said...well since you're going up there could you bring back the whatever...
I believe overall she adheres to those 50's ideas, but not fully I mean yes even she has moved forward a little with the times but in huge ways...no.
At least I am finally able to put on my dress and flips again to wear around the house many mornings as the gender bears...relief!!!"
Hi crazzzy cow! Ha! you hit the nail square on the head! It really was more about differences that begin to grate after a while...someone who's nose whistles when drinking their milk at the breakfast table every morning.... She is up like clockwork two hours before me and clanking around right outside my bedroom door...she wants it dark in the house while I prefer brilliant light with all the blinds open even when watching TV. She does not pick up after herself always, some ways yes but...and she sits and was content while I wanted to go out and do things so had to go by myself. yep. And having me go all the way back to the house for that blasted blanket, well I would never have asked anyone to go get something for me unless they were already going back to the house for something then I would have said...well since you're going up there could you bring back the whatever...
I believe overall she adheres to those 50's ideas, but not fully I mean yes even she has moved forward a little with the times but in huge ways...no.
Go with the flow
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Noeleena
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 409
- Joined: Fri Mar 29, 2013 5:09 am
- Location: South Island, New Zealand
Re: Too Feminine?
Hi Anne.
I just knew I,d get a kick out of this well not the rear end one just a heap of Laughs,
Okay I have a guest staying with me oh dear you wont like this one bit......no way....where do I start.
She has stayed with me before 2 1/2 years ago and was for 6 months I think youd have been insane very quick, she.s okay messy I mean every where, she ant no feminine chic like rough clothes gummy,s = gumboots type her car is a dump site I, like clean not her car , in the bed room where the hell is any thing mess .
She says where my car key,s where you left them as I look at them ...oh....at the moment she,s away tripping around in her camper I,m back to normal ….lol,s...ya well maybe get 4 days of .
So I know what its like don't have a clue when she will get her a new house,,,,, 3 months or 6 months .
In the mean time I can mutter under my breath and sigh every now and then Lol,s .
I like my space , so am I a fruit cake thinking I would like a boy friend I,m insane to even think marrage wow I must be losing it I have freedom I can go any where or do what ever .
its not the only thing I learned though any way I looked after Jos for 35 years to keep her alive and the struggles she went through so I know what its like having people with in family to look after,
The most importaint thing to me was don't let those little details get to you smile have fun live life to the fullest and make the most of what you do decide on doing something then ...DO...IT....and enjoy that moment and you know what …...DO ...IT..... NOW.....don't keep putting off my dance teaching partner two weeks ago while in Perth = Austraila on a tripping around family and friends had a stroke I know he wont be dancing for a while lovely guy,
what I,m saying you may find you,ll regret not doing what you have talked about do you wont to look back and wish ….YOU... I should have got off my backside and to hell with those little details and just did what I wonted needed to do.
You don't know when health issues will strike too bloody late then ,
Yes I,m the crazzzzy cow and I,m the one doing it ant no stopping hope I drop dead while I,m doing it. I,ll die happy ant no looking back .
...noeleena...ooops crazzzy cow.
I just knew I,d get a kick out of this well not the rear end one just a heap of Laughs,
Okay I have a guest staying with me oh dear you wont like this one bit......no way....where do I start.
She has stayed with me before 2 1/2 years ago and was for 6 months I think youd have been insane very quick, she.s okay messy I mean every where, she ant no feminine chic like rough clothes gummy,s = gumboots type her car is a dump site I, like clean not her car , in the bed room where the hell is any thing mess .
She says where my car key,s where you left them as I look at them ...oh....at the moment she,s away tripping around in her camper I,m back to normal ….lol,s...ya well maybe get 4 days of .
So I know what its like don't have a clue when she will get her a new house,,,,, 3 months or 6 months .
In the mean time I can mutter under my breath and sigh every now and then Lol,s .
I like my space , so am I a fruit cake thinking I would like a boy friend I,m insane to even think marrage wow I must be losing it I have freedom I can go any where or do what ever .
its not the only thing I learned though any way I looked after Jos for 35 years to keep her alive and the struggles she went through so I know what its like having people with in family to look after,
The most importaint thing to me was don't let those little details get to you smile have fun live life to the fullest and make the most of what you do decide on doing something then ...DO...IT....and enjoy that moment and you know what …...DO ...IT..... NOW.....don't keep putting off my dance teaching partner two weeks ago while in Perth = Austraila on a tripping around family and friends had a stroke I know he wont be dancing for a while lovely guy,
what I,m saying you may find you,ll regret not doing what you have talked about do you wont to look back and wish ….YOU... I should have got off my backside and to hell with those little details and just did what I wonted needed to do.
You don't know when health issues will strike too bloody late then ,
Yes I,m the crazzzzy cow and I,m the one doing it ant no stopping hope I drop dead while I,m doing it. I,ll die happy ant no looking back .
