Motivations for crossdessing

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Caroline
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Re: Motivations for crossdressing

Post by Caroline »

Sally wrote: The principle of 'Yin' and 'Yang' which teaches that there is never one aspect without the other in any being, demonstrates the Eastern beliefs which have been held for thousands of years.
Hi Sally,

As you appear to be familiar with Yin and Yang, I presume you'll know what I'm going to say, but I thought it might be interesting to anyone less knowledgeable of the subject, so forgive me if it sounds like 'I'm trying to teach my Grannie to suck eggs', as we say here.

Most people are familiar with the symbol for Yin and Yang. You know, a circlular motif formed by two intertwined 'tadpoles', one black with a white 'eye', the other white with a black 'eye'. This symbolic figure,which is referred to as tai ji, or the primal beginning, has many meanings, but they all stem from that given to it by Loa Tzu, a contemporary of Confucius, who lived in the 6th century B.C.E.

Lao Tzu is perhaps more famous for the work, Tao Te Ching, or Dao De Jing, depending on which version of romanisation of Chinese you prefer.

According to Lao Tzu, the tai ji represents the duality which is all part of the whole. In other words, the path towards the absolute leads to cognition of the transcendent (i.e. thinking); the path towards existence leads to cognition of the world of spatial extent and individuation. These two, thinking and being, however, are only properties of the all-One, or wu ji, the blank circle that is left if we think only of the circumferential line that encloses the two 'tadpoles'. This wu ji is what Lao Tzu meant by the great secret of the unity of existence and non-existence;it is the 'non-beginning' in which all our differences are as yet unseparated and intermingled with one another.

This wu ji is also what Mahayana Buddhism means by 'the void', as does Zen.

Well, what does all this mean to me, you ask?

Not a lot; it just give me an opportunity to pretend how clever I am!

Seriously, though, there is a relevant message, and that's what Sally was trying to put across. The world of duality can only be defined by reference to its complement; truth by falsehood, night by day, man by woman, etc., and that thes two dual aspects of the whole contain elements of each other.

Zen takes this even further, by using all sorts of 'tricks', physical and mental, to stop one cerebrating and just start being. As a famous haiku has it:
Sitting quietly,
doing nothing;
Spring comes,
and the grass grows by itself.

Or as Lao Tzu said in the Tao Te Ching:
He who speaks doesn't know;
He who knows doesn't speak.

And that's my cue to take my leave, before I expose more of my ignorance.

Take care everybody,

Caroline.
Kay(SO)
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Post by Kay(SO) »

Caroline,
I just wanted to thank you for the lovely post and tell you that I think you are a diamond in the rough. You are a gem. Your insight, understanding, wisdom and compassion shine through in words and I appreciate you being here. Thanks for everything,

Kay(SO)
Caroline
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Post by Caroline »

Kay(SO) wrote:Caroline,
I just wanted to thank you for the lovely post and tell you that I think you are a diamond in the rough. You are a gem. Your insight, understanding, wisdom and compassion shine through in words and I appreciate you being here. Thanks for everything,

Kay(SO)
Dear Kay,

How lovely of you to say so, thank you, I only wish that I possessed more of the qualities you credit me with.

More important than that, however, is the knowledge that I have made another human-being feel a little better, if only for a moment or so.

It's hard for me to maintain my low self-esteem when faced with such a wonderful reaction as yours; it is me who should be thanking you, and I am.

Kind regards,

Caroline.
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Post by Beauty »

Hi Caroline,

I agree with Kay. You do have a beautiful soul. I respect that you are having bouts with low self esteem, but someone who writes beautiful words like you do and creates supportive and loving images with them shouldn't feel low. You are truly a shiny star, who is High Up in the heavens.

Your posts have been incredible. Please believe what Kay says, it's very true.

Beauty
Caroline
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Post by Caroline »

Please refer to my immediately following post as I have deleted this one. The reason for deletion is that must have clicked 'submit' by mistake instead of 'preview' part way through writing it, and I didn't realise till now it had been posted. And in case anyone's wondering, both posts are identical, it's just that this one was not finished when I tried to preview it--I've got to keep doing that because I find the print size in the composing box too small to see all my typo's (sorry, but some still get through)
Last edited by Caroline on Sat May 15, 2004 11:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
Caroline
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Post by Caroline »

Beauty wrote:Hi Caroline,

I respect that you are having bouts with low self esteem, but someone who writes beautiful words like you do and creates supportive and loving images with them shouldn't feel low.

Beauty
Dear Beauty,

Thank you for your wonderful and heartfelt words. How could anyone feel low self-esteem when reading things like that about themselves? Impossible! Trouble is, I'm now too full of my own self-importance... :lol:

On the subject of low self-esteem, first, it's just a label, like crossdresser, pumpkin, tomato etc, but though it's a convenient shorthand to use labels, they all suffer from the same fault: lack of precision and specificity. Second, Im not sure that I do suffer from low self-esteem, though therapists have told me I do, but at the time they said so I was sitting in their office, all confused, depressed, emotional, looking for and expecting answers that would make me feel better about myself, so I was ready to believe anything.

Oh sure, they also gave me formal tests which 'proved' I was suffering from low self-esteem, but does that make it any more true? That's a rhetorical question, because now we're into the realms of philosophy and metahysics, not psychology.

In the society we live in today--even on this side of 'the pond'--we're all bludgeoned by advertising and the like to think that happiness depends on us driving this or that make of car, living in a certain kind or area, reading the right books, and on and on and on. At school kids are taught--correction, they used to be taught, now they don't seem to learn anything--that the secret of life was to get good grades, then a good job, then join the rat-race buying all the crap that mammon produces.

The trouble with a system like that is that none of us can achieve all the 'goals' that we're exhorted to reach, and that often brings about a feeling of failure, even if only in a small way, and these accretions of failure all add-up, so that soon we're all carrying a very large bundle of them around with us.

I'm sure many of us know people who've 'got it all', or 'got it made', yet in my experience they are just as likely to suffer from low self-esteem as any of the rest of us--one only has to look at the 'client list' of the Betty Ford Clinic to convince oneself of that.

So what does 'low self-esteem' mean? Well, for me, it means that I think it's about time that the rest of the world beat a path to my door saying how clever, and wonderful, and kind, and sexy, and....Oh yes, I also want them to make me King, or President, name university faculties after me, heap riches at my feet, and film stars to ask for MY autograph, but until that time I'm just going to have to continue suffering from low self-esteem, I guess.

On a more serious note, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is based on the premise that it is our thoughts which give birth to our emotions. An example will have to suffice: somebody 'cuts you up' in traffic; your first reaction--if you observe yourself closely, and it takes practice--is to think something like 'they shouldn't get away with that', and it is that thought which gives rise to your second reaction, which is to feel angry. However, most of us don't notice the thinking stage, we just feel the emotional stage, and confuse ourselves into subsequently thinking that the emotional stage is our first reaction to events. It is not, believe me.

Now not all therapist subscribe to CBT, as they have their own theories and practices. However, the basic premise of CBT should not be dismissed, one reason being that there are hundreds of millions of people worldwide putting it into daily practice, and they have been doing so for hundreds of years!

Yes, it's true, what I just said. The thought gives rise to the emotion, and it is the 'confict' between these two aspects of ourselves which is one of the fundamentals of Taoism, Mahayana Buddhism, Ch'an Buddhism, and Zen. Hence the methods they use to stop us thinking and emoting, and to just start being, but that's another story.

For anyone who want to know more about how Zen addresses our human problems, you might like to read 'Everyday Zen' by Charlotte Joko Beck (ISBN 0-7225-3435-3. £8.99 UK). It is written specifically for Westerners;I referred my CBT therapist to it, and he was 'blown-away' by it.

Incidentally, for a lot of people think 'religion' when they hear references to Buddhism; it may be that for many, but neither Lao Tzu, Guatama Buddha, or the Ch'an or Zen Patriarchs thought of it as such, and neither do I.