...noeleena...ooops crazzzy cow.
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Anne Bonny
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2577
- Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 9:22 am
- Location: The Gulf Coast
Re: Too Feminine?
Since being sidelined and Decadus Horibilus capped off by the loss of my Pat...I am really struggling...adrift... I can't seem to find some direction to go. I am incredibly lucky having the extreme luxury of a comfortable stream of income, nice home, a dock, boat, car....health, fitness...but absolutely no idea what to do with myself anymore. Proof that you can have all that you need but having lost my heart with that went everything. Pat is pretty much what made my life happy and worth living and now I sit at home alone, TV's droaning on clacking away on this keyboard with little desire to do anything. I am finding it very difficult to figure out anything.
I am negative, in my thinking.... I have to shake that off...I do jump in the car to go casino walk so I am surrounded by hundreds of people then leave, I don't gamble...I prefer to get something of value in return for any money I spend. It's very difficult to go do anything alone. There is this local social group which is a life saver...mix and mingles over some wine or food or at some event. I have forced myself to go to the driving range, I run, walk, walk the dog, went to a concert...suppose I need to see if there is anything to do today and get the hell out of here. Spent another $5-600 on my car to ensure it is kept solid and dependable mechanically...needs another Thousand as apparently the motor mounts need replacing per the mechanics how the hell!? These bumpy roads suppose, car is 14 years old and who wants to take on a $30,000 vehicle with a payment of $5-900. per month for 6 years right off the top!? Cars have become as expensive as houses used to be...what's with that!? Oh well the Maxima is very clean with only about 50 thousand miles on it after 14 years why not keep it up and spend a few thousand to ensure it lasts another decade?
I used to believe I was a loner...but tend to forget that I was never alone... Parents, grand mother, then Wife and kids when they were at home.... Truth is I do not like being alone it is like solitary confinement sitting here in silence with an 11 year old dog for company. It is pathetic. I could go back to school...but not sure of that either. Oh well.
You seem to be extremely social quite uninhibited and active person with a bubbly and fantastic personality who can make lemonade out of the lemons life sends your way.... I am trying but it does not come naturally to everybody.
I am negative, in my thinking.... I have to shake that off...I do jump in the car to go casino walk so I am surrounded by hundreds of people then leave, I don't gamble...I prefer to get something of value in return for any money I spend. It's very difficult to go do anything alone. There is this local social group which is a life saver...mix and mingles over some wine or food or at some event. I have forced myself to go to the driving range, I run, walk, walk the dog, went to a concert...suppose I need to see if there is anything to do today and get the hell out of here. Spent another $5-600 on my car to ensure it is kept solid and dependable mechanically...needs another Thousand as apparently the motor mounts need replacing per the mechanics how the hell!? These bumpy roads suppose, car is 14 years old and who wants to take on a $30,000 vehicle with a payment of $5-900. per month for 6 years right off the top!? Cars have become as expensive as houses used to be...what's with that!? Oh well the Maxima is very clean with only about 50 thousand miles on it after 14 years why not keep it up and spend a few thousand to ensure it lasts another decade?
I used to believe I was a loner...but tend to forget that I was never alone... Parents, grand mother, then Wife and kids when they were at home.... Truth is I do not like being alone it is like solitary confinement sitting here in silence with an 11 year old dog for company. It is pathetic. I could go back to school...but not sure of that either. Oh well.
You seem to be extremely social quite uninhibited and active person with a bubbly and fantastic personality who can make lemonade out of the lemons life sends your way.... I am trying but it does not come naturally to everybody.
Go with the flow
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Diana Michelle
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1754
- Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2014 2:17 am
- Location: Northern Michigan
Re: Too Feminine?
Anne, I know what you are feeling or maybe better put what you are not feeling having been there myself. You look around at the possessions you have and ask yourself "I have all this to be thankful for and enjoy so why don't I give a damn?" I truly wish there were some magic words to say to make the feeling go away and suddenly life is all rosy and fun but there are none. It is all about taking stock of your life now and defining what you want it to be and asking yourself "OK Anne, I am here and there is where I want to be now how do I get there?"
I am not going to tell you it is easy because it isn't! It takes time, a lot of baby steps, and yes even some back sliding but you can get there. I as well as others who have lost that love of their life have have all been there. If you ask any of them they will tell you the exact same things. Yes we may have all taken different routes to get there but there a lot more similarities in those paths than you would think.
For me the two key issues I had to get past were "why me" and feeling sorry for myself. I know I would look at other people and think they have it all what did I do to deserve this? I was a good person and I tried to always do right by everyone so why was God punishing me? I will tell you for me I came to the realization it was all in the grand plan and God only throws at us that we can bear. Sorry to get religious here but that was my coping mechanism, yours may and probably will be different.
Getting out among people is good. It is not as important exactly how or what you do but you need to do it. Yes it does bring back memories and a few tears but like I said before baby steps. It takes time to heal but it never happens if you don't let it. Yes life is not always fair but it is not about the hand we are dealt but how we play it.
There is a tremendous difference between being a loner and being alone. I have always been a people person yet during some of my darker times I felt all alone, even in a crowd. If you approach something with a why attitude you have lost before you started. Try looking at it and ask why not and see the possibilities present themselves before your eyes.
I have said this to many people facing a range of challenges in their life. You are standing at a door, the door handle in your hand. You know what you have on this side of that door what is on the other the unknown. The choice is yours. You can stay behind that door in the known and cope or you can go through that door and see what is out there. Is it better for you? I don't know but neither do you. The question is the known you are existing in where you want to be or are game for something new?
I am not going to tell you it is easy because it isn't! It takes time, a lot of baby steps, and yes even some back sliding but you can get there. I as well as others who have lost that love of their life have have all been there. If you ask any of them they will tell you the exact same things. Yes we may have all taken different routes to get there but there a lot more similarities in those paths than you would think.
For me the two key issues I had to get past were "why me" and feeling sorry for myself. I know I would look at other people and think they have it all what did I do to deserve this? I was a good person and I tried to always do right by everyone so why was God punishing me? I will tell you for me I came to the realization it was all in the grand plan and God only throws at us that we can bear. Sorry to get religious here but that was my coping mechanism, yours may and probably will be different.
Getting out among people is good. It is not as important exactly how or what you do but you need to do it. Yes it does bring back memories and a few tears but like I said before baby steps. It takes time to heal but it never happens if you don't let it. Yes life is not always fair but it is not about the hand we are dealt but how we play it.
There is a tremendous difference between being a loner and being alone. I have always been a people person yet during some of my darker times I felt all alone, even in a crowd. If you approach something with a why attitude you have lost before you started. Try looking at it and ask why not and see the possibilities present themselves before your eyes.
I have said this to many people facing a range of challenges in their life. You are standing at a door, the door handle in your hand. You know what you have on this side of that door what is on the other the unknown. The choice is yours. You can stay behind that door in the known and cope or you can go through that door and see what is out there. Is it better for you? I don't know but neither do you. The question is the known you are existing in where you want to be or are game for something new?
Remember Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did only she did it backwards and in high heels!
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls and whispered in the sounds of silence. Paul Simon
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls and whispered in the sounds of silence. Paul Simon
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Noeleena
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 409
- Joined: Fri Mar 29, 2013 5:09 am
- Location: South Island, New Zealand
Re: Too Feminine?
Hi Anne
Yes your right I am social. now then how the hell did that happen. uninhibited for the most part yes
active yes very bubbly and fantastic personality,, wow, okay accepted,
naturally I quess so .yet was not learned just part of my makeup yet was surpressed for many years . there are some settings I,m very quiet because of my insecurity I have about myself how I look and get embarrised you may not think so when you see myself on stage in front of many 100,s of people
in others 1000,s I don't have it all,,,, together I have my weak points , I,m trying to work on those and yes very hard.
over all I,m very out going and remember that takes time effort and a will to do that . one thing that helped was standing in front of large groups of people and give a message . talk interact with people not be scared to walk upto people and carry on talking then back to the stage and continue talking . yes I know it can be hard, and I don't expect others to do that I talked to some and they asked how do you stand there and talk, an hour , For this Lass I give my all, body language my whole being comes into play, I love it it,s just so neat,
Try toast masters they can help and get to know them first and your among friends make a slipup who cares, , just don't be like I am and that embarrisment know your subject matter I do and nothing written down on paper I write my essays in my mind that's how I can do it I cant read in public I lose it see what I,m saying my lacks are overcome by being better at what I can do,
I allso had to push myself and i knew some details about myself were going to pull me up short and oh yes they did, i know i need help in some aspects about myself getting to where i dont get embarrissed to stand in front of a guy.....that is ,,,, i dont have the word or words, that kills me just to many emotons going on , its worse than embarrissment, runs deeper than that, ya i know a major fail point, to over come that dont think i ever will,
So i do understand well try to i can do things others here may not and others can do other things or i am a particular way aspects about myself from others so we do ...need ... other who have what i dont have why do we have groups so we all can be part of , or make up your lack as you can mine.
This will explain a little from experance ,
I know many people as you well know so some i have met some i write to other email and forums now many are well dressed look lovely nice makeup and hair style very pretty some just georgous,
okay you know whats next, oh .....now they could be male dresser,s or females,well even males .
The only time i thought i looked lovely one photo in 1947 when i was dressed in my cream gown Mom had for me when i looked like a normal little girl since that time i lost that look became more like a boy facial features changed body over all was still female in many ways even in some aspects there were a few slight changes over all still lovely, get to age 50 my body started changes to be more feminie just not my facial features, strange that , so you can see where my being embarrissed comes from , i have to live with it and i do most part, just i see my flaw and how i see that is when around others who i,ll use have the look of femininity,
in the most part i dont mind that lemonade and what i can do with it just some time its so bloody sour
i just crash get down and just wont to hide,,,
i dont because i know i can keep going along side that ........ bloody lemonade........ any way what would i do if i did hide.......what side of crazzzzy cow would you rather see.
...noeleena...
Yes your right I am social. now then how the hell did that happen. uninhibited for the most part yes
active yes very bubbly and fantastic personality,, wow, okay accepted,
naturally I quess so .yet was not learned just part of my makeup yet was surpressed for many years . there are some settings I,m very quiet because of my insecurity I have about myself how I look and get embarrised you may not think so when you see myself on stage in front of many 100,s of people
in others 1000,s I don't have it all,,,, together I have my weak points , I,m trying to work on those and yes very hard.
over all I,m very out going and remember that takes time effort and a will to do that . one thing that helped was standing in front of large groups of people and give a message . talk interact with people not be scared to walk upto people and carry on talking then back to the stage and continue talking . yes I know it can be hard, and I don't expect others to do that I talked to some and they asked how do you stand there and talk, an hour , For this Lass I give my all, body language my whole being comes into play, I love it it,s just so neat,
Try toast masters they can help and get to know them first and your among friends make a slipup who cares, , just don't be like I am and that embarrisment know your subject matter I do and nothing written down on paper I write my essays in my mind that's how I can do it I cant read in public I lose it see what I,m saying my lacks are overcome by being better at what I can do,
I allso had to push myself and i knew some details about myself were going to pull me up short and oh yes they did, i know i need help in some aspects about myself getting to where i dont get embarrissed to stand in front of a guy.....that is ,,,, i dont have the word or words, that kills me just to many emotons going on , its worse than embarrissment, runs deeper than that, ya i know a major fail point, to over come that dont think i ever will,
So i do understand well try to i can do things others here may not and others can do other things or i am a particular way aspects about myself from others so we do ...need ... other who have what i dont have why do we have groups so we all can be part of , or make up your lack as you can mine.
This will explain a little from experance ,
I know many people as you well know so some i have met some i write to other email and forums now many are well dressed look lovely nice makeup and hair style very pretty some just georgous,
okay you know whats next, oh .....now they could be male dresser,s or females,well even males .
The only time i thought i looked lovely one photo in 1947 when i was dressed in my cream gown Mom had for me when i looked like a normal little girl since that time i lost that look became more like a boy facial features changed body over all was still female in many ways even in some aspects there were a few slight changes over all still lovely, get to age 50 my body started changes to be more feminie just not my facial features, strange that , so you can see where my being embarrissed comes from , i have to live with it and i do most part, just i see my flaw and how i see that is when around others who i,ll use have the look of femininity,
in the most part i dont mind that lemonade and what i can do with it just some time its so bloody sour
i just crash get down and just wont to hide,,,
i dont because i know i can keep going along side that ........ bloody lemonade........ any way what would i do if i did hide.......what side of crazzzzy cow would you rather see.
...noeleena...
-
Anne Bonny
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2577
- Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 9:22 am
- Location: The Gulf Coast
Re: Too Feminine?
Thanks, Diana
This is something I am trying to work myself out of...I am trying to find a way to kick start my life again so that I can begin moving forward. I have to be able to say "Oh, this is who I am...a single man again and ... this is the path I will take to make friends, find companionship, and to find a sense of purpose so that I feel more of a sense of worth as a person to myself and to others.
Yes, you are exactly correct...I am at a place where I am having to stop after all of this horrendous change in my life... and I have to take stock...or get my bearings so that I can begin to find where I need to go from here. Those tracks are for myself social, and purpose. As an agnostic...what happened to my poor Pat was due to her genetics, lifestyle choices and personality may have played some part in tripping the genetic switch but eventually...this was all beyond her or anyone's ability to do anything about. If God, I would be extremely angry that this is what he allowed or even wanted to have happen to someone who loved him, and who in begging was never the less struck down without mercy forced to endure suffer in a protracted and horrible way until death came and leaving me here alone deprived of the love of my life. If This was something intended to prepare me to serve...well...UP His!!! I will seek to seek revenge by subtracting people from his ranks reasoning to any who will listen that Deism and atheism are both fantasies without any shred of proof. But, I will respect the belief of others, as they must absolutely respect mine.
Yes...what has happened is just a reality I have to confront, deal with and manage to achieve the best outcome for myself.
Right, This is an IS situation...It is a fact and Why does not help.... I am trying to establish my footing again...to say...OK THIS is who I am and THIS is what I require inorder for me to feel ok about everything and my life again...Yeah, I am this is who I am, I do have a purpose, value and worth as a person and going forward this is what I lack and desire so that I can once again begin to enjoy life and living again (finding someone hopefully with whom I share interests so that we can enjoy and share experiences we enjoy together).
At the door...I know absolutely I cannot stay here...I am pushing down on the lever as I am pushing it forward to open it and am now in the process of moving forward.
Now as relating to my being a trans person...I also really have no alternative but to be honest and to keep going until the day comes when a woman steps forward embraces me in a hug and tells me I love you I love all of who you are it's ok you no longer have to worry about it, I love you.
______________________________________________
Noleena, I am fortunate in that I overcame shyness I had at a young age, I am quite fully able to stand before groups and speak as I did over and over again as a Diabetic Educator teaching classes to groups of the newly diagnosed, and other classes as well. My problem is at times I feel kind of awkward interpersonally, I am not sure well yeah Anne would feel pretty awkward in public, or in front of anyone of whom I am unsure of their feelings about me because I am trans. Otherwise I really have no problem as a person.
I wish I were able to be equally pretty and handsome as a person but I am who I am and like yourself I have to make the most of what I have to work with. I do realize I am not very attractive though nice people have told me that I am. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... But there is also inner beauty and while my wife could be quite attractive to my eye it was her inner beauty and her qualities and intelligence that I found to be of much greater value.
It is a challenge that is greater for some than for others but it is the person we are inside that is of much greater importance....and there are many beholders who will find us attractive...Hum...a face only a mother could love... It is my hope that others will like who I am inside.
__________________________________________________
Messaging with someone who may ... well a friend or acquaintance for now... I recognize having no claim on my time, sitting here that I am hyper focused on all of this, fixated, and am being negative....so I am working on it.
Me: I am hung up on all of this...hyper focused on it, and I am being negative! Psychologist was no help, social worker no help, grief group no help. I am the one who has to do something about it. I have taken care of every maintenance, financial, health and fitness part of my life. I am trying to move off this fixation so I can begin to have some kind of a valid life, I have about 30 more years. I can't sit here for 30 years. One element is social involvement. I think I'm at least tinkering in the right direction on that. The other thing I need to do is to find some reason for being...I have to do those 20 CEUs... maybe that's a way to tinker in the right direction on the purpose track? It is my identity etc..
RN.
J: It is understandable that this is occupying your world right now ...
Don’t beat yourself up
It sounds like you are doing all the right things
It can be difficult to refocus
Me: Yes, the last 10 years have wolloped me... I'm like a stunned snake...thinking bc comics...
J: How about volunteering somewhere
Me: Hum...
I'll think about it... look it up on google
https://www.volunteermatch.org/search?l ... MS%2039530" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Biloxi Volunteer Opportunities
Volunteer Opportunities within 20 miles of Biloxi, MS, USA
volunteermatch.org
J: You are doing all the right things.........it hasn't been very long since she departed. Give yourself time to grieve let it happen and I just know that in time you will be able to refocus on life. You will never forget nor should you, but you should be able to find a way to move forward
Me: She gave me ... now I have to drive myself
I at age 51 after retiring from 20 years in the service had planned working civilian side 10 more years...but Alzheimer's happened instead. We never got to enjoy retirement...so we didn't... oh well..
Yep, I hear you.
J: The VA has a volunteer group.
Me: hum...oh, like hospital volunteers at Keesler? I am working on my 1st CEU on RN.com The Role of the Certified Diabetic Educator in Managing Type II Diabetes...accredited by ANCC.... This is a direction..I feel better.
J: Yes, and that's good.
Me: 1 CEU down...19 to go!
J: LOL
Me: Oops! My license #
Delete if possible...well dont share it..
J: no sharing
Me: Think...nope I'll have to not select that! I'll keep you posted as I do these, maybe that will provide more motivation..
I like the fact that you're an RN...there's something about that...I do like being with other RNs...guess I feel a connection. And I respect your being a Nurse Manager at the VA
J: Awe, I enjoy talking with you also. I need to do some CEU's - have never had to do them for the state of MS before so I am not looking forward to having to keep up with something like that!
LOL
Me: if you do ACLS OR TNCC you'll wipe them all out at once...or go to a conference...RN.com is not too irritating, a conference is the best way...
This is something I am trying to work myself out of...I am trying to find a way to kick start my life again so that I can begin moving forward. I have to be able to say "Oh, this is who I am...a single man again and ... this is the path I will take to make friends, find companionship, and to find a sense of purpose so that I feel more of a sense of worth as a person to myself and to others.
Yes, you are exactly correct...I am at a place where I am having to stop after all of this horrendous change in my life... and I have to take stock...or get my bearings so that I can begin to find where I need to go from here. Those tracks are for myself social, and purpose. As an agnostic...what happened to my poor Pat was due to her genetics, lifestyle choices and personality may have played some part in tripping the genetic switch but eventually...this was all beyond her or anyone's ability to do anything about. If God, I would be extremely angry that this is what he allowed or even wanted to have happen to someone who loved him, and who in begging was never the less struck down without mercy forced to endure suffer in a protracted and horrible way until death came and leaving me here alone deprived of the love of my life. If This was something intended to prepare me to serve...well...UP His!!! I will seek to seek revenge by subtracting people from his ranks reasoning to any who will listen that Deism and atheism are both fantasies without any shred of proof. But, I will respect the belief of others, as they must absolutely respect mine.
Yes...what has happened is just a reality I have to confront, deal with and manage to achieve the best outcome for myself.
Right, This is an IS situation...It is a fact and Why does not help.... I am trying to establish my footing again...to say...OK THIS is who I am and THIS is what I require inorder for me to feel ok about everything and my life again...Yeah, I am this is who I am, I do have a purpose, value and worth as a person and going forward this is what I lack and desire so that I can once again begin to enjoy life and living again (finding someone hopefully with whom I share interests so that we can enjoy and share experiences we enjoy together).
At the door...I know absolutely I cannot stay here...I am pushing down on the lever as I am pushing it forward to open it and am now in the process of moving forward.
Now as relating to my being a trans person...I also really have no alternative but to be honest and to keep going until the day comes when a woman steps forward embraces me in a hug and tells me I love you I love all of who you are it's ok you no longer have to worry about it, I love you.
______________________________________________
Noleena, I am fortunate in that I overcame shyness I had at a young age, I am quite fully able to stand before groups and speak as I did over and over again as a Diabetic Educator teaching classes to groups of the newly diagnosed, and other classes as well. My problem is at times I feel kind of awkward interpersonally, I am not sure well yeah Anne would feel pretty awkward in public, or in front of anyone of whom I am unsure of their feelings about me because I am trans. Otherwise I really have no problem as a person.
I wish I were able to be equally pretty and handsome as a person but I am who I am and like yourself I have to make the most of what I have to work with. I do realize I am not very attractive though nice people have told me that I am. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... But there is also inner beauty and while my wife could be quite attractive to my eye it was her inner beauty and her qualities and intelligence that I found to be of much greater value.
It is a challenge that is greater for some than for others but it is the person we are inside that is of much greater importance....and there are many beholders who will find us attractive...Hum...a face only a mother could love... It is my hope that others will like who I am inside.
__________________________________________________
Messaging with someone who may ... well a friend or acquaintance for now... I recognize having no claim on my time, sitting here that I am hyper focused on all of this, fixated, and am being negative....so I am working on it.
Me: I am hung up on all of this...hyper focused on it, and I am being negative! Psychologist was no help, social worker no help, grief group no help. I am the one who has to do something about it. I have taken care of every maintenance, financial, health and fitness part of my life. I am trying to move off this fixation so I can begin to have some kind of a valid life, I have about 30 more years. I can't sit here for 30 years. One element is social involvement. I think I'm at least tinkering in the right direction on that. The other thing I need to do is to find some reason for being...I have to do those 20 CEUs... maybe that's a way to tinker in the right direction on the purpose track? It is my identity etc..
RN.
J: It is understandable that this is occupying your world right now ...
Don’t beat yourself up
It sounds like you are doing all the right things
It can be difficult to refocus
Me: Yes, the last 10 years have wolloped me... I'm like a stunned snake...thinking bc comics...
J: How about volunteering somewhere
Me: Hum...
I'll think about it... look it up on google
https://www.volunteermatch.org/search?l ... MS%2039530" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Biloxi Volunteer Opportunities
Volunteer Opportunities within 20 miles of Biloxi, MS, USA
volunteermatch.org
J: You are doing all the right things.........it hasn't been very long since she departed. Give yourself time to grieve let it happen and I just know that in time you will be able to refocus on life. You will never forget nor should you, but you should be able to find a way to move forward
Me: She gave me ... now I have to drive myself
I at age 51 after retiring from 20 years in the service had planned working civilian side 10 more years...but Alzheimer's happened instead. We never got to enjoy retirement...so we didn't... oh well..
Yep, I hear you.
J: The VA has a volunteer group.
Me: hum...oh, like hospital volunteers at Keesler? I am working on my 1st CEU on RN.com The Role of the Certified Diabetic Educator in Managing Type II Diabetes...accredited by ANCC.... This is a direction..I feel better.
J: Yes, and that's good.
Me: 1 CEU down...19 to go!
J: LOL
Me: Oops! My license #
Delete if possible...well dont share it..
J: no sharing
Me: Think...nope I'll have to not select that! I'll keep you posted as I do these, maybe that will provide more motivation..
I like the fact that you're an RN...there's something about that...I do like being with other RNs...guess I feel a connection. And I respect your being a Nurse Manager at the VA
J: Awe, I enjoy talking with you also. I need to do some CEU's - have never had to do them for the state of MS before so I am not looking forward to having to keep up with something like that!
LOL
Me: if you do ACLS OR TNCC you'll wipe them all out at once...or go to a conference...RN.com is not too irritating, a conference is the best way...
Go with the flow
-
Amanda R
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 281
- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 7:00 am
- Location: Duh! Where I am
Re: Too Feminine?
Anne what you are going through is not unique. Perhaps the gender issue puts a slant on it most don't face but coping with grief is difficult regardless. I am not going into the religious aspect and knowing Diana as I do she only raised it as it was her method of coping not to sway you. We all may drive very different cars from point A to B and may even take different routes. The vehicle we drive or the roads we take is immaterial, getting from where you are to where you want to be is the only important matter.
The time is now to take inventory of where you are and determine where you want to go and start through that proverbial door. You may and probably will make mistakes along the way, we all do. You may even opt to change courses to something that more matters to you or draws your interest. To paraphrase Diana is not what you do, just that you do!
The message string between you and J shows you two have a connection, whether it is romantic too little there to say. While I have found love and it is wonderful there is room in my life for friends of both genders, both those I have now and those I will meet in the future. Don't become so focused on a romantic relationship you lose sight of the need for friends as well.
To the best of my knowledge there has never been a scientific or any other study how women would react to discovering their partner is TG of whatever level. IMO the percentage of those who accept or even tolerate is small however far greater than it was even 5 years ago. If you look to some of the posts here you will see the reactions and acceptance widely vary from full acceptance to to just don't involve me to grabbing the Yellow Pages and looking up divorce lawyers. We are all individuals and IMO the reaction is as much an indicator of the strength of the relationship before the unveiling.
Relationships are not easy as I am sure you know having being married. It takes work, compromise, honesty, trust, and in romantic ones obviously love. They take time to develop and not all lead where you want. Doesn't make it a mistake or a bad relationship just one that didn't work. One never knows where a simple conversation or text string will go but until one takes the chance it will always remain a mystery shrouded by the fog of what if.
Full disclosure here I am 4 plus years post op. After my surgery during my first romantic relationship I tried to go stealth. It worked for a while but when I came out the reaction was not kind and hurt. I vowed to be up front the next time. I was blessed that second relationship was with a wonderful man who when I told him saw the woman I was not what I been. I know proudly call him my fiancee and after next May 11th I will call him my husband.
I am not suggesting you state in an online dating profile should you opt to pursue that avenue that you are TG. Nor am I saying when you introduce yourself you add "by the way sometimes I am Anne." This is not a subject for a first get acquainted date. While it may have been a while since you were in the dating scene I feel you are an intelligent adult and after a couple of dates will know if this is going anywhere. Then is the time to have "The Talk."
Is there someone out there who can accept Anne and the man who shares a body with her? I believe yes there is although there is no way to prove or disprove that. Will you ever find that person is a different question. One thing for sure is if you remain behind the door that odds of finding that special someone are far slimmer than if you go through it.
The time is now to take inventory of where you are and determine where you want to go and start through that proverbial door. You may and probably will make mistakes along the way, we all do. You may even opt to change courses to something that more matters to you or draws your interest. To paraphrase Diana is not what you do, just that you do!
The message string between you and J shows you two have a connection, whether it is romantic too little there to say. While I have found love and it is wonderful there is room in my life for friends of both genders, both those I have now and those I will meet in the future. Don't become so focused on a romantic relationship you lose sight of the need for friends as well.
To the best of my knowledge there has never been a scientific or any other study how women would react to discovering their partner is TG of whatever level. IMO the percentage of those who accept or even tolerate is small however far greater than it was even 5 years ago. If you look to some of the posts here you will see the reactions and acceptance widely vary from full acceptance to to just don't involve me to grabbing the Yellow Pages and looking up divorce lawyers. We are all individuals and IMO the reaction is as much an indicator of the strength of the relationship before the unveiling.
Relationships are not easy as I am sure you know having being married. It takes work, compromise, honesty, trust, and in romantic ones obviously love. They take time to develop and not all lead where you want. Doesn't make it a mistake or a bad relationship just one that didn't work. One never knows where a simple conversation or text string will go but until one takes the chance it will always remain a mystery shrouded by the fog of what if.
Full disclosure here I am 4 plus years post op. After my surgery during my first romantic relationship I tried to go stealth. It worked for a while but when I came out the reaction was not kind and hurt. I vowed to be up front the next time. I was blessed that second relationship was with a wonderful man who when I told him saw the woman I was not what I been. I know proudly call him my fiancee and after next May 11th I will call him my husband.
I am not suggesting you state in an online dating profile should you opt to pursue that avenue that you are TG. Nor am I saying when you introduce yourself you add "by the way sometimes I am Anne." This is not a subject for a first get acquainted date. While it may have been a while since you were in the dating scene I feel you are an intelligent adult and after a couple of dates will know if this is going anywhere. Then is the time to have "The Talk."
Is there someone out there who can accept Anne and the man who shares a body with her? I believe yes there is although there is no way to prove or disprove that. Will you ever find that person is a different question. One thing for sure is if you remain behind the door that odds of finding that special someone are far slimmer than if you go through it.
"We may have all come on different ships but we are in the same boat now."
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
-
Anne Bonny
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2577
- Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 9:22 am
- Location: The Gulf Coast
Re: Too Feminine?
Oh...I am certainly not upset with Diana...I respect her beliefs, it is all about what brings you comfort.
Ya know? It appears that by the time people are in my boat they are bitter broken and or jaded on the rocks of life's relational shoal.... kinda sad. So as I sit here on these rocks....a Least Tern dive bombs on my head....my luck...seems like Greta Garbo....I'll wind up living alone...like it or not. Damn! Well at least I'M not...doesn't make one naive, just have to keep looking...it could happen...gaw the people in this song are as old as this song that came into my head. Just have to find the right one...
https://youtu.be/ceCPSs3UbCM" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
This local Facebook centered social group is better than any dating site... you can show up to whatever event appeals to be with a mix of different people, and I do believe it is a life saver personally was out last night sitting on the beach sipping down a couple Cabernet's knowing the wild women I was with were not in the least interested in me even J who was really being polite but no other signals were forth coming though I had some hope for something more...sincere friend kind of feeling...Oh well.
And yes wearing a dress would definitely put a wrinkle in the whole thing, but I do wear them because of how I am inside, they are part of my wardrobe and it is kinda warm here on the coast...having that freedom to relax and be who I am at home is enough for now....Were I to begin to see signs of something developing between myself and someone else...I would of course have to begin to work up to sharing this about who I am. There's nothing wrong with who I am and anyone who may come into my life certainly will have to not bat an eyelash over that.
My wife did not leave me over it but in my heart I know it hurt and that even though she is gone deep inside has me feeling sorry for that, but she stayed with me and loved me and gave me freedom at times to be at home.
Oh yes...letting it out in whatever amount is a very unknown unknown... Perhaps it would start with very small things to assess attitude on the periphery of the issue then begin to work up to it, open disclosure. I appreciate the advice on the timing of all of this. You sense that there is potential...that this does seem to be going somewhere...and that that is the exact time to see.
So not that I should although I suppose I could go public...certainly blowing my cover in this local group would set off a whisper wind topic among those attending? No I will as a male who is partly masculine and heterosexual who loves being with and around women it is probably best to present that way...but I will certainly have to share who I am if things get rolling with the hope it would not be shared to exclude me from the group.
Ya know? It appears that by the time people are in my boat they are bitter broken and or jaded on the rocks of life's relational shoal.... kinda sad. So as I sit here on these rocks....a Least Tern dive bombs on my head....my luck...seems like Greta Garbo....I'll wind up living alone...like it or not. Damn! Well at least I'M not...doesn't make one naive, just have to keep looking...it could happen...gaw the people in this song are as old as this song that came into my head. Just have to find the right one...
https://youtu.be/ceCPSs3UbCM" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
This local Facebook centered social group is better than any dating site... you can show up to whatever event appeals to be with a mix of different people, and I do believe it is a life saver personally was out last night sitting on the beach sipping down a couple Cabernet's knowing the wild women I was with were not in the least interested in me even J who was really being polite but no other signals were forth coming though I had some hope for something more...sincere friend kind of feeling...Oh well.
And yes wearing a dress would definitely put a wrinkle in the whole thing, but I do wear them because of how I am inside, they are part of my wardrobe and it is kinda warm here on the coast...having that freedom to relax and be who I am at home is enough for now....Were I to begin to see signs of something developing between myself and someone else...I would of course have to begin to work up to sharing this about who I am. There's nothing wrong with who I am and anyone who may come into my life certainly will have to not bat an eyelash over that.
My wife did not leave me over it but in my heart I know it hurt and that even though she is gone deep inside has me feeling sorry for that, but she stayed with me and loved me and gave me freedom at times to be at home.
Oh yes...letting it out in whatever amount is a very unknown unknown... Perhaps it would start with very small things to assess attitude on the periphery of the issue then begin to work up to it, open disclosure. I appreciate the advice on the timing of all of this. You sense that there is potential...that this does seem to be going somewhere...and that that is the exact time to see.
So not that I should although I suppose I could go public...certainly blowing my cover in this local group would set off a whisper wind topic among those attending? No I will as a male who is partly masculine and heterosexual who loves being with and around women it is probably best to present that way...but I will certainly have to share who I am if things get rolling with the hope it would not be shared to exclude me from the group.
Go with the flow