Kind regards, and take care,

Caroline.
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Virginia
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Post by Virginia »

Hi Caroline,
Great information! I hope I am understanding some of what you are trying to relate. I read a book entitled " The Crack in the Cosmic Egg" and it basically said that we as humans have come such a short distance in our understanding of ourselves and we have such a long way to go. On the up side, the good that we have the ability to do is almost unfathomable to us. When we see "Man's inhumanity to man!" daily in the news I begin to wonder if we will ever achieve anything positive as a race. Granted there are pieces and glimmers of what we could do that some of us try and accomplish daily by helping our fellow man with the little things, but I still wonder about the future of our existence. Ok , now this blonde has another headache! Thanks for being there for us and I always look with great anticipation to your posts.
Love,
Deborah
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Caroline
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Post by Caroline »

Deborah wrote: When we see "Man's inhumanity to man!" daily in the news I begin to wonder if we will ever achieve anything positive as a race. Granted there are pieces and glimmers of what we could do that some of us try and accomplish daily by helping our fellow man with the little things, but I still wonder about the future of our existence. Ok , now this blonde has another headache! Thanks for being there for us and I always look with great anticipation to your posts.
Love,
Deborah
Hi Deborah,

Glad to meet another 'dumb blonde' like myself in this forum.

What you say about 'man's inhumanity to man' is so sadly true. What I fail to understand is why so people seem to be primarily concerend with 'getting something over' on the rest of us. What really depresses me at times is the realisation of how much small-mindedness and pettiness human-beings are capable of, and so readily put into practice--and I'm not talking about society's attitude to CDers, though that is symptomatic of what I'm talking about.

What's even more sad, perhaps, is that so many of those who set themselves up as examples to the rest of us--our political leaders, religious leaders, and the like--so often turn out to be nothing other than a bunch of self-serving snake-oil salesmen.

Never mind, when things start to get you down, just remember the words of Balthus: "Nothing matters very much, and very little matters at all!"

I would also like to say how much I enjoy your posts, Deborah, but I won't because people will start to think that this is becoming a self-adulation society. So, I'll end by saying something no less true: Deborah, you come across as a pretty nice person, and it's always a pleasure to meet you.

Kind regards, and take care,

Caroline.
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Post by Beauty »

Caroline wrote:Dear Beauty,

Thank you for your wonderful and heartfelt words. How could anyone feel low self-esteem when reading things like that about themselves? Impossible! Trouble is, I'm now too full of my own self-importance... :lol:

On the subject of low self-esteem, first, it's just a label, like crossdresser, pumpkin, tomato etc, but though it's a convenient shorthand to use labels, they all suffer from the same fault: lack of precision and specificity. Second, Im not sure that I do suffer from low self-esteem, though therapists have told me I do, but at the time they said so I was sitting in their office, all confused, depressed, emotional, looking for and expecting answers that would make me feel better about myself, so I was ready to believe anything.

. . . . .

Kind regards, and take care,

Caroline.
Hi Caroline,

You're welcome. :) I meant pumpkin. :wink:

Just kidding!!! :: runs ::

Seriously though, that was an intense post I had to read it more than one. =D>

Beauty
Caroline
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Post by Caroline »

Hi Beauty, I mean Cinderella, this is your pumpkin calling...

I just wanted to say I like you new atavar; is that gorgeous babe you, by any chance?

Sorry, I'm off-topic; you'll need to edit this post out, or you won't turn into a carriage and take you to the ball.

Caroline.
Beauty
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Post by Beauty »

Hi Caroline,

Yes, that's me. :) Thanks for the compliment. :oops:

Beauty
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Phylis Anne
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re how do i feel

Post by Phylis Anne »

dear sisters in the question do you know how i feel .ever since i told my wife all about myself she has been letting me go out to my cd group meetings,but as time goes on and i have become much more feminine iei have been shaving most of my body and most of the time i use my womens perfume and she can smell it on me.some times she gets mad and starts telling me to stop shaving ,but i have told her that for me shaving makes me feel cleaner and as i dress most of the time i want to be smoothe ,now i have told her that for 30 years before i told her that i was in agony and i was going crazy as i thought i was the only one with this thing,now i think she is starting to realize that it isnt going away and she is coping wiyh it ,this i really hope so as i really want her to eventually come out with me,,,,all my love phylis anne :P :lol: :mrgreen:
My name is Phylis Anne and I am enjoying my life as a crossdresser and being a woman who loves life
Gelinda
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Post by Gelinda »

I truly wish I knew the answer to this one. I have just admitted to myself over the last month that I am a crossdresser even thou I have done it in my wife's clothes (when I can get them on) for years.

I think and feel better and more relaxed when I am dressed in mostly women clothes, as I do not have much as of yet. I am trying to figure out the how to buy the right colors and sizes than anything.

But I believe the true answer, it is something I just have to do. Gelinda :?
